Today, I found out apparently I sleep walk. My boyfriend has...

By Anonymous - 27/12/2011 17:11 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out apparently I sleep walk. My boyfriend has been filming me and uploading it all to Youtube. FML

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Miscellaneous

Work name

Too embarrassed to get them from a store?

Weird kid

By Flyier - 30/9/2017 04:30

Today, as a flight attendant, I had to deal with a passenger staring at a stewardess constantly and masturbating. His wife was sitting next to him and didn't mind. FML

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By skinnybitch - 8/9/2019 14:00

Superficial

Today, my Tinder date took one look at me and left, because, "the camera" made me "look thick" and he, "can’t date a skinny bitch." FML

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By Karen1428 - 19/3/2017 07:00 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, my principal observed me teach my high school social studies class. At the end of the period, he told me, "Your zipper was open the entire time. I wonder if the students noticed that your underwear matched the buildup of dandruff on your shoulder." FML

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By drew the short straw - 15/12/2018 13:30

Today, I had to follow a pony that had flatulent, severe diarrhoea for an hour in order to collect enough liquid for a sample. FML

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By I'mSoHungry - 11/1/2020 08:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

I am very hungry

Today, a bird flew into the workshop where I work, gave itself a tour of the place, then promptly pooped on my lunch and left. FML

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By oh. - 15/12/2019 14:00 - United States

Proof of love

Today, I flew cross-country to see my girlfriend of three years. Once I got there, she broke up with me. I was supposed to be staying for a month and now I have nowhere to go. FML

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By lapines01 - 12/8/2019 02:00

Today, I went on a date with this really cute guy. We were walking in a park and decided to go on the swings. As I was swinging super high up, I threw up. FML

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By Chewy - 5/1/2010 10:45 - United Kingdom

Today, after my girlfriend telling me for years that she would marry me in a heartbeat, I finally proposed. She said no. FML

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By klutz44 - 16/4/2015 18:36 - United States - Winnetka

Today, I took my 2 year old to the potty in a public restroom. I was just about to set her on the toilet when the automatic flush went off, scaring her and causing her to pee all over both of us. FML

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By wow - 12/12/2011 01:37 - United States

Today, I summoned up the courage to tell my crush how I've felt about her for the past two years. I really poured out my heart and soul, and she nodded and smiled throughout. Once I'd finished, she told me that she believes "sex is unnatural", and that she could never date a guy who wanted it. FML

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By resipsahipsta - 28/6/2009 17:42 - United States

Today, I finally cracked the password on my husband's email account. I don't know which is worse: finding out your husband is cheating on you with several people, or finding his password includes his ex-girlfriend's name. FML

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By Anonymous - 16/10/2015 15:05 - United Kingdom - Eastleigh

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend about the importance of foreplay, and that attempting to get me "in the mood" by whipping his cock out and air humping was roughly equivalent to throwing a dry teabag at me and claiming he made a cup of tea. FML

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By Cougar - 24/7/2009 19:05 - United States

Today, I was at work when my mother called. She gave me great news that she had finally cleaned out my room and all those "old and useless" books that I had in there. Those "useless" books that she had just trashed were all antiques and worth about $500 each. There were 27 books in there. FML

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By child of a crazed women - 7/4/2013 09:19 - United States - Halethorpe

Today, it is my birthday. Since my parents are in the middle of a divorce, my mom thought it was perfectly reasonable to burn the gifts my dad got for me in the fireplace. FML

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By the other woman - 26/6/2018 01:30

Oops...

Today, I found out that the guy I lost my virginity to a few months ago was in a relationship the whole time. How did I find out? His now ex-girlfriend called to yell at me. FML

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By OutoftheLoop - 20/2/2009 09:24 - China

Today, I returned home from college and saw a framed picture of my parents and my younger sister on an elephant in an exotic jungle. I pointed to the picture and asked my mom, "Is this some photoshop job?" She responded, "No, we went to Thailand for a family trip, didn't we tell you?" FML

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By queenbee12345678 - 19/2/2012 19:29 - United States

Today, I accidentally left my cell phone at the restaurant. When I realized my mistake, I went back to see if anyone had found it. They said no, so I gave them my number to call if it turned up. I realized later that I'd given them my cell phone number. FML

