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Hey guys! This is the OP. 1) I honestly don't know, my boyfriend suggested we try filling up a tire with them. 2) Albeit being a bit embarrassed, it was actually quite hilarious for both of us. We're both in our 20s, but we still laugh at bodily functions, immature as that is. That, and I can't exactly see what's happening behind there.

By Beewwwbs - 09/11/2018 12:00 - Australia - Wembley

Today, I'm on a pill that "may cause breast tenderness". My 32E breasts took that to mean swell up a size, become heavy as lead, be so sore I can't move without a bra on, and stiffen my neck and back muscles so badly I thought I had an ear infection. This will last "a few weeks to months". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 811

You deserved it 272

TMI, dude

By Anonymous - 23/11/2018 22:00 - United States - Cranford

Today, my brother met my girlfriend for the first time. Instead of making a good first impression, the first thing he did was talk about how he just took a massive dump and didn't wipe very well, and that's why his hand smelled bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 317

You deserved it 258

By xsnqw - 19/01/2016 22:28 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was sitting at my desk in school, and I was really bored. I started playing with the strings on my pants, only to realize 5 minutes later it looked like I was fondling my dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 590

You deserved it 6 972

List of sins

By Anonymous - 28/01/2022 04:58

Today, I found out the girl I’ve been seeing, and having lots of kinky sex with, I’m talking "confess to a priest or take to your grave" kind of kinky, is actually my cousin who moved abroad when she was two years-old, and only just recently moved back here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 546

You deserved it 409

Talk to me

By JoseIsAdork - 11/01/2016 18:03 - United States - Somers

Today, I realized how lonely I am, when I got a call from an elderly women who had dialed the wrong number. We ended up having a 20 minute conversation about her cat and how he "just won't use the darn litter pan." I was sad when she had to hang up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 359

You deserved it 2 392

By Spencer - 06/12/2018 12:30

Today, I decided to try an online therapy site, seeing as I have been feeling very lonely and don’t have any friends to talk to about my issues. After filling out all the initial forms, the site told me there was no one available to speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 876

You deserved it 217

Uh oh

By awkward - 26/07/2013 18:00 - United States - Yorba Linda

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Instead of moaning like any normal person, he just kept saying stuff like "Uh-huh," "Not too bad," and "Yup" in a complete monotone. It was probably the most uncomfortable experience of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 272

You deserved it 7 274

By TCRII - 19/01/2019 16:00

Today, my girlfriend came over, drank half a bottle of Jack Daniels and pissed in my sink. I broke up with her and went out with friends. I met a woman and brought her home to watch a movie. She drank a bottle of wine and puked on my couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 433

You deserved it 3 876

Captain Jack

By Anonymous - 11/08/2012 22:22 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 432

You deserved it 43 680

The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated

By Ghost - 14/12/2009 21:21 - United States

Today, I was at my 10-year high school reunion. I saw the girl I used to have a BIG crush on, so I decided to go over and say hi. She screamed when she saw me. Then she started hitting me, looking panicked. I calmed her down and asked why she hit me. She says, "Everyone thought you were dead"' FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 878

You deserved it 2 817

By Anonymous - 26/02/2017 03:45 - Canada

Today, I had to explain to a customer that she couldn't use the bathroom while going through the drive-thru. I still don't understand what exactly she had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 838

You deserved it 441

By Anonymous - 04/03/2017 00:00

Today, my biology teacher asked the class a question, so I raised my hand and after I gave my answer, my teacher said, "You know, you have a voice for radio. It's very deep." I replied with "Do I? Thanks!" He added, "You also have the face for radio." The whole class laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 335

You deserved it 605

By katluvnc - 03/12/2015 14:02 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I grazed my hand over the bottom of my desk's keyboard tray, and found something sticky. I gagged when I realized it was jizz, and I immediately washed my hands and wiped everything. I then checked my browser history, which was full of porn. Thanks, roomie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 851

You deserved it 1 464

katluvnc tells us more.

katluvnc 10

Wednesday 9 December 2015 0:35

Computer is now password protected. It wasn't before cause I let him use my computer for school work, but obviously, he was using it for other purposes!

By finalyearsofhate - 13/03/2017 22:00

Today, my son took a nap quietly for the first time ever. As I went to wake him up, I realized why. A previously poop-filled diaper came flying at me when I opened the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 322

You deserved it 568