Transportation: Today, I got a parking ticket in the mail. I don't have a car.... - FML

By Roxas - United States

Today, I got a parking ticket in the mail. I don't have a car. FML

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Bad news

Gratitude walks

For the life of him indeed

By Anonymous - Austria - Vienna

Today, my boyfriend canceled our date last-minute. He claimed he had no time because he had to iron his towels. FML

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By Raiders4ever - United States

Today, I saw my son. I didn't know I had a son. FML

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By WellThere'sThat

Today, I got a big math test back. Good news: I can connect abstract ideas beyond what was taught. Bad news: I can’t do simple math, such as 30/-5. I failed. FML

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By Francoise3 - United Kingdom

Today, I received an e-mail from the girls at work. It was an invite to lunch but it said, "Lunch today at Camber's, PLEASE don't tell Francoise, I don't think any of us can take any more of her!" I'm Francoise. FML

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By justjust - United States

Today, I was at work at a preschool. I was sitting outside with the kids and was getting bored so I started singing. One of the little girls runs up and puts her hand over my mouth and tells me to stop. I'm in a select chorus at my highschool and plan to major in choral studies in college. FML

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By Anonymous - 20/7/2020 14:01

Good boy, best boy

Today, I realised that I have a better relationship with my cat than I do with my boyfriend. FML

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By Selina - United States - Trenton

Today, my dad invited our very cute neighbor inside to introduce him to me. I was wearing pajamas and hadn't showered in two days due to being extremely sick. FML

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By Stacy - United States

Today, the guy I like asked me what he should do for the girl he has a crush on. I told him to give her flowers and tell her how he feels. Later that day my doorbell rang, and he stood there holding flowers. He said the magical words, "My car broke down, can you give me a lift?" FML

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By tawnaciousd - United States

Today, my sister surprised me by cleaning my room and doing my laundry. She found my journal, condoms and vibrator and decided to share her findings with my family. Oh yes... she also shrunk half my wardrobe. FML

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By Boyufd - 30/7/2020 23:01

The Dark Knight

Today, I noticed my acne scars are almost forming the Batman symbol. FML

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By Sanchez - United States

Today, the doctor told me that I have Vasovagal Syncope: I pass out every time I get aroused. Bye bye sex. FML

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By poorgirl - United States

Today, I was reminded what poverty is like when I had to choose between buying food and buying pads. Now, I have to take constant bathroom breaks and wipe off my pad. I don't get paid until after my period ends. FML

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By Noname - United States

Today, my parents woke me up in the middle of the night when they got in a huge argument and started yelling at each other. I was up all night. They decided to make it up to each other. They kept me up all night again. FML

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By ohhhgross - Singapore

Today, while I was eating, my younger sister came over and sat beside me. She started clipping her toenails. Disgusted by it, I turned and opened my mouth to tell her to move somewhere else, just as one flew inside my mouth. FML

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By Charlie8u347 - United States

Snow day

Today, I was told to shovel four inches of snow from my driveway. I had to get the snow shovel from the rafters of my garage, and there were other tools with it. As I was yanking the shovel down, a pickax fell and smashed through the back window of my dad's Buick. FML

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By SquirrellyGirl

Today, my brother asked if I could babysit his kids tomorrow. I declined, as tomorrow is my birthday and I have plans. This isn't the first time he's forgotten my birthday, and I doubt it'll be the last. FML

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By NotJoeyEssex

Today, I was so lonely and bored, I thought about making the most of our current heatwave by giving myself heatstroke, just so I could talk to a doctor. FML

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By "Sonofaquiche"

No Ragerts

Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up in the hospital with a broken coccyx. Apparently, my drunk self came to the glorious conclusion that it would be a good idea to cannonball into a puddle while screaming "POOLPARTYYYY!" at the top of my lungs. FML

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By Pop - United States - New York

Today, my grandfather told me that I was ugly. When my mom found out, she said that "old people are allowed to tell the truth". FML

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By Anonymous - Canada - London

Today, my mom wouldn't let me go to the YMCA pool with the rest of the family. She said that the sound my thighs make when they rub together is "embarrassing". FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Boston

Today, I tried to be nice and let a homeless man have a place to crash for the night. He repaid me by pissing all over my new couch. FML

