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Daddy's little girl

By what did I raise?! - 19/03/2021 06:01 - United States

Today, my daughter asked to use my phone to find hers. Instead, she sent multiple messages to my boyfriend, trying to break up with him. When asked why she did it, she said it’s because she wants me to get back with her father. This would be somewhat understandable if she wasn’t 32 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 365

You deserved it 152

Remember me?

By Anonymous - 24/06/2014 02:26 - United States - San Luis Rey

Today, while visiting family, we went to a restaurant to eat. Towards the end of the meal, I went to use the restroom. When I came back, everyone was gone. Everyone had actually gotten into their cars and left without me. I have no idea where I am and no one is answering their phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 793

You deserved it 4 774

By Anonymous - 20/09/2010 14:58 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my dad touching his knob, in the kitchen, while cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 364

You deserved it 4 007

By Anonymous - 20/06/2014 18:20 - United States - Fresno

Today, I found out I have genital herpes. I'm a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 392

You deserved it 5 760

By Anonyme - 02/09/2015 04:21 - France - Mitry-mory

Today, I had an argument with my boyfriend who was accusing me of only being in a relationship with him because I'd fantasised about being with an Asian. When I told him he was wrong, he asked me what attracted me to him in the first place. "Your eyes" was definitely the wrong answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 485

You deserved it 147

By lds124 - 29/10/2009 04:11 - Canada

Today, I went on a first date with an employee from Sobey's who asked for my number while I was grocery shopping. We decided to each bring a friend. I brought my roommate. He brought his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 258

You deserved it 3 969

By Anonymous - 29/07/2019 12:00

Today, while I was sitting in the living room with my mother, my phone rang. She immediately exclaimed, "I'm not calling you! Why is it going off?" She was serious. My own mother doesn't believe people talk to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 777

You deserved it 212

By -_- - 14/06/2014 03:56 - Australia - Elwood

Today, I was confiding in my dad over the phone, after I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. After I hung up and went online, I noticed he'd been live-blogging the whole call on Facebook and commenting that he was considering suicide to escape the boredom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 550

You deserved it 4 982

By opposableouch - 27/10/2009 18:46 - United Kingdom

Today, I sliced a deep gash into my thumb while carving up bagels. After putting a plaster on, I returned to my room to relax, where I lit a candle. The flame from my new lighter shot up, and set fire to the plaster on my thumb. Now I have a cut AND several burns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 011

You deserved it 7 985

Our house, in the middle of our street

By Anonymous - 27/03/2021 20:59 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I realized I could say nothing in my home without being interrupted, talked over, or the subject derailed into a 30 minutes monologue by my housemates. And they wonder why I'm so quiet all the time… FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 504

You deserved it 204

By Beanzbeanz - 09/07/2011 15:19 - Canada

Today, is the 6 month anniversary of my boyfriend and I. Turns out next month he will be celebrating the 3 year anniversary of him and his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 053

You deserved it 10 523

By Anonymous - 12/09/2010 14:04 - Denmark

Today, someone whistled, so I turned around. The guy behind me then said, "Did you seriously think that it was meant for you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 849

You deserved it 5 065

By storrent - 05/10/2016 16:18 - United States - Houston

Today, I discovered that my band section had misspelled my name as "Joke" on our section poster. On purpose. It's supposed to be Jake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 620

You deserved it 815

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 01:42 - United States

Today, I got a haircut for the first time in almost a year. I thought it looked really nice and made me look good. On my way to CVS, I ran into one of my friends. He examined me and said, "You look... like a crack whore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 536

You deserved it 5 547

By wish his dad had worn one - 07/06/2014 21:16 - United States - Clinton

Today, I was playing some soccer with my buddies, when a kid came over, yelled "CUP CHECK!" and nailed me in the nuts then ran away laughing. Millions of my unborn children died in agony. All his fatass mom did was chuckle nervously and pat her satan-spawn on the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 671

You deserved it 5 348

The Beach Boys

By aligator1009 - 09/05/2012 04:54 - United States

Today, I went to the beach. While I was enjoying the sun, an old man with prosthetic leg and no clothes on sat next to me. He took off his fake leg and put it behind his head. Then he opened his legs revealing his "stuff." I will never unsee this. Ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 195

You deserved it 2 589

Smooth

By HungryGirl - 24/10/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, I went to McDonald's to get breakfast. I sat my food down at a table and went to get some napkins and a straw. I returned to the table to find that my food was gone, and could hear nothing but "SUCKKAAAA" trailing from the entrance to the restaurant. Some jerk stole my meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 548

