Today, my mother informed me that we are no longer taking my... - FML

By zcollins - 10/9/2013 15:52 - United States - Pleasanton

Today, my mother informed me that we are no longer taking my graduation trip to New York. Instead, she and her group of continuously drunk friends are going to Vegas because, "We could win the jackpot and take you on an even bigger trip to New York!" She's never won anything in her whole life. FML

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Family values

British Broadcasting Corporation

Tonight, on Grey's Anatomy…

By - 31/10/2015 12:36 - United States

Today, I went to a party with a friend. All I remember is passing out on the couch. About 10 minutes ago I was woken up by a bucket of cold water and thrown out by the guy who lives there. I'm still dripping and very cold, and I have no idea where the hell I am. FML

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By Isa - 15/5/2012 06:48 - United States

Today, my boss at my new job asked whether I was fitting in OK. The company is Swedish, so as a joke, I said that at home I now serve all my food as a smorgasbord, chew on fermented herring and Daim chocolate bars, and buy all my furniture at Ikea. She didn't see the funny side. FML

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By Cxisbest - 23/3/2011 21:21 - United States

Today, as I walked home, I heard the people behind me in an argument over my gender. FML

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By photogirl - 30/8/2010 18:42 - United States

Today, my external hard drive broke. My husband tried to fix it, and the computer told him he needed to format it. Apparently he didn't know what formatting does, so he did it. I'm a wedding photographer and had a full summer of unfinished wedding photography on there. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/4/2018 11:00 - United States - Twin Falls

Today, I went to the park to read “The Book Thief”. I fell asleep and when I woke up, my book was gone. FML

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By Lonely - 24/7/2011 17:02 - United States

Today, I went out for coffee with my sister and my crush. I spent the majority of the date flirting with my crush, and when he dropped us off at home, I told him I had fun on our date. He looked at me surprised and said he'd thought I'd tagged along on his date with my sister. FML

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By anonymous - 14/12/2010 11:52 - United States

Today, I went to feed my neighbor's cat while he was out of town. The cat was sick, so part of my job was to give it a pill each time I came. Cats don't like swallowing pills. My neighbor forgot to mention that his cat wasn't declawed. I was wearing shorts. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/8/2014 23:25 - Sweden - Sundsvall

Today, I had a seizure while at the airport, ready to go on vacation with my family. We ended up missing our flight. My mom spent most of the ride home making cracks about how I'm always ruining things with my "dramatics". Sorry that I have epilepsy, mom. FML

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By lovelesslonely - 12/10/2010 17:48 - United States

Today, my boyfriend brought me home flowers and candy for the first time in our 1 year relationship. Thinking he was going to finally propose, I got excited. I asked why he was being so sweet, and he responded with, "I thought you'd take the breakup better this way." FML

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By Angela - 4/1/2012 19:01 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office. People kept staring at me and I couldn't figure out why. Later, I realized my sister's puppies had chewed a noticeable hole in my pants' crotch. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/12/2012 07:48 - United States

Today, I saw a man in an army uniform. As a bit of a patriot, I went up to thank him for his service. After about 10 minutes of me going on and on, he started laughing. He wasn't a soldier. FML

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By jesushelpme - 22/10/2012 19:08 - United States - Nixa

Today, I came home to find an almost completely devoured cheesecake, The Notebook playing on the TV, and a shoe thrown at my head. It's safe to say my girlfriend is just about on her period. FML

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By Candy_Crushed - 8/9/2017 22:30 - United States - Mims

Today, after nearly three years of no contact whatsoever, I received a Facebook notification from my father. Eager to see what he said, I pulled it up only to see a game request. He had run out of lives on Candy Crush. FML

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By headache - 4/5/2019 14:00

Today, I have a new office-mate. I'm not particularly sensitive to odours but he wears so much cologne, I nearly throw up every time he walks in. Only 8 more hours till fresh air. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2013 20:12 - United States

Today, I called my mother to tell her that I got engaged. In the 15 minute conversation that followed, 13 were spent listening to how this is going to affect her. FML

