By briiiiiiii123 - United States - Buffalo

You tried

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36324

You deserved it

7696

Favorite

Intimacy

Understandable

Too much irony

Take what you can get

By locksmack - Australia

Today, I was peeing in the shower when my girlfriend suddenly pulled open the shower curtain in an attempt to scare me. Startled, I quickly spun around and peed all over her dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33797

You deserved it

57928

Favorite

By joe - United States - Ellicott City

Today, I bought a new armband to hold my iPhone while working out so I can listen to music and I was excited to start getting in shape. Unfortunately, when I tried it on, my arm was too big and it didn't fit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22940

You deserved it

6973

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of a Suburban crashing through my fence and striking the tree in my front yard. After filling out the police report, the driver repeatedly asked me to give him a lift to work. He seemed confused by my speechlessness. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28483

You deserved it

2366

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I was going through a hard and painful break up after a long relationship. Trying to get over it, I invited my two best friends over to lift my spirits. The night ended with them making out on my bed as I sat alone in the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28060

You deserved it

2503

Favorite

By womanlover12345 - Spain

Today, I finally told my girlfriend of four months that I love her. Her response was, "Uh... thanks?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

39572

You deserved it

8828

Favorite

By militiousroflcopter - United States

Today, I had to catch a shuttle bus. I awoke to the sound of a car horn. I ran out in my boxers and saw a bus take off down the road. I chased it, thinking I had missed my bus. I realized I hadn't only when I saw frightened kids in the back of the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9242

You deserved it

24004

Favorite

By Anonymous - 7/4/2021 14:00

Happy Birthday, I guess…

Today, my family decided it'd be a great idea to berate me for not being excited enough for my brother and his wife's baby news. They told us on my birthday, adding that if I wasn't so fat I'd have one too. I have insulin-resistant PCOS. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1228

You deserved it

Favorite

By LOLOLOLOL - United States - Greensboro

Today, I watched as some idiot made a bad U-turn and I laughed. I then turned into another car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

6385

You deserved it

37604

Favorite

By stolen - United States

Today, I was robbed. They took my father's ashes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

103887

You deserved it

5334

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Huntsville

Today, I'm at the unique point in my schooling that I'm either extremely overqualified or extremely underqualified for every job opportunity that appeals to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27698

You deserved it

2414

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Booted

Today, a middle-aged woman came into the shoe shop where I work, and asked me to help her put on a pair of boots that were obviously too small. Simultaneously as I knelt down by her feet, she booted me in the face while we tried to get them on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26244

You deserved it

3353

Favorite

By jennahh

Today, I had a sexual dream about my ex, and I woke up after saying his name. My boyfriend was awake, and heard all the dirty talk and me moaning my ex-boyfriend's name. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2061

You deserved it

950

Favorite

By CryoSpectre - United States - San Francisco

Today, I made my mom cookies for Mother's Day. My brother took all the cookies to work as a snack, because I didn't specifically tell him that the homemade "MOM" hearts weren't meant for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30759

You deserved it

2318

Favorite

By nothanks - United States

Today, after struggling with an eating disorder and hiding my symptoms for months, I got up the courage to tell my mom that I need help. Then she asked if an ice cream would make me feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35580

You deserved it

5808

Favorite

By Anonymous

Contradictions everywhere

Today, I was demoted from my job because I didn't volunteer to help out with my job during COVID-19. I texted them on the day of sign-up to see if they had enough people. I was told since I was there not to worry about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1441

You deserved it

130

Favorite

By Bilirubin - United States

Today, at 1am, the girl of my dreams that I've been trying for over three years to date, finally asked me out via SMS. Too bad I was asleep at the time. She now thinks I've rejected her, and will no longer speak to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33625

You deserved it

3908

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I bought a new Ipod to replace my old one which decided to stop working. After purchasing my new nano Ipod, I decided to bang my old Ipod on the desk very hard because it was useless. It started working again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29133

You deserved it

9563

Favorite

By Username - United States

Today, I had to pick my parents up from jail. They thought it would be okay to have sex behind a bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51532

You deserved it

4246

Favorite

By BadFriend - 4/4/2021 20:00 - United States

Compassion

Today, my best friend is giving me the silent treatment and has blocked me on Facebook. All because I missed her 30th birthday dinner at The Cheesecake Factory. I’d gotten into a car accident earlier and had to be treated for minor injuries in the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1096

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonynommer - United States - Holyoke

Today, at my first day on the job, a customer threatened my life because our vending machine had run out of Doritos. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44259

You deserved it

3348

Favorite

By Myriam - United States

Today, my friend asked me if she could borrow my laptop and I can pick it up later and I said ok. I stop by her house later and no one answers. The next-door neighbor says that she left to go live with her mom. She lives in Detroit. I live in Maine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

69193

You deserved it

10505

Favorite

By wellthen - United States - Clarksville

Today, I was at a rodeo warming up while my mom unnecessarily bragged about my training skills to a client. My horse then threw me into a gate at a full gallop, in front of everyone. That was the first time he'd ever misbehaved. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11224

You deserved it

963

Favorite

By Badab1ng - United States

Today, things were getting heated with my girlfriend, so I tried taking her shirt off. Slapping my hands away, she said, "I was only dating you to get my self-confidence up, I'm good now." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46052

You deserved it

4244

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I used the bathroom that the high school shares with elementary kids. As I was pulling my pants down, my phone fell out of my pocket into the other stall. As I was reaching for it, the little girl in the other stall took it and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37416

You deserved it

4643

Favorite

By Anonymous - Netherlands - Amsterdam

Today, I found out that ever since I got my blonde highlights, I've been mocked behind my back at work, and nicknamed "The Skunk". FML

