Love: Today, I received a bunch of flowers from my 'lover'. This would...

By anonymous - 16/02/2015 12:57 - Australia - Rockdale

Today, I received a bunch of flowers from my 'lover'. This would be fine except that I don't have a lover, and my boyfriend now thinks I'm cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 525

You deserved it 2 961

Love

Leave us alone

Triage

Plumbed out

All that time I'm never getting back

By Anonymous - 09/10/2020 11:02 - United States - York

Today, I ended up being wasting an entire week on a very important scholarship essay because I thought the requirements said “3500 words” when in reality, they said “3500 characters”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 657

You deserved it 854

By Kayla - 18/12/2011 05:25 - United States

Today, I had to take two buses home from a friend's house. After waiting in the cold for the second bus for 40 minutes, it finally came and I realized that I'd left my wallet on the first bus. It took me 2 hours to walk home and I was locked out because my house key is attached to my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 373

You deserved it 7 727

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 18:02 - United States

Today, my wife told our six year old daughter that the devil beats his wife whenever there's a rainbow. Now she won't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 655

You deserved it 4 152

By videochat - 14/02/2009 23:05 - United States

Today, I cancelled out of a video chat with my boyfriend to go take a dump. I took my computer with me to look at Facebook. It took three minutes for me to realize I was still on video chat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 940

You deserved it 53 763

By anti-peecleaner - 22/11/2010 22:35 - United States

Today, my boyfriend walked out of the bathroom, informed me he'd accidentally peed on the floor, and told me I could clean it up when I get a chance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 356

You deserved it 5 191

By sos - 17/01/2011 03:59 - United States

Today, I found out that I can't pass a field sobriety test while sober. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 201

You deserved it 4 706

By DumpedHisAss - 14/10/2009 15:19 - United States

Today, I got a phone call from my boyfriend, who screamed at me for being a f-ing liar and never taking time for him. He'd called my work and knew I wasn't there as I said I'd be. He was right - I was lying. I'd been driving for the past 10 hours to his family's beach house to surprise him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 940

You deserved it 3 734

Wakey wakey

By gumbymn - 17/03/2021 00:30

Today, I asked Alexa to turn on my baby's white noise machine. Instead, she started playing Pharrell Williams's "Happy" while the baby was asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 336

By LacrosseFAIL - 16/07/2016 22:33 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, after a long day at work, I walked into my room with the lights off and jumped on my bed. At least I would've if I haven't rearranged my room and instead face-planted onto my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 009

You deserved it 4 735

By PokeWife - 06/02/2013 13:38 - United States - Omaha

Today, my husband started a conversation with, "In Pokémon" and ended the same conversation with "and that's why we should divorce." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 228

You deserved it 4 506

The Girl Can't Help It

By Anonymous - 29/10/2019 22:00

Today, I got fired from my job for having a resting bitch face when I get frustrated or when I'm concentrating on my work. According to them, I have to work on my "anger issues." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 772

You deserved it 190

By asdffhhjk - 15/05/2013 08:08 - Philippines - Makati

Today, I saw a coin on the ground. As I bent over to pick it up, some dude came up from behind, grabbed my waist and humped me three times. He ran away before I could get a good look at his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 029

You deserved it 9 362

By firegirl - 05/07/2018 15:00

Today, I finally got over a long bout of constipation. I was scared to ask my mom for laxatives because I had the feeling she would tell all her friends, but on the 6th day of absolutely no bowel movements, I caved. I later overheard my mom telling all her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 822

You deserved it 343

By BadTime - 30/08/2011 09:35 - United States

Today, my wife tried to refill the windshield wiper fluid on her own. However, she poured it where the oil goes. Now the car is having major issues. Last week I lost my job, and I have no idea how much this is going to cost to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 177

You deserved it 3 616

By myself - 20/09/2012 07:00 - United States - Seaside

Today, my 2-year-old told me he found a new finger puppet. It was a used condom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 396

You deserved it 31 138

Cover me

By Mrmz07 - 01/05/2016 09:32 - United States - Midland

Today, I was called in to work on my day off to cover for a co-worker because she was busy getting it on with my brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 496

You deserved it 1 557

By random - 06/05/2009 08:57 - United States

Today, I got my hair dyed at a fancy salon. While the stylist was pulling out the foils in my hair I sat up and started screaming in pain because the hot foils were burning my scalp. All she said was "oh, you're fine". I went back home to find an oozing burn wound on my scalp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 930

