Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend when I really had...

By Anonymous - 11/7/2010 18:18 - United States

Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend when I really had to pee. I tried to get out of the aisle in a hurry so I wouldn't disturb anyone when I tripped, landing on the people in the row in front of me. FML

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Love

Instadrama

Don't shoot the messenger

DINOSAURS!!

By BigmouthStrikesAgain - 19/8/2011 00:18 - United Kingdom

Today, after a tennis lesson, the coach was picking up the stray tennis balls around the court. Trying to be helpful, I asked him, "Do you want me to grab your ball bag?" His eyeballs almost burst out of their sockets. FML

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By Thefaller - 11/7/2019 16:00

Today, I went to my first university party already a little drunk. I perched on the end of a table to cool off from the dancing and the whole table tipped over and dumped me onto the floor. I was promptly laughed out of the room. FML

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By Chelstable - 2/8/2016 17:57

Today, I woke up with the worst headache of my life. I didn't get it from drinking, but rather from puking 6 times off the side of a fishing boat. Fishing was the one thing my husband wanted to do while on vacation, even though I'm 3 months pregnant and have a bad stomach. FML

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By abbiexo97 - 9/5/2019 14:00

Today, I had a dream that I had to abandon my shopping at the checkout due to lack of funds. Even in my dreams I don’t have any money. FML

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By someone - 29/7/2011 18:26 - United States

Today, while walking home, the gods were kind enough to grace me with the sight of an old man jogging past me in nothing but a pair of short shorts. The image of his balls swinging to and fro underneath like a pendulum has been forever burned into my retinas. FML

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By failure - 29/7/2011 06:19 - United States

Today, I went to a jeweler's to buy a ring to propose to my girlfriend. When I was at the restaurant, in mid-proposal, with people watching, I realized I had left the ring in the store. FML

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By Sammy - 27/4/2011 17:07 - United States

Today, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. My husband, the father of the baby, got a birdie on the golf course at the exact same time. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/3/2016 21:17 - United States - Fremont

Today, my son's teacher asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up. He put down "unemployed". FML

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By Anonymous - 27/11/2009 21:45 - United States

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

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By HellisLikeTheDMV - 13/7/2012 15:19 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, I finally went to the DMV to replace my lost license. After waiting for almost two hours, I casually rummaged through my purse. Something strange inside the lining caught my eye. It was my license. FML

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By what_the_hell - 20/6/2013 08:35 - Finland - Helsinki

Today, while bagging my groceries at a store, a lady came over to me, took a good look at the food I'd bought, picked out an item and put it in her bag. When I confronted her, she called security on me and told them I wanted to steal her stuff. I got thrown out and she walked away with a smirk. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2019 14:00

Love is…

Today, I went to a job interview. At the end of it, after I had got the job, my new manager said, “See you soon.” I then accidentally replied, “You too, love you.” FML

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By wouaf - 29/5/2015 04:19 - France - Voiron

Today, I was out shopping with my little sister. I wanted to try something on, so I put my bag in front of a changing room and jokingly told her to bark if someone came near. She ended up biting a lady who was trying to get into one of the changing rooms. FML

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By Breanne - 14/7/2011 15:25 - Canada

Today, at work, a regular started talking to me. Subject of choice? His overwhelming amount of earwax. Apparently he'd like to make a candle out of it once he goes to the doctor to get it removed. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/2/2013 07:57 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, during a silent breathing meditation at the Buddhist center, I accidentally let one rip which echoed through the meditation chamber. If that wasn't bad enough, the follow-up odor was enough to fell a charging rhinoceros. FML

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By konens_dick - 22/3/2009 10:38 - United States

Today, I awoke to the sound of my dad knocking on my dorm room door for a surprise visit. He's barely outside the door and I pull the door open and say hey, when my roommate strips naked pulls the door open, kisses me on the cheek, says in an uber-gay voice, "Thanks for last night", and leaves. FML

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By ugh - 1/12/2015 03:52 - Canada - Lethbridge

Today, my mother went through my bag and found what she thought was rolling papers. I was yelled at and called a stupid pothead with no future. They were facial blotting papers. FML