You deserved it 9 808

By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 15:15 - Netherlands

Today, my old highschool math teacher called me, asking me to please stop calling him at 2AM every weekend. Turns out my best friend uses my cellphone to call his number every time she's drunk, and declares her eternal love to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 408

You deserved it 4 378

Bad reputation

By thanks, my fellow americans - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Woodlyn

Today, I was again turned down by a potential host family on a student exchange site. Their reasoning was basically that since I'm American, I might do something to endanger my health, get hurt, and then sue them over my own stupidity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 098

You deserved it 13 893

By Damn - 06/05/2012 13:53 - Australia

Today, I noticed my nephew has blue eyes, freckles and dimples which don't run in my family or my sister's husband's family, but they do run in my husband's family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 312

You deserved it 4 265

Gonna make things awkward

By nevermind - 13/08/2019 00:01

Today, while planning for our trip next spring, my friend told me that she's decided that her mom is coming with us. It’s non-negotiable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 708

You deserved it 171

Bored

By Anonymous - 23/06/2022 18:00

Today, my boyfriend told me he’d rather masturbate than have sex with me, and that sex with me is a chore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 347

You deserved it 433

By Anonymous - 20/10/2009 10:56 - Australia

Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 243

You deserved it 6 135

Territorial

By creepy af - 01/07/2022 09:00 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend to wait at my new place for some furniture to be delivered. When I got the notification on my phone, I checked the cameras and saw her pressing her sweaty armpits against multiple surfaces. When confronted, she said she was using pheromones to “mark her territory.” WTF? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 178

You deserved it 225

Bad guy

By the last straw - 27/09/2023 04:00

Today, my boyfriend's jealousy reached a psychotic new low. While at dinner, I apparently made too much eye contact and dared to smile when the waiter took our order. He screamed, “Why don’t you just have him whip it out so you can suck him off right here?!” I’ve never been so humiliated in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 185

By epicsquishii - 01/05/2012 11:02 - United States - Riverbank

Today, my boyfriend yet again unsuccessfully tried to hold in uncontrollable giggling every time I moaned or sighed during sex. He's 24. I'm terrified of his reaction should I ever reach an orgasm with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 064

You deserved it 3 473

Unionize

By Replacable - 07/06/2022 12:00

Today, I was fired. Last week, I was written up because I came in one minute late from lunch break. The week before, I was yelled at for yawning. I found out it was all a plan for my boss’s favorite employee to get promoted to my position, so they wanted a reason to terminate me. I work in an “at will” state. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 157

By missyoudad. - 31/08/2010 07:54 - Australia

Today, I Googled my father, who I haven't seen in 3 years. The first website link was his obituary. When I confronted my mom about it, she said, "Oh, didn't I tell you?" and walked off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 558

You deserved it 2 871

Dingdong

By Anonymous - 06/04/2009 04:14 - United States

Today, I was walking out of a Starbucks and saw someone walking out behind me. Thinking it would be the nice thing to do, I held the door open. I was holding the door for about 30 seconds before realizing I was holding the door for my own shadow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 595

You deserved it 65 161

By lemongrab - 18/05/2014 14:14 - Canada

Today, I was chewed out by a lady who claimed the laptop she bought wouldn't turn on, and that she wanted a refund. She yelled and shoved the laptop at me, not even listening when I told her I didn't even work at that store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 078

You deserved it 4 266

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was eating at a Mexican restaurant with my sister. I was happily biting into a burrito, when I saw a man in his car in the restaurant parking lot, staring at us and jacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 672

You deserved it 3 987

Today, despite years of paranoid checking, I forgot to check my towel for spiders after my shower. Two crawled onto me, and I'm pretty sure there's one somewhere in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 183

You deserved it 5 526

Today, a gothic 16-year-old with a bread knife tried to mug me. After warning her to back off multiple times, I punched her in the face. She ran off crying and reported me to the police. They don't believe my side of the story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 971

You deserved it 291

Today, I fractured a bone in my foot by dropping a shampoo bottle on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 293

You deserved it 420

Today, I was fired from my job, due to my "performance going down". My performance went down because I can't see due to having a stroke, which management is well aware of. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 100

Today, after finally sleeping with a girl for the first time in I don't know how long, at some point during sex she managed to completely crush my balls. I acted cool until she left, then I had to wake my parents up at 3 a.m. to take me to the hospital where I was diagnosed testicular bruising. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 929

You deserved it 8 228