Money: Today, was my graduation party. My birthday was about a week...

By AllyCat - 07/06/2009 04:49 - United States

Today, was my graduation party. My birthday was about a week ago so my parents combined the presents. I thought it would be something big so I hinted for a new TV. I got a snuggie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 990

You deserved it 5 493

Money

BO Central

My precious

Stuck

By ithinkicanmakeit - 20/08/2014 17:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I'm getting married. I have a big poofy white dress and, oh yes, the shits. Here's hoping I can make it down the aisle without rushing off to the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 259

You deserved it 3 494

By why - 05/04/2011 15:25 - United States

Today, I learned that my parents' nickname for my fiancé is "dickwad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 654

You deserved it 6 581

Shitty

By Anonymous - 15/11/2021 08:00

Today, I can only eat gluten-free food because gluten gives me diarrhea. I’m also vegan, so I bought some vegan cheese and salami to have a mess-free sandwich on the bus. As it turns out, vegan salami consists of 6% gluten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 510

You deserved it 873

By anonymous - 17/07/2013 04:48 - United States - Katy

Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 571

You deserved it 7 373

By Anonymous - 01/02/2018 19:00

Today, because I left my wallet at home, I got arrested for "underage smoking." I'm 32 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 679

You deserved it 658

By tan disaster - 27/02/2009 23:09 - United States

Today, I went to get my spray tan before my semi-formal. After I applied lotion to the bottom of my feet as instructed, I went in the booth and began to start the tanning session. I lost my balance and fell right as the machine began to spray. I look like a spotted cheetah. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 481

You deserved it 39 257

By helpme - 03/05/2017 02:00

Today, my gay best friend slept over, as he has many times during the past three years of our friendship. This time, however, he confessed to me that he's only pretended to be gay to get closer to me because he's in love with me. I've allowed my stalker to sleep in my house and in my bed for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 421

You deserved it 1 483

By Anonymous - 20/11/2009 01:50 - United States

Today, I finally got an interview at a restaurant after looking for a job for three months. I dressed nice, and the interview was going well until this blonde girl in booty shorts and fishnets walked in. The manager hired her on the spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 935

You deserved it 2 410

By Anonymous - 19/12/2017 13:00 - United States - Binghamton

Today, I egged my cheating ex’s car. Actually, I should clarify; I egged my cheating ex’s sister’s car, thinking it was his. She gave me a black eye and knocked out two of my teeth while my ex laughed his ass off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 050

You deserved it 8 710

Get off your ass

By nepotwatism @ its finest - 23/09/2015 15:05 - Sweden - Halmstad

Today, my boss told me I have to start work 4 hours early tomorrow, because that my coworker, who happens to be his son, will not be coming in because he's "too tired". I work 10 hours a day, 6 days a week without complaining. His son works two 4-hour shifts a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 685

You deserved it 1 808

By cantunhear - 20/12/2014 03:16 - United States - Fishkill

Today, my parents had a loud argument over who is worse in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 163

You deserved it 2 448

By Ouch - 12/08/2009 23:36 - United States

Today, I found out that doctors can be wrong. Pink clothes, pink stroller, pink bottles, pink bibs, pink cribs and pink bedding to go with my baby that recently came out with a little pink penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 627

You deserved it 22 536

By Sofi - 21/08/2018 06:00

Today, I canceled going to a party with my sisters because I had a secret plan to have a threesome. They left for the party, but soon returned thinking it would be no fun without me. By then we were already making a lot of indecent noise. They heard it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 144

You deserved it 2 844

Train guy

By silenceisgolden - 23/03/2020 01:39

Today, a guy on the train was using his phone really loudly, asking Siri to call a bunch of people, or using voice command to do the most menial things. He was really, really noisy. It's only after I couldn't stand it any more and asked him to be quieter that I noticed the white cane next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 595

You deserved it 1 763

By compguy - 25/02/2010 15:39 - United States

Today, I applied and was accepted for a part-time network engineering position. Being contract work they asked me what I charge. I replied, "$12 an hour." After a look of surprise they accepted me for the position and said, "Our last guy charged $200 an hour, you're a bargain." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 591

You deserved it 34 774

Mansplaining 101

By m?? - 10/10/2019 04:00

Today, as always, my boyfriend is better than me at everything, including skills that I have years of experience with, while he has none. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 588