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By negromancer - 11/7/2009 01:08 - United States

Today, I worked up the courage to ask my crush out for coffee after work. She agreed and I confidently said "Alright, it's a date!" She replied, "Haha a date with you? I'm just going for the free coffee!" FML

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By Sock_Muppet - 6/4/2019 20:00

Today, I looked at my sister's Instagram story, and saw her, my brother, and my father all on a family road trip to Reno without me. I wasn't told anything about it. FML

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By wow - 15/4/2013 18:36 - Russian Federation - Saint Petersburg

Today, my husband of 6 years said in a grave voice that he had some important news for me. Jokingly, I said, "Why, did you get that cute colleague of yours pregnant?" He did. FML

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By NotDrunk - 11/9/2012 06:47 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was at a family dinner, which had gone into meltdown after my aunt said something sarcastic about my mother's drinking. I went out for some fresh air and stumbled about in the dark, unaware of the fact that a pool was being dug. I fell into the huge hole and lost a shoe. FML

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By damnit - 11/9/2010 20:46 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend called and told me he had a surprise for me and to meet up with him to find out. The big surprise was a consultation with a plastic surgeon for rhinoplasty surgery. I never disliked my nose. FML

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By riptoofie - 16/1/2010 21:36 - United States

Today, I found my beloved hamster, Toofie. Toofie escaped from his cage. 4 years ago. FML

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By guiltyschuldig49 - 28/5/2020 14:00

Noise annoys

Today, and for months, my upstairs neighbor has been stomping on their floors, hard enough to shake our walls. We thought it was their child, but found out it’s the mother. She took up running, and due to the pandemic, she does it in the living room. She's already been told to stop. Repeatedly. I work 12-hour nights. FML

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By Fractured - 31/3/2012 01:43 - United States

Today, I fractured a bone in my knee. Now not only do I have to wear a huge knee brace for the next two months, I'll have to sit around in a hotel room all of next week while my family has fun skiing in the mountains. FML

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By Lori_ftw - 27/2/2014 03:28 - United States - Oakland

Today, my store manager thought that it would improve morale to talk in hashtags. FML

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By usarmywife - 17/4/2017 02:00

Today, at the ripe old age of 27, I dislocated my hip while making love to my husband. FML

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By ineedayob - 18/5/2013 20:36 - United States - La Mesa

Today, I went for an interview regarding a seasonal position I'd been offered at a grocery store. The manager showed up 45 minutes past the scheduled interview time, cheerfully greeted me, and took me back to his office, just to tell me that they don't hire seasonal help. Ever. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2013 19:08 - Trinidad and Tobago - Port-of-spain

Today, my boyfriend posted a screenshot from a porno on my Facebook, because the girl in it looked freakishly similar to me. My dad commented, asking for a link to the video. FML

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By kirbykylestorm - 16/9/2018 20:30

Online Dating = Brutal

Today, I realised just how lonely I am. After using Tinder for about a week, I got my first match. I said hi while I was in class since I was excited, but by the time I'd gotten back home, she'd unmatched me. I've never felt so hurt by a complete stranger before. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/1/2015 14:58 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was rushed to the hospital with anal tearing. We've never tried anal before, but it turns out she and my "best friend" sure have. FML

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By branded - 14/5/2009 19:57 - United States

Today, I found out the tattoo signifying my marriage turned out to be more permanent than the marriage itself. FML

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By DamnDogs - 20/11/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, at work, my boss said something that I didn't catch. I went to take a leash off a dog, (I'm a groomer's assistant) and looked at my boss and said "What?" To which she replied, "Be careful, he bites." I now have a two-inch gash on my finger from a 6lb fluffy Maltese. FML

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By monkeywrench - 30/8/2015 11:29 - Sweden

Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's birthday party at his home. The toilet had a door that wouldn't close all the way, there were only three sheets of toilet paper left, and I had to walk home through town, in a dress, with my soiled underwear in a plastic bag. FML

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By CollegeKid - 22/1/2017 22:00

