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By owned - 24/01/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, while babysitting, the little boy explained to me why I was single, reasons such as 'unattractive' and 'not the girlfriend type'. I cried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 477

You deserved it 4 448

Bit on the side

By Anonymous - 22/08/2020 23:10

Today, I have been talking to someone for the past 9 months. He always said he could never give me a relationship. But he loves me. He finally told me it’s because he’s been with someone for 3 years and I’m basically the side chick he fell in love with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 834

You deserved it 393

Brave guy

By AbandonedHouseWife - 17/10/2012 20:16 - Canada - Grande Prairie

Today, I woke up and found a little note where my husband should have been. It said, "We've had some good times, hun, but it's time for me to move on." We've been married for 15 years, and have 3 children. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 590

You deserved it 2 592

By hatboxghost - 09/07/2009 05:17 - United States

Today, my suburban, white boyfriend of two years told me he wanted to tell me something serious. He sat me down, looked me in the eye and said "I want to be gangster." I started laughing thinking he was joking. He was 100% serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 981

You deserved it 7 741

Dodged a bullet

By Anonymous - 18/11/2011 23:36 - United States

Today, my now ex-boyfriend called me over for an "important chat". This chat consisted of him not only insisting that we have sex whenever he feels like it, but demanding that I take birth control pills, because making him wear a condom is "sexist and degrading." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 535

You deserved it 6 441

By NotTodaySatan - 07/07/2019 16:00 - United States - Tempe

Today, my dad suggested I go back to my abusive, psychotic ex, who happens to be the father of my only child. He suggested this only so I can get pregnant again, and get more money back on my taxes. His "bright side" to this? At least my kids will have the same father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 011

You deserved it 337

Now watching

By Anonymous - 14/01/2011 23:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home, turned on my laptop, and turned the TV on mute so I could check my email. My mom came home an hour later, took a look at me on the couch, then the TV, and asked what on earth I was watching. I looked up from my laptop and realized it was porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 802

You deserved it 32 416

By Anonymous - 13/01/2011 23:00 - United States

Today, while working at a dollar store, I was clobbered by a woman because apparently, I was ripping her off by charging two dollars for two doughnuts. She didn't understand that she couldn't buy multiple items at once for one dollar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 529

You deserved it 2 684

Pleased to meet you

By Homeless without superbowl - 16/02/2023 16:00

Today, I got home and found all my things thrown out into the yard, including the stuff from my mancave, which I spent thousands of dollars on. Apparently, my girlfriend stopped for a visit while my wife was home. I’d stupidly given her a key. Turns out my wife called out sick today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 140

You deserved it 4 999

By anonymous - 16/09/2013 05:35 - United States - Hillsboro

Today, a lady stormed into the pharmacy I work at and chewed me out because the medicine I sold her the day before gave her horrible diarrhea as a "side effect". I checked, and it was the medicine she asked for - laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 076

You deserved it 2 721

Panic on the streets of somewhere

By raiyne - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, while parallel parked, a car stopped next to me, backed up, and hit the woman behind him. When she pulled off to the side to check for damage, she slammed into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 230

You deserved it 2 061

By Peta2nNoMore - 04/07/2009 10:42 - United Kingdom

Today, I came home and found a few of my faux fur coats completely butchered. On my way to interrogate my boys, the only ones home, I found our husky dog, who was recently shaved for an operation, covered in the fur that once belonged to my coat. My boys said 'he was cold'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 619

You deserved it 10 418

By 282 - 29/10/2018 14:00

Today, I was sitting on my younger sister's bed while I was on my phone. She came in the room and pushed me off the bed, and I ended up slicing the skin under my eye. Now, my parents are forcing me to pay for the injury for "hanging off the bed". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 751

You deserved it 353

Quick quick

By NoorFML - 13/09/2013 13:24 - United States

Today, I woke up and saw that my alarm clock had fallen on the floor. It read 9:05 am. I panicked because I was late for work. As I frantically got ready, I went to pick my alarm clock up to place it back on my nightstand when I realized it was upside down. The actual time was 5:06. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 073

You deserved it 7 544

By Anonymous - 10/01/2011 17:16 - Australia

Today, an old man started telling me about the high price of meat. I told him I wouldn't know, since I'm a vegetarian. His reply was, "Oh, most vegetarians are slimmer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 949

You deserved it 9 022

Self-fulfilling prophecy

By Dave - 04/10/2012 14:44 - United States

Today, I woke up after having a nightmare that my girlfriend broke up with me. Needing reassurance, I told her about it. She became furious with me saying that she'd never do that and called me an "inconsiderate fucking bastard for even thinking that." Then she broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 957

You deserved it 3 819

We could be heroes

By Anonymous - 10/09/2020 14:01

Today, as an Ambulance Technician, I dealt with a man who had too much LSD. He urinated on my boot and spat on me multiple times, thinking he had dragons in his mouth. I put a mask on him and he took it off so "the dragons could escape." My wage is lower than if I were working in a supermarket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 904

You deserved it 154

By heartbroken - 09/09/2013 07:19 - United States - Cupertino

Today, even after loving him unconditionally, my originally 340 pound morbidly obese husband, who within the past two years lost almost 200 pounds, left me because now, he "can do so much better". FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 795

