Love: Today, my two friends and I went to the movies. One of my friends...

By someoneelsessaliva - 05/06/2010 06:59 - Australia

Today, my two friends and I went to the movies. One of my friends brought my crush. They started making out, leaning over the armrest, until they were practically in my lap. Saliva got on my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 331

You deserved it 4 159

Love

Batman

Nice place

Is this guy Hugh Hefner?

By Anonymous - 30/10/2018 13:00 - United Kingdom - Basingstoke

Today, as a priest, I was invited to the home of a lady who claimed that the face of Jesus had appeared to her. She took me upstairs to her bathroom and... it was poo. She genuinely thought she could see Jesus in the poo sitting in her toilet bowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 189

You deserved it 335

By Anonymous - 02/05/2018 19:00

Today, I introduced myself, Pete, to my new coworkers at a shipyard. An hour into my shift, everyone started calling me re-Pete because I have a bit of a stutter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 740

You deserved it 304

By Ben - 19/08/2013 06:21 - United States - Louisville

Today, I found out that if someone flushes a toilet the same time I'm starting the washing machine, my house will flood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 177

You deserved it 2 842

By Anonymous - 02/03/2013 03:17 - United States - Cedar Rapids

Today, after months of my doctor telling me that my heart palpitations are simply due to anxiety, and that I'm perfectly healthy, I decided to weight train to face my fears. Two hours later, I was in the emergency room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 358

You deserved it 3 232

By Anonymous - 05/02/2016 09:55 - United Kingdom

Today, a long standing fantasy was ruined when the only lasting impression from my first threesome was of how good my boyfriend is at giving other guys a blowjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 476

You deserved it 8 662

By enriquegay - 28/03/2009 17:17 - United States

Today, my girlfriend dropped me off for a class and I accidentally closed my exceptionally baggy pants in the passenger door. She didn't notice and started to drive away. I spent the next fifteen seconds being dragged across rough pavement with my pants around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 069

You deserved it 37 456

By x0SoReckless0x - 16/11/2009 11:39 - United States

Today, some obnoxious guys started calling me ugly. I tried to ignore them and be the bigger person. That's pretty hard to do when they start throwing rocks at you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 273

You deserved it 3 450

By teejayrn - 15/12/2012 11:48 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, my son sprayed the bottom of my car and windows white with fake snow in Christmas cheer. He did a great job, except he used white spray paint instead of the fake snow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 489

You deserved it 2 434

By Anonymous - 22/03/2013 06:13 - United States

Today, I finally built up the courage to quit my job. I waited an hour to speak to the boss; I finally sat down with her, and she told me I had to be let go because I'm not "reliable enough." The only time I missed work was when I had the stomach flu. I was fired before I could even quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 884

You deserved it 3 458

Thanks.

By Anonymous - 09/06/2018 13:00 - United States - Buffalo

Today, I asked a guy if I could finally meet his mom after we’ve been exclusive for almost a year now. He goes, "You’re special, but you’re not THAT special." FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 398

You deserved it 493

By Stumble - 17/01/2010 04:43 - United States

Today, my 6-year-old cousin came to my door, demanding canned food. I asked him what for, and he said, "Dad said I needed them for a school project." I said all right, and he started raiding my pantry. I was left with only green beans. He stole all my Spaghetti O's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 293

You deserved it 27 579

By aarone23 - 01/06/2011 13:30 - United States

Today, I was slammed onto my car, thrown on the ground, and arrested for outstanding warrants from 1979. I was born in 1992. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 394

You deserved it 4 045

This woman's work

By Anonymous - 19/09/2020 17:02 - Germany - Aachen

Today, I looked at pictures of myself from 20 years ago when I was a teenager and realized I have only about a quarter of my hair left. I'm a woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 81

By Anonymous - 08/11/2018 05:00

Today, my mum put up a sticky fly trap to try get rid of our fly problem. My phone started ringing and I jogged to answer it, but my hair got suck in the trap. My mum had to pull my hair out of the sticky mess and pick dead fly bodies out of my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 296