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By stickyservice - 26/4/2014 01:21 - United Kingdom - Solihull

Today, an angry customer threw her sticky toffee pudding at the wall and pointed out that because it didn't stick, it was not really a "sticky" toffee pudding, and that she'd been mislead. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/4/2013 20:16 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were planning how to spend the day together. When I suggested we start off with some fun in bed, then get some pizza and play his favorite video game, he sighed, "Can't we just go straight to gaming?" FML

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By UncleMonkey - 6/3/2015 06:18 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, while flirting with a cute nurse at my dad's bedside, I accidentally let a noxious fart slip out and she thought the foul smell came from my sleeping father soiling himself. I let her roll him over and check his ass while he cried out in pain because I wasn't man enough to own up to it. FML

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By noooooooo - 18/3/2013 00:10 - United States - Laurinburg

Today, I was dancing with an incredibly sexy man at a club. He was grinding on me when he leaned over and said, "If I was straight, I would make you my queen." FML

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By Anonymous - 7/1/2019 14:00

Today, after many, many years of desperate bodily insecurity and therapy, I woke up next to the man of my dreams, who told me the sex was wonderful. Apparently, gin plays wonders with my memory. I don't remember a thing. And that was my first time. FML

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By asthmasucks - 19/9/2009 07:47 - United States

Today, due to the heat, I had a deadly asthma attack. Where was my inhaler? My dad pawned it for beer money. What did my dad do about my attack? Told me to quit being a Drama Queen. I had to go across the street and beg for a ride to the ER from my neighbor. FML

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By lameows - 4/4/2015 01:57 - United States

Today, things got heated with my boyfriend for the first time. Turns out he's even more inexperienced than I thought; when I started grinding against him, he frowned and said, "Um... why're you doing that? We've still got clothes on..." FML

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By ohdear - 3/1/2010 18:06 - United Kingdom

Today, I witnessed my drunk grandmother attempting the Single Ladies dance, complete with hip gyrations and ass slapping. FML

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By jaycee - 28/1/2012 03:41 - United States

Today, after having finally summoned the nerve to report a guy at my workplace who has been sexually harassing me for months, I got a phone call from my boss. He said that there was nothing he could do about it, because the guy "wouldn't confess." FML

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By Anonymous - 9/8/2009 04:02 - United States

Today, my family and I were coming back from a trip to the US. As we reached the border patrol we realized that we were one passport short. The border patrol lectured us for 30 minutes about how irresponsible we were for not realizing that they had forgotten to give us one of our passports back. FML

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By DJ Clitter - 16/4/2012 19:35 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my daughter, when I narrowly missed hitting a car after running a stop sign. After she screamed at me and demanded to know what I was doing, I had to admit that I'd been daydreaming about David Bowie. FML

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By broken - 2/9/2009 09:45 - Australia

Today, my mum hit me with her car as she was backing out of the drive way, hurting my leg and crushing my bike. For the third time this year. FML

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By BrokeBride - 14/8/2014 07:15 - United States - Hudson

Today, I asked for time off from work for my wedding and honeymoon. A grand total of three days. My boss made a face like he'd sucked on rancid toes and asked me if I was stupid. Awesome. FML

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By ohshittttttt - 4/4/2009 16:15 - United States

Today, I set my AIM status to be the currently-playing file on my iTunes. I've downloaded a lot of porn to my iTunes, and I wanted to watch some. My status changed to "Girl in Latex gets fucked in the ass." FML

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By Anon - 28/4/2016 20:27 - United States - Henderson

Today, I went on a first date with my crush. Turns out we only have one thing in common: we would both bang Hillary Clinton. FML

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By dogbreederssuck - 3/2/2015 15:26 - United Kingdom - Ormskirk

Today, at work, I had to tell a woman that there is no such thing as a "pedigree Beahuahuadoodle", and that she'd essentially paid $500 for a mutt. FML

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By desperate - 5/10/2012 09:47 - Malta - Paola

