Today, I'm on a pill that "may cause breast tenderness". My 32E... - FML

By Beewwwbs - 9/11/2018 19:00 - Australia - Wembley

Today, I'm on a pill that "may cause breast tenderness". My 32E breasts took that to mean swell up a size, become heavy as lead, be so sore I can't move without a bra on, and stiffen my neck and back muscles so badly I thought I had an ear infection. This will last "a few weeks to months". FML

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The best cat

No one likes a smart-ass

Headache

By Anonymous - 28/11/2014 17:17 - United Kingdom

Today, I was locked out of my house. As I was about to knock on the window to ask my girlfriend to let me in, I saw her on the sofa, digging a huge booger out of her nose and eating it. FML

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By Eternal Servitude - 2/5/2015 16:54 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom decided to have a get together at my house while I was at work. When I came home, she pulled me aside and asked me to pretend to be her maid. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/7/2013 14:26 - United States - Chicago

Today, I got home from work early and discovered why my 17-year-old daughter's sprained elbow isn't getting any better after weeks of treatment. She can't stop giving handjobs. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/9/2013 17:41 - Canada - Red Deer

Today, I had an interview for my dream job. I spent all of last night preparing, researching the company, and making sure everything was perfect. My interview was for 8am. I woke up at 10:30 to an alarm that had not gone off. FML

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By unknown - 17/8/2019 02:00 - Canada

Today, my wife figured out I gave her a dollar store ring for our anniversary. FML

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By Username - 13/9/2010 01:38 - France

Today, I told my 3 year old daughter to behave or I'd spank her. She looked right at me and said "Bring it." FML

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By airrinw_33 - 21/1/2013 03:55 - United States - Greenwood

Today, my boyfriend's mom bought us matching purity rings. FML

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By xetsa - 13/2/2010 05:23 - France

Today, I realized for the last year that my husband has been home from Iraq, I haven't gotten more than a few hours of sleep at night. Not because he gets nightmares, but because he now snores so loud that the pets sleep at the other end of the house to get rest. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/11/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, my Halloween costume finally showed up in the mail. Their consolation for a late delivery? A 50 cent discount. FML

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By tannerrosetx_1 - 6/4/2015 11:44 - United States - Irving

Today, I was pickpocketed. I didn't realize until I stopped to get breakfast. I went back home to see that my dog had taken my wallet and had ripped and torn it up. I was pickpocketed by my own dog. FML

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By starrybrooke - 6/4/2009 08:40 - United States

Today, while working the dinner rush at my job, every single computer, credit card machine, and printer froze for an hour and a half. The reason behind this issue was a large wire ripped from the mainframe, the same wire I tripped over 20 seconds before while my boss watched. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/1/2011 04:05 - United States

Today, I had a major falling out with my best friend. Angry, I sent a short text message to him explaining how I felt. I soon noticed I'd accidentally texted "I'm going to fucking kill you, asshole." to my boss instead. I'm still waiting on a reply. FML

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By FFS - 28/5/2015 17:41 - Cyprus - Limassol

Today, I received a promotional message offering a half-off deal on an expensive coffee maker. The only reason why I received the message is because I bought that same coffee maker yesterday and I signed up to their mailing list. FML

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By Bilze - 17/5/2012 18:57 - United States - Burke

Today, I was reading a book on paper for the first time in maybe a month. I had to stop at a word I did not recognise. Because I'm so used to using a Kindle, I tried to get the definition by pressing it. I had my finger on the word for a few seconds before I realised it was paper. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2016 13:22 - United States - Wilmington

Today, I walked in on my dog slurping my coffee. I'm not sure how long we have been sharing my morning cup of joe. FML

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By Skyler - 24/4/2013 19:14 - United States

Today, my school took part in a standardized state test. After finishing, I decided to take a nap, only to be awoken by the test monitor, who wanted me to leave. Apparently, I was ferociously farting in my sleep and was disturbing the people still taking the test. FML

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By soapisyourfriend - 16/2/2016 06:53 - United States - Ashland

Today, cable was installed at my house and the cable guy smelled like some horrid mix of cabbage and cheese. I'm pregnant and suffering from morning sickness. I've sprayed air freshener, lit candles, and opened windows despite the cold outside. I can't get rid of the smell. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/5/2020 08:00

Jealousy

Today, my girlfriend broke my Xbox while I was playing Warzone. She said she heard me playing with another girl, and accused me of cheating. It was just the A.I. saying, "Copy, I’m on it." Anyone selling an Xbox One? FML

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By fuckingtrollingskankwhoreshitwankcuntfuck - 13/7/2013 17:33 - United States - Enfield

Today, I was shopping with my girlfriend, when a girl came out of nowhere, screaming at me for cheating on her, and saying she was dumping me. I've never seen her before, and she was almost grinning during her little act, but my girlfriend believed it, and I'm now single. FML

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By skichick54 - 24/8/2011 05:28 - United States

Today, my house got watermeloned. Not egged, watermeloned. FML

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By lizzy1843 - 26/1/2011 14:48 - United States

Today, my cat pissed in my zen garden. FML

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By raaquel - 25/1/2011 06:10 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 5 years has been cheating on me with a Realtor. The same Realtor who helped me sell my condo so I could move in with my boyfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/12/2014 13:44 - United States - San Bruno

Today, my neighbor showed me footage of my 7-year-old son spraying his beloved rose garden with weed killer. The whole garden is dead as fuck, and I'm now being taken to small claims court. FML

