Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML - FML

By Funnymann - United States

Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML

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Out of it

Family values

Phantom pooper

By feeling single - United States - Burbank

Today, it's been so long since I heard from him, I had to look at my boyfriend's Facebook page to see if we're still in a relationship. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while driving home with my boyfriend, we started discussing how clean our driving records were. I was boasting about how I'd never been in an accident when I hit a moose. FML

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By Pita - United States

Today, I learned that the cute pet name my boyfriend has been calling me for the past month is actually an acronym for "pain in the a**". FML

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By 2ndchoice - Belgium

Today, my boyfriend wanted to tell me how much he loves me. He said a lot of wonderful things, such as not being able to live without me and hoping that I would want to live with him and marry him someday. He ended his loving speech with his ex-girlfriend's name instead of mine. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my husband to watch our daughter while I ran a few errands. While he treated himself to a long nap, she decided our fish needed a bubble bath, and squeezed out an entire bottle of dish soap. I came home to bubbles all over the floor, five dead fish, and one sleeping husband. FML

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By jjhach - Canada - Aldouane

Today, while fishing my remote out from behind the couch, I found my fiancé's stash of old toenails. FML

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By Anonymous - Slovenia - Ruse

Today, on his way out of our apartment, my roommate's friend reached over and grabbed a handful of my popcorn. I was only mildly annoyed, until a little later, when I pulled out from between my teeth what could only have been a pubic hair. FML

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By Alejandroc - Honduras

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me with a message that I had to pay $1 to see. FML

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By edavis1993 - United States - Milford

Today, my clinical instructor told me to stop being so negative, to get over myself, and to focus on nursing school. I'm only distracted because 3 days ago I was told I might have colon cancer. FML

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By Anonymous - 12/7/2020 20:01

A ghost

Today, I'm stuck in quarantine and my friends are planning stuff like swimming without me in our group chat, instead of doing it in another chat group. It's like I don't even exist. FML

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By yeah okay then - United Kingdom - Brentwood

Today, I decided to be nice and pay a social visit to my slightly deranged grandpa. I ended up politely sitting through two hours of him lecturing me on how he "invented the modern tap", then on how sex is an Illuminati invention to "give sluts the STDs they need to kill us all". FML

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By I pick em' good - United States

Today, I found out why my husband has been coming home from work so late. Turns out he loves to help people. Specifically female people. And by help, I mean sleep with. FML

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By BloodyHorror

Today, the blood from some defrosted steak dripped under my fridge where I couldn't see it. One insanely hot day later, and my whole house smells like it has its period. FML

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By dreamteam - United States

Today, I was having a very realistic dream about a hot guy. Just as he was leaning in to ravish me, I was rudely awakened by the sound of my husband farting and snorting at the same time. FML

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By Deceptive Dog 1242 - United States

It's Cat-Dog!

Today, I pulled something out of my tiny 6 month old puppy's mouth, thinking it was a cord that he had gotten a hold of. As it turns out, it was a baby mouse he had caught and killed. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I went on Facebook. The third post down was a selfie of my mom looking sad, with the caption, "God I need a good dicking." FML

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By SingleAgain - United States - Saukville

Today, I discovered that I have been falsely accusing my sister of stealing my makeup. How do I know this? Because I found said makeup in the trunk of my boyfriend's car, next to a bag that had fishnet tights and red stilettos in it. Oh, and the stilettos are his size, in case you were wondering. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Gainesville

Today, I'm so sick, I'm even sick in my dreams. Orientation for my new job starts tomorrow. FML

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By Evolution mama - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, I presented my child with the classic "Who came first, the chicken or the egg?" conundrum. In return, I got a detailed lecture on how birds evolved from dinosaurs, how life was created in the sea and an explanation about evolution. I got schooled by a 9 year old. FML

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By JStein - United States - Hampshire

Today my boyfriend and my best friend had a very lengthy, detailed conversation about Lord of the Rings and the Hobbit, of which I know nothing about. Once they stopped, I looked at him and smiled, and he responded with, "Why can't you be more like her?" FML

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By dontgivemechecks - 16/3/2020 14:00

The customer is sometimes devious

Today, I found out that I accidentally returned a customer her $147 check she had written out to pay for her groceries and receive cash back. The lady got free groceries and money, and I'm now losing my job. FML

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By areyoukiddingme - United States

Today, I came out to my parents. They laughed in my face. FML

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By neednewshoes

Today, like every day, I flushed a public toilet with my foot. Today, unlike every day, my foot missed the handle and landed in the unflushed water. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, on the subway, a little tipsy, I sat down next to a guy I thought was cute, hoping to enjoy some harmless flirting. I said, "Hello." He said, "May I ask you a question?" I said, "Sure." He said, "Can you please move away from me?" FML

