Miscellaneous: Today, I found out apparently I sleep walk. My boyfriend has...

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I found out apparently I sleep walk. My boyfriend has been filming me and uploading it all to Youtube. FML

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Miscellaneous

Messed up

Walk on the wild side

Pokéman gone

By tealsoda - United States

Today, a friend convinced me that I should throw a big party and invite everyone to come. After fixing a ton of party food, I sat around and waited for my guests to arrive. No one did. FML

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By justthinkofyourhand - United States - Salida

Today, after five years of dating, my boyfriend finally proposed to me. The words "just think of the tax breaks" were uttered. FML

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By Werner - United States

Today, I came home after a party to my parents, who confronted me. They said that my phone had made a pocket call to them and they heard a good half hour of people talking about drugs and alcohol. I confessed at that point. I checked my phone after. I hadn't called them in 3 days. FML

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By Anon - United Kingdom - Kingston Upon Thames

Today, I requested a pay rise at work. They said they couldn't do it as they have to cut costs, so I resigned. They've now re-advertised my job for more money than I asked for. FML

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By funnyguyNOT - United States

Today, a car was waiting for me to cross the street so I thought it would be funny to slowly limp across the street. When I got to the end, I jumped as high as I could to show I was faking. Turns out I tripped and hit my head hard on the sidewalk. That car took me to the hospital. FML

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By kinkicali - United States - Maple Valley

Today, trying to be kinky while giving my boyfriend a blow job, I whipped him with my ponytail. He was thrilled, until I accidentally head-butted his dick. He curled up into a ball and wouldn't let me touch him again. FML

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By stretchy - United States - Bethesda

Better safe

Today, my boyfriend forced me to do stretching exercises with him before and after sex as a "safety precaution". FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Brampton

Today, I was threatened to be held back because of the lack of teacher-parent communication. My parents refuse to sign my report card because of my one mark below ninety percent. My teacher was dead serious about failing me. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the bathroom and my pee split into 4 different streams, none of which actually hit the toilet. FML

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By inthefamily - United States - Washington

Today, my fiancé's stepfather asked me how my teaching job was going. I replied heatedly that I've never taught, and then complained bitterly to my fiancé about how his family still doesn't know me. Turns out his stepfather has early onset dementia, and that I'm an asshole. FML

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By le_evan - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with this guy I had been crushing on for five years. It took longer to put my clothes back on than he lasted. FML

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By hurley - Australia

Today, I had my friends help me put on a suit of full plate armor for a medieval re-enactment. After the battle, my friends left. I can't get the armor off by myself and will probably have to sleep in it. FML

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By strictly cum prancing - United States

Today, my boyfriend backed out on our date so he could help his best friend get ready for some kind of drag queen competition. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I told my dad that I have a very serious drinking problem and that I need to go to rehab because I can't stop on my own. He told me that I just need to make new friends and suggested I join a sorority. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/11/2020 17:03

This charming man

Today, I found out my husband cheated on me while I was pregnant. And gave me an STD. FML

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By lisahb - United States - Detroit

Today, my mom took me to dinner. She told me about an argument that she and her boyfriend had, and she showed me the texts. While reading, I learned that she smells his dick before sucking it. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend came over to talk. She just got back from a small vacation. She asked me to feed her dogs while she was gone, so I did. I even stayed with them at times so they wouldnt get lonely. My girlfriend had come over to break up with me. She didn't do so earlier because she needed her dogs fed. FML

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By lyssuhhhh - United States

Today, while working at McDonald's, a woman asked me what came on a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. Trying not to laugh, I respond, "Bacon, egg, and cheese." She then realizes the stupidity of her question, and launches three dollars worth of quarters at my face and says, "Laugh at that, jerk." FML

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By dempasi - United States - Utica

Today, while shopping, I told my wife I'd love some pork chops for dinner. Someone nearby muttered, "That's practically cannibalism, ya fat pig." My wife immediately had a "coughing attack" that sounded suspiciously like it was covering up laughter. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Peoria

Today, my mom asked my siblings and me for help cleaning the kitchen. After working for a half hour while all my siblings sat on the couch, I pointed out that I was the only one working. My mom thanked my siblings for not having attitudes like mine and sent me to my room. FML

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By Charles - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted me to be her first and last...with plenty of people in between. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/2/2021 21:30

Yada yada yada

Today, after almost a year of no steady work, I struggled to get anything done once my 7-months pregnant girlfriend woke up at noon. She wanted to talk the whole time, and eventually broke down crying because of her relationship with her mother. I spent the the day consoling her. No wonder I can't get any work. FML

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By idrow

Today, a bear dragged my neighbor's garbage across the street and stopped right in the middle of my front yard, where it proceeded to scatter the contents and have a feast. When it was finished, it took a massive dump on my lawn. FML

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By shewantsmedead

Today, I ran into my mother-in-law, who I absolutely can't stand, with my car at 5mph by accident. She jumped out in front of me after a particularly nasty argument, but my husband won't believe me and neither will the police. FML

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By jons - United States

Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/4/2021 13:57

Keep out

Today, I had to create a new password for my computer. I had to do it to stop my father from watching porn on my computer. FML

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By poormomma - 15/4/2020 08:00

Shame! Shaaaame!

