Today, I found out apparently I sleep walk. My boyfriend has...

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out apparently I sleep walk. My boyfriend has been filming me and uploading it all to Youtube. FML

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Miscellaneous

Proactive

Kick the bum out, part 2

Ideal first date

By Anonymous - Germany

Today, I was at the McDonalds drive-thru getting my morning coffee, when some guy slammed into the back of my car. I'm so happy I was holding the cup between my legs at that very moment, because now I have 2nd degree burns on my lady parts. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up early to go to church with my parents. When I got in the car, I was struck with the worst diarrhea I've ever had in my life. My parents told me I'd be cleaning the car out when we got there, because if we turned around, we'd be late. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I learned that the landlord tenant act does not apply since I'm living in the same house as my landlord. She's making my life a living hell and breaking my things. I still have 3 months left in the contract. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I finished the first month of a diet and exercise program designed to help me lose weight. To keep myself motivated, I have avoided the scale the entire time. I weighed myself today. I've gained 6 pounds. FML

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By Lalalala - 6/9/2020 02:02 - United States - Austin

Post-it

Today, my boyfriend told me to stay home, because he wanted to come by to give me a birthday surprise. Later on, he came by, posted a note, rung the bell and left. The note was a break up note. FML

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By ugh - United States

Today, I realized that I can't shave my unibrow because I have too much acne on my forehead. FML

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56529

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By Hunter

Today, my five year old son was sick with a stomach bug. He didn't want to leave my side so I decided to grab a bowl from the kitchen for him to puke into. The thing is, it was dark in the kitchen and I accidentally grabbed a strainer. My new outfit is now ruined. FML

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By Yudor - France

Today, my girlfriend told me that she woke up after yesterday’s party with someone else’s trousers. FML

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26364

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By beautifulme - United States

Today, I got to be an innocent victim caught in the middle of a farting war between my boyfriend and my 10-year-old son. I fear my sense of smell will never recover. FML

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By isaacBENNETT - United States

Today, I decided to introduce my girlfriend to my parents by telling them that we were gonna have a very special guest for dinner. While my mom was preparing the meal she asked, "What does he like?" I'm straight. My parents thought different. FML

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By microtech - United States

Today, at the microbiology lab, I discovered that the guy who took the shift before me didn't sterilize the work space very well. I am now blowing chunks from both ends from a very nasty strain of E. Coli. My company blames me. FML

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By stepdaddydoesitbetteranyway - 13/10/2020 20:05

Deadbeat

Today, I found out that my ex is expecting another kid. Not only is this a man who tried to hook up with me last month, he's also the one who, when I asked him to pay child support for our 2, told me that he could just "make some more". Guess he was right. FML

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960

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By Sara - United States - Manassas

Today, while working, a woman complained that she didn't ask for sauce on her sandwich. After examining the sandwich, I realized it was just melted cheese. When I told her, she threw the sandwich at me. FML

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27157

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By Jesstanothergurl - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had to visit a new office building for a meeting. Halfway through the meeting, I got really nauseous and needed to throw up. I ran to find a bathroom, but got lost and ended up in a printing room. With no other option, I was forced to puke into a large envelope. FML

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11550

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By fbcaught - United States

Today, I was checking the Facebook event page to see who is attending the party I am having this weekend, since my parents are going out of town. 1 person has confirmed. My mom. FML

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By stressedandcrowded - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my sister is going to spend the last two months of her pregancy in my house to be with my mother. She's bringing with her her three wild children. The visit also happens to coincide with my end of year examinations in May and June. FML

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35939

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By Pho_Rheal - United States

Today, I got a phone call for a interview at Target at 4:30 pm. I got super excited, so I got dressed up and headed over there. I tell the manager that I am there for my interview. He doesn't know what I'm talking about. My friends had prank called me. FML

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By anon

Today, I finally got the courage to say to my boyfriend that I feel invisible and ignored. To this he said 'You aren't invisible, I mean, look at that nose.' FML

