Miscellaneous: Today, I found out apparently I sleep walk. My boyfriend has...

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 94

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 206

You deserved it 23

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 132

27/12/2010 17:11

Today, I found out apparently I sleep walk. My boyfriend has been filming me and uploading it all to Youtube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 387

You deserved it 4 459

Miscellaneous

Batman

Taking stock

Yummy

08/05/2015 13:44

Today, my dad drove me to the airport. As I got out of the car, he said, "You better pop that zit on your face, security might think it's a bomb". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 670

You deserved it 3 258

Record breakers

By DamnDominoes - 10/06/2009 11:39

Today, I had just a few dominoes left to complete the whole project that I've been working on for about three weeks. I pressed record on my video camera, flicked the first domino, and watched with pride. When it finished, I realized I hadn't actually pressed record. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 888

You deserved it 31 939

19/07/2011 11:04

Today, after being in love with one of my best friends for ages, he took me on a date. We then went back to his place and we made love. Afterwards, he told me he wanted to show me something and led me outside. He ran back in and locked the door. It's a two hour walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 477

You deserved it 7 454

21/08/2010 04:05

Today, my dad decided to take me to play golf to relieve the stress of recovering from a bad concussion. While teaching me to swing, he hit me in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 222

You deserved it 3 226

She'll learn

By alyssa - 01/04/2021 21:30

Today, my four-year-old daughter believes that all women will automatically become pregnant at some point during their lives. At least we don’t have to save for college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 1 291

04/05/2011 05:33

Today, I went on a first date with a guy. He parked his truck and reached in his door side pocket and grabbed a little black zippered bag. Seeing this, I burst out laughing saying, "Wow, what's that, your change purse?" He replied, "No, I'm diabetic, this is my blood sugar monitor." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 756

You deserved it 89 450

06/12/2010 05:00

Today, I was directing a video shoot of a big Christmas show with 750 people attending. After the first half of the show recorded; during intermission, I accidentally deleted the show as people were signing up to buy the DVD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 106

You deserved it 16 884

Cranking

By Little tears - 02/01/2021 14:05

Today, I was so sad and lonely that I drunkenly masturbated to Game of Thrones scenes featuring Petyr Baelish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 766

03/01/2016 22:42

Today, I sneezed hard while eating some quite spicy potato chips at my friend's house. Some of the chips passed to the nasal cavity, and I ended up having to pick my nose for some pointy, spicy chips shrapnel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 206

You deserved it 1 811

11/04/2015 07:56

Today, I found out that my family and friends all laugh and compare me to Spongebob behind my back. Why? Because I'm 37 and still can't pass my driver's test. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 170

You deserved it 18 530

07/07/2009 05:26

Today, I decided to get back into shape and go for a run. With a 1/4 mile left to run, I saw a hot chick a block ahead of me running. Trying to show off I ran hard and passed her stopping just outside my complex. I started to throw up right as she came past me because I had run so hard to pass her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 710

You deserved it 63 781

28/03/2015 04:39

Today, my pyromaniac sister somehow got her hands on my dad's lighter and set my bed sheets on fire. My dad said I must have provoked her, and that she can't be blamed for her mental condition. So now I'm grounded, and she has a new doll house to calm her down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 648

You deserved it 2 419

22/04/2013 05:06

Today, my boyfriend and I got into an argument. Naturally, I drove over to my best friend's house for comfort. My boyfriend saw me driving past his house and promptly broke up with me for being "a psycho stalker." She lives across the street from him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 970

You deserved it 6 257

09/06/2015 20:52

Today, my housemate got back at me for asking for her share of a bill by losing her virginity to the guy I like, very loudly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 433

You deserved it 2 812

09/05/2014 18:44

Today, my brain-dead brother-in-law decided to play five finger fillet while at my place. Predictably, he ended up slicing a finger wide open. My mother-in-law now wants my blood, because she thinks I dared him to do it, and that clearly her perfect little angel couldn't be such a moron. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 928

You deserved it 3 882

12/08/2011 13:14

Today, my dad told me that after my two older siblings were born, he got a vasectomy. However, something went wrong, and the vasectomy had failed, resulting in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 331

