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By ohtheirony - 22/09/2014 01:27

Today, the man who hit on me in a store and asked for my number showed up on my doorstep to inquire about my couch for sale. With his wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 774

You deserved it 2 792

By missingphoneproblems - 22/07/2012 05:04 - United States - Warner Robins

Today, after being upset at the fact that my phone was stolen at work, I received a note on my locker saying, "100 bucks and you get the phone back." My phone is being held for ransom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 288

You deserved it 1 927

FML's guide to a stress-free St Patrick's Day

By Louis - 17/03/2017 18:15 - France - Paris

Savour the flavor of the day, but be careful out there!

I agree, your life sucks 724

You deserved it 196

In a bad place

By Anonymous - 29/12/2020 11:01

Today, while scrolling through my contact list, I realized I have more therapists and support workers than I do friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 162

No victim blaming

By Anonymous - 28/02/2022 16:00 - Croatia - Zagreb

Spicy

Today, my husband left me for the whore he cheated on me with four years ago, and then, how stupid of me, I forgave him and took him back. I guess I had this coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 029

You deserved it 989

By johnboy - 09/11/2010 17:08 - United States

Today, I went for a run. When I got home, no one was there so I took off my clothes and laid on the cool wood floor. I decided to call my girlfriend and we started talking in baby voices. That's when my mom walked into the house witnessing everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 835

You deserved it 37 170

By holla1787 - 04/12/2009 03:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Her birthday is tomorrow so she sent her new boyfriend to pick up her birthday present. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 567

You deserved it 2 824

Cruisin' for a bruisin'

By leah - 07/01/2021 14:01 - United States - San Jose

Today, I was beaten up by a complete stranger for “giving her a dirty look.” I can’t see my own face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 111

Thoughtful

By Anonymous - 18/03/2022 14:00

Today, for my birthday, my boyfriend bought me a sword from a TV show called Game of Thrones. He seemed disappointed at my reaction, since he spent so much money on the limited edition version. I've never watched the show, and I also have never had any interest in swords, so I don't know what he was thinking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 261

You deserved it 146

Pleased to meet you, hope you forget my name

By Fork - 07/11/2024 14:00 - Australia

Today, it was my first day at a new workplace. During introductions, I nervously tripped over my words and introduced myself as "Fork." My real name is Frank. My coworkers thought it was too funny to correct. Looks like I’m stuck with "Fork" for the foreseeable future. FML

I agree, your life sucks 317

You deserved it 199

By Anonymous - 16/09/2014 05:04 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, a customer told me that there was no way he was paying for his shopping. He then walked off. As it turns out, the customer IS always right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 421

You deserved it 3 293

Insurance is a scam: Tokyo drift

By Jules - 12/01/2021 23:07

Today, if you have a job in my country, you automatically have health insurance. Without a job, you can get “voluntary insurance”. No, let me rephrase that: You are legally required to get “voluntary” insurance. Whether you can afford it or not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 163

By Mac22 - 12/02/2016 05:02 - Senegal - Dakar

Today, my electricity supplier cut my power off. Literally. They cut the cable that supplies my apartment in electricity. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 62

By AlbertEinstein_ - 16/07/2012 19:21 - Ireland

Today, I made microwaveable popcorn. When the bag finished popping, I took it out and opened it and put my face in close to get a big whiff. It now feels like I have third degree burns inside my nose and behind my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 126

You deserved it 48 081

AlbertEinstein_ tells us more.

AlbertEinstein_ 4

Tuesday 17 July 2012 1:23

This is my FML, i had to make an acc to comment! I know, people, this was so incredibly stupid!! I have no idea why the hell I thought that would be a good idea, I think I wanted to check if there was salt in it before I left the kitchen (no idea how smelling it would clarify) so that I wouldn't have to get back up! I totally deserved this one, and I will surely never, ever do this again! My original FML had "And yes, it is possible to be this stupid" at the end, but that must've been edited out :( And I put the name Albert Einstein cause it was ironic or something, I don't know. But I certainly didn't think I was smart or anything....And my eyes still hurt :(

Take a seat

By Cutting them off would hurt less than this - 15/06/2023 09:00 - United States - Midlothian

Today, it's been a year since completely breaking a ligament in my ankle. Since then, my feet have gotten increasingly sensitive, walking or standing for longer than ten minutes feels like I'm being stabbed, and lasts long after I sit down. I work retail and they consistently forget to give me my breaks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 115

By Ryan - 28/08/2011 20:10 - United States

Today, after a long discussion, my dad still doesn't understand how evolution works, and thinks it's a myth that was debunked a long time ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 234

