Today, I got a parking ticket in the mail. I don't have a car.... - FML

By Roxas - 14/2/2011 05:20 - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket in the mail. I don't have a car. FML

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Delayed proposal

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

You snooze, you lose

By Anonymous - 25/6/2013 23:26 - United States

Today, my husband thought it would be funny to mow a penis into our lawn. I guess he forgot my parents are coming over. FML

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By SplashOuch - 5/1/2010 17:58 - United States

Today, I was walking out of Starbucks when I sneezed, causing coffee to burn my nose. I screamed, dropped it, and sent scorching coffee all over my legs while dropping everything else I was holding. FML

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By bluehairedfreakgirl - 1/6/2009 03:12 - United States

Today, I was walking down the sidewalk and heard a little girl ask her dad why I had blue hair. He said, "Sometimes drugs will make people do stupid things." FML

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By TrainedBF - 12/9/2009 12:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend, who is a dog trainer, was telling me all about the techniques she uses at work. I commented on how the dogs must be stupid to fall for such simple tricks, to which she replied "They worked on you." FML

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By Anonymous - 6/6/2014 22:44 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML

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By Anonymous - 17/7/2015 22:24 - Canada - Sackville

Today, my crazy drug-addict mother kicked me out of the house after siding with my crazy, drug-addict aunt, who'd just threatened to slit my throat. FML

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By iloveZELOS - 5/7/2009 04:53 - United States

Today, my boss told me he is a superhero. He has written countless comics about his crusades and adventures. I make fifty dollars an hour less than him. FML

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By SeverelyAnnoyed - 31/3/2016 17:53 - Netherlands

Today, a crow somehow got stuck in my ceiling. It's been making tons of noise for 9 hours now, including crowing very loudly. I live in a one-bedroom apartment, I have no access to the attic and the property owner doesn't give a shit. FML

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By samantha - 17/8/2019 06:02 - United States

Today, I found out that after using several types of birth control, and being paranoid about pregnancy, I've been infertile for years. FML

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By Anonymous - 2/3/2020 03:30

Superanty Man

Today, I met my father-in-law for the first time. He went on a big rant how men are superior intellects and women contribute nothing to society. Ironic, as it took me, a woman, 30 seconds to notice it's biologically impossible for him to be my husband's father. After 33 years, both he and my husband haven't figured it out. FML

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By peacexout108 - 8/11/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, my ex told me she still misses having sex with me. Her next text was "but it's still over." FML

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By GeeThanks - 25/7/2013 02:33 - Canada - Toronto

Today, a drunk dude walked up to me and said, "You're ugly as fuck." His sober friend quickly apologized and explained that he was wasted, before looking me up and down and adding "Well, not completely, I guess." FML

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By IHateMyJob - 18/1/2009 04:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I received an email from my boss telling me how appreciated I was and how valuable I am to the company. I wish I hadn't scrolled down to read the included conversation where he asked his boss whether to lie to me about how good I was or not. FML

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By blinded - 5/7/2009 16:10 - United States

Today, my little brother learned that breaking a glow stick and emptying it into someone's eyes does not help them see in the dark. It's a good lesson, I just wish he hadn't used my eyes to learn it. The doctor says the burning feeling should go away in 3 or 4 days. FML

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By Sloppy Cashmere - 9/5/2016 21:26 - United States - Bemidji

Today, I visited a waterpark with friends. At one point, a woman floating near me suddenly says to me, "How are you doing, honey?" Instinctively, I replied, "I'm well". The woman gave me a strange look and I turned around to find she was talking to her child directly behind me. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/9/2010 21:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my mother has been seeing my maths teacher. I'm still failing his class. FML

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By girlsgottagotoo - 26/6/2016 20:52 - United States - Covina

Today, I passed a cashier when I came into a store. Later I passed him again as I was leaving, and he asked me if I needed help finding something because I had been in the store for a while. I told him I had been browsing upstairs, but in reality, I had been in the restroom the whole time. FML

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By loz4151336 - 3/3/2020 12:06

Criminal minds at their best

Today, my friends wanted to try to dine and dash at a McDonald's. I had to explain why that wouldn't work. FML

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By Wasthistheplace - 29/6/2019 11:12 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to meet my dad, who I haven't seen in years, at a convenience store. He didn't show up, because the location was "inconvenient." FML

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By ihatethisjob - 27/9/2013 08:18 - United States - Romulus