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By AnAngryyGiraffe - 6/12/2016 04:46 - United States - Chatsworth

Today, after dropping my phone in the toilet, I left it dismantled outside in my backyard to dry hoping it could be saved. I forgot about the phone as well as the sprinklers that were scheduled to go off. FML

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By badsister - 10/1/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, I made a batch of "special" brownies for a party I was going to tonight. I wrapped them up and put them on the counter with a note that said DO NOT EAT. Later on I came home from some errands to find a tray of half eaten brownies and my ten year old sister passed out on the couch. FML

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By ghoul - 8/3/2011 11:32

Today, I found a dead squirrel under my son's bed. Apparently, he has been keeping it there as a "pet" for the past week. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2015 03:55 - United States - Portland

Today, at college, I walked in on some kid jerking off in front of the bathroom sink. This place never ceases to amaze and disgust me. FML

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By lex31 - 14/2/2012 13:24 - United States

Today, I received my first Valentine's day present ever: a dead mouse from my cat. FML

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By Anonymous - 27/4/2014 17:05 - United States - Mount Laurel

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. My date took one look at me and said pityingly, "Stuffed your bra, didn't ya? Seriously, why even bother?" The douche then started trying to lecture me on "false advertising". FML

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By worried - 16/8/2011 13:20 - United Kingdom

Today, I heard that a boy in my class had written a song about me. Intrigued, I went to see him perform. I spent 3 excruciating minutes listening to a song about 'the girl of his dreams', his tear-filled eyes staring into mine the whole time. I have to sit next to this freak for the next 2 years. FML

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By Eganstein - 24/11/2012 23:11 - United States - Denver

Today, my girlfriend came over to a family game night. Halfway through a game of Klingon Monopoly, my drunk parents started arguing because apparently, while my dad was in jail, he cheated on my mom with a Klingon whore. I doubt my girlfriend will ever visit again. FML

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By Nezje - 8/8/2018 18:30

Today, I didn't get my driver's license even though I didn't make any mistakes because my examiner said it was only my first time taking the exam, so it wouldn't matter if I failed. Now I have to pay another €240 for a second exam. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/7/2015 00:08 - United States

Today, during a blowjob, my girlfriend decided to try something new by squeezing my balls as hard as she could as I came, for a "more intense orgasm". All she gave me was a ruptured testicle. FML

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By Sal - 3/3/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend when she would give me a blowjob. She replied, "you know that won't happen, I'm a vegetarian." FML

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By TheBRADLeyB - 16/4/2009 18:52 - United States

Today, I was going 73 in a 55 on a country road when an oncoming cop passed me. He pulled a U turn. I turned off the main road and took random turns. I got lost, was 30 minutes late to work, and the cop still found me and gave me two tickets. I had to ask him for directions. FML

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By Anon - 8/11/2010 18:34 - Singapore

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend. He got a text and reached over to get his phone. In the process, he elbowed my face and busted my lip. He laughed. FML

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By Anonymous - 28/9/2010 11:37 - Netherlands

Today, I hurt my jaw after I got hit by a car. While receiving medical attention, the paramedic accidentally punched me in the face. FML

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By WTFsalad - 18/2/2010 02:46 - United States

Today, I was leaving Wal-Mart with my daughter when a man was speeding the wrong way in the parking lot. To avoid getting hit, I pulled over to the side. He thought I was going the wrong way. He got out cursing and screaming and punched a dent in my hood. FML

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By bieberyoulittleSHIT - 31/8/2012 19:20 - United Kingdom - Goole

Today, I was playing some CoD online, when I realised I'd started humming an annoyingly catchy Bieber tune. Before I could come to my senses and pull out my mic, a bunch of my teammates started sarcastically singing along. FML

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By gerontofuck - 15/4/2014 21:55 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I realized that the only female who shows any sexual interest in me at all is my 70-year-old neighbor. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/12/2010 00:36 - United States

Today, my fencing team took pictures for the yearbook. We were having individual pictures with our weapons, and it was my turn. When the photographer told me to pose, I tried to be super cool by quickly putting my sabre against my chest like some sort of soldier. I poked myself in the eye. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/5/2010 05:32 - Canada