You deserved it 419

By MemoKrosav - 30/01/2016 03:54 - Mexico - Matamoros

Today, I had the most uncomfortable feeling in my socks, but I didn't care to check. It wasn't until I got home that I realized that the feeling was a small thin piece of glass that was slowly cutting away at the bottom of my foot. I still don't know how it got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 232

You deserved it 4 522

By the lannisters send their retards - 17/06/2014 20:30 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my coworker was telling me about his mom, when he asked about mine. I told him that I've never met my mom, because she died during my childbirth. It's a very painful subject for me, but all the same, my coworkers have decided they'll now only address me as "Tyrion". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 253

You deserved it 4 539

By UnknownOperation - 04/09/2012 13:51 - United States - Washington

Today, I finally decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. Surprisingly, he and my father already knew each other, so I asked him how they met. Now I know where my boyfriend gets all his weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 663

You deserved it 3 964

By rc2981 - 13/06/2014 10:45 - Australia - Perth

Today, artwork that I had been working on for months was destroyed, leaving me almost in tears. The culprit? A lonely pigeon who'd got into the room and shat all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 121

You deserved it 5 066

Had any calls lately?

By Anonymous - 17/10/2019 06:00

Today, I noticed that all 200 remaining business cards out of the 500 that I had made have the wrong phone number on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 1 302

By broken vows - 15/03/2014 21:48 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I followed my wife out, since she's been acting strangely lately and I was suspicious. She met up with a guy at a restaurant, who she later claimed was her brother. Either she's cheating on me, or it's tradition in her family to make out and grope each other at the end of meals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 350

You deserved it 4 834

By broken down and flat broke - 17/04/2016 14:41 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I had the lovely experience of witnessing a tow truck cause a couple thousand dollars' worth of damage to my broken-down car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 755

You deserved it 1 333

Alexa, play "Tailights Fade" by Buffalo Tom

By Anonymous - 28/11/2021 13:59 - United States - Fredonia

Today, I got pulled over for a broken taillight. When I rolled down the window, the cop asked me if I was smoking crack. When I told him I didn't do drugs, he didn't believe me since he could detect a foul odor coming from my car. I'd just passed gas big time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 138

No-life

By Anonymous - 03/12/2020 20:01

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because he wanted to spend alone time playing FIFA instead of having a relationship. If I ever find the CEO of EA Sports, I’m throwing hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 231

Ghosted

By Anonymous - 15/03/2021 00:30

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years ghosted me without a word and acted like he didn't know my friend when she texted him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 923

You deserved it 61

By Anonymous - 03/05/2015 05:58 - Finland

Today, our new boss banned coffee from the workplace, comparing caffeine to hard drugs. His comparison may not be wrong; after two hours, I couldn't take it any more, and in between fantasising about his cold-blooded murder, I begged to be allowed just one last cup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 381

You deserved it 5 031

By Anonymous - 19/11/2010 19:38 - United States

Today, after three weeks of my boss telling me how much he appreciates my hard work and has submitted my name up for a promotion, he called me into his office to announce I'm being laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 094

You deserved it 2 337

Redesign

By rian - 03/04/2021 21:30

Today, my house was broken into. Nothing was stolen, but my laptop had feces smeared all over it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 986

You deserved it 65

That's a hard no from me, dawg

By soontobesingle - 19/03/2013 11:30 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out that my gorgeous, smart, perfect new boyfriend has an unusual fetish. It doesn't involve me at all actually. Just a Labrador. This is probably a deal breaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 975

You deserved it 4 980

The best method!

By Anonymous - 04/01/2020 18:00

Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 866

You deserved it 903

By aawkward... - 09/12/2009 19:27 - United States

Today, I was watching TV with my mom. The new Trojan Ecstasy condom commercial came on. I sat there awkwardly while my mom pulled out her shopping list. I bet you can guess what she added. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 911

You deserved it 2 477

By badhairday - 04/09/2009 20:10 - United States

Today, was a nice day, so I opened the sunroof and all the windows in my car. My hair started flying around and at one point it went out the sunroof. My friends thought it would be funny to close my hair in the sunroof. They laughed until they couldn't open it up again. It short-circuited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 771

You deserved it 3 395

Lonely days

By beckbr - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I asked a little old lady in line at my work why she wasn't out enjoying the beautiful day with all her friends. Her response, "I'd love to, but they're all dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 353

