The Top

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You, yes you!

By Noname - 08/03/2009 23:40 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street when I passed a construction site. All of the workers started making a fuss and whistling, etc. Naturally, I got very flustered. I stood still for a second and faced them. One yelled for me to move because I was in the way of a girl at a stop light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 026

You deserved it 14 259

Liquid fun

By Anonymous - 14/12/2023 12:00 - Argentina - Buenos Aires

Today, I'm feeling so lonely and miserable that I started adding a few drops of whiskey to my coffee, just to make all those shitty thoughts disappear for a moment. I know that it won't really help and I need therapy, but I can't afford it right now. On the other hand, it seems that I don't really care anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 565

You deserved it 185

By Anonymous - 12/05/2011 07:54

Today, I got a paper cut from a 'get well soon' card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 536

You deserved it 5 703

Bad driving

By Jennnn - 16/09/2009 20:08 - United States

Today, I was at a stop light when I saw a cute police officer at the light across the intersection. Trying to be cute as I drove by, I turned and winked and waved. The car in front of me stopped, I rear-ended them, and then I got rear-ended. The cute cop winked back, then wrote me a ticket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 820

You deserved it 57 357

By laywer_man - 07/03/2009 06:43 - United States

Today, I couldn't answer almost any of the questions in the game "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?" I'm a 40 year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 025

You deserved it 51 851

Hyperviolence

By julieseattle - 28/10/2019 18:00

Today, I was at a restaurant waiting for a table. Some lady walked by, smelling like BO and patchouli oil. I attempted to cover my nose with my sweatshirt, but I thumped a small girl in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 369

You deserved it 335

All you need is hate

By Anonymous - 16/06/2021 18:01

Today, I was told that a coworker of mine absolutely hates me. Why? Because sometimes I have a slight stutter, and he thinks I'm mocking his very apparent stutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 996

You deserved it 84

That'll be 150 bucks, thanks

By Anonymous - 26/08/2022 12:00 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I’m going to school to become a therapist. Now anyone I tell that to, they now vomit their life stories to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 392

By ITM21 - 09/03/2012 06:43 - United States

Today, I accused a student in my class of getting his dad to do his homework. It turns out that his dad died two years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 786

You deserved it 58 062

By Anonymous - 16/09/2009 04:24 - United States

Today, I was having an after work-out dinner with my ex-girlfriend and we were having a great time, catching up, eating good food, all the good things. Then when I got home, I realized I just talked to my ex-girlfriend for an hour and a half about how much better her new boyfriend is than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 895

You deserved it 40 124

Get that pup out of there!

By Anonymous - 19/06/2021 08:01

Today, my girlfriend is so stubborn, she refuses to admit she hates the dog she insisted she had to have 6 months ago. I also hate dogs, so I told her everything dog-related was her problem, especially the pee/poop. Everyone knows she hates the dog but she still refuses to rehome it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 370

Shine on

By owmyfoot - 24/02/2014 02:22 - United States - Sacramento

Today, while walking barefoot through my house, I saw something shine on the floor across the hallway. Curious as to what it was, I rubbed my foot across the carpet to feel it. It wasn't until it was deeply lodged in my foot did I realize it was an open safety pin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 683

You deserved it 40 900

By Sexy Rash - 21/02/2014 23:26 - Australia - Wallgrove

Today, the rash on my thigh started itching again. I felt good after a vigorous scratch, but the relief did not extend to my roommate, who only saw me at my laptop with my hand moving up and down in my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 647

You deserved it 8 355

Bad idea

By Noname - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to a very nice restaurant. I thought it would be a good place to pop the question. I gave the ring to the waiter and asked him to put it on her dessert plate. When she saw it, she picked it up, put it down, and said "No". Then she started to eat her dessert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 89 248

You deserved it 5 562

By in_pain - 06/05/2011 23:23 - Canada

Today, my doctor called and asked me when I could have my broken hand x-rayed again. I said the ER staff had told me it was a bad sprain over two weeks ago. I'm now in a full cast, and have to have my partially healed bones re-broken. There goes my summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 960

You deserved it 2 845

By someoneelsessaliva - 05/06/2010 06:59 - Australia

Today, my two friends and I went to the movies. One of my friends brought my crush. They started making out, leaning over the armrest, until they were practically in my lap. Saliva got on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 488

You deserved it 4 203

By Anonymous - 13/09/2009 02:42 - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my boyfriend while looking at Halloween costumes online for this year's Halloween party and said, "Maybe we could go as Bonnie and Clyde this year." He said, "Maybe we should go as a broken up couple," and hung up on me. He wasn't kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 550