Today, my best friend of 10 years told me she had slept with a man who had a girlfriend. I told her that it wasn't that bad. She then informed me that it was my boyfriend. FML

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By helpme - 15/1/2013 07:23 - United States - Irvine

Today, as part of a charity project called Operation Valentine, I worked with 150 other volunteers to make care packages and Valentine's Day cards to send to the troops in Afghanistan, thanking them for their courage. My boyfriend called the cards "cheating" and now refuses to see me. FML

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By Anonymous - 9/7/2013 17:11 - United States - Romulus

Today, I realized my online dating profile has gotten more views with no picture than it has with my picture. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/11/2010 05:43 - United States

Today, I changed my phone number because my old one belonged to a prostitute. My new one belongs to a debtor. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/2/2011 23:03 - United States

Today, I looked in my mouse's cage and noticed a tiny weed growing. I've been trying to grow a garden for years to no avail. Even my mouse is a better gardener than I am. FML

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Top comments

By Doortje | 28

#1897588 - Monday 27 December 2011 22:56

Where can I find this channel? Give us the link! :D

By Ninjafriends | 1

#1897685 - Monday 27 December 2011 23:10

It's not just youtube... he forgot to tell you that you're doing this walking in the nude. Accidental porn star.

Comments

By samantha_142 | 0

#1897565 - Monday 27 December 2011 22:53

woooo big deal. :)

SeanFredrick | 3

#1897677 - Monday 27 December 2011 23:09

Well, that's awesome! :D Get over it op(:

whoisthisgirl | 4

#1899252 - Tuesday 28 December 2011 3:42

what's his YouTube account? lol jk

PurpleAddict | 0

#1900001 - Tuesday 28 December 2011 9:56

His channel is vader421

By SeanFredrick | 3

#1897569 - Monday 27 December 2011 22:53

Zzzzz.

By impossible_love | 8

#1897580 - Monday 27 December 2011 22:55

poor you! :

By Doortje | 28

#1897588 - Monday 27 December 2011 22:56

Where can I find this channel? Give us the link! :D

VoodooGypsy | 2

#1898572 - Tuesday 28 December 2011 0:29

I bet quite few people have searched sleepwalking girlfriend haha.

SmallTownCutie | 0

#1898980 - Tuesday 28 December 2011 2:13

26- I did haha

Paprikaas | 13

#1899131 - Tuesday 28 December 2011 3:02

Me too haha

gabsta | 3

#1900427 - Tuesday 28 December 2011 13:12

lol
same here :)

monkeymax | 0

#1902512 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 8:11

haha

By cfbeaner | 0

#1897596 - Monday 27 December 2011 22:57

link?

firemanrob | 0

#1899332 - Tuesday 28 December 2011 4:14

exactly what I was thinking

tedwin223 | 0

#1899412 - Tuesday 28 December 2011 4:40

that's what I was thinking!

By Rainbow_dumpster | 27

#1897608 - Monday 27 December 2011 22:58

The people who say "FIRST" have no life. --;

But srsly, OP, FYL :(

By Mirorbo | 26

#1897610 - Monday 27 December 2011 22:58

Is your boyfriend a child, darling? Or is he just an immature douche?

MLK12345 | 4

#1897646 - Monday 27 December 2011 23:05

Is Mirobo the guy from those pokemon games?

Mirorbo | 26

#1897669 - Monday 27 December 2011 23:07

Why, yes I am!~ I am the most popular character in Colosseum and Gale of Darkness!~ Fuhohohoho!~

fakeaccountX | 6

#1898702 - Tuesday 28 December 2011 1:13

Your goddamn Ludicolos are annoying.

By Illblowyourmind | 3

#1897659 - Monday 27 December 2011 23:07

Time for a new hobby?

bubulz_fml | 0

#1903082 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 10:44

you are a sexy sexy lady lol.

By Ninjafriends | 1

#1897685 - Monday 27 December 2011 23:10

It's not just youtube... he forgot to tell you that you're doing this walking in the nude. Accidental porn star.

By felixcommando | 0

#1897697 - Monday 27 December 2011 23:14

parnormal activity