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By raspberrysachere

Today, I was in yoga class. We were in downward-facing dog pose, and the male instructor stood behind me and gave me an assist/adjustment by pulling upward on my hips. As I left the class, I realized that was the most intimate touch I've ever received from a man. I'm a 25-year-old straight woman. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was getting a bikini wax to prove to my husband that I could be sexy despite being five months pregnant. As the woman was applying the wax, she said, "You know, if I wanted to, I'm in the perfect spot to reach in and steal that baby." FML

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By FML - United States

Today, I blushed when a fortune cookie said "You have the attitude of a winner." My self esteem is so low. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend. She was ecstatic. Apparently, she'd been trying to figure out how to break up with me for the past four months. FML

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By nali1122

Burned!

Today, I received a text forward from a good friend inviting me to his birthday party. Jokingly, I texted back, "No. I hate you and I don't want to go to your lame party." He replied with an apology for the mix-up, because he'd accidentally sent me the invite. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/2/2021 18:30 - United States - Newport News

Classic

Today, after I helped get my boyfriend get a new job, he thanked me by dumping me for some whore who works there. FML

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By Noname - this FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

AKA the Oskar Deutsch look

Today, when I was shaving , I wanted to see what I looked like with a Hitler 'tache. Since I was shaving anyway I just left that part and figured I'd shave it later. Well I was goose stepping around my room for awhile and then forgot about it. I ran into my girlfriend's parents later that day. FML

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By anonymous - United States - Tallahassee

Today, I got a brand new down comforter and duvet cover that I really liked. I'd finally managed to put everything the way I wanted it, and then my roommate's dog came and peed all over my bed. FML

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By whoneedsloveanyway - 21/6/2020 02:01

Swindler's List

Today, I found out that my fiancé has a list with every woman he slept. Chronologically. I'm number 23, out of 27. Our wedding is in two months. FML

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By hungry - Canada

Today, I'm participating in a 30 hour awareness-raising event on famine in Africa. I'm supposed to hand out leaflets to people from my booth. My school decided to hand out a literal crate-load of free cupcakes right in front of us. FML

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By Anonymous

Head, meet wall

Today, while joking and chatting with a coworker on my way to the bathroom, I misjudged the distance to the entrance and slammed my head into the wall. My coworker told everyone. So now I'm funny, but not for the reason I wanted to be. FML

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By screwyouchris - United Kingdom - Brighton

Today, my boyfriend of two years told me that he sees no future with me. It's alright though, because he says we can still "coast along" until he meets someone else. FML

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By Cybertronianchic - 5/9/2020 09:58 - United Kindom - Birmingham

No kink-shaming

Today, I realised I'm so much more sexually attracted to Transformers than anyone I've ever met. FML

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By ofcourse - United States

Today, I got a promotion to management at work. My employer decided to give the 'non-management' employees a really nice raise. Which means the job I had before my promotion is now paying more than the job I have now. Did I just get demoted? FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I had to renew my driver's license at the DMV. Earlier, I was in a play and was still covered in stage makeup. I didn't realize that not all of it had come off until after my picture was taken and put on my new license. For the next three years, I'll be the guy with the dark eyeliner. FML

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By Just another Dude

Today, I spilled vanilla yogurt on my pants while eating breakfast, but I forgot to clean it up. It left a very conspicuous white stain on my pants, that was there the entire day. I only noticed it when I looked in the mirror after getting home. FML

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By Jimseagoon

Today, my wife took me to Taco Bell for the first time. I said, "Isn't this where all those FMLs happen to people?" She said, "You'll be fine." I am writing this from the toilet. I am not fine. FML

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By jamongrande - United States - San Francisco

Today, my roommate and I are so broke, we resorted to going to a Narcotics Anonymous meeting just for the refreshments. FML

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By healey16 - Canada

Today, I left the iron and ironing board in my room. While I was at school, my mom decided to do some ironing, and did it in my room for convenience. The iron needed water, so she took a water bottle from my dresser and poured it in. It was my secret vodka stash, and the iron caught on fire. FML

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Top comments

By WhiteZoneRedZone | 6

#2082214 - Monday 14 February 2011 12:20

You write a letter trying to explain you don't own a car, they'll probably then cite you for failing to register a vehicle. Ahhh, government at work.

By iSitt | 0

#2082551 - Monday 14 February 2011 14:20

check if your identity has been stolen.

