Love: Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend when I really had...

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was at the movies with my boyfriend when I really had to pee. I tried to get out of the aisle in a hurry so I wouldn't disturb anyone when I tripped, landing on the people in the row in front of me. FML

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Love

Out of it

Rock, hard place

Jealousy

By Anonymous - Brunei Darussalam

Today, my crush walked me home. As my mom opens the door, she tells me in Russian how ugly he is, and that I have extremely bad taste. Out of all the languages in the world, he happens to be fluent in Russian. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I found a picture of myself on the "People of Walmart" site. FML

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By HaleyIsabelle - France

Today, I thought my boyfriend was being sweet by stroking my hair, only to discover he was getting rid of a booger. FML

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By Chris - United States - Lakewood

Today, my ex-girlfriend was supposed to pick up her things. I decided to take a nap. Thirty minutes later, I woke up with two police officers hammering on my door. They'd come to get my ex-girlfriend's things and said they were "watching me." That's the last time I date a cop's daughter. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Bristol

Today, my girlfriend told me that she's a lesbian. And that she could only stay with me because I had a "girly face and voice". She also admitted to having a crush on my sister. FML

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By bad_luck - United States

Today, my boss sent me home from work because she saw me not checking under my customer's cart to see if they had any hidden groceries. I didn't check because the customer threatened to "kick my ass" if I "accused him of stealing" by checking. FML

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By evenmybodyhatesme - United States - San Jose

Today, after spending a day in the ER and a day in hospital, I was recovering from emergency surgery. My boyfriend left to eat and didn't come back. He texted me 4 hours later that he was drinking with his friends and that he loved his "brown eyed girl". My eyes aren't brown. FML

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By Dale - Costa Rica

Today, I got to Costa Rica for my first vacation in five years. I immediately rented a scooter for the week after checking into my prepaid, no refunds, hotel. On the way back from the rental agency I hit a pothole and broke my leg and ripped the skin off my foot. I'm flying home tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - Estonia

Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML

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By Q - United States

Today, I had to kick my own father out of my house after he started attacking my wife for breastfeeding our newborn son in the living room. All the way to the door, he ranted that "You don't see me whipping my dick out and pissing in front of everyone, do you?" FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on the way to traffic court for a $340 speeding ticket I'd got. My mother called me and I wasn't paying attention which caused me to speed. Right past a cop. When I told the cop where I was going, he started laughing at me. I now have another $300 ticket. FML

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By AFSDALK:AFSDQWE - United States - Hillsboro

Germaphobe

Today, my boss made me cover for him by working two extra hours, because he had to rush home early to deal with an "emergency". The emergency was taking a shit, because he claims to have a phobia of doing them anywhere but at home. FML

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By xoxo96 - United States

Today, I went to a Bat Mitzvah. We played a game where all of the girls grabbed one of their shoes and placed it in the middle. Then, all of the guys had to pick a shoe. Whatever guy picked the shoe, the girl had to dance with. No one picked my shoe. Everyone else was dancing except for me. FML

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By VoodooPriestess - 28/11/2020 14:02

What a catch

Today, my boyfriend of 2 years responded to my opening up about how I felt like I was always put on the back burner, was to ghost me for a week, and break up via text. Don't worry though, we can still be friends and maybe later, when he's ready, start the relationship again. FML

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By yourfault - United Kingdom - Kingston

Today, my boyfriend blamed me for his affair, because apparently I "should have made it clear to him" not to have sex with other people. FML

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By killme - Canada - Belleville

Today, I had to pee in a cup. The cup almost overflowed. My first instinct was to drink some so it didn't spill. FML

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By Fluffyman

Today, I realized that I haven’t lost weight. All my clothes have just stretched to fit. FML

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By nearlythere - Australia

Today, I was getting ready to perform a speech in anthropology on the globalization of public transportation and how it brings cultures together. On the bus ride there, the girls behind me were discussing ways to hide their track marks after injecting. FML

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By radiationkillz - United States

Today, my girlfriend bought several bottles of Potassium Iodine pills and a gas mask, due to the radiation scare from Japan. We live in Texas. FML

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By KelseNM

Today, I've been diagnosed with an incurable condition in both eyes that is making me go blind. I lost my job and had to drop out of my final year in college because of this. Then my ex found out and stole my car since I "won't need it". FML

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By DoubledTrouble - United States - Washington

Today, my kids overheard me talking about cleaning the fuel system in our RV before we go to Disney World. They were so eager to get there, they decided they'd clean the fuel system themselves while I was at work, namely by pouring Tide into the gas tank. FML

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By Smeagogole - France - Villeurbanne

Today, I found a friend's gold ring in some grass after a intense 10-minute search in the dark. As well as thanks, I've now got a new nickname. You can now call me Gollum. FML

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By honeybee2487 - United States

Today, at work, I heard a weird sound coming from the ceiling. As I looked up to see what it was, a huge splash of water hit me in the face. I called mall maintenance to let them know. They told me they already knew about the leak... from the sewage line. FML

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By banana - United States

Today, I decided to practice putting a condom on with my mouth. Then my roommate walked in on me using my mouth to roll a condom onto a banana. FML

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By Just Lonely - United States - La Place

Today, after not hanging out with anyone the whole year, a guy finally asked me to go the movies with him. When I asked what time, he said, "Never mind, I found another girl." FML

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By Devildrake - Australia

Today, I went into work early so I could get my work all done and leave on time, rather than staying back. The later shift starters had other ideas and called in sick. FML

