By Sfg_926 - 26/06/2016 05:02 - United States - Newberg
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The word 'cute' might not have been the best choice for a workplace.
this is what's wrong with people. you say one simple harmless complement trying to be nice and if you're not considered "good enough" for that person they make it sound like you sexual harass women. it's disgusting that people defend this. calling someone cute is in no way offensive and shouldn't be taken as an insult or that the person saying it had any sexual intentions.
Answer her politly, "I'm really sorry making you feel that way by telling you something nice, I'll do it never again" and don't forget to cc it to all others. That's a way to let know the others, how stupid she is, without saying it.
The coworker has the right to ask OP not to comment on her appearance. I'm sure OP had nothing but good intentions, but if it makes her uncomfortable then that's all there is to it. What makes this an FML is her involving the whole office. That's unprofessional and not okay. She should have emailed OP privately or involved their boss at most.
It's completely understandable why it made her uncomfortable, but she didn't need to include the rest of the office in the email.
Most jobs have a Human Resources Department, the Military has SHARP. If it made her uncomfortable she could've gone to you, but she didn't have to. CC everyone back with an apology for complimenting her outfit, and probably never talk to her again, especially without someone else around you.
In a professional work environment, discomfort does make it inappropriate. If a coworker does something that makes other coworkers uncomfortable that's a problem. I don't call people I don't know well, or am not hitting on cute. The best action is to say that makes me uncomfortable, second best go to a manager or HR, but maybe the OP is creeper, unintentionally or not and needed to be called out on it. Hopefully the OP isn't, but plenty of work environments have that person, who is overly complimenting and flirting with people, she took action that stopped it right away. OP learned some lessons, hopefully it doesn't continue to negatively affect the OP in the workplace.
I don't see how this won't effect OP's work. She made sure to humiliate him as publicly as she could. Other people weren't there, they don't know OP didn't say something awful and given this, they'll probably assume it. This was horribly uncalled for and juvenile. If OP replies he should be very careful. These things can horribly spiral and he could be fired. If he replies, I suggest something very neutral and apologetic like "I'm sorry I made you feel that way, it wasn't my intention and I promise it won't happen again. I'm also sorry I made you so uncomfortable you couldn't discuss this matter with me in person. I value you very much as a coworker." He should NEVER say to anyone that she was being ridiculous (even though it looks like she was). Apologize and validate her feelings. Anything less will be tying OP's own noose. He should then do his best to avoid her and not speak to her unless other's are present. This woman has already made an attempt to ruin his reputation at work, he should watch for her to continue the attack.
As a follow up, these fmls are hard cus we don't know all the details. To be fair to the coworker, she could have previously been in a very toxic work environment and be afraid of that happening again. People who have dealt with shit, tend to expect it. People who have been harassed (like really harassed) will be primed to see it. OP doesn't know her past. Validate her feelings (she could actually have a good reason for feeling this way without OP having actually done anything wrong) but also watch yourself, OP. Be nice, polite, and professional, but be careful.
Look, you don't have to be a feminist to know that you shouldn't sexualize people. why is it that when anything involving women comes up you idiots cry feminism. Do i believe calling someone cute is sexualizing them? not really but its not anyones right to tell someone they should or shouldnt be uncomfortable with something
There is nothing inappropriate about the word cute, this is just one person being overly sensitive. And even IF what you said is true for her, she could have simply told op that. If anything, her open attempt to humiliate op in front of everyone is way, way worse than that.
I think what the problem is that the OP could have done this more than once and she's putting a stop to it - "it makes me feel uncomfortable when you say things like that to me". I'm sure the OP's intentions are good and he was just being friendly, and maybe a bit flirty, but she obviously doesn't think that sort of thing is appropriate in the workplace, or maybe she experienced sexual harassment at work before and thought she could nip it at the bud by 'CCing everyone to let them know in case OP tried something, which I'm sure isn't the case at all (personally, I wouldn't 'CC my coworkers, I'd rather tell the boss/HR, but anyway)...Until there's a follow-up, we can't say for certain what the deal is...
that is not understandable at all. cute is in no way objectifying. it's the same as saying you look good or pretty. saying sexy or hot or fine could be offensive but it was an innocent complement. a guy making a nice innocent remark to a girl trying to make her feel good about herself should not get looked down upon much less called out on it in front of his other Coworkers
You wouldn't tell a male coworker they look cute. Don't tell your coworkers they cute. A lot of women don't want to hear stuff like anymore.
Reminds me of an SNL sketch where the real answer was "Don't be unattractive, be attractive." Having been through several related corporate training courses, attention is bad if its undesired. Since we can only rarely know in advance if the other person at work desires attention from us, it's smart to absolutely avoid any remarks that could be taken in the slightest sexual or "dating" like way. For example, "nice shoes" or "that dress is my favorite color" is fairly safe. Saying "you are pretty" or cute is risky because it could be taken to indicate a dating type interest.