By briiiiiiii123 - United States - Buffalo

You tried

Today, my boyfriend and I had 'car sex'. It sucked and resulted in him masturbating into a McDonald's bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36317

You deserved it

7690

Favorite

Intimacy

Serious times

Taking stock

Cake is everything

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to patiently listen as a customer nattered on and on about how incompetent I was for not stocking the movie she was looking for. It took nearly 20 minutes to get her to calm down long enough for me to explain that there is no such movie as "Hobbits With Shotguns". FML

I agree, your life sucks

29660

You deserved it

2615

Favorite

By whydoidothis - United Kingdom

Today, my colleague and I played yet another wonderful game of 'Tapeworm or Toilet Paper?' in the homeless shelter's toilets we were asked to clean. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33452

You deserved it

3966

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, my best friend thought the best time to tell me she was sleeping with my boyfriend was while we were acting in a play. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45070

You deserved it

3458

Favorite

By Caeru - United States

Dumbass idea

Today, my mother tried to tell me that nicotine is the only substance that ensures weight loss, and that nicotine has been passed down in our family for over 5 generations of heavy smoking relatives. Then she encouraged me to start smoking. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46070

You deserved it

3590

Favorite

By nodad - United States

Today, I found out my dad stole money from me when he was arrested for buying Oxycodone from an undercover cop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26928

You deserved it

2326

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I was verbally harassed by a customer because I wouldn’t give her special treatment after her meal was incorrect. I offered her a refund and a coupon for a free meal, which she refused before calling me a stupid kid who wouldn’t do anything to help her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3493

You deserved it

218

Favorite

By Escape! - United States

Today, I walked in on my porn addicted roommate watching a gynecologist exam online. He asked me to watch it with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48433

You deserved it

4240

Favorite

By Gwayhir - France

Today, I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum, I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

49898

You deserved it

4887

Favorite

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 08:03 - Germany - Ebersbach

Preferential treatment

Today, my mom’s house has several comfortable places to rest in every room. For the cats and dogs, that is. Unfortunately for me, I'm a human. FML

I agree, your life sucks

594

You deserved it

Favorite

By notgoodenough38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend left me for my sister. I can't stop thinking about all those days they went out alone for "girl time." FML

I agree, your life sucks

49529

You deserved it

3850

Favorite

By Nanda - Canada - Surrey

Today, my boss hired a new meat cutter because our old one stopped showing up for work. After he put the smock on, I told him what needed to be done. Without saying a word, he walks over to my boss, hands him his smock and says, "I quit." Guess I'm on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13329

You deserved it

1133

Favorite

By traumatized - United States

Today, I was at the mall with some friends. In the food court we passed by this creepy pervert feeling up a woman. I take a closer look and realize with horror that the guy is my dad in sunglasses and a hat. The lady he was with was not my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

87059

You deserved it

3584

Favorite

By wow - United States

Today, I was getting my picture taken. The woman taking it told me to smile, so I did, showing my teeth. She said, "Please, be serious about this." Slightly offended, I smiled with my mouth closed. She then said, "If you can't be serious, we won't do this." FML

I agree, your life sucks

35521

You deserved it

3166

Favorite

By DrakeScott - United States

Today, I completed the arduous, nearly hour-long process of answering the eHarmony dating questionnaire, only to be told my answers were too "unique" for them to match me with anyone. I had chosen "the world" as my distance range. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39896

You deserved it

5821

Favorite

By Anonymous - Netherlands

Today, I had sex with my new boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he said: "I know women who would be really self-conscious about nipples like that. I love that you accept yourself." I had no clue there was anything odd about my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38828

You deserved it

3704

Favorite

By airhead2015 - United States - Morristown

Today, I ran out of toilet paper. I yelled from the bathroom for my parents to bring me some toilet paper. My dad slipped one tiny piece of toilet paper under the door and boomed, "THE FINAL TEST." FML

I agree, your life sucks

43333

You deserved it

5662

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my iPod to Walmart to replace the battery. They tell me to call Apple. I go home again and call Apple. They tell me to call Walmart. I call Walmart. They tell me to bring it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35685

You deserved it

3956

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, for reasons that I dare not ask, I received a topless selfie from my Nan followed quickly by a simple sorry text. Sorry is not going to pay for the years of therapy I need. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14659

Phew, glad it wasn't me

2653

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my friend's 11 year old son accidentally shocked himself with our electric fly swatter. Thirty seconds later, while trying to prove to him that it's physically impossible to shock yourself with it, and that it's perfectly safe, I did the exact same thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7761

You deserved it

54351

Favorite

By ekaay

Today, whilst cleaning the living room, I heard snickering coming from my bedroom. My two nephews had found my "play cupboard" and were blowing up condoms like balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3966

You deserved it

953

Favorite

By Phabia - United States - Newton

Today, I was sent to the front office for having blood shot eyes and smelling like smoke. I just didn't get enough sleep and had trouble putting my contacts in, and I always smell like smoke because of my parents' excessive smoking. They didn't believe me. My parents had to come in to back me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33851

You deserved it

2309

Favorite

By readytomingle - United States

Today, I bought an "I love my boyfriend" t-shirt so people wouldn't think I'm single. I'm very single. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18056

You deserved it

42263

Favorite

By lyssamarie316 - United States

Today, I went to an interview for a job at a company I've applied for numerous times this year. When I showed up at the interview room, I found it was a vacant office. I called and confirmed the address. I guess this was my hint to stop applying. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26619

You deserved it

4716

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada - Windsor

Today, I saw my girlfriend walking hand-in-hand down the street with another man. When I confronted her, she claimed she had no idea who I was, and the guy told me to beat it. Later on, she returned to our apartment and actually tried to act as if nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49119