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By Gears - 29/4/2019 16:00

Today, I had dinner at a local fast food joint. There's an employee there that I usually talk to and flirt with, so I thought maybe it was time to ask for her number. After a small conversation and almost getting to the point, she told me, "I'm 17." I'm 23. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/4/2012 17:45 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend, when his sister knocked on the door and asked if she could borrow the zombie movie we were watching after we were done with it. We weren't watching a movie; I was just moaning. FML

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By rholt - 14/1/2014 06:48 - United States - Baldwin City

Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML

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By fluent in two, unlike you - 25/3/2014 18:42 - Mexico

Today, the feedback my teacher wrote on my English assignment was so horrible that it took me half an hour and help from both my parents to decipher it. It turned out to be a scathing criticism of my "poor communication skills". I hate my teachers. FML

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By you'vegotmail(not) - 18/4/2014 23:59 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I realized that I get more mail addressed to the old tenant of my apartment than to me. He hasn't lived here in years. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/5/2017 02:00

Today, I got better phone reception crossing an inlet on a ferry than I normally do at my own house. FML

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By Jim - 12/4/2018 01:30

Today, I dropped my car off at the dealership for a bumper replacement due to a hit and run in a parking lot. After being told it was ready, their shuttle picked me up, and backed up into my just-replaced bumper. FML

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By contracted - 22/8/2016 05:49 - United States - Concord

Today, I received a letter telling me I'm not qualified for a job I've been unofficially doing for the last three years. It's the fourth letter I've gotten since applying. I guess it wouldn't be too bad if I didn't have to train the new person who got the job instead of me. FML

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By "jesstracy" - 4/10/2017 09:00 - United States - Naperville

Today, I took my dog to the emergency vet at 4 in the morning because he ate something he shouldn't have. I spent hundreds of dollars on tests, all to find out he'll pass it. What did he eat? My silicon strap-on. FML

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By cat-astrophic - 25/2/2015 15:44 - United Kingdom

Today, after 3 years of studying to be a veterinarian, I found out I may not be able to continue. It's not because I'm failing my classes, but because my body has developed an allergy to cats. FML

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By BoredRunner42 - 7/9/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, I had a great time with a girl I liked. I asked her out and she said yes. She also said she cuts herself and if I ever broke up with her, I'll be responsible for her death. FML

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By Chris - 5/4/2012 02:50 - United States - House Springs

Today, my wife and I went to our friend's house to play some pool. While playing, a Cicada started to fly towards my face, so I flipped my pool stick over and swatted at it with the fat end of the stick. I hit the bug. However, with the skinny side I hit myself in the snow-globes. FML

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By Anonymous - 6/2/2013 11:12 - United States

Today, my son threw the biggest fit in history about going to the dentist. He broke a whole stack of plates, overflowed the bathtub, let the dog loose, and kicked his father when he tried to calm him down. My son is 17. FML

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By emm - 18/3/2011 16:11 - United States

Today, someone rear-ended me while I was on my way home. I was extremely upset and I called my boyfriend for comfort and to help inspect the damage. After taking a good look at the car, he said, "Damn, if only you fucked this hard." FML

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By MoMoneyMoProblems - 7/8/2014 08:23 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I managed to get a €5 note tangled in the zip on my purse. I couldn't open it without ripping it to shreds. FML

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By agentile - 2/12/2010 01:14 - United States

Today, my grandma was leaning over in front of me, vacuuming, while wearing a v-neck shirt. Out of instinct, I glanced at her chest. She's 75. I checked out my 75 year old grandma. FML

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By tooearly - 1/1/2012 08:31 - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going to a New Year's party. She told me to be back by midnight. FML

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Top comments

By ajh1800 | 25

#7720955 - Friday 9 November 2018 13:40

If it's that bad, go see your OBGYN and try a different type of birth control.

By Yudith | 20

#7720932 - Friday 9 November 2018 12:41

For our own health, you must stay seated with a table supporting your boobs at all times and let all your male coworkers and your boyfriend/husband/creepy pervert fetch the stuff you need. If they complain, you may attach two 25kg rocks to their chest with one of your bras.

Comments

By Sam Dawoud | 6

#7720924 - Friday 9 November 2018 12:31

I am a freelance brassiere. For 32Es I’ll even do the job for free

By Yudith | 20

#7720932 - Friday 9 November 2018 12:41

For our own health, you must stay seated with a table supporting your boobs at all times and let all your male coworkers and your boyfriend/husband/creepy pervert fetch the stuff you need. If they complain, you may attach two 25kg rocks to their chest with one of your bras.

By ajh1800 | 25

#7720955 - Friday 9 November 2018 13:40

If it's that bad, go see your OBGYN and try a different type of birth control.

By jkjorn | 14

#7720998 - Friday 9 November 2018 15:27

Sorry to hear that and I hope it clears up soon. But in the meantime, consider sending pictures of them to men with cancer to alleviate their suffering.

By ImGladImNotU | 13

#7721007 - Friday 9 November 2018 16:04

Change the pill. side effects rarely go away. I had to try 3 or 4 types before I found one that worked for me

By swervelol | 28

#7721012 - Friday 9 November 2018 16:19

I had the same thing happen when I went on the pill my 32 E's are now 32 F's, the swelling and tenderness does go away but prepare to go bra shopping. If it does become extremely unmanageable then you should go to your OBGYN.

By Takegami | 22

#7721073 - Friday 9 November 2018 18:08

Bigger ain’t always better

By EmDizzle2007 | 28

#7721152 - Friday 9 November 2018 21:26

I feel like this is a flex just to tell us how big her tits are.

By listicka | 5

#7721798 - Sunday 11 November 2018 16:21

I had that happen too. After 2 months i stopped taking them and never went on BC again.

By Angcrad | 17

#7721819 - Sunday 11 November 2018 17:53

I am actually surprised by the lack of "pics or it didn't happen" comments