Today, I was working the night shift when a guy came in smelling like alcohol. He kept muttering his order, so I leaned over the register to hear him better. My ear now smells of vomit. FML

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By theatreismylife - 27/4/2009 01:14 - United States

Today, I was sitting next to the guy I like and he was doing homework. Then, he looks up, his eyes meeting mine. His smooth voice mutters my name as his face inches closer to mine. I can feel his minty breath against my face. My pulse is racing. Then, he says "What's a pronoun?" FML

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By Mkimmi - 12/2/2015 07:39 - United States - State College

We can tell

Today, I had to fall asleep to my next-door neighbors having sex because our walls are paper thin. What bothered me the most wasn't listening to them doing it, but knowing that she was faking it. FML

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By horribleday - 20/6/2017 09:00 - United States - Ozark

Today, my husband stood me up for his birthday dinner, that I'd made, in our house. FML

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By JohnB - 20/10/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I discovered that nothing kills a wet dream faster than a kitten who pounces on things that wiggle under the blanket. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/1/2014 18:38 - United States - Canton

Today, I'm now able to put my acne cream on my face without having to look in the mirror, because I've memorized the crater and trench-filled war zone that is my acne-riddled face. FML

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By Scarred - 4/4/2012 03:27 - United States - Marquette

Today, while at work, I found a dead dog in a freezer. Turns out it's been in there for over 3 years. FML

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By Anonymous - 26/12/2011 01:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years asked my dad if he could marry me, and my dad agreed. He then tells me that he's not going to propose for maybe another year at least, he "just wanted to get that out of the way." FML

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By zuzu - 1/5/2019 14:00

Today, as I was making biscuits my mom joked, "Don't burn the house down." I told her "Don't worry, I know how to make biscuits." The oven caught fire. FML

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By Me - 31/5/2011 06:49 - United States

Today, while at work, a rather large woman came in and ordered a cheeseburger. When asking if she would like to supersize it, she took her purse, smacked me, and told me she wasn't fat, and how rude I was for calling her supersized. I was just doing my job. FML

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By welcometothefamily - 26/2/2011 14:03 - United States

Today, a guy who I have known for a long time confessed his love to me. It would have been sweet except that he will become my stepbrother in 3 days. FML

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By theothercassie - 10/2/2011 14:55

Today, I reported in for my first day at work. When I walked in they asked "Who are you?" I answered "Cassie, it's my first day today" with a huge smile. They'd meant to call and offer the job to the other Cassie they interviewed. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/1/2018 06:00

Today, after faking my orgasms for several years, I found out that my boyfriend has been telling his friends that I'm super loose because he doesn't feel anything when I'm cumming. FML

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By LovelessNewlywed - 14/12/2016 22:41

Today, for the first time since my partner moved in with me, I did one of my favourite things: I bought some nice cheese and a bottle of wine and went on to People of Walmart, just as I do every month or so. He called me a disgusting human being and went for a walk two hours ago. FML

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By Bear - 10/7/2017 04:30

Today, while picking up my 14-year-old sister, a friend of hers ask if I was her mother. I'm only 17. FML

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By dullstuff - 21/7/2011 12:34 - Belgium

Today, my bike got stolen because I left my keys in the lock. On my way home, I saw my bike in front of a store, unlocked. I jumped on it, only to get punched in the face by the guy that had taken it, and got it stolen from me again. FML

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By katieemw95 - 23/9/2019 04:00

I'm not drunk, you're drunk!

Today, I came home from partying all night, having stayed completely sober. My Dad, blind drunk, told me he was proud of me for staying sober. He claims to have been sober longer than I have. FML

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By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 19:44 - United Kingdom - Addlestone

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML

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By Nalya - 9/1/2009 03:38 - France

Today, my boss told me that we are having a big meeting tomorrow, with lots of important people. Before leaving the room he added "Please, tomorrow, try to dress better." FML

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By ~~~ - 29/6/2014 17:08 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, after nearly three weeks of hard work, I finally completed my best drawing yet, a self-portrait. I was incredibly excited to take it to class tomorrow. That is, until I came home from a walk later on, only to find my brother had drawn a stick figure on it, wanking into my face. FML

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By Notasinner - 24/5/2012 22:39 - United Kingdom - London

Today, a drunk man wearing a sandwich-board proclaiming that, "The end is nigh" threw some so-called holy water at me while bellowing, "It's what Jesus would've wanted" and that I should "repent for being an evil shite." FML

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Top comments

By WhiteZoneRedZone | 6

#2082214 - Monday 14 February 2011 12:20

You write a letter trying to explain you don't own a car, they'll probably then cite you for failing to register a vehicle. Ahhh, government at work.