You deserved it 4 543

Old deathtrap

By defectivesuperhero - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I couldn't get my car hood to open to check the fluids. A few miles down the highway, though, it popped right open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 689

You deserved it 441

Wild allegation

By Anonymous - 30/06/2009 14:45 - United States

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend throwing my birth control box at me and shouting that I was a slut for cheating on him since we never had sex. I attempted to explain the birth control was for a condition I have that causes my period to be non-existent. He didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 451

You deserved it 7 358

Betrayed

By Whaaaaaaa - 02/03/2023 12:00

Today, my mom had a fit and confessed that my grandfather is also my father. Apparently, I was the product of a rape and she further confessed that she was going to abort me but chose not to, and she regrets her decision. What caused this conversation? Me watching the season 4 of "You" without telling her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 607

You deserved it 180

The Glastonbury experience goes worldwide

By Anonymous - 04/03/2023 02:00

Today, I went to a music festival in an area where the weather is practically sunny all year round, but for this special occasion it rained the whole time, turning the venue into a giant mud pit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 160

By VladyBoi - 01/11/2011 00:18 - United States

Today, it's my first Halloween in America since moving from Russia. While handing candy to children, my roommate told me to compliment a little girl by saying "You have a face only a parent could love". I found out it isn't a compliment when I was punched by her Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 309

You deserved it 5 736

By Anonymous - 03/01/2011 08:42 - United States

Today, I put on a lacy dress with nothing underneath and walked nonchalantly into the living room. My husband took one look at me, let out a heavy sigh and said, "Right now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 813

You deserved it 5 076

By failure - 28/06/2009 01:00 - Australia

Today, I was sitting in a park with a friend when a small child approached us. Just as I moved off the bridge to let the kid play, he asked if I'd like to play as the troll under the bridge. I laughed and said, "No thanks!" to which the kid responded, "But there's nobody else ugly enough." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 456

You deserved it 4 388

In the mood

By wickedbeauty333 - 26/09/2012 22:54 - United States - Katy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, he came. This was a good thing, except that when he did, he started bellowing the Imperial March theme from Star Wars. When I asked him about it, all he said was, "I thought you'd like it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 642

You deserved it 4 211

By cauteriseme - 01/01/2011 15:37 - United Kingdom

Today, as the clock struck twelve for the new year, I was in the bathroom having a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 479

You deserved it 4 163

Kids

By really? - 28/09/2020 23:02 - United States

Today, I noticed my daughter’s sullen mood and asked if there was anything I could do to help. With tears in her eyes, she snapped, “Yeah, you can go back in time and keep that appointment you’d made at planned parenthood!” I never had such an appointment and her older brother is a mean asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 592

You deserved it 163

Creepy

By TraumaPhobe - 02/01/2022 16:58

Today, I went out in public for the first time in four months since I was mugged and stabbed. Today, I also found out the guy who did it was out on bail. I discovered this walking across the road from the shopping centre where it happened, and he was crossing the road towards me, smiling the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 112

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 26/09/2020 20:02 - United States

Today, I asked my girlfriend to talk dirty to me while I was at work. She did so by telling me she has a yeast infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 498

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The Top

Today, my boyfriend said he wanted to marry me. Since he doesn't know my ring size, he asked for me to find a ring that I liked, and he would buy it and propose. The only problem is that he won't spend more than 200 dollars on it. Oh, the generosity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 015

You deserved it 37 110

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting it on when her cat attacked me. I was pissed, so I grabbed the cat and rushed outside to get rid of it. Little did I know, her parents were home, sitting outside. So I was naked, with a feral cat in front of my junk trying to kill me. All I could say was, "Nice weather?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 840

You deserved it 39 862

Random

Today, my boyfriend decided he's asexual and dumped me on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 573

You deserved it 4 909

Today, my mum and I decided to go on a hike. Beforehand we left my car at the end of the trail and took my mums car to the beginning. After 4 hours we arrived at my car. I had left my keys in mums car. It was a long walk back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 392

You deserved it 29 343

Today, I thought I lost my wallet. Canceled my bank cards. Bought a new wallet. Got a $141 parking fine at the motor registry while getting my replacement license which also cost me $22. Went to go to the gym and when I went to put my bike jacket on, felt something inside the sleeve. My wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 017

You deserved it 31 769

Today, my Mom found out that I've been intimate with one of my best friends in the past. We used protection, it never went anywhere, and we ended it amicably, but she still gave me a huge lecture. Later, she high-fived and congratulated him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 733

You deserved it 508

Today, I’m packing up to leave my home and move back to my mother's with my newborn a week postpartum, all because when I was at the hospital, I overheard my husband say to his buddy on the phone that this “father stuff” is way more than he bargained for and that he’s tired of pretending to find me attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 420

You deserved it 176

Today, I got a Venmo request from a guy who I friendzoned when I announced my relationship with another guy on Instagram. He’s backcharging me for all the dinners, auto repair bills, etc., he apparently spent on me. It’s over $4000. I don’t have that kind of money and he’s threatening legal action if I don’t pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 316

You deserved it 545