I agree, your life sucks

18812

You deserved it

13382

Favorite

By Brett meek - Canada

Today, I was having sex with a girl. While we were fooling around, she started squeezing my cheeks and told me I remind her of her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25461

You deserved it

3610

Favorite

By DMitch - United States

Today, I went to Subway with my girlfriend. Just as the time came for her to pay, she went to the car to grab her purse. She didn't come back. I found a note on the windshield saying, "It's over." FML

I agree, your life sucks

42769

You deserved it

14413

Favorite

By MandieL - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I rushed over to stop my infant daughter from falling off her swing. Luckily just before she hit the ground, I woke up. Unfortunately, I woke up because I'd rolled off my bed and hit the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20136

You deserved it

1786

Favorite

By losercancer - 23/4/2021 23:30 - Georgia

You helped her see the light

Today, my girlfriend left me, saying she'd started to appreciate herself more with the help of a therapist. That I paid for her to visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

747

You deserved it

183

Favorite

By Fatlady43 - United States

Today, my niece offered me a slice of cake. After I refused, she asked, "Why not? Aren't fat people always hungry?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

32177

You deserved it

6483

Favorite

By oopsie - Canada

Today, I got a phone call from a number I didn't recognize. It was a man with a speech impediment, and I began imitating him. He was the manager of a store I applied at. He wanted to arrange an interview. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16039

You deserved it

244920

Favorite

By Anonymous

Clever girl.

Today, I made a cup of coffee for a lovely old lady on the dementia ward. She asked for quite a lot of sugar in her drink, but I didn't question it. The moment I gave her the coffee, she threw it all over me. While scalding my skin, it also stuck to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3181

You deserved it

240

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I saw an elderly woman in need of help of crossing a street. I helped her across. On the way she just about fell and held onto me to keep from hitting the ground. After she left on her bus I reached for my wallet. It was gone. I had just been robbed by a 70 year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34654

You deserved it

4078

Favorite

By mr_dinzaster

Today, a dog came into my yard. I bent down to pet him, forgetting I had a burger in my hand. The dog grabbed it and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks

765

You deserved it

1741

Favorite

By calliefml - United States

Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate hanging a voodoo doll of me on a noose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

89690

You deserved it

6152

Favorite

By whaleninjapoop - United States - Raleigh

Today, I jokingly tried to convince my girlfriend that Wyoming was a government conspiracy and did not exist. She believed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23542

You deserved it

5972

Favorite

By Anonymous - Germany

Night terrors

Today, I brutally stabbed a guy to death for smiling at me, then puked and fainted. Then I woke up in bed, panicking, sweating like a pig and crying because I thought my dream was real and I was going to go to prison. I'm never taking sleeping medication again. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26467

You deserved it

2488

Favorite

By Imdeadlmaokillme - United Kingdom - Twickenham

Today, I learned the meaning behind the phrase, "Love you long time". It's from the movie Full Metal Jacket, when a hooker comes in and says, "Me so horny, me love you long time." I've been saying this to my parents and people at school, having no idea what it really means for over 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11736

You deserved it

22551

Favorite

By triple l - United States

Today, the police searched my house because my neighbors thought we were aiming a gun with laser sight at them. We were only getting our daft dog to chase a laser light around; we don't even own any guns. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24708

You deserved it

2694

Favorite

By GDubeau24 - Canada - Cornwall

Today, the package I've waited for months for finally arrived. It turned out it wasn't for me, but for my sister, who bought the same thing only 2 weeks ago. When I called, the company told me they received my payment, but that there were no more of the item in stock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45975

You deserved it

2847

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By PrimeEvilTahir | 23

#6170734 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:21

Not so happy meal..

By stryder9090 | 28

#6170744 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:27

He's loving it

COMMENTS

By omgcyndaquil | 23

#6170733 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:20

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

howard007 | 18

#6170847 - Monday 12 January 2015 17:02

"Sorry Ronald!" -Ops Bf

superspooky | 13

#6170978 - Monday 12 January 2015 19:07

Or they could just NOT do it in a car.

kristabelli | 19

#6172774 - Wednesday 14 January 2015 23:55

Girl on top is really the only way it works in the car. Good luck next time OP! Don't give up!

By PrimeEvilTahir | 23

#6170734 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:21

Not so happy meal..

kinky44 | 28

#6170756 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:34

Happy ending meal.

user716 | 11

#6170768 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:48

Fappy Meal

incoherentrmblr | 21

#6171323 - Tuesday 13 January 2015 0:49

A bag of McJizz...

jerryj | 27

#6171653 - Tuesday 13 January 2015 9:08

I doubt the ingenuity of #20's reply can be topped. Let us rejoice!

By LittleMissShadow | 16

#6170736 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:22

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

By strokesie | 23

#6170737 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:24

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

clairesucks | 37

#6170741 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:26

Useful in so many situations

False_Stupidity | 41

#6170983 - Monday 12 January 2015 19:12

Probably the best use yet for one, to be honest.

By clairesucks | 37

#6170738 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:24

Better luck next time OP

buckstop1 | 37

#6171135 - Monday 12 January 2015 21:52

or never

llalala_fml | 19

#6171558 - Tuesday 13 January 2015 6:29

I read the #5s comment as "better fuck next time"

I think I like that more

By howtobestupid | 16

#6170739 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:26

I can't look at a McDonalds bag the same now

By crimsonprodigy | 15

#6170740 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:26

Should have switched positions to the hood of the car. Much more exciting.

By nyte_assassin1 | 11

#6170742 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:26

"I'm loving it"

By stryder9090 | 28

#6170744 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:27

He's loving it

By missbrit818 | 20

#6170745 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:27

lol that sucks, but this is funny to read! Sorry about that though op!