You deserved it

2888

Favorite

By Cougar - United States

Today, I was at work when my mother called. She gave me great news that she had finally cleaned out my room and all those "old and useless" books that I had in there. Those "useless" books that she had just trashed were all antiques and worth about $500 each. There were 27 books in there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58556

You deserved it

5183

Favorite

By bkay26 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML

I agree, your life sucks

36572

You deserved it

7514

Favorite

By Burning Love - United States - Phoenix

Today, I went on a date. As I hugged him, I felt tingles. As a big believer in clichés, I thought it was the tingles of falling in love. Turns out, it was my allergic reaction to his cologne. I now look like I burned my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46018

You deserved it

5330

Favorite

By BlueB - United States

Today, I realized that I am such a Grammar Nazi that when a porn star says something grammatically-incorrect, I lose my boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51748

You deserved it

20830

Favorite

By Anonymous - United Kingdom - Oldbury

Today, my mum, who always wanted more kids than just me, started crying because I'm not pregnant with her first grandchild yet. I'm 16, and this all started because I got my period and I asked to borrow one of her tampons because I'd ran out of my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2131

You deserved it

109

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the store when I saw two extremely hot girls. I walked into their aisle and they looked at me and smiled. I stopped and pretended to look at something so I could listen to what they were saying. They started laughing and walked away. It turned out I was reading a box of tampons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11496

You deserved it

51470

Favorite

By nopanties - United States - Durham

Felt cute, might delete later

Today, my boyfriend ripped my panties trying to get them off. Not off me, off himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51695

You deserved it

6423

Favorite

By Anonymous - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I managed to bruise my nipple by closing an umbrella on it. The stupidity of the whole thing hurts almost as much as the injury. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23549

You deserved it

5163

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, I caught my boyfriend trying on my bra. He still has no excuse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29079

You deserved it

4181

Favorite

By Anonymous - Thailand - Bangkok

Today, my girlfriend, who I've loved and dated for over a year, confessed that she's actually straight as an arrow. All this time, she's basically been using me as an accessory to enhance her "social status" and make her guy friends horny. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41367

You deserved it

4943

Favorite

By mzgabbster - United States

Today, I was having the most wonderful bath. The water was steaming, the bubbles were bubbly, and I was reading a really good book. I put my book down to yawn and looked to my right. My gaze was met by the lovely face of my brother's pet tarantula. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37963

You deserved it

3343

Favorite

By Anon - United States - Stony Point

Broke

Today, I spotted a $100 bill on the ground. Being a little strapped for cash, I excitedly picked it up. I discovered it was one of those religious tract papers made to look like a folded bill, with a message scolding me for being greedy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31933

You deserved it

4812

Favorite

By BoringFucker - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend openly mocked me, calling me an idiot for thinking seahorses are real. She insists that they're like unicorns, and only exist in fiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42277

You deserved it

4716

Favorite

By peachezthelette - 27/12/2020 19:58

Itchy butt

Today, while at work, I had to explain over the phone to my 33-year-old boyfriend how to use Preparation H. FML

I agree, your life sucks

600

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous - Germany - Paderborn

Today, at work, a woman demanded a refund for a video game. She had no receipt, so due to company policy, I couldn't refund her. She reacted by loudly accusing me of being racist, then yelled that she'd see me in court as she finally stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47978

You deserved it

3121

Favorite

By gotadirtydick

Today, my neighbor's kid started learning the violin. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4321

You deserved it

468

Favorite

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Top comments

By PrimeEvilTahir | 23

#6170734 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:21

Not so happy meal..

By stryder9090 | 28

#6170744 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:27

He's loving it

COMMENTS

By omgcyndaquil | 23

#6170733 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:20

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

howard007 | 18

#6170847 - Monday 12 January 2015 17:02

"Sorry Ronald!" -Ops Bf

superspooky | 13

#6170978 - Monday 12 January 2015 19:07

Or they could just NOT do it in a car.

kristabelli | 19

#6172774 - Wednesday 14 January 2015 23:55

Girl on top is really the only way it works in the car. Good luck next time OP! Don't give up!

By PrimeEvilTahir | 23

#6170734 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:21

Not so happy meal..

kinky44 | 28

#6170756 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:34

Happy ending meal.

user716 | 11

#6170768 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:48

Fappy Meal

incoherentrmblr | 21

#6171323 - Tuesday 13 January 2015 0:49

A bag of McJizz...

jerryj | 27

#6171653 - Tuesday 13 January 2015 9:08

I doubt the ingenuity of #20's reply can be topped. Let us rejoice!

By LittleMissShadow | 16

#6170736 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:22

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

By strokesie | 23

#6170737 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:24

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

clairesucks | 37

#6170741 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:26

Useful in so many situations

False_Stupidity | 41

#6170983 - Monday 12 January 2015 19:12

Probably the best use yet for one, to be honest.

By clairesucks | 37

#6170738 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:24

Better luck next time OP

buckstop1 | 37

#6171135 - Monday 12 January 2015 21:52

or never

llalala_fml | 19

#6171558 - Tuesday 13 January 2015 6:29

I read the #5s comment as "better fuck next time"

I think I like that more

By howtobestupid | 16

#6170739 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:26

I can't look at a McDonalds bag the same now

By crimsonprodigy | 15

#6170740 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:26

Should have switched positions to the hood of the car. Much more exciting.

By nyte_assassin1 | 11

#6170742 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:26

"I'm loving it"

By stryder9090 | 28

#6170744 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:27

He's loving it

By missbrit818 | 20

#6170745 - Monday 12 January 2015 15:27

lol that sucks, but this is funny to read! Sorry about that though op!