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41402

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By norina - France - Paris

Today, at the bank where I work, I escorted a very short woman to her safe deposit box in the vault. I left her alone, knowing she could use the phone to call the reception when she was ready to leave. We later realised the phone was too high for her to reach. If glares could kill. FML

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By anony - New Zealand - East Tamaki

Today, my boyfriend's mum begged me to stay with my boyfriend because she says I'm the only one who can actually get him through college and into a decent job. FML

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By my back hurts - Australia - Campbelltown

Today, I spent a large portion of the afternoon playing hide and seek with the door-to-door salesman who saw me sneak in the back door and won't stop knocking. No amount of hiding behind the couch will make him go away. FML

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By lizann - United States - Scottsdale

Today, for the second time this week, I had to ask my 27-year-old husband to stop peeing on the toilet seat. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I cleaned my house after a big party. Everything was great when my parents came home. Except for the bottle of hot and spicy mustard next to the shampoo in the shower. No one knows how it got there. I'm busted because of mustard. FML

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By omgwtf - United States

Today, it was Homecoming. During the dance, I saw this mentally handicapped guy ask this pretty girl to dance. She said no. So I went over to him and asked him to dance. He replied that he only wanted to dance with "pretty girls" and I was not one. FML

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By Doggy... - Australia

Today, my neighbours watched and laughed as I chased my dog around the lawn, trying to rescue the only clean pair of underwear I had in my house. FML

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By stupid me - 28/10/2020 06:02 - Israel

Freudian slip

Today, while hugging my sister's husband, I accidentally let out a "Mmm…" sound in front my whole family. FML

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376

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By caughttt - United States

Today, I drove my ex-boyfriend home from dropping his car at the garage for new tires. On the way, I drove past my house where my boyfriend was sitting in the driveway ready to surprise me. My boyfriend watched us drive by. FML

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By datingamoron - United States

Today, I went out for pizza with my boyfriend. He loaned me his debit card and loudly announced in front of everyone that his pin code was the numerical equivalent of "Fart", and repeated it twice, just in case I hadn't heard. FML

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By hiccups - United States - Canton

Today, after hours of trying to put a screaming baby to sleep, she finally fell asleep in my arms. I was so happy. Then, I got the hiccups. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was sitting in a coffee shop when the weird guy who had been pacing the store talking to himself approached our table. He looked at me, and in all seriousness, said, "I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but your butt crack is showing." FML

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By Anonymous - Netherlands - Kerkrade

Today, somebody poured a cup of coffee down the back of my shirt. When I turned around, I saw a man who said, "You looked like my ex from behind!" and ran off. FML

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By Garchomp - United States - Dodge City

Today, working my job, I had to explain to a kid that Pokemon is owned by Nintendo and they don't make it for the Xbox. Upset by this, he took hold of my leg and started biting. I'm also suspended, because his mother complained when I kicked him off me. FML

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53624

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By itwasathtebottomofmycoffeemug - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I found out my son has a new hobby after seeing a picture on the internet: putting realistic-looking stickers of spiders at the bottom of my coffee mugs. My wife was scared half to death this morning after downing a cup of coffee and then glancing the cup's bottom. FML

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41242

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my very good friend ratted me out to my boss because I used the photocopier for personal use. He said he will always be my friend, but "rules are rules." FML

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35142

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Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my roommate to chip in for electricity costs. She called me a bitch, proceeded to tell me she can't afford it despite working full time and I part time, and blocked me on all communications. Uhm, what ? FML

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By Neckbruise101 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my boss berated me in front of 2 other coworkers about how unprofessional it was for me to show up to work with a clearly visible hickey. I had to explain to him that my "hickey" was actually a huge pimple that had bruised up after I popped it. FML

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11527

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By Unwanted - Australia

Today, I was in a car with my house-mate and friends after a long day of studying, when we pulled up at our place. Thinking that we were all going to hang there, I waited for everyone to start getting out. No one did. Turns out they were just waiting for me to get out so they could then leave and go out together. FML

