Miscellaneous: Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML - FML

By Funnymann - United States

Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML

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Season finale

Serious times

British Broadcasting Corporation

By Lennie Mcfish

We are legion

Today, I'm so lonely that I created multiple fake accounts on different social media platforms, just so I can have people to talk to. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went for a run. I ended up being tackled by two cops, handcuffed, and dragged to the station with no explanation. Turns out a house nearby had been robbed and the best description they got was 'A man running'. I didn't even get an apology. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Gainesville

Today, I received an email from an angry parent, demanding that I give his daughter an A on a project which I had given her a 0 on. The project was to pick an article related to science and to write an essay on it. Hers was a hoax article relating to Ebola patients rising from the dead. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/3/2020 23:13

The Guru

Today, my husband told me he'd met a life guru online who, after paying the £29.99 consultancy fee, advised him to seize happiness at all times. So he decided to seize the 19 year-old redhead across the street, move in with her and get her pregnant. This is the happiest I’ve seen him in years. FML

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By JimmySmoothBeans - Australia

Today, I had my 21st birthday party. My friends told me to have the party even though it had been 5 months since my actual 21st birthday. They asked me why I didn't have one originally and I jokingly told them it was because I didn't think anyone would come. Turned out nobody came after all. FML

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By Ewt - Canada - Victoria

Not a joke!

Today, I found out that my best friend does not wash her hands after going to the bathroom, even if she changes her pad. I then remembered all the times she handed food to me, and teased me when I tried to wash my hands first. FML

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By SkiMaskFukd - United States

Today, I just realized the harder my girlfriend comes during sex, the louder she snores after. I've tried earplugs but sometimes, like tonight, once I am up, I can't fall back to sleep. My choices are thus great sex and no sleep, or great sleep but no sex. FML

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By idk.man® - 1/1/2021 22:54

Thanks, dad

Today, I got yelled at by my dad again for being inside so much instead of outside doing stuff. We are still in a lockdown and are not allowed to leave the house unless its for work or to go to the store. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Jackson

Today, a woman came into my life and took all I had left in the world. The woman was my hair stylist. She took my hair and the last of my money. FML

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By lizzie1833 - United States

Today, I was laying down in bed when my puppy decided to bite my ear. As I started laughing and pulling him off I noticed one of my $200 earrings got pulled off with it. And now I wait. FML

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By Upset Mommy - United States

Today, my water broke. I called my mom, who had agreed to watch my other two kids while I went to the hospital. When I asked her to come over, she just said, "Sorry, now isn't a good time." FML

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By CosmicJoke - United States

Today, I found my car had been robbed. The thieves stole my GPS, my iPod and my digital camera. While I was filing the police report, the officer recommended I take photos for insurance purposes. Then she remembered my camera had been stolen. She actually started laughing. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Anaheim

Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML

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By thedeadone

Today, I found the phone number of my biological mother after years of searching for her, and gave her a call. I introduced myself by name and said, "I'm your daughter." There was a pause at the other end, followed by, "The one I aborted or the one I gave away?" FML

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By NoRunning - United States

Today, I was at the water park, when I slipped and fell to the ground in front of the no running sign. I was walking. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother-in-law announced that she's going to be moving into the apartment next to us. Oh joy. FML

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By schellbytheseashore - United States

Today, during a text conversation with a girl I've been trying to get with, she complained about how crummy of a day she was having. I told her it couldn't be as bad as she thought, and she would probably get it over it soon. Then she told me she had found out her cousin had been murdered. FML

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By ouchmynose - United States

Today, I kneeled down to tie my shoe and sneezed, nailing my face off of my knee and breaking my nose. FML

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By NoOrdinaryNZer - New Zealand - Rotorua

Dogbowl

Today, I got the last clean bowl out of the cupboard for a bowl of cereal. After I had finished, my family asked me if I had cleaned it first. It turns out that that specific bowl is apparently the dog's, and everyone just puts it back after feeding him. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother asked me if she could borrow $200. Being the lovely daughter I am, I gave her my bank card to withdraw it herself. She gambled it away and maxed my bank account out. I had $1500 saved. FML

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By Les Miserables is so sad - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, I took my girlfriend to go see Les Misérables. I tried to stay tough but completely lost it and started sobbing when Anne Hathaway began singing. My girlfriend called me a wimp and stayed dry-eyed throughout the whole movie. I'm dating a robot. FML

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By donezo - United States

Today, while working at a fast food restaurant, I stayed a little overtime to help my manager with dishes. A kid pooped in the slide in the playground area attached to the restaurant itself. I'm the smallest one there. I had to crawl UP the slide to find and clean the poop. FML

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By carl_carl_ - United States - Grand Ledge

Today, I found my dad on a dating website looking for younger girls. My mother and father are "happily" married, well according to her Facebook profile. FML

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By CatWoman - United States

Catboys rise up

Today, I hooked up with a guy who has a Facebook page for his cat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Tucson

Today, I went to McDonalds and ordered a happy meal with a girl's toy. The high school girls behind the counter said I was too old to be served one, and I had to go home and explain to my sick daughter why she didn't get her toy. FML