You deserved it 4 308

By Highroller_17 - 13/08/2015 04:13 - United States

Today, a customer came in to the Walmart I cashier at, trying to set me up with her daughter. This isn't the first time she's tried. As she so graciously put it, her daughter "has a thing for the wimpy nerdy types". FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 762

You deserved it 2 345

Geography

By Fhhmylifeman - 11/04/2021 11:00

Today, I invited my Peruvian girlfriend to my parent’s house for dinner. They decorated the house with Mexican flag and Fiesta lanyards, and bought Taco Bell. My girlfriend is vegetarian and had to explain to them that no, Peru is not a city in Mexico. It’s been 3 hours and she won’t pick up her calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 179

Bizarre Love Triangle

By Anonymous - 07/10/2021 05:00

Today, I was told by my boyfriend and best friend that they have feelings for each other. I also just found I was pregnant. We have 16 months left of our 18 month lease. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063

You deserved it 126

By Anonymous - 11/11/2014 23:48 - France

Today, while shopping, a lady came up to me and asked if she could borrow my baby because, "Y'know, I'm in a hurry and they'll let me checkout first." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 253

You deserved it 2 685

By Haley. - 26/03/2010 23:58 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were trying to have intercourse for the first time. One minute into it, he got nervous and farted. What's worse is that his fart scared him, and he asked "What was that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 158

You deserved it 6 515

By Kristinmarsh08 - 29/10/2010 12:02 - United States

Today, I texted my dad and told him I was getting married in five months. His reply: "I gotta work that day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 294

You deserved it 3 691

By JDLAX1924 - 05/08/2010 23:24 - United States

Today, my mom came into my bedroom and told me to listen to this voicemail. I listened to me and my girlfriend talking dirty followed by the bed springs bouncing for 3 minutes. I had my phone in the pocket while I was having sex with her and it left my mom a nice voicemail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 740

You deserved it 42 302

By Tyler - 03/08/2009 18:48 - United States

Today, I got a lovely little surprise after I got out of the shower. That lovely little surprise? I got stung in the scrotum by a hornet that had decided to nestle itself inside the towel I was drying off with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 980

You deserved it 3 247

Us neither, dude

By Buzzing Confusion - 17/09/2021 13:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I found out that the mother of my children named her vibrator after me. We are together and have not had sex in over 18 months. I have no idea what to do with this information. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 161

You deserved it 180

By Anon - 18/01/2013 05:53 - United States - Mesquite

Today, when I asked my boss why my bonus was cut in half, he replied, "I have no idea what you really do." I'm the IT Manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 722

You deserved it 2 855

By Anonymous - 11/06/2016 14:27 - United States

Today, I proposed to my boyfriend. He said yes, but is now sulking because I took away his "manhood". Jeez, sorry I didn't want to wait another 7 years for you to finally do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 909

You deserved it 1 998

By Anonymous - 23/04/2012 09:51 - United States

Today, due to nervousness, I threw up while proposing to my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 180

You deserved it 3 776

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2009 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 635 324

You deserved it 794 882

By JG - 10/05/2012 11:48 - United States - Melbourne

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to announce to the class that I finally got a girlfriend. I received a standing ovation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 317

You deserved it 4 187

By asthma_attacker - 14/11/2009 18:38 - United States

Today, I asked a girl I like out. She ended up having an asthma attack because she was laughing so hard. I guess that's a no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 648

You deserved it 2 889

By Butch - 04/07/2016 17:19 - United States - Mcdonough

Today, our e-mail server went down. When I called IT to find out what the status was, they told me they e-mailed everyone with an update. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 227

You deserved it 1 126

By Anonymous - 07/08/2013 22:24 - Egypt

Today, my mum picked up a bunch of tissues that were scattered around my room. She examined them, then asked me to stop wasting her potential grandchildren. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 512

You deserved it 44 081

By cookiecutter8 - 06/11/2015 17:15 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, a guy started complimenting me and calling me beautiful. Halfway through, he burst out laughing and said he couldn't do it. Who needs self confidence, anyway? FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 158