You deserved it 3 110

10/01/2015 03:41

Today, I found my intoxicated step-father in our back yard trying to domesticate a stray opossum, attempting to give it steak and malt liquor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 472

You deserved it 2 442

19/01/2010 14:17

Today, I went on a third date with a guy, hoping that maybe finally I would get some physical interaction. I did. I got a high five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 360

You deserved it 6 827

24/08/2009 15:35

Today, my boyfriend and his parents met my family. My grandpa thought it would be funny to walk around with a realistic gun and make references about being in the mafia. The rest of my family went along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 436

You deserved it 5 396

Creepy crawlies

By xUnluckyx - 18/03/2010 05:45

Today, I was working, ripping siding off a house. I pulled off a sheet that was over my head. I got rained with what I thought was wood chips that were behind the siding. Turns out they were dead grasshoppers. Guess what I found in my bra after work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 118

You deserved it 3 776

23/03/2011 16:21

Today, I was playing with my dog. His bouncy ball rolled under the couch, and I got on my hands and knees to get it. He decided it would be a good chance to hump the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 833

You deserved it 11 748

31/12/2009 13:28

Today, I finally discovered the reason my front room smelt funny. My dog, thinking the Christmas tree was real, has been peeing on it for the past two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 140

You deserved it 5 133

05/10/2011 05:28

Today, a woman somehow managed to drop her wedding ring into the garbage at the fast food place where I work. I had to search through a full bag of half eaten food and soda to find it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 257

You deserved it 2 719

05/10/2010 09:41

Today, I was at work on a smoke break. I work at a truck stop, and it was around 2am. This old man pulls in and asks me if I would like to join him for some dinner. I said no, and told him I was working. He replies, "How much do you charge?" Apparently, even in sweats I look like a hooker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 002

You deserved it 6 658

Red faces all round

By ladyhavery - 13/07/2021 09:19

Today, my hot co-worker had to use my computer, so he called me while I was at lunch for my login password. It was his name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 854

You deserved it 50 125

23/12/2013 01:51

Today, my boyfriend got us kicked out of the Apple store for getting into a heated argument with the guy at the Genius Bar about which video game avatar is hotter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 910

You deserved it 5 278

26/03/2009 18:17

Today, my parents were helping me construct my bed. We ended up not having enough screws to properly secure the frame. My dad mentioned that it might cause problems if I got a girl into my bed. My mom said, "Don't worry about it, we all know that's not going to happen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 366

You deserved it 9 159

28/05/2014 14:21

Today, I climbed into bed with my sleeping boyfriend after a long shift at work. He immediately rolled over, clamped my leg between his knees, and started viciously humping it. This is the fourth time now, and he still doesn't believe that he even does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 002

You deserved it 6 119

15/12/2014 03:50

Today, I found out that the "IRS scam" that I ignored last week was actually not a scam, and now I have a warrant out for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 634

You deserved it 7 021

Whoops

By Anonymous - 09/12/2010 02:55

Today, I found out that even if you have to go really bad, never burst into a bathroom stall assuming that it's vacant because you don't see any legs underneath. There might be a child in there, who will scream, and whose mother will burst in and start screaming at you for being a "pedo." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 091

You deserved it 6 320

12/05/2013 21:09

Today, I was feeling down about being the only single person out of a group of eight friends. Out of desperation, I made up "Jonny", a hot fitness instructor whom I recently hooked up with. Now "Jonny" and I have been invited to a friends' night out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 599

You deserved it 74 271

23/11/2011 06:02

Today, I had to bail both my parents out of jail. They'd thought it would be fun to go streaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 055

You deserved it 2 896

03/11/2009 07:26

Today, I was driving past men working on the side of the road. There was a lot of water pouring down the road and as I slowed down to drive through it, a car sped past me, splashing my entire car. It was only then I realized it was a septic tank leak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 590