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36892

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By oh lord - Canada - Oshawa

Today, my boyfriend and I were making love. I've been working on a novel for the past six months, and what would have been mid-way through, I accidentally said the main character's name instead of my boyfriend's. FML

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28455

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By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, a guy I blocked online for sending me creepy messages showed up at my house. I have no idea how he found my address, or even my real name. FML

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23801

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By justinj360 - United States

Today, my dad informed me that I will be staying in the bug-infested shed for the summer when I come to visit, due to his girlfriend's sewing workspace completely taking over the only room I've ever had at his house. FML

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Top comments

By Doortje | 28

#1897588 - Monday 27 December 2011 22:56

Where can I find this channel? Give us the link! :D

By Ninjafriends | 1

#1897685 - Monday 27 December 2011 23:10

It's not just youtube... he forgot to tell you that you're doing this walking in the nude. Accidental porn star.

COMMENTS

By samantha_142 | 0

#1897565 - Monday 27 December 2011 22:53

woooo big deal. :)

SeanFredrick | 3

#1897677 - Monday 27 December 2011 23:09

Well, that's awesome! :D Get over it op(:

whoisthisgirl | 4

#1899252 - Tuesday 28 December 2011 3:42

what's his YouTube account? lol jk

PurpleAddict | 0

#1900001 - Tuesday 28 December 2011 9:56

His channel is vader421

By SeanFredrick | 3

#1897569 - Monday 27 December 2011 22:53

Zzzzz.

By impossible_love | 8

#1897580 - Monday 27 December 2011 22:55

poor you! :

By Doortje | 28

#1897588 - Monday 27 December 2011 22:56

Where can I find this channel? Give us the link! :D

VoodooGypsy | 2

#1898572 - Tuesday 28 December 2011 0:29

I bet quite few people have searched sleepwalking girlfriend haha.

SmallTownCutie | 0

#1898980 - Tuesday 28 December 2011 2:13

26- I did haha

Paprikaas | 13

#1899131 - Tuesday 28 December 2011 3:02

Me too haha

gabsta | 3

#1900427 - Tuesday 28 December 2011 13:12

lol
same here :)

monkeymax | 0

#1902512 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 8:11

haha

By cfbeaner | 0

#1897596 - Monday 27 December 2011 22:57

link?

firemanrob | 0

#1899332 - Tuesday 28 December 2011 4:14

exactly what I was thinking

tedwin223 | 0

#1899412 - Tuesday 28 December 2011 4:40

that's what I was thinking!

By Rainbow_dumpster | 27

#1897608 - Monday 27 December 2011 22:58

The people who say "FIRST" have no life. --;

But srsly, OP, FYL :(

By Mirorbo | 26

#1897610 - Monday 27 December 2011 22:58

Is your boyfriend a child, darling? Or is he just an immature douche?

MLK12345 | 4

#1897646 - Monday 27 December 2011 23:05

Is Mirobo the guy from those pokemon games?

Mirorbo | 26

#1897669 - Monday 27 December 2011 23:07

Why, yes I am!~ I am the most popular character in Colosseum and Gale of Darkness!~ Fuhohohoho!~

fakeaccountX | 6

#1898702 - Tuesday 28 December 2011 1:13

Your goddamn Ludicolos are annoying.

By Illblowyourmind | 3

#1897659 - Monday 27 December 2011 23:07

Time for a new hobby?

bubulz_fml | 0

#1903082 - Wednesday 29 December 2011 10:44

you are a sexy sexy lady lol.

By Ninjafriends | 1

#1897685 - Monday 27 December 2011 23:10

It's not just youtube... he forgot to tell you that you're doing this walking in the nude. Accidental porn star.

By felixcommando | 0

#1897697 - Monday 27 December 2011 23:14

parnormal activity