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By martin1022 - United States

Today, recent construction has created a manhole that cars slam over every single morning. This normally starts at 4 a.m. as people make their early commute on my busy street. With every car that hits it, there's a huge echoing slamming noise. FML

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By onwardsandupwards

Need help

Today, I went to the cemetery to visit a friend. As I was looking for his burial plot, I fell into a dug out grave and had to call my partner to come help me get out. FML

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By Harry - United Kingdom

Paperboy

Today, I was doing my paper round. I got to the last house and thought I had done everything right. I checked my list of houses, and I had done every single one wrong. I went and got all the papers back and delivered them again. That was when I realised I did them right in the first place. FML

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By Jim - United States

Today, I decided to ask my girlfriend of 3 years to marry me. I made brownies with walnuts and put an engagement ring into the brownie I gave her. Not only did she choke on the ring, but on the way to the emergency room, I find out she is highly allergic to walnuts. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, in my tidy, small-town neighborhood, I parked my car 50 metres further back from my usual spot just across from our house on a half-empty public street, because it was taken. Apparently, someone didn't appreciate this. So much so, they put a used condom under my windshield wiper. FML

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By protoplasm stole my seat - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, a pregnant woman got on the bus. There were no free seats, so I stood up to give her mine. An obese man pushed past her, waddled over, and oozed into my seat. I said it was for the pregnant lady. He called me a "sexist bitch" and claimed he needed it more. FML

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By leah - 7/1/2021 14:01 - United States - San Jose

Cruisin' for a bruisin'

Today, I was beaten up by a complete stranger for “giving her a dirty look.” I can’t see my own face. FML

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By Ari

Today, my mother-in-law gave me a bottle of champagne for my birthday. This is the third year in a row she has done this. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and she's well aware of that fact. FML

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By GuitarChick42 - United States

Today, I thought I heard my little sister playing on my brand new grand piano. Angry, I ran downstairs to stop her. My parents were having sex. On my piano. FML

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By Firequeen

Today I visited my boyfriend's house for Thanksgiving. The fast food from the drive made me really need to poop, so I did my business and flipped on the air vent. Turns out the vent sparked a hot spot in the attic and caused a fire. I literally set my boyfriend's house on fire with my shit. FML

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By drchinky888 - Spain - Barcelona

Today, I was having dinner at my aunt's house who just migrated to Germany from India and doesn't know any German. I asked for the recipe of a dish and she said that she has been buying these cans with cute kitty picture and just adds spices to it. Catfood is delicious I must admit. FML

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By Kitten

Today, my sister smashed a cup on my head because I told her she couldn't borrow one of my necklaces since she lost one and stole another. I was grounded for "antagonizing" her into doing it. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my boyfriend and I were in bed making out. He then tried to unhook my bra. After a full minute of trying unsuccessfully, he shouted "Fuck you, bra!" before hiding his face in the pillows. FML

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By well SHIT - United States - Little Elm

Today, while having a sneak through my brother's browser, I found a bookmark for a Google Docs file. It was a short story involving him horrifically killing our entire family. It ended with the words: "And that is what happens when people don't respect the author's privacy." FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - Lahr

Today, after several sleepless nights full of crying, I went to my university's free help center. After telling the psychologist my problems and asking what to do, he looked at me blankly and said, "Uh, it's not depression, I guess. You should go out more and, like, party some more." FML

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Top comments

By luvuall | 0

#791712 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:15

It was Jigglypuff

By susieKiute | 0

#791682 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:09

paranormal activity?

COMMENTS

By escapenowx | 0

#791675 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:07

wow, lol I'd put cameras around my housee

Reply

anonymous45610 | 0

#791689 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:10

holy crap :o !

Reply

PattisonDaStud | 0

#791777 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:32

wat r camreas

Reply

thecitylights | 0

#791798 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:40

um what?

Reply

JoshTheMaggot | 8

#792062 - Saturday 23 January 2010 1:20

idk WTF are camreas being since he said cameras so if you were trying to case on someone you fail sir. and as for the OP fyl you need a neighborhood watch and definitely some cameras

Reply

Pointy130 | 0

#792196 - Saturday 23 January 2010 2:08

Ninjas don't appear on camera.

Reply

gabbaharris | 0

#792603 - Saturday 23 January 2010 5:43

days sad

Reply

wgs9513 | 0

#792626 - Saturday 23 January 2010 5:55

I have 3 camreas. WTF is wrong with you guys.

Reply

wiimii | 0

#792647 - Saturday 23 January 2010 6:13

he probably "sleep drew" on his face LOL

Reply

iwadasn | 32

#793030 - Saturday 23 January 2010 13:29

97 wins.

Reply

pattywat | 0

#793108 - Saturday 23 January 2010 15:04

that sucks

Reply

JrRida | 0

#820698 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 5:07

instead of putting it on fml call the police. ?

Reply

tazzy8775 | 0

#826368 - Friday 5 February 2010 4:39

you win 97

Reply

alexomAnexo | 0

#937798 - Friday 12 March 2010 2:31

Paranormal Activity.....

