Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML - FML

By Funnymann - 22/1/2010 20:51 - United States

Today, I woke up with my face sharpied. I live alone. FML

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Work name

Fear factor

The student becomes the master

By littleguy - 20/8/2009 15:55 - United States

Today, an extremely attractive woman from FedEx came to deliver my new phone. I was wearing athletic shorts and had an erection. She looked down and laughed. FML

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By fukinnature - 1/11/2016 07:27

Today, I was feeling stressed about some upcoming exams, so I went on a nice relaxing nature walk through the nearby bushland. I slipped off a rock and landed in knee-deep mud that claimed my shoe when I pulled my leg free. I'm even more stressed now. FML

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By MaeMoss - 18/7/2012 14:21 - United States

Today, I used a man's shirt as a pillowcase and sprayed it with cologne so I wouldn't feel alone in the night. FML

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By etsl - 26/10/2008 12:07 - France

Today, I've learnt that the girl I love thinks I'm gay. To be honest, I'm having doubts too. FML

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By Sock_Muppet - 6/4/2019 20:00

Today, I looked at my sister's Instagram story, and saw her, my brother, and my father all on a family road trip to Reno without me. I wasn't told anything about it. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/4/2016 01:09 - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, I gave my boss a report I wrote on my own time, full of suggestions on how to increase productivity and profits at our company. He said my ideas made "about as much sense as pistol-whipping a ghost" and that I was impressing no-one. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/3/2013 16:54 - United States

Today, I almost lost my virginity at the age of 34. After years of putting off sex and waiting for marriage, the moment arrived. My new wife could't stop laughing at how small I am. FML

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By Chels - 4/12/2009 06:27 - United States

Today, I had an elderly man come to my cash register. His total came to $15.50 He handed me $5 in nickels and dimes. A full roll of quarters. Before I could take the roll, he bust it open, making me count it. After that was all counted he was 50 cents short. So he handed me a $10 bill. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/5/2015 12:16 - United Kingdom - York

Today, my boyfriend's mum publicly shamed him on Facebook after she caught him having sex under her roof today. Everyone thought it was hilarious, except me. Not because I'm ashamed, but because I'm over 300 miles away right now. FML

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By sos - 17/1/2011 03:59 - United States

Today, I found out that I can't pass a field sobriety test while sober. FML

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By OhGodWhy - 23/5/2020 08:00

Superstition

Today, my mother told me I must break up with my gorgeous, brilliant, talented, kind, respectful boyfriend of 2 weeks. Why? One of his closest friends died, and he's struggling with his spiritual identity. Apparently, by being with him, I'm walking on 'unholy ground.' FML

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By an anon - 27/3/2015 05:31 - United States - San Francisco

Today, some well-meaning soul told me to just pray my depression away, which would be about as effective as praying away a knife in my shin. FML

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By notpreggers - 15/4/2009 20:14 - United Kingdom

Today, I was wearing a new 500 dollar dress on a crowded train. I looked great and I could feel the eyes on me. A cute guy then offered me his seat, only boosting my confidence more until he said "for you and the baby," pointing at a bump in my dress. I'm not pregnant and wasted 500 dollars. FML

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By hail science - 10/9/2019 00:01

Today, I found out that my mother, who's been against me seeking treatment for my cancer, has been going to different churches and charities to get donations for her "poor ailing daughter." I've not seen a dime of this money, and my mom just tells me to pray my cancer away. FML

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By NotTheFavoriteChild - 3/4/2016 16:53

Today, I asked my mom if she wanted to go wedding dress shopping with me today. She reluctantly said, "I guess". I showered, shaved and did my hair and makeup. When I came downstairs, she hadn't even brushed her teeth yet. "I'm just lacking motivation to go," she said. Glad you're so excited too. FML

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By willconqueror1 - 22/9/2014 14:25 - United States

Today, coming home from a trip in the mountains, I got a cracked radiator and my car overheated. My dad came to get me, he drove my car and I followed in his. I got pulled over and ticketed for his expired registration. FML