You deserved it 8 176

Thoughts and prayers

By Anonymous - 16/04/2022 00:00 - United States - Granby

Spicy

Today, I feel guilty masturbating to Russian porn on the hub. Then I feel even more guilty because that's just wrong, because people in Ukraine and Russia both have much bigger problems. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 1 198

Bad timing

By Anonymous - 17/06/2023 03:00

Spicy

Today, more than fifteen years of marriage and sex at least once a week has given my otherwise lovely husband the stamina to last a minute and a half. We've cum together less than five times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 291

By ccc - 15/05/2009 16:35 - United States

Today, a cab driver had to sign me out of the emergency room because I didn't know who else to call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 157

You deserved it 4 424

Brotherly love

By Sad guy - 08/01/2021 20:01 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I felt so lonely that I was almost jealous of the way Chris Cuomo and Don Lemon playfully express affection for each other on CNN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 673

You deserved it 244

Inappropriate, honey

By Jessica - 15/05/2009 00:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, my 6 year-old daughter walked in on my husband and I getting it on. Now she won't stop "pretending to be daddy" against items of furniture. We have guests coming round in three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 129

You deserved it 47 723

Old faithful

By Anonymous - 25/04/2022 02:00

Today, my daughter flew completely off the handle when she found out I have a girlfriend, and called me an unfaithful sinning bastard, who’s going to hell for cheating on her mother. Her mother's been dead for 20 years and this is the first time I’ve met a woman since then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 231

You deserved it 128

Party blues

By Anonymous - 29/11/2009 06:33 - United States

Today, I made out with a guy that I had just met at a party. It was my first kiss. I don't know what's worse, the fact that my first kiss is at the age of 23, or the fact that I saw him making out with a different girl later on in the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 283

You deserved it 16 687

Welcome to hell

By Anonymous - 14/01/2021 15:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, after meeting my boyfriend's family for the first time, I found out that he, his sister, and their father enjoy talking loudly over the person who is currently talking, because what anyone else says is not worth listening to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 119

Catflap time

By Anonymous - 24/01/2021 17:01 - Germany

Today, our cat doesn’t care much whether she gets into my room or not. Except at about 3 a.m. each night. That’s the time she sits outside the door, meowing to be let in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 703

You deserved it 155

Another fine mess

By Moron - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, due to a misunderstanding, I unintentionally agreed to have a dinner date with a co-worker. He's ten years older than me. Not only do I have to find a way to reject him, but I have to work with him on weekends. The worst part is, he's the first guy to ask me out in ages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 239

You deserved it 6 713

By Happy Employee - 31/08/2014 21:51 - United States

Today, I returned from my first paid vacation in the past 2 years from a place with no cell, or internet. I've just found out that our department has been downsized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 327

You deserved it 2 716

Not today, Satan

By Anonymous - 14/03/2022 07:00 - United States

Today, I briefly considered coming out to my parents when the topic of LGBTQ+ people came up in conversation, until my dad called them “socially deranged.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 092

You deserved it 289

Time to retire

By Should Have Gotten It In Writing - 27/06/2023 06:00 - United States - Morgan Hill

Today, my boss accused me of pursuing a project without his permission that he "wouldn't have approved." I DID get his permission, but he has early Alzheimer's and doesn't remember. He gets upset when anyone suggests that he's misremembering, so all I could do was apologize for not doing something I definitely did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 114

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 02/02/2021 14:01 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I received my first dick pic from my boyfriend. Problem is, we broke up 3 weeks ago and his next message said, "Oops, sorry, wrong person." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 157

You deserved it 184

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Today, I realized that not only am I still an unpublished author, but I can't even get an FML posted after submitting several in the last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 310

You deserved it 7 681

Today, I cut my leg deeply at the beginning of my work shift. I wrapped it up with packing tape and a thankfully sterile paper towel, and had to work 6 more hours before I could leave. I made 110 dollars at work, only to spend 120 on stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 181

Today, I turned up to unclog a customer's blocked sewer, and they were furious that I needed to use their water, like they thought I’d turn up with my own water for the whole job in a small transit van. They told me not to bother, unless I provided my own water. I wasted a day on these idiots. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 96

Today, my brother told me to, "Stop bitching and get over it" after I complained of pain from my stomach after invasive surgery. This from the guy who spends multiple hours a day playing Halo and whining about the stupid ways he got killed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 816

You deserved it 2 084

Today, I went on a blind date that my sister had set up. When I arrived at the coffeeshop, I approached a man waiting by the counter, asking if his name was Tim (my date's name). He looked at me and said no and then left with a drink clearly labeled "Tim" in bold letters. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 850

You deserved it 4 457

Today, at the yacht club I work at a girl ordered a Portabella wrap. She asked for no cheese or veggies, just the Portabellas. After she got the sandwich and ate half of it, she sent it back saying she didn't know it had mushrooms in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 689

You deserved it 3 332