You deserved it 375

By Humaned - 13/03/2016 20:54 - Cura?ao - Willemstad

Today, my school is making us take care of eggs for a teen pregnancy awareness project. Ever since we got the eggs, I've had nightmares, and people question why I don't want kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 051

You deserved it 1 719

By Anonymous - 08/08/2019 20:00 - United States

Today, my drunk sister threw up on me while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 588

You deserved it 91

By appaluver - 03/09/2011 23:53 - United States

Today, I was at my friend's house and accidentally blew out a candle that was supposed to be lit for seven days straight. It was in honor of her grandmother who had recently died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 704

You deserved it 14 727

Ah, those were the times…

By Anonymous - 27/12/2013 20:50 - United States - Ely

Today, my 19-year-old brother subjected me to yet another rant about how the writers of My Little Pony aren't writing the show for people like him any more, the "true fans", otherwise known as pimply-faced adults who don't use deodorant and only shower once a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 416

You deserved it 4 499

By RingAroundThe..SPLAT - 16/05/2012 04:10 - United States - Washington

Today, my girlfriend confessed that she was scared that she was more in love with me than I in her, and that she was afraid I would leave her. So she left me instead. I'd been thinking about proposing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 882

You deserved it 2 866

By thatoneperson - 17/02/2012 12:43 - United States

Today, I discovered that you can't always assume your little brother is kidding when he says that you have a spider on top of your head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 356

You deserved it 5 883

By itsgonnabealongnight... - 03/09/2011 20:52 - United States

Today, I was at my grandparents' house, when the power went out. Even though we were supplied with candles and flashlights, we still had to stumble around in the darkness. They'd left both the candles and flashlights in the pitch black, unnavigable basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 313

You deserved it 3 032

By Anonymous - 23/02/2011 16:04 - United States

Today, I had to spend all of my money on textbooks even though my refrigerator is empty. Starving and frustrated, I called home to ask for money for groceries. My mom told me I could afford to skip a few meals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 485

You deserved it 5 904

By alone - 14/02/2012 05:34 - Australia

Today, I arranged to have some flowers delivered at work for Valentine's Day so that my colleagues will think someone likes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 685

You deserved it 21 371

By umbrella - 24/07/2009 11:39 - United States

Today, a man held a door open for me while I fished my umbrella out of my very cluttered bag. As I was opening my umbrella, I turned to thank him for being such a gentleman. Instead, a tampon that had apparently wedged itself into the folds of my umbrella flew into his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 247

You deserved it 5 957

By River - 18/07/2015 04:08 - Oranjestad

Today, my boyfriend's idiotic friend shoved me into a stream so I could be "reunited" with my family, since my name is River. The first thing I saw as I climbed out, soaking wet, was my boyfriend high-fiving his friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 502

You deserved it 2 778

By toomuchmetal - 24/06/2009 19:17 - United States

Today, I was in line at a checkout. I have quite a few facial piercings and 1/2" gauges in my ears. The very heavy cashier asks how big my gauges are and then starts telling me about how she recently got her clitoris pierced and how sometimes she has orgasms behind the register. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 996

You deserved it 13 637

By Anonymous - 13/07/2009 04:02 - Canada

Today, I had gotten home from dropping my boyfriend off when my dad said "your phones been buzzing". I had a text saying "you're grounded," from my Dad. My Alarm saying 'Birth Control Pill' had been going off for a half hour while I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 877

You deserved it 31 776

Bulk buying

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 20:00 - United States - Ann Arbor

Today, I picked up my online grocery order. The clerk asked about the party, because he assumed I was having one because of all the ice cream I'd ordered. I'm bulimic and everything was for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 352

By Anonymous - 30/01/2014 18:13 - United States - Elizabethtown

Today, while playing badminton at school, I got an opponent who is mentally handicapped. Since I'm terrible at the game, I guess the teacher assumed it would be a good match. I won the match, my first victory ever. My teacher accused me of cheating to humiliate him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 986