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By ProudMama - 8/1/2012 00:50 - United States

Today, I arrived home. I'd left for a business trip 5 days earlier, and trusted my husband with our young boys. As soon as I stepped in the door, I noticed my son had thinner hair than when I'd left. He then showed me an empty container of Nair. FML

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By anon - 4/5/2009 21:56 - United States

Today, I was sitting in a theater waiting for the movie to start when a hot guy sat next to me. Trying to impress him, I made seemingly witty comments to my friend throughout the movie. When it ended he loudly complained to his friends about the annoying girl sitting next to him. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/9/2010 19:02 - Chile

Today, I gave my boss the paperwork to approve my commissions for the month. She wouldn't sign it, saying, "Maybe I'm crazy, but I feel that I've signed this before." She hasn't. I have no commission, and my boss is crazy. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2013 17:56 - Philippines - Dasmari?as

Today, it's my last day before I get my colonoscopy. I've been on a strict chicken broth and jello diet in preparation. My dad thought it would be hilarious to drag me out to one of the best restaurants in town just so I could watch everyone else eat their delicious meals. FML

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By britt71411 - 13/1/2012 17:17 - United States

Today, inspired by my own relationship, I encouraged my best friend to go after the guy she likes. She did, and I'm now single. FML

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By Excalibur6669 - 31/12/2015 04:29 - United States - Parlin

Today, my sister is having a New Year's Eve party at our house. I'm not invited. FML

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By Baby Face - 16/1/2017 15:03

Today, I was at work refreshing the shelves when a man turned the corner and said, very surprised, "You look 12!" A few weeks back, two people did the same thing, only they said I looked 9. I'm almost 21 years old, and just very short. Starting to get just a little self conscious here. FML

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By CDeVeney92 - 17/3/2012 04:37 - United States

Today, I got threatened with a gun through the drive thru speaker because I didn't offer some guy any pies to go with his meal. FML

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By seriously? - 27/5/2014 22:23 - United States - Manassas

Today, I discovered that my dad still doesn't consider my career as an app developer a "real job". FML

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By john - 4/5/2012 19:14 - United Kingdom - Reading

Today, the person I've been sharing my most intimate feelings with finally got bored and let me know I've been texting the wrong number for weeks. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/9/2010 16:03 - United States

Today, I woke up to my husband slowly pulling my blanket off me. I thought he was being romantic until I realized it was because the cat had puked all over me while I was sleeping. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2016 22:01

Today, my roommate's boyfriend professed his love to me. I kicked him out, and he stood outside the door calling my name until he saw my roommate coming down the hall. They both came in and he acted like nothing happened. FML

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By lifedownthegutter - 18/5/2016 18:21 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, the lawn I've been devoting all my efforts to saving from a nasty grub infestation isn't going to make it, but apparently the grass I noticed growing in my gutters is doing just fine. FML.

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By crushed - 11/12/2015 00:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mother won't let me intern at a prestigious college, working with graduate students and professors, and being paid, because she doesn't want to drive me. FML

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By bananna - 29/5/2014 15:18 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found out our newborn snores worse than his father. FML

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By faglypoog - 23/12/2016 02:31

Today, my $200 drone malfunctioned and wouldn't stop. For fifteen minutes I followed it on my bike until it finally disappeared. On the way back I was pulled over for not wearing a helmet. FML

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By Brookie Bear - 4/4/2017 20:00

Today, I received a Saturday detention because the assignment I'd handed in had different handwriting. I've been practicing my handwriting skills for the past month. FML

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By 12345678910 - 18/8/2013 18:22 - United States - Buffalo

Today, my drunk mom kicked me out of my own birthday party, calling me a "party-pooper" and saying I was killing everyone's buzz. FML

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By maddengirl12 - 20/2/2014 08:57 - United States

Today, my mom and I flew three hours from Wyoming to a volleyball camp in Kentucky. When we arrived, we went to the volleyball center and told them I was there for the volleyball camp. They told me it had been cancelled two weeks ago and they forgot to call us. FML