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By Mayo

Today, I met one of my favorite fitness models. She told me I need to get in shape. I weigh 150lbs. FML

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By justfriends - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. It's okay, though; she says we can still go on the vacation I planned next month for our 3 year anniversary, just "as friends." The tickets are non-refundable. FML

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By mster233 - United States

Today, I found out that my parents like rough sex. I found the whip and handcuffs. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Montreal

Today, my son, who seems to think that he is a "gangsta" despite being a white boy from the suburbs, cried because I accidentally burned his grilled cheese. He's 28. FML

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By LD - United States - Nampa

Today, I witnessed my husband in the shower singing Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" to his penis while manscaping. I guess that's a bond we'll never have. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to break up a fistfight between my wife and mother. Apparently, my mom heard that I finally got the great paying job of my dreams, and told my wife I'd finally kick her "useless ass to the curb." We have to spend the holidays together. FML

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By TabbiNicole - United States

Today, I had a woman accuse me of trying to steal her husband over the phone, just because I called and asked for him. I'm an interviewer. FML

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By Jobless - Malaysia

Today, my boss wanted to promote me to a managerial position. I declined the position saying I don't think I'm ready and experienced enough for that role. I was then fired instead for not accepting the promotion. I was fired for being honest. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Redmond

Today, my mom texted me, asking what I'd like her to get for dinner tonight. I texted back "Something exotic if you're up for it :)". Except I accidentally typed "erotic". I only noticed the typo when I checked after getting no reply. She comes home in a couple of hours. Shit, shit, shit. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, I found out my dad thinks he's famous because he's been on 'Cops', twice. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Decisions, decisions

Today my boyfriend, whom I haven't seen all summer, blew off our date to attend a local chili eating contest. FML

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By douglas - United States

Today, I surprised my four year old daughter with a stuffed dinosaur. She named it 'Horny.' FML

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By GeriGeriBoBeri - United States

Today, I locked my keys in my car at a gas station. A man stopped to help me with a wire hanger. After about 20 min in the freezing weather, he was getting close to unlocking it when I looked over at the passenger door to see that it was unlocked. All the doors were unlocked but the driver's side. FML

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By blah - United States

Today, my daughter decided to come out to me by leaving a browser window open with the results page of an online "Are you lesbian?" quiz. FML

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By talktothefacecausethehandswanking - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, my husband decided he would rather rage-wank to my mum's Facebook profile picture than make love to me. FML

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By what if I'm being eaten from the inside out? oh my god - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I took an incredibly painful dump. After I cleaned myself up, I got up and was about to flush, until I saw something moving around in one of the logs of poop. It looked like an earthworm. It wasn't there when I sat down. FML

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Top comments

By luvuall | 0

#791712 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:15

It was Jigglypuff

By susieKiute | 0

#791682 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:09

paranormal activity?

COMMENTS

By escapenowx | 0

#791675 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:07

wow, lol I'd put cameras around my housee

Reply

anonymous45610 | 0

#791689 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:10

holy crap :o !

Reply

PattisonDaStud | 0

#791777 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:32

wat r camreas

Reply

thecitylights | 0

#791798 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:40

um what?

Reply

JoshTheMaggot | 8

#792062 - Saturday 23 January 2010 1:20

idk WTF are camreas being since he said cameras so if you were trying to case on someone you fail sir. and as for the OP fyl you need a neighborhood watch and definitely some cameras

Reply

Pointy130 | 0

#792196 - Saturday 23 January 2010 2:08

Ninjas don't appear on camera.

Reply

gabbaharris | 0

#792603 - Saturday 23 January 2010 5:43

days sad

Reply

wgs9513 | 0

#792626 - Saturday 23 January 2010 5:55

I have 3 camreas. WTF is wrong with you guys.

Reply

wiimii | 0

#792647 - Saturday 23 January 2010 6:13

he probably "sleep drew" on his face LOL

Reply

iwadasn | 32

#793030 - Saturday 23 January 2010 13:29

97 wins.

Reply

pattywat | 0

#793108 - Saturday 23 January 2010 15:04

that sucks

Reply

JrRida | 0

#820698 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 5:07

instead of putting it on fml call the police. ?

Reply

tazzy8775 | 0

#826368 - Friday 5 February 2010 4:39

you win 97

Reply

alexomAnexo | 0

#937798 - Friday 12 March 2010 2:31

Paranormal Activity.....

Reply

albert17 | 0

#965892 - Sunday 21 March 2010 19:13

you have now entered... the twilight zone. do dunenu dunenu
(my twilight zone music is weird)

Reply

pipp360 | 0

#973338 - Saturday 3 April 2010 2:30

fuck the cameras, get a gun!!