You deserved it 4 464

By Anonymous - 09/05/2019 18:00

Today, as a restaurant hostess, I fell into the fountain at work while carrying a high chair in front of several large parties, who all promptly laughed at me. We were so busy, I had to stay and finish my shift soaking wet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 873

You deserved it 177

Say Anything 2.0

By notsomuch - 01/08/2011 03:09 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend's attempt to win me back involved standing at the bottom of my apartment building with two airhorns, blasting them and shouting. And for some reason, singing "Sweet Caroline", even though that's not my name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 756

You deserved it 3 931

By Anonymous - 26/11/2010 00:21 - United States

Today, I woke up to the face of Billy, the puppet from Saw, staring down at me. I was so scared, I wet myself instantly. It was my cousin in a mask, who is staying over for Thanksgiving weekend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 015

You deserved it 6 115

By "Jam2019" - 15/02/2019 14:00

Today, despite using the bathroom before I left my house, then at the bus station 10 minutes later, I still had to get off my bus halfway into my hour long journey to pee in a back alley or I would have wet myself. I'm 24 and this has happened twice in the last week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 093

You deserved it 228

Genetics

By outie - 13/09/2020 02:02

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I have an 'outie' belly button, and he didn't want our potential kids to have one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 153

Rash decision

By FilthyIke - 21/08/2009 20:17 - Canada

Today, I went to the doctor to inquire about the rash I've been getting in my underarms, behind my knees and sometimes on my face. Turns out I'm allergic to sweat. I'm a varsity rugby coach, gym teacher, and I just shelled out a stack of cash to get a sauna and steam room installed in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 687

You deserved it 4 367

Cat vs. pancakes

By demix_fml - 06/10/2019 02:01

Today, it's my birthday, I knew I would be on my own, so I brought some pancakes, only to come down and find that not only had my cat eaten them, but also that I’d have to clean his barf up. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 447

You deserved it 238

By madiison09 - 01/04/2013 17:46 - United States

Today, I got a letter from Yale law school saying I got a 4 year full scholarship. I called my dad crying and read the whole thing... even the bottom, which said, "April fools! Love mom and dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 166

You deserved it 6 497

By AloneForChristmas - 25/12/2018 16:00

Today, I live in dorms and found out everyone is leaving for Christmas break. I also found out my student loan didn't go through, so now I cant afford to go visit my family that lives over 7 hours away. I guess I'll be spending Christmas alone in a dorm room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 682

You deserved it 212

By cinemasaddo - 25/09/2013 22:12 - United Kingdom

Today, I was let down for a movie date. As I'd already paid for the tickets, I got my narcoleptic sister to come and sit next to me while she slept, so it didn't look like I came on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 567

You deserved it 3 523

By wishihadpockets - 28/01/2010 10:24 - United States

Today, I had my cigs tucked into my waistband because my shorts didn't have pockets. A friend walks up and asks for a smoke. I say "I've got something you can smoke right here", tugging at my shorts. The "friend" then kicks me in the nuts for being a douche. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 232

You deserved it 43 105

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Top comments

MischiefManaged 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 16:11

WHAT THE FUCK? Ew!!! Some great friends you have -_- FYL. But YDI for not saying anything. Maybe it's just me but I'd be like, "GTFO me now and go slobber all over each other somewhere else."

I20CK5TAR 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 16:15

That's ur fault shouldve asked her to go first... your friend is just tryin to be a douch....

MischiefManaged 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 16:11

WHAT THE FUCK? Ew!!! Some great friends you have -_- FYL. But YDI for not saying anything. Maybe it's just me but I'd be like, "GTFO me now and go slobber all over each other somewhere else."

madarchod 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 16:15

slap them hard and teach them morals

srammer8 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 16:18

wow ask them to go somewhere elsa

CvBobo 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 16:22

i agree with #1 that's gross you should have left and called ur friend a b*tch(if she knew u liked him)

autumn16 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 16:28

eww and obviously she's not to great of a friend or else she wouldn't do that to you!! you should have pushed her off you and start beating the shit out of her. then kick the dude in the balls

rallets 22

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Saturday 5 June 2010 16:31

lol talk about sloppy seconds..literally

jplumbob 4

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Saturday 5 June 2010 16:35

It's your fault if you never said anything. Did you drive? if so I would leave their asses.