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By shortiem - 6/3/2010 05:14 - United States

Today, my dorm had a mandatory meeting about body image. I went to the meeting and left feeling all good about myself. As soon as I got back to my room, my favorite jeans ripped right across my butt. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/8/2011 17:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me while we were at the pool. He seemed shocked that I wasn't crying. A slim girl in a bikini walked past and said, "Don't worry, fat people are used to it." FML

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By Anonymous - 7/12/2010 18:32 - United States

Today, I sent a picture to my girlfriend of my erect penis with a quote saying "It's waiting for you." She responded with a picture of her left hand showing her left ring finger with a quote saying "It's waiting for you too." FML

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By Anonymous - 11/11/2010 04:32 - United States

Today, I decided to sleep in for 5 extra minutes. Those 5 extra minutes became 55 minutes, which, coincidentally, was roughly the length of the midterm I missed. FML

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By sarah - 6/6/2020 20:00

Respect should be earned

Today, while out in public, my stepmom turned and screamed at me for a good while for “walking through a door before an elder.” People stared. FML

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Top comments

By luvuall | 0

#791712 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:15

It was Jigglypuff

By susieKiute | 0

#791682 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:09

paranormal activity?

Comments

By escapenowx | 0

#791675 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:07

wow, lol I'd put cameras around my housee

Reply

anonymous45610 | 0

#791689 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:10

holy crap :o !

Reply

PattisonDaStud | 0

#791777 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:32

wat r camreas

Reply

thecitylights | 0

#791798 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:40

um what?

Reply

JoshTheMaggot | 8

#792062 - Saturday 23 January 2010 1:20

idk WTF are camreas being since he said cameras so if you were trying to case on someone you fail sir. and as for the OP fyl you need a neighborhood watch and definitely some cameras

Reply

Pointy130 | 0

#792196 - Saturday 23 January 2010 2:08

Ninjas don't appear on camera.

Reply

gabbaharris | 0

#792603 - Saturday 23 January 2010 5:43

days sad

Reply

wgs9513 | 0

#792626 - Saturday 23 January 2010 5:55

I have 3 camreas. WTF is wrong with you guys.

Reply

wiimii | 0

#792647 - Saturday 23 January 2010 6:13

he probably "sleep drew" on his face LOL

Reply

iwadasn | 32

#793030 - Saturday 23 January 2010 13:29

97 wins.

Reply

pattywat | 0

#793108 - Saturday 23 January 2010 15:04

that sucks

Reply

JrRida | 0

#820698 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 5:07

instead of putting it on fml call the police. ?

Reply

tazzy8775 | 0

#826368 - Friday 5 February 2010 4:39

you win 97

Reply

alexomAnexo | 0

#937798 - Friday 12 March 2010 2:31

Paranormal Activity.....

Reply

albert17 | 0

#965892 - Sunday 21 March 2010 19:13

you have now entered... the twilight zone. do dunenu dunenu
(my twilight zone music is weird)

Reply

pipp360 | 0

#973338 - Saturday 3 April 2010 2:30

fuck the cameras, get a gun!!

Reply

x_ECHooo_x | 0

#981080 - Saturday 17 April 2010 23:25

97 Winss. Lol.

Reply

maw675 | 0

#981225 - Sunday 18 April 2010 6:12

get a gun and shot them for drawling ong ur face??? stupid

Reply

Neonnight | 0

#3398853 - Friday 7 October 2011 2:53

Nice 97 love it

Reply

havingalaugh | 9

#4771168 - Saturday 4 August 2012 7:41

Check out hiddencamsnow.com and get some hidden cameras there now!

By CitizenSnipz | 0

#791676 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:08

onoez.

Reply

travisinthetrunk | 10

#6684240 - Tuesday 6 September 2016 11:54

Are you named after a crab named Lucky? If so, I love the reference.

By xoxoshexibbygrl | 0

#791680 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:09

lol

By susieKiute | 0

#791682 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:09

paranormal activity?