Reply

albert17 | 0

#965892 - Sunday 21 March 2010 19:13

you have now entered... the twilight zone. do dunenu dunenu
(my twilight zone music is weird)

Reply

pipp360 | 0

#973338 - Saturday 3 April 2010 2:30

fuck the cameras, get a gun!!

Reply

x_ECHooo_x | 0

#981080 - Saturday 17 April 2010 23:25

97 Winss. Lol.

Reply

maw675 | 0

#981225 - Sunday 18 April 2010 6:12

get a gun and shot them for drawling ong ur face??? stupid

Reply

Neonnight | 0

#3398853 - Friday 7 October 2011 2:53

Nice 97 love it

Reply

havingalaugh | 9

#4771168 - Saturday 4 August 2012 7:41

Check out hiddencamsnow.com and get some hidden cameras there now!

By CitizenSnipz | 0

#791676 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:08

onoez.

Reply

travisinthetrunk | 10

#6684240 - Tuesday 6 September 2016 11:54

Are you named after a crab named Lucky? If so, I love the reference.

By xoxoshexibbygrl | 0

#791680 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:09

lol

By susieKiute | 0

#791682 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:09

paranormal activity?

Reply

Grey123 | 0

#791899 - Saturday 23 January 2010 0:18

lmao

Reply

yuchen | 2

#801975 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 12:55

lol

Reply

rachelpfitzner | 3

#2246462 - Sunday 27 March 2011 1:53

hahahaha

Reply

dudeman1212 | 22

#4119744 - Sunday 4 March 2012 6:03

Paranormal Activity: College Addition

Reply

hkhkallday | 4

#4868270 - Tuesday 28 August 2012 7:14

Edition* (:

Reply

frank_b102 | 9

#5919211 - Saturday 19 April 2014 7:28

Paranormal immaturity: high school edition XD

Reply

Kevinmeowbeanz | 22

#6464839 - Thursday 19 November 2015 6:02

damn prankster ghost

By slatter | 1

#791683 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:09

fyl what did it say!

By Attrox | 0

#791687 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:10

Stop doing drugs man. And don't listen to the guy dressed up like a rabbit.

Reply

donkey_hang_down | 2

#791695 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:11

Donnie is that you?

Reply

michaelscott69 | 0

#792085 - Saturday 23 January 2010 1:29

LOL, win

Reply

Jayy28 | 0

#821543 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 13:37

HAHAHAHA win fo sho!

Reply

harrypotterfanat_fml | 3

#1391610 - Sunday 12 September 2010 7:43

lmao!!

By Twi_lover_EC | 6

#791690 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:11

I would put an alarm system on my house. :/

Reply

mizzritter101 | 1

#791989 - Saturday 23 January 2010 1:01

lol! i agree with this chicca!

Reply

Twi_lover_EC | 6

#792439 - Saturday 23 January 2010 4:01

LOL-"chicca" mizzritter101

Reply

Freeze_fml | 16

#792691 - Saturday 23 January 2010 6:47

Get back in the kitchen, you Twitard.

By Haislipa | 0

#791694 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:11

wow that's scary lol

Reply

sykes831 | 0

#792248 - Saturday 23 January 2010 2:30

LOLOLOL that really is scary but I laughed out loud for this one :)

By AxCxDxDx | 0

#791696 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:12

There's only one explanation, extra terrestrial writing experiments.

Reply

FistPump | 0

#791713 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:15

I concur.

Reply

spoo | 24

#791715 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:15

OP has to check their butt, surely they left some funny graffiti down there

Reply

Sappheyes | 0

#791979 - Saturday 23 January 2010 1:00

An alien frat house got drunk and went cruising for Earthlings.

Reply

toxic10uhc | 0

#794636 - Sunday 24 January 2010 3:32

omg aqua teen hunger force??

By luvuall | 0

#791712 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:15

It was Jigglypuff

Reply

trizdan | 0

#791745 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:24

win

Reply

Dphilipson | 0

#791771 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:29

lol

Reply

dnlphm94 | 0

#791773 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:30

I miss the old episodes xD

Reply

HoesInaBox | 0

#791847 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:56

omg! gengar! ^ win

Reply

p1ss3d0ff | 0

#791867 - Saturday 23 January 2010 0:03

lmaooo. aww, i remember jiggly puff =/ good ol' days.

Reply

flames288 | 0

#792801 - Saturday 23 January 2010 8:54

AAHHAHHHHHAHHHAHAHAHA jigglypuff ftw XD

Reply

#986492 - Thursday 29 April 2010 7:26

You are such a nerd.

Reply

SereniLove | 0

#1511061 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:45

jiiiiiiiggalllyyyypufffg jiiiiiiigallllyyyyyyy pufffffg

Reply

JuiceyyJae | 13

#3012044 - Monday 1 August 2011 3:32

lmao, good one

Reply

Amberose1006 | 11

#5755104 - Friday 15 November 2013 4:35

Yes!

Reply

OzzyTheGiant | 14

#6562952 - Sunday 20 March 2016 5:43

damn it jigglypuff! no one wants to hear you sing!!!