Today, I was in the hospital for 12 hours with unbearable stomach pain. Apparently I have a horrible infection in my intestines and colon. My mom is now accusing me of having anal sex and allowing a man to ejaculate into my bum. My great-grandma believes her. FML

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By peanutprobs - 31/10/2014 21:12 - Germany - Bochum

Today, my friend took our prank war too far when he secretly added peanuts to my food. I have a peanut allergy. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/7/2011 06:29 - United States

Today, I asked the girl I like to send me 'yummy pictures.' I got a picture of cheesecake. FML

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By hawkknight - 23/2/2017 15:00 - United States - Portland

Today, at work, I broke the drinks machine for the third time. The first two times I broke the key, this time I switched it off and couldn't turn it back on after my manager warned me not to mess with it AFTER I had switched it off. The best part? The key is still broken from last time. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/1/2016 10:35 - United States - Pittsburg

Today, my mom said if I dont get straight A's in my classes this year, she'll get the school to hold me back until I do. I believe her. FML

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By Fack. - 19/2/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I told my long-distance girlfriend that I just could not handle the distance and we should just be friends. To which she responded, "What? You thought we were going out? Lol". FML

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Top comments

By YaLuckyGal | 0

#1079831 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:13

did you pee on them?

By Mankbeast | 0

#1079823 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:12

lolz

Comments

By Mankbeast | 0

#1079823 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:12

lolz

ohsnapp823 | 0

#1079846 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:20

thts a stupid post..it hardly even makes sense.. how come mine don't get posted but that crappy post does?!

bmexoxo98 | 0

#1079848 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:20

Spain won world cup!!:)

Mack7273 | 0

#1079864 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:25

hah

rawrkittehpwnage | 0

#1079886 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:29

clutz!

love_musik | 0

#1079998 - Monday 12 July 2010 0:26

ew gross haha ^^
but wow way to be, OP.

iAmLol_fml | 0

#1080053 - Monday 12 July 2010 0:58

Comment moderated.

Anonymous123100 | 7

#1080064 - Monday 12 July 2010 1:04

at least you didn't pee on them too =/..

astarwarsfan | 0

#1080096 - Monday 12 July 2010 1:34

I guess they (puts on sunglasses) were pissed

RedPillSucks | 31

#1080157 - Monday 12 July 2010 1:50

Question is, were they pissed off, or pissed on?

msyelowbubblegum | 0

#1080312 - Monday 12 July 2010 2:49

gahahahaha thats .. umm embarassing not soo bad :P
and #18 hehe HOTT!!! ;) ;) ;)

ATLBOI770 | 0

#1080343 - Monday 12 July 2010 3:03

if I wuz ur bf I would act like I dint no u

jackdbomber | 0

#1081314 - Monday 12 July 2010 15:00

you should have sprinkled some yellow shower as well. treat for your everyone lol

By schwancy | 2

#1079825 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:12

smooth move!

Ragnir | 0

#1079873 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:27

at-least people were there to break her fall I guess... sorta

By YaLuckyGal | 0

#1079831 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:13

did you pee on them?

By fossilman | 0

#1079833 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:15

So.....was the movie good?

twirliegirlie | 0

#1080006 - Monday 12 July 2010 0:31

that's what I was gonna say

msyelowbubblegum | 0

#1080328 - Monday 12 July 2010 2:56

haha wtf with ur profile pic??

fossilman | 0

#1082168 - Monday 12 July 2010 23:40

it's sexy

By steggunekoms | 0

#1079840 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:17

I wonder what movie they were watching.

By ArtIsResistance7 | 1

#1079849 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:21

Movie theater floors are full of surprises!

Isn't it 'aisle'? Otherwise I don't know what kind of movie theaters they have in Cali :P

ArtIsResistance7 | 1

#1079880 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:28

*hat tip to the Mods*

By annabelle2213 | 0

#1079851 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:21

YDI for mispelling aisle.

youngrob | 0

#1080085 - Monday 12 July 2010 1:27

damn you fine

By fossilman | 0

#1079856 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:22

Predators rocked

By xxwtfwasthatxx | 0

#1079857 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:23

how do u fail that bad?

By Mack7273 | 0

#1079860 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:23