Reply

Grey123 | 0

#791899 - Saturday 23 January 2010 0:18

lmao

Reply

yuchen | 2

#801975 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 12:55

lol

Reply

rachelpfitzner | 3

#2246462 - Sunday 27 March 2011 1:53

hahahaha

Reply

dudeman1212 | 22

#4119744 - Sunday 4 March 2012 6:03

Paranormal Activity: College Addition

Reply

hkhkallday | 4

#4868270 - Tuesday 28 August 2012 7:14

Edition* (:

Reply

frank_b102 | 9

#5919211 - Saturday 19 April 2014 7:28

Paranormal immaturity: high school edition XD

Reply

Kevinmeowbeanz | 22

#6464839 - Thursday 19 November 2015 6:02

damn prankster ghost

By slatter | 1

#791683 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:09

fyl what did it say!

By Attrox | 0

#791687 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:10

Stop doing drugs man. And don't listen to the guy dressed up like a rabbit.

Reply

donkey_hang_down | 2

#791695 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:11

Donnie is that you?

Reply

michaelscott69 | 0

#792085 - Saturday 23 January 2010 1:29

LOL, win

Reply

Jayy28 | 0

#821543 - Wednesday 3 February 2010 13:37

HAHAHAHA win fo sho!

Reply

harrypotterfanat_fml | 3

#1391610 - Sunday 12 September 2010 7:43

lmao!!

By Twi_lover_EC | 6

#791690 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:11

I would put an alarm system on my house. :/

Reply

mizzritter101 | 1

#791989 - Saturday 23 January 2010 1:01

lol! i agree with this chicca!

Reply

Twi_lover_EC | 6

#792439 - Saturday 23 January 2010 4:01

LOL-"chicca" mizzritter101

Reply

Freeze_fml | 16

#792691 - Saturday 23 January 2010 6:47

Get back in the kitchen, you Twitard.

By Haislipa | 0

#791694 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:11

wow that's scary lol

Reply

sykes831 | 0

#792248 - Saturday 23 January 2010 2:30

LOLOLOL that really is scary but I laughed out loud for this one :)

By AxCxDxDx | 0

#791696 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:12

There's only one explanation, extra terrestrial writing experiments.

Reply

FistPump | 0

#791713 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:15

I concur.

Reply

spoo | 24

#791715 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:15

OP has to check their butt, surely they left some funny graffiti down there

Reply

Sappheyes | 0

#791979 - Saturday 23 January 2010 1:00

An alien frat house got drunk and went cruising for Earthlings.

Reply

toxic10uhc | 0

#794636 - Sunday 24 January 2010 3:32

omg aqua teen hunger force??

By luvuall | 0

#791712 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:15

It was Jigglypuff

Reply

trizdan | 0

#791745 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:24

win

Reply

Dphilipson | 0

#791771 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:29

lol

Reply

dnlphm94 | 0

#791773 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:30

I miss the old episodes xD

Reply

HoesInaBox | 0

#791847 - Friday 22 January 2010 23:56

omg! gengar! ^ win

Reply

p1ss3d0ff | 0

#791867 - Saturday 23 January 2010 0:03

lmaooo. aww, i remember jiggly puff =/ good ol' days.

Reply

flames288 | 0

#792801 - Saturday 23 January 2010 8:54

AAHHAHHHHHAHHHAHAHAHA jigglypuff ftw XD

Reply

gunnar7240 | 0

#986492 - Thursday 29 April 2010 7:26

You are such a nerd.

Reply

SereniLove | 0

#1511061 - Thursday 7 October 2010 9:45

jiiiiiiiggalllyyyypufffg jiiiiiiigallllyyyyyyy pufffffg

Reply

JuiceyyJae | 13

#3012044 - Monday 1 August 2011 3:32

lmao, good one

Reply

Amberose1006 | 11

#5755104 - Friday 15 November 2013 4:35

Yes!

Reply

OzzyTheGiant | 14

#6562952 - Sunday 20 March 2016 5:43

damn it jigglypuff! no one wants to hear you sing!!!