Reply

x_ECHooo_x | 0

#981080 - Saturday 17 April 2010 23:25

97 Winss. Lol.

Reply

maw675 | 0

#981225 - Sunday 18 April 2010 6:12

get a gun and shot them for drawling ong ur face??? stupid

Reply

Neonnight | 0

#3398853 - Friday 7 October 2011 2:53

Nice 97 love it

Reply

havingalaugh | 9

#4771168 - Saturday 4 August 2012 7:41

Check out hiddencamsnow.com and get some hidden cameras there now!

By CitizenSnipz | 0

#791676 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:08

onoez.

Reply

travisinthetrunk | 10

#6684240 - Tuesday 6 September 2016 11:54

Are you named after a crab named Lucky? If so, I love the reference.

By xoxoshexibbygrl | 0

#791680 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:09

lol

By susieKiute | 0

#791682 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:09

paranormal activity?

Reply

Grey123 | 0

#791899 - Saturday 23 January 2010 0:18

lmao

Reply

yuchen | 2

#801975 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 12:55

lol

Reply

rachelpfitzner | 3

#2246462 - Sunday 27 March 2011 1:53

hahahaha

Reply

dudeman1212 | 22

#4119744 - Sunday 4 March 2012 6:03

Paranormal Activity: College Addition

Reply

hkhkallday | 4

#4868270 - Tuesday 28 August 2012 7:14

Edition* (:

Reply

frank_b102 | 9

#5919211 - Saturday 19 April 2014 7:28

Paranormal immaturity: high school edition XD

Reply

Kevinmeowbeanz | 22

#6464839 - Thursday 19 November 2015 6:02

damn prankster ghost

By slatter | 1

#791683 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:09

fyl what did it say!

By Attrox | 0

#791687 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:10

Stop doing drugs man. And don't listen to the guy dressed up like a rabbit.

Reply

donkey_hang_down | 2

#791695 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:11

Donnie is that you?

Reply

michaelscott69 | 0

#792085 - Saturday 23 January 2010 1:29

LOL, win

Reply

Jayy28 | 0

#821543 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 13:37

HAHAHAHA win fo sho!

Reply

harrypotterfanat_fml | 3

#1391610 - Sunday 12 September 2010 7:43

lmao!!

By Twi_lover_EC | 6

#791690 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:11

I would put an alarm system on my house. :/

Reply

mizzritter101 | 1

#791989 - Saturday 23 January 2010 1:01

lol! i agree with this chicca!

Reply

Twi_lover_EC | 6

#792439 - Saturday 23 January 2010 4:01

LOL-"chicca" mizzritter101

Reply

Freeze_fml | 16

#792691 - Saturday 23 January 2010 6:47

Get back in the kitchen, you Twitard.

By Haislipa | 0

#791694 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:11

wow that's scary lol

Reply

sykes831 | 0

#792248 - Saturday 23 January 2010 2:30

LOLOLOL that really is scary but I laughed out loud for this one :)

By AxCxDxDx | 0

#791696 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:12

There's only one explanation, extra terrestrial writing experiments.

Reply

FistPump | 0

#791713 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:15

I concur.

Reply

spoo | 24

#791715 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:15

OP has to check their butt, surely they left some funny graffiti down there

Reply

Sappheyes | 0

#791979 - Saturday 23 January 2010 1:00

An alien frat house got drunk and went cruising for Earthlings.

Reply

toxic10uhc | 0

#794636 - Sunday 24 January 2010 3:32

omg aqua teen hunger force??

By luvuall | 0

#791712 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:15

It was Jigglypuff

Reply

trizdan | 0

#791745 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:24

win

Reply

Dphilipson | 0

#791771 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:29

lol

Reply

dnlphm94 | 0

#791773 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:30

I miss the old episodes xD

Reply

HoesInaBox | 0

#791847 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:56

omg! gengar! ^ win

Reply

p1ss3d0ff | 0

#791867 - Saturday 23 January 2010 0:03

lmaooo. aww, i remember jiggly puff =/ good ol' days.

Reply

flames288 | 0

#792801 - Saturday 23 January 2010 8:54

AAHHAHHHHHAHHHAHAHAHA jigglypuff ftw XD

Reply

gunnar7240 | 0

#986492 - Thursday 29 April 2010 7:26

You are such a nerd.

Reply

SereniLove | 0

#1511061 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:45

jiiiiiiiggalllyyyypufffg jiiiiiiigallllyyyyyyy pufffffg

Reply

JuiceyyJae | 13

#3012044 - Monday 1 August 2011 3:32

lmao, good one

Reply

Amberose1006 | 11

#5755104 - Friday 15 November 2013 4:35

Yes!

Reply

OzzyTheGiant | 14

#6562952 - Sunday 20 March 2016 5:43

damn it jigglypuff! no one wants to hear you sing!!!