COMMENTS

By WhiteZoneRedZone | 6

#2082214 - Monday 14 February 2011 12:20

You write a letter trying to explain you don't own a car, they'll probably then cite you for failing to register a vehicle. Ahhh, government at work.

Reply

iSitt | 0

#2082551 - Monday 14 February 2011 14:20

check if your identity has been stolen.

Reply

I_R_Genius | 3

#2082873 - Monday 14 February 2011 17:53

They won't cite her if she is not old enough to drive. They probably ment to send it to her folks?

By scarsofaddiction | 0

#2082237 - Monday 14 February 2011 12:27

wtf? you have to have a car to get a parking ticket... this makes no sense

Reply

6969awesome | 0

#2082365 - Monday 14 February 2011 13:00

thats why it's a FML

Reply

ConfusionsLoveMe | 0

#2082504 - Monday 14 February 2011 13:54

That's why it's most likely FAKE .
but anyways , IF, by any chance this is real, then there is hope.

Reply

josephhhhhh | 0

#2082611 - Monday 14 February 2011 15:19

you stupid hoe

Reply

mightymart | 5

#2082651 - Monday 14 February 2011 15:46

really??! wow youre a fucking genius...

Reply

mintcar | 9

#2082929 - Monday 14 February 2011 18:28

HAHAHA.
HAHA.

Reply

carmenm | 6

#2084362 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 4:22

she means where the fuck did they place this parking ticket as it's normally on the windscreen ? they didn't just walk up and give it to a person this is obviously a bullshit fml

Reply

mudkipsan | 19

#2084372 - Tuesday 15 February 2011 4:30

Did you stop reading after the fifth word?

Reply

16rrpass | 0

#3182643 - Friday 26 August 2011 15:33

PEOPLE!! it says she got it in the mail! Retards....

Reply

aceman1992 | 9

#3690486 - Tuesday 6 December 2011 7:12

5- no shit, that's why its on this website.

Reply

adelaz | 0

#5021707 - Tuesday 9 October 2012 5:14

Um duh that's why it's a FML

Reply

T9FTW | 20

#5106941 - Friday 2 November 2012 4:41

I choked on iced tea laughing at this comment. You just stated the obvious, commenting that it's nonsense. LOL

Reply

BostonBear | 33

#5341335 - Saturday 26 January 2013 22:28

it happens. I had a friend who received a letter from the dmv saying his license was suspended. He never had a license, called the dmv and resolved the issue.

By fthku | 13

#2082258 - Monday 14 February 2011 12:32

Big effing deal, you got a parking ticket which you won't have to pay for.
Oh no, you have to re-send a letter with some explanation, how fucked your life is!

Reply

RedPillSucks | 31

#2082568 - Monday 14 February 2011 14:35

There is a possibility, like #19 said, that OPs identity has been stolen, then this is definately an FML

By stevenmx86 | 7

#2082333 - Monday 14 February 2011 12:49

Yeah, there's a pretty easy solution... "Hey cops, I don't own a car" simple.. Not worth whining about imho..

By three3_fml | 2

#2082336 - Monday 14 February 2011 12:50

Are you over weight ?

Reply

atomicJ | 0

#2082374 - Monday 14 February 2011 13:04

WTF? how is that relevant to anything? haha funny. Nice dog by the way.

By KennKenn | 0

#2082389 - Monday 14 February 2011 13:08

meh, they will just beat you up for making them look stupid

By frankq555 | 3

#2082415 - Monday 14 February 2011 13:20

What The Fu*k HOW?

By Saluton | 18

#2082433 - Monday 14 February 2011 13:25

the most laughable FML I've ever seen here

Reply

Doortje | 29

#2082470 - Monday 14 February 2011 13:37

You must be new here.

Reply

bob90079 | 0

#2083339 - Monday 14 February 2011 22:02

#15 agree

Reply

WesleyS1 | 0

#2083402 - Monday 14 February 2011 22:39

#15 I was thinking the same thing

By shayshaw | 0

#2082445 - Monday 14 February 2011 13:28

write a letter explaing how you do not have a car and how outragous it is for you to get a parking ticket for that. then they will argue that u jut haven registered your car so just relax and leave it alone. go bury it in your yard somewhere

By misstamz | 0

#2082485 - Monday 14 February 2011 13:43

Were they just handing them out or something? How does that happen?