You deserved it 3 916

Money, Ethan

By Anonymous - 27/06/2021 08:01

Today, I felt like working out again since it’s been a while. When I was done and talking to my wife about how good I felt afterwards, my 3 year-old came and patted my stomach and said, "Baby in there, baby in there." Yes, I feel so good. FML

I agree, your life sucks 831

You deserved it 175

Culture wars

By Anonymous - 01/09/2022 00:00

Today, I was visiting California with a friend. I saw a lot of palm trees by the road and asked my friend, "Wouldn't that be dangerous when there are coconuts...?" My friend gave me weird look and told me that those are two different trees. Turns out I thought palm trees and coconut trees are the same tree for 20+ years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 473

This is us

By Anonymous - 30/12/2023 12:00 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my blind mother kept covering her ears any time I spoke to her and kept counting down every 20 minutes to the upcoming NFL game, which came on at 4pm. Finally dejected, my husband and I left after kickoff. She made my father call to guilt trip us about how she wanted us to stay for the game for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 531

You deserved it 112

By Peach - 02/03/2012 05:46 - United States

Today, I found one of my roommate's giant yellow toenail clippings on the counter next to the kitchen sink. When I confronted him about it, he told me the cat must have carried it out of his bedroom and put it there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 718

You deserved it 2 174

By kayt240 - 04/05/2011 05:41 - Canada

Today, my husband told me that he's letting his mother move in with us. He told her it was alright without even consulting me first. I hate my mother-in-law so much that I'm contemplating divorce rather than living with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 435

You deserved it 8 088

By AbFlab - 01/06/2010 04:35 - United States

Today, I've been dieting and working out trying to work towards some solid abs because I know my girlfriend digs that stuff. I've been miserable trying to achieve this goal, plus to make things even better while kissing today she grabbed my stomach and said "I just love your abs of... flab." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 827

You deserved it 5 236

By FUUUUCK - 11/02/2014 20:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was Skyping with a guy I'm really into. I'm not supposed to Skype at night, so when I heard my mum coming, I minimized the window. She walked in before I could mute my mic and started bitching me out for flushing my tampons down the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 467

You deserved it 26 107

By A troubled ex med school student - 06/02/2013 03:08 - United States - Dublin

Today, I attended my first surgery as part of my program at med school. I found out that when I see someone's intestines, I vomit. Even if I'm still wearing a surgical mask. There goes the thousands of dollars I spent on college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 235

You deserved it 6 709

By dirtyclothess - 02/05/2011 00:01

Today, my mom informed me that she doesn't wash my clothes anymore. Instead, she sprays them with Febreze to "save money". FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 959

You deserved it 8 169

Some BFF…

By reginaphalange - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I found out that my best friend was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited. I had just finished planning a surprise party for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 251

You deserved it 3 377

By catlady - 01/03/2009 20:36 - United States

Today, my cat was in the bathroom when I was undressing to get into the shower. I realized that he was the only male to have seen me naked in the past two months. Then he started scratching the door for me to let him out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 651

You deserved it 9 073

Brief encounter

By Angry Orphan - 09/09/2022 15:29

Today, after I got reacquainted with an old friend with whom it'd been 12 years since we last spoke, both divorced, with kids, we started talking, start feeling things for each other. We'd both agreed to take things slow. We spend an amazing weekend together, made plans to spend my birthday together, and then I was ghosted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 504

You deserved it 175

By Anonymous - 09/02/2014 19:00 - United States - Lowell

Today, I caught my boyfriend stealing money from my purse. He tried to turn it on me by claiming I'll owe him for the flowers he'll get me on Valentine's Day, then tried to make me feel guilty by saying the whole thing is for "selfish bitches anyway". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 697

You deserved it 5 441

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The Top

Today, I decided I would try this feature on my banking app which lets me deposit checks by sending a picture of it. The instructions say to rip the check after depositing. The deposit didn't work and now I've got a ripped up paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 122

You deserved it 54 543

Today, it was my mother's birthday. My 5 year old brother and 85 year old grandma decided to decorate the house with balloons and a blow up "people" they found in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 041

You deserved it 46 833

Today, my dad brought home a strawberry shortcake to celebrate my turning 21 at midnight. It looked amazing, but it would've been better if he'd remembered that I’ve been allergic to berries for 6 years now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 002

You deserved it 365

Today, my girlfriend and I saw each other naked for the first time. She said my balls looked like little acorns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 571

You deserved it 371

Today, my wife and I have been fighting for two days straight. We haven’t talked all day. It all started with me asking where to park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 124

Today, after going to the bathroom I went to bed. I have a very sturdy bookshelf that sticks halfway to the right of the door as I enter my bedroom. I had dumbly turned off the lights as I didn't want to bother with them before bed. I ended up kneeing the bookshelf, hard, now I'm wide awake and in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164

You deserved it 272