Jandude 9

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Saturday 5 June 2010 16:36

7 out of 10 dentists agree that you should shove popcorn up your friend's nose.

blindyblonde13 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 16:37

that just sucks op. but since you never clarified whether your best friend knew that you liked him- i am going to assume she didnt- then dont blame her. but you totally couldve stopped that. eww.

Anthrophobia 2

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Saturday 5 June 2010 16:39

Eww, be happy that you didn't have to experience that sloppy kiss.

Anthrophobia 2

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Saturday 5 June 2010 16:46

Unless you enjoy that stuff, and in that case... fyl.

mrguy266 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 16:48

35 what? I understand it..I just don't understand why you said it...

TaylorTotsYumm 10

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Saturday 5 June 2010 16:50

agrrreeeeee with numero uno.

mariahrawks 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 17:09

46 ; 35 was saying OP shoulda shoved popcorn up friends nose.

rustic 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 17:27

sucks that must have hurt if you rlly liked him >.< ! n ur friend is a bit*h she should have been able to tell.. and even if she didn't know it's no excuse to do it like tht on you so FYL! I know I would have been hurt >.<

islandjew247 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 18:11

how rude. 0_o

crybabyreturns 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 18:49

this happened to me. it was fucking gay.

degrassilovur 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 18:52

I REALLY don't think their your 'friends'...!!! I wouldve have slapped them and been like 'wat the eff is your problem. wat kinda friend are you? you KNO I like him(or her (;...).'

Clare420 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 19:06

your friends only a bitch if she knew you liked him...if not YDI.

kyarush 10

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Saturday 5 June 2010 20:31

haha! get drooled on. what kind of nasty kiss was that lol

meeeks 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 20:39

I call BS

Rawr_Doodle 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 20:42

I read "salvia got on my arm"

LoganBballin16 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 21:02

#35 what the heck?!? lol

voldemortsgirl 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 22:13

wow that is something I half understand, but I just have seen toungs in my classroom with lights on and off. It sucks, did your friend knew that he was your crush? if not forget about consider her your friend. You should say something like "it's raining here, oh no, it's just saliva"

tthatguy 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 22:44

35, 9 out of 10 dentists think you're a douche and should stop making unfunny dentist jokes

torcom 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 23:43

You should have pulled out your titties. Then his attention would have been on you. lol

glen12 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 0:34

sexy

TiffanyBlews27 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 1:30

fyl indeed! I would have stood up, pushed them off of me, wrenched them apart, decked the so-called friend, and quite possibly have kicked the guy in the balls. OP, ditch your friend and tell her off the next time you see her. That's just bitchy.

xshadyshadow 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 5:50

Lmao, random.

gohabs21 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 14:24

threesome!  ++=

Hamsterzilla 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 15:19

you shoulda just pushed them on the floor and yell right then "THESE NOOBS ARE GETTING THERE SLOBBER ON ME!!"

Xuphra 0

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Sunday 6 June 2010 23:56

I'd cry...

epicenur 2

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Monday 7 June 2010 7:41

u pay me now?

jandro209 0

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Friday 16 July 2010 21:41

a lil violent are we? lol but you got a point tho

sarahbella101 7

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Tuesday 17 May 2011 12:03

shoulda elbowed them outta your personal space

uglygirl_11 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 16:11

awwww :( fyl

legonut4 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 16:28

ask to join in.

trizzieb 0

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Saturday 5 June 2010 18:45

Hell yeah. Ask if he wants to be the judge of a kissing contest between you and your friend. Then, ask your friend to be the judge of a kissing contest between you and him. I can imagine Tom Green inbetween two hotties right now. Very nice!