By iSitt | 0

#2082551 - Monday 14 February 2011 14:20

check if your identity has been stolen.

COMMENTS

By WhiteZoneRedZone | 6

#2082214 - Monday 14 February 2011 12:20

You write a letter trying to explain you don't own a car, they'll probably then cite you for failing to register a vehicle. Ahhh, government at work.

Reply

iSitt | 0

#2082551 - Monday 14 February 2011 14:20

check if your identity has been stolen.

Reply

I_R_Genius | 3

#2082873 - Monday 14 February 2011 17:53

They won't cite her if she is not old enough to drive. They probably ment to send it to her folks?

By scarsofaddiction | 0

#2082237 - Monday 14 February 2011 12:27

wtf? you have to have a car to get a parking ticket... this makes no sense

Reply

6969awesome | 0

#2082365 - Monday 14 February 2011 13:00

thats why it's a FML

Reply

ConfusionsLoveMe | 0

#2082504 - Monday 14 February 2011 13:54

That's why it's most likely FAKE .
but anyways , IF, by any chance this is real, then there is hope.

Reply

josephhhhhh | 0

#2082611 - Monday 14 February 2011 15:19

you stupid hoe

Reply

mightymart | 5

#2082651 - Monday 14 February 2011 15:46

really??! wow youre a fucking genius...

Reply

mintcar | 9

#2082929 - Monday 14 February 2011 18:28

HAHAHA.
HAHA.

Reply

carmenm | 6

#2084362 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 4:22

she means where the fuck did they place this parking ticket as it's normally on the windscreen ? they didn't just walk up and give it to a person this is obviously a bullshit fml

Reply

mudkipsan | 19

#2084372 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 4:30

Did you stop reading after the fifth word?

Reply

16rrpass | 0

#3182643 - Friday 26 August 2011 15:33

PEOPLE!! it says she got it in the mail! Retards....

Reply

aceman1992 | 9

#3690486 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 7:12

5- no shit, that's why its on this website.

Reply

adelaz | 0

#5021707 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 5:14

Um duh that's why it's a FML

Reply

T9FTW | 20

#5106941 - Friday 2 November 2012 4:41

I choked on iced tea laughing at this comment. You just stated the obvious, commenting that it's nonsense. LOL

Reply

BostonBear | 33

#5341335 - Saturday 26 January 2013 22:28

it happens. I had a friend who received a letter from the dmv saying his license was suspended. He never had a license, called the dmv and resolved the issue.

By fthku | 13

#2082258 - Monday 14 February 2011 12:32

Big effing deal, you got a parking ticket which you won't have to pay for.
Oh no, you have to re-send a letter with some explanation, how fucked your life is!

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#2082568 - Monday 14 February 2011 14:35

There is a possibility, like #19 said, that OPs identity has been stolen, then this is definately an FML

By stevenmx86 | 7

#2082333 - Monday 14 February 2011 12:49

Yeah, there's a pretty easy solution... "Hey cops, I don't own a car" simple.. Not worth whining about imho..

By three3_fml | 2

#2082336 - Monday 14 February 2011 12:50

Are you over weight ?

Reply

atomicJ | 0

#2082374 - Monday 14 February 2011 13:04

WTF? how is that relevant to anything? haha funny. Nice dog by the way.

By KennKenn | 0

#2082389 - Monday 14 February 2011 13:08

meh, they will just beat you up for making them look stupid

By frankq555 | 3

#2082415 - Monday 14 February 2011 13:20

What The Fu*k HOW?

By Saluton | 18

#2082433 - Monday 14 February 2011 13:25

the most laughable FML I've ever seen here

Reply

Doortje | 28

#2082470 - Monday 14 February 2011 13:37

You must be new here.

Reply

bob90079 | 0

#2083339 - Monday 14 February 2011 22:02

#15 agree

Reply

WesleyS1 | 0

#2083402 - Monday 14 February 2011 22:39

#15 I was thinking the same thing

By shayshaw | 0

#2082445 - Monday 14 February 2011 13:28

write a letter explaing how you do not have a car and how outragous it is for you to get a parking ticket for that. then they will argue that u jut haven registered your car so just relax and leave it alone. go bury it in your yard somewhere

By misstamz | 0

#2082485 - Monday 14 February 2011 13:43

Were they just handing them out or something? How does that happen?