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By SlowPacker - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my family informed me that we were going on a 10 hour road trip to my cousin's wedding. They only decided to tell me 45 minutes before we left for said road trip. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I was playing a game with my family where we had to say the name of an actor/actress that started with a certain letter. When I said mine, my dad grounded me because he knew it was a pornstar. Now my mom is mad at my dad for watching porn too. FML

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By zAstonish - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I woke up in the middle of the night and felt deep breathing on my neck. I screamed, fell off the bed and busted my nose. It was just my cat. FML

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By walkingdead_1029 - United States - Peoria

Today, the girl that I've been madly in love with was demanding I tell her who I liked. I told her no, I should just keep it a secret, but she demanded I tell her. After I told her, the only response I got was, "You're right. You should have kept that a secret." FML

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By spacemanspiff78

Today, while standing in line at the supermarket, I reached past my wife to get a pack of gum. She jokingly did the "battered wife flinch" to get a laugh, and smiled at me from behind her hand. The cop staring at us obviously didn't notice the smile and definitely didn't think it was funny. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, while having a screaming argument with my son in our front yard, I suddenly realized we are "that white trash family" in the neighborhood. FML

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By justinj360 - United States

Today, my dad informed me that I will be staying in the bug-infested shed for the summer when I come to visit, due to his girlfriend's sewing workspace completely taking over the only room I've ever had at his house. FML

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By payne - United States

Today, I found my daughter's brand new ipod touch. At the bottom of the washing machine. FML

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By quickfingers100 - United Kingdom

Today, my Dad married his fiancée, who insists I call her "mom". I'm three years older than her, and went to the same high school. She's taking me shopping next week to buy me something "nice". FML

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By gan-1991 - 15/6/2020 23:01

It's called caring, OK?

Today, it's my birthday. I woke up to the sound of my cat puking up a hairball. This is the second year in a row he has done this. FML

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By smellyfeet - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend and I decided it was finally time for both of us to have sex with each other. He kept his shoes on the whole time because he thought he had smelly feet. FML

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By to_complicated_4_u - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I got screamed at to the point of tears by a Starbucks employee for "giving an obviously fake name" to confuse one of the employees. I told her my real name. My name is Ian. FML

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By fuckyouverymuch - Australia - Sunnybank

Today, my estranged father, who is a cop, decided to show up to my 17th birthday party. He immediately began arresting people for underage drinking. Way to mend fences, dad. FML

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By demix_fml

Cat vs. pancakes

Today, it's my birthday, I knew I would be on my own, so I brought some pancakes, only to come down and find that not only had my cat eaten them, but also that I’d have to clean his barf up. Happy birthday to me. FML

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Top comments

By YaLuckyGal | 0

#1079831 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:13

did you pee on them?

By Mankbeast | 0

#1079823 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:12

lolz

COMMENTS

By Mankbeast | 0

#1079823 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:12

lolz

ohsnapp823 | 0

#1079846 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:20

thts a stupid post..it hardly even makes sense.. how come mine don't get posted but that crappy post does?!

bmexoxo98 | 0

#1079848 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:20

Spain won world cup!!:)

Mack7273 | 0

#1079864 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:25

hah

rawrkittehpwnage | 0

#1079886 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:29

clutz!

love_musik | 0

#1079998 - Monday 12 July 2010 0:26

ew gross haha ^^
but wow way to be, OP.

iAmLol_fml | 0

#1080053 - Monday 12 July 2010 0:58

Comment moderated.

Anonymous123100 | 7

#1080064 - Monday 12 July 2010 1:04

at least you didn't pee on them too =/..

astarwarsfan | 0

#1080096 - Monday 12 July 2010 1:34

I guess they (puts on sunglasses) were pissed

RedPillSucks | 31

#1080157 - Monday 12 July 2010 1:50

Question is, were they pissed off, or pissed on?

msyelowbubblegum | 0

#1080312 - Monday 12 July 2010 2:49

gahahahaha thats .. umm embarassing not soo bad :P
and #18 hehe HOTT!!! ;) ;) ;)

ATLBOI770 | 0

#1080343 - Monday 12 July 2010 3:03

if I wuz ur bf I would act like I dint no u

jackdbomber | 0

#1081314 - Monday 12 July 2010 15:00

you should have sprinkled some yellow shower as well. treat for your everyone lol

By schwancy | 2

#1079825 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:12

smooth move!

Ragnir | 0

#1079873 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:27

at-least people were there to break her fall I guess... sorta

By YaLuckyGal | 0

#1079831 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:13

did you pee on them?

By fossilman | 0

#1079833 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:15

So.....was the movie good?

twirliegirlie | 0

#1080006 - Monday 12 July 2010 0:31

that's what I was gonna say

msyelowbubblegum | 0

#1080328 - Monday 12 July 2010 2:56

haha wtf with ur profile pic??

fossilman | 0

#1082168 - Monday 12 July 2010 23:40

it's sexy

By steggunekoms | 0

#1079840 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:17

I wonder what movie they were watching.

By ArtIsResistance7 | 1

#1079849 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:21

Movie theater floors are full of surprises!

Isn't it 'aisle'? Otherwise I don't know what kind of movie theaters they have in Cali :P

ArtIsResistance7 | 1

#1079880 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:28

*hat tip to the Mods*

By annabelle2213 | 0

#1079851 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:21

YDI for mispelling aisle.

youngrob | 0

#1080085 - Monday 12 July 2010 1:27

damn you fine

By fossilman | 0

#1079856 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:22

Predators rocked

By xxwtfwasthatxx | 0

#1079857 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:23

how do u fail that bad?

By Mack7273 | 0

#1079860 - Sunday 11 July 2010 23:23