Today, I found out my son kept quiet about having head lice for a week. He's 14. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the person sending me secret love letters was actually my dad, who felt sorry for me. FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - Barrie

Today, on my first day at as a photo editor at a print store, I had to spend over an hour editing a full shoot of a fat man eating a baguette in a bathtub, closeups included. FML

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By Fffhjno - United States - Providence

Today, I saw my two-year-old son trying to floss his teeth. He was using an earthworm. FML

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By dazzla08 - United States

Fundies say the darndest things

Today, my husband told me doesn't really love me. He only married me because we had a daughter, and his grandmother told him he had to so she wouldn't be "an abomination to God." FML

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By anon - 30/6/2020 08:02

Parenting

Today, my mom volunteered me to watch her cousin’s 7-year-old daughter overnight. She’s a nice kid, but sadly the mom has babied her so much that she literally can’t do a thing for herself. She needed help wiping, bathing and even brushing her teeth. Her mom does it all and never taught her differently. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, I was driving on the freeway in the back seat of my friends car. I looked over to the left and was greeted by a van full of adolescent boys waving and making the "call me" hand gesture. I then happened to looked down and realized that my right boob was completely out of my top. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after trying for several days to change some details on the social security website, I got fed up and called them. I waited nearly two hours on hold, and when I finally got through, the guy on the other end just told me to reboot my computer and try again, then hung up on me. FML

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By ugly - Australia

Today, I was at the hairdressers getting a trim. The lady doing my hair commented on how beautiful and luscious my hair was, which made me feel really good. I later overheard her telling her colleague that hair as nice as mine was wasted on someone with a face like mine. FML

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By meyo555 - United States

Today, we finally got wireless Internet. My mom won't let us open any doors or windows in fear that it might "let the Internet out". It's 103 degrees in here. FML

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By catdog552 - United States

Today, while I was studying for an exam, my younger sister came home extremely drunk and threw up all over herself and her bed. I later got grounded for not setting a better example. FML

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By Evil_Egbert - Netherlands

Today, I found out that when I masturbate at night while watching internet porn I cast a huge shadow on the curtain and the entire street is able to see it. FML

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By Mary

Today, my officemate used the telephone beside my desk again. I still can't think of a better way to tell him how awful bad his breath is without the having to do it personally. We've been workmates for a year now and he still hasn't gotten a clue, despite of me covering my nose every time. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Dublin

Today, I had to take my cat to the vet. On the way there, he managed to get out of his cage, climb into the front seat, onto my chest, and howl in my face as I tried to drive down the highway. I ended up with stitches and still got charged for missing my cat's appointment. FML

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Top comments

By Doortje | 29

#1897588 - Monday 27 December 2010 22:56

Where can I find this channel? Give us the link! :D

By Ninjafriends | 1

#1897685 - Monday 27 December 2010 23:10

It's not just youtube... he forgot to tell you that you're doing this walking in the nude. Accidental porn star.

COMMENTS

By samantha_142 | 0

#1897565 - Monday 27 December 2010 22:53

woooo big deal. :)

SeanFredrick | 3

#1897677 - Monday 27 December 2010 23:09

Well, that's awesome! :D Get over it op(:

whoisthisgirl | 4

#1899252 - Tuesday 28 December 2010 3:42

what's his YouTube account? lol jk

PurpleAddict | 0

#1900001 - Tuesday 28 December 2010 9:56

His channel is vader421

By SeanFredrick | 3

#1897569 - Monday 27 December 2010 22:53

Zzzzz.

By impossible_love | 8

#1897580 - Monday 27 December 2010 22:55

poor you! :

By Doortje | 29

#1897588 - Monday 27 December 2010 22:56

Where can I find this channel? Give us the link! :D

VoodooGypsy | 2

#1898572 - Tuesday 28 December 2010 0:29

I bet quite few people have searched sleepwalking girlfriend haha.

SmallTownCutie | 0

#1898980 - Tuesday 28 December 2010 2:13

26- I did haha

Paprikaas | 13

#1899131 - Tuesday 28 December 2010 3:02

Me too haha

gabsta | 3

#1900427 - Tuesday 28 December 2010 13:12

lol
same here :)

monkeymax | 0

#1902512 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 8:11

haha

By cfbeaner | 0

#1897596 - Monday 27 December 2010 22:57

link?

firemanrob | 0

#1899332 - Tuesday 28 December 2010 4:14

exactly what I was thinking

tedwin223 | 0

#1899412 - Tuesday 28 December 2010 4:40

that's what I was thinking!

By Rainbow_dumpster | 27

#1897608 - Monday 27 December 2010 22:58

The people who say "FIRST" have no life. --;

But srsly, OP, FYL :(

By Mirorbo | 26

#1897610 - Monday 27 December 2010 22:58

Is your boyfriend a child, darling? Or is he just an immature douche?

MLK12345 | 4

#1897646 - Monday 27 December 2010 23:05

Is Mirobo the guy from those pokemon games?

Mirorbo | 26

#1897669 - Monday 27 December 2010 23:07

Why, yes I am!~ I am the most popular character in Colosseum and Gale of Darkness!~ Fuhohohoho!~

fakeaccountX | 6

#1898702 - Tuesday 28 December 2010 1:13

Your goddamn Ludicolos are annoying.

By Illblowyourmind | 3

#1897659 - Monday 27 December 2010 23:07

Time for a new hobby?

bubulz_fml | 0

#1903082 - Wednesday 29 December 2010 10:44

you are a sexy sexy lady lol.

By Ninjafriends | 1

#1897685 - Monday 27 December 2010 23:10

It's not just youtube... he forgot to tell you that you're doing this walking in the nude. Accidental porn star.

By felixcommando | 0

#1897697 - Monday 27 December 2010 23:14

parnormal activity