You deserved it 1 669

Slippery when wet

By anonymous - 03/01/2017 01:03 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I managed to spill piping hot oil all over my kitchen floor, thinking it was too hot to clean right then and there I left it for a few hours to cool. I forgot about it, and slipped over in it bashing my head into my cupboard handle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 599

You deserved it 1 651

By pissed off - 17/05/2014 00:33 - United States - Brentwood

Today, I was taking a piss, when a mosquito came out of nowhere and headed straight for my dick. In my startled attempt to ward it away, I pissed all over everything, including myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 644

You deserved it 14 921

By Hufflepuff girl - 10/10/2017 11:54

Today, my boyfriend sent me a text saying that last night was awesome. When I said, "What do you mean?" he answered, "Come on Jess, I bet you can't stand straight." My name is Britney, but my friend's name is Jessica. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 317

You deserved it 409

Oh, hi!

By Embarrassed - 07/08/2012 07:48 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, I went to visit a friend I hadn't seen in ages who lives alone out in the country. I arrived and found the front door unlocked but no one was home. I went in anyway and helped myself to some food. Then a family I had never seen before came in, and I realized it wasn't my friend's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 740

You deserved it 35 182

By Anonymous - 09/07/2016 16:29

Today, I dyed my hair for the first time. It turned out great, and I couldn't wait to show it off during my night out with my friends. Everyone was so shocked or disgusted, I ended up claiming I lost a bet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 376

You deserved it 1 823

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Top comments

FrostHeart 36

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Monday 16 February 2015 17:04

Unless your boyfriend sent them and is going to use them as an excuse to break up with OP. A more possible situation, they were probably delivered to the wrong address, just to talk your boyfriend about it.

wheresmymary 22

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Monday 16 February 2015 17:03

Lover, stalker, same thing right?

i_needa_username 17

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Monday 16 February 2015 17:02

That sucks!! Try explaining it to him

superwhovian 16

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Monday 16 February 2015 22:44

She most Likely did but he wouldn't believe her

wheresmymary 22

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Monday 16 February 2015 17:03

Lover, stalker, same thing right?

1dvs_bstd 41

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Monday 16 February 2015 17:10

well, in order to be successful in the latter field, one must be hot.

sturschaedel 27

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Monday 16 February 2015 17:58

I see a restraining order in OP's future.

False_Stupidity 41

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 4:44

Yeah, but a restraining order against who?

Fr0gs 15

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Monday 16 February 2015 17:03

Sticky situation..

BntyHntrSeattle 30

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Monday 16 February 2015 17:04

I hope that, at the very least, they're nice flowers.

1PersonIsMyWorld 22

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 0:03

ha. what do you consider "nice flowers" BntyHntrSeattle? just asking out of curiosity.

FrostHeart 36

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Monday 16 February 2015 17:04

BlindlyWandering 17

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Monday 16 February 2015 18:51

I was thinking the same thing. Does OP know for certain who it was that sent them?

Setareh23 34

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 1:06

That or someone likes her (and wants a shot at her) or hates her (and wants her miserable) and is trying to sabotage the relationship. There's this dude who keeps sending me messages and cards as "his love" and has even gone so far as to ask me whether I'd be interested in having two boyfriends. Luckily my boyfriend trusts me and knows the guys is just a creep.

False_Stupidity 41

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 4:46

Check with whoever delivered them, there may have been a mixup.

rmllavaneras 19

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Tuesday 17 February 2015 17:05

That is one twisted way to break up with someone. Also, why spend money to break up with someone?

Roskosity 22

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Monday 16 February 2015 17:05

That's weird. Maybe your boyfriend is playing a joke on you?

labaro19 17

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Monday 16 February 2015 17:07

I think it's time to call your best friend

PennyLane27 32

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Monday 16 February 2015 17:10

Is there a friend or acquaintance that maybe likes your boyfriend and is trying to get you guys to break up? Because that'd certainly be a way to do it. You get flowers from a "lover". Breakup ensues. Your (now former) boyfriend is hurt. Crazy chick swoops in to "comfort" him..........

SarcasticShade 16

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Monday 16 February 2015 18:20

Exactly what I was thinking. Though I don't know what that says about us that we would immediately jump that that conclusion #9.

PennyLane27 32

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Monday 16 February 2015 18:47

16- I had that passing thought, too. Like ehhh that probably shouldn't have been my gut reaction to the post lol. I know a few chicks back in college that'd probably pull something like this