You deserved it 2 583

28/01/2011 17:23

Today, my boyfriend came over to have dinner with my family. Everything went well until my mum started hitting the brandy. While kicked back in her chair, she asked my boyfriend how satisfactory I was in bed, and if he enjoyed going down on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 041

You deserved it 3 537

22/05/2013 05:38

Today, due to my allergies I can't stop sneezing. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for my hemorrhoids making each sneeze feel like I'm getting a cactus shoved up my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 129

You deserved it 3 850

11/01/2011 07:31

Today, a pretty co-worker invited me out for drinks after my shift. I have no money left until payday. Embarrassed, I had to decline and go home alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 769

You deserved it 7 287

31/01/2011 17:35

Today, my fiancé ended our engagement, saying he wanted to have "one last quickie" for the road. He saw nothing wrong with that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 917

You deserved it 4 019

25/10/2013 23:55

Today, I found out that my girlfriend has been sleeping around. After telling my best friend, I also found out that he and a few others have known for the past month. He asked, shocked, "Dude, I thought you knew?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 522

You deserved it 3 930

24/12/2014 14:43

Today, I found a hornet's nest in the backyard, so I called my brother over to take a look. He said "Hmm, wonder how fast you can run." then hurled a rock at the nest and sprinted back to the house. I wasn't so fast. I now feel like someone's beaten me half to death with a cactus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 036

You deserved it 3 963

20/11/2012 03:19

Today, my long-distance boyfriend and I decided to be a bit naughty on Skype. It was 3am so we assumed that my dad was asleep and did some dirty talk. When we were done, I heard my dad laughing outside my room; he'd heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 366

You deserved it 17 323

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Top comments

Doortje 29

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Monday 27 December 2010 22:56

Where can I find this channel? Give us the link! :D

Ninjafriends 1

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Monday 27 December 2010 23:10

It's not just youtube... he forgot to tell you that you're doing this walking in the nude. Accidental porn star.

Comments

samantha_142 0

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Monday 27 December 2010 22:53

woooo big deal. :)

SeanFredrick 3

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Monday 27 December 2010 23:09

Well, that's awesome! :D Get over it op(:

whoisthisgirl 4

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 3:42

what's his YouTube account? lol jk

PurpleAddict 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 9:56

His channel is vader421

SeanFredrick 3

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Monday 27 December 2010 22:53

Zzzzz.

impossible_love 8

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Monday 27 December 2010 22:55

poor you! :

Doortje 29

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Monday 27 December 2010 22:56

Where can I find this channel? Give us the link! :D

VoodooGypsy 2

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 0:29

I bet quite few people have searched sleepwalking girlfriend haha.

SmallTownCutie 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 2:13

26- I did haha

Paprikaas 13

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 3:02

Me too haha

gabsta 3

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 13:12

lol same here :)

monkeymax 0

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Wednesday 29 December 2010 8:11

haha

cfbeaner 0

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Monday 27 December 2010 22:57

link?

firemanrob 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 4:14

exactly what I was thinking

tedwin223 0

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 4:40

that's what I was thinking!

Rainbow_dumpster 27

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Monday 27 December 2010 22:58

The people who say "FIRST" have no life. --; But srsly, OP, FYL :(

Mirorbo 26

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Monday 27 December 2010 22:58

Is your boyfriend a child, darling? Or is he just an immature douche?

MLK12345 4

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Monday 27 December 2010 23:05

Is Mirobo the guy from those pokemon games?

Mirorbo 26

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Monday 27 December 2010 23:07

Why, yes I am!~ I am the most popular character in Colosseum and Gale of Darkness!~ Fuhohohoho!~

fakeaccountX 6

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Tuesday 28 December 2010 1:13

Your goddamn Ludicolos are annoying.

Illblowyourmind 3

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Monday 27 December 2010 23:07

Time for a new hobby?

bubulz_fml 0

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Wednesday 29 December 2010 10:44

you are a sexy sexy lady lol.

Ninjafriends 1

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Monday 27 December 2010 23:10

It's not just youtube... he forgot to tell you that you're doing this walking in the nude. Accidental porn star.

felixcommando 0

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Monday 27 December 2010 23:14

parnormal activity