You deserved it 29 880

By BlueMacaw - 25/07/2016 14:38 - United States - Edmond

Today, at church, I sneezed suddenly and messily into my hand just as the priest asked us to stand and greet our neighbors with a handshake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 609

You deserved it 2 136

By 117halo12345 - 17/12/2015 21:37 - United States - Sedgewickville

Today, I was showing my 4 year old some of my fire magic tricks. I ended up getting 2nd degree burns on my left hand and burnt off half of her hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 262

You deserved it 21 636

By Tjop - 15/04/2011 11:50 - South Africa

Today, my girlfriend of 3 and half years broke up with me, just after I fixed-up her house that took me about 3 and a half years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 614

You deserved it 6 009

By Anonymous - 23/01/2014 21:49 - United States - Washington

Today, school was out because of snow. My dad walked in my room and shouted "Why are you home?!" I told him why, and he replied, "Then get out the damn house and play in the snow." He tossed me out in nothing but my shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 735

You deserved it 5 163

By dreamer2639 - 03/07/2009 16:23 - United States

Today, I exchanged numbers with this guy in the McDonald's drive-thru. When he asked why I gave him my number I told him I thought he had a nice smile. When I asked him the same question, he responded with "I just thought you had a nice rack". FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 492

You deserved it 47 877

By heartbroken - 04/12/2013 18:39 - United States - Huntington

Today, I took an exam in order to apply for a graduate program I want to get into. Last night, my boyfriend decided it was a good time to break up with me out of the blue. I broke down three times in the middle of the test, and I just barely failed it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 661

You deserved it 6 107

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

AnnaT24 2

Send a private message

Sunday 7 June 2009 12:12

Shoot, that sucks! I didn't get anything for graduating, I got kicked out. I wish I had a snuggie lol.

DrAbe 0

Send a private message

Sunday 7 June 2009 12:08

wow bummer they could have atleast got you something better snuggies are stupid

DrAbe 0

Send a private message

Sunday 7 June 2009 12:08

wow bummer they could have atleast got you something better snuggies are stupid

iwanina 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 30 March 2010 23:59

I have a snuggie. they're not stupid.

dlbliner 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 20 April 2010 0:53

snuggies are amazing!

morganmax0112 0

Send a private message

Sunday 28 November 2010 3:43

they r too stoopiid!!! its a robe...backwardss like wtf?!

ChaCerCam 14

Send a private message

Tuesday 22 July 2014 5:09

I think you're stooopppiidd.

hpnerd 0

Send a private message

Sunday 7 June 2009 12:10

The SNUGGIE CULT!! haha. That sucks though.

AnnaT24 2

Send a private message

Sunday 7 June 2009 12:12

Shoot, that sucks! I didn't get anything for graduating, I got kicked out. I wish I had a snuggie lol.

MichaelDeSanta 20

Send a private message

Sunday 10 January 2016 8:02

That's the real fml

Jennika 0

Send a private message

Sunday 7 June 2009 12:15

FUCK YOU SNUGGIES RULE!! LOL.. FML for not having one.

redbluegreen 40

Send a private message

Sunday 7 June 2009 12:17

Maybe they want to make sure you'll never have sex? I mean, hey, you can get boys to come over and watch TV, but with a Snuggie™...

Night22_fml 4

Send a private message

Sunday 7 June 2009 12:19

You can use it for scaring kids on Halloween this year :) If you've ever played Resident Evil 4, dress up like a zealot amd start saying "Cohethlo" you should know what I mean

Darth_Taco 14

Send a private message

Sunday 7 June 2009 12:21

Look at the bright side, you can burn it :D. At least you got a present for graduation. I didn't get anything for my 18th birthday or graduation. Instead I lost my best friends of 3 years on both occasions. Oh well, I'm not complaining. I'm around better people now :D. Still, snuggies suck! D:

DieselGirl 0

Send a private message

Sunday 7 June 2009 12:27

.... wtf is a snuggie??

redbluegreen 40

Send a private message

Sunday 7 June 2009 12:29

#9 - A blanket with sleeves. Basically it's a backwards robe. That reminds me, OP: You put on your robe and wizard hat?

Jennika 0

Send a private message

Sunday 7 June 2009 12:30

#9.. WTF do you mean WTF is a snuggie? Look it up you lazy fuck.LOL They are the ipidimy of awesome. http://www.signonsandiego.com/entertainment/street/snuggie.jpg AHAHA Also # 10 -(reference from bash.org by any chance?)