Today, as an introduction to the history of China, I asked my APA World History class to write a 500 word essay on a historical Chinese person. Out of a class of 18, five of them were about Mulan. FML

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By Mary - 16/12/2013 05:14 - United States

Today, I called a pest control company to ask them to come over to my place to help get rid of rats. The person on the phone told me to "be a man and stop acting like a girl". I'm a woman. FML

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By Anonymous - 1/7/2013 17:49 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I saw my former high school teacher at the mall. After a nice conversation, she mentioned that I "still dress like a slut." FML

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By Username - 29/11/2010 14:22

Today, a woman laughed after hearing my voice for the first time. This happens whenever I meet someone new, without fail. FML

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By argh - 3/3/2012 00:14 - Australia

Today, my friend told me how she crept out last night to hook up with her boyfriend. At one point, she said she "snack" out, so I corrected her by saying it's "snuck". My boyfriend snorted, showed us in a dictionary that it's actually "sneaked" and called us "fucking idiots". FML

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By Broke - 7/2/2020 05:00 - United States

This is my life

Today, I need money to fix my car, I need my car to get to work, and I need work to get money. FML

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By ElleSavage - 26/5/2018 01:30

Today, I finally found a dress I'd been missing for months. It was in a casket, on my recently deceased cousin. FML

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By 751920 - 3/2/2009 08:49 - Canada

Today, I found out my girlfriend's password for okcupid is "i_love_mike". My name is not Mike. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/2/2014 22:44 - United States - Carlisle

Today, I told my husband how frisky I was feeling, and asked him what he was going to do about it. He reached into our fruit bowl, tossed me a banana and told me to work it out, then returned to his video game. FML

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Top comments

By moonsalt | 20

#5667546 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 18:58

Hopefully she'll forget this idea when she sobers up. I mean, I hope she's drunk. This is not a rational idea.

By Aksta | 18

#5667539 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 18:56

There's always a first time! Look on the bright side...

COMMENTS

By Aksta | 18

#5667539 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 18:56

There's always a first time! Look on the bright side...

Reply

steffi90 | 13

#5667653 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 20:03

think positive! she could win big! :)

Reply

DFresh503 | 8

#5667751 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 21:34

That's a risk OP's mom is willing to take

Reply

1PersonIsMyWorld | 22

#5667807 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 22:48

she could win, not necessarily win big. and op just because your mom has never won anything in her life doesnt mean she's doomed to fail in Vegas. honestly that statement has nothing to do with how big of a douche move your mom took. it was very selfish.

Reply

hashshim | 21

#5668020 - Wednesday 11 September 2013 1:09

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

evalu8tor | 12

#5668354 - Wednesday 11 September 2013 7:36

Sorry the odds remain 1000:1

By Tonka2203 | 7

#5667540 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 18:56

sucks, OP. Just the fact that it's your mum....

Reply

badluckdawson | 19

#5667612 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:30

Would it of made a difference if it was her dad?

Reply

TheBrochure | 22

#5667741 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 21:27

#20 - *would it have

Reply

chloem103 | 9

#5667756 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 21:42

I think they mean it sucks that a PARENT could do that

Reply

1PersonIsMyWorld | 22

#5667808 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 22:50

Its funny how 2 got down voted but 46 got up voted for saying the same thing but just expanded on the topic a little more..

Reply

JaegerMayCry | 12

#5667875 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 23:37

there was no need to post your comment though. :/

By moonsalt | 20

#5667546 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 18:58

Hopefully she'll forget this idea when she sobers up. I mean, I hope she's drunk. This is not a rational idea.

Reply

GTAmax99 | 12

#5667780 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 22:10

If she wasn't drunk then, I can't imagine how horrible her ideas would be when she is…

By 10nachoman10 | 24

#5667547 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 18:58

That sucks, look on the bright-side, if they do win the jackpot you'll have even more money! Bad luck OP

By SS99_fml | 20

#5667550 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:02

Hey there's always the possibility she'll win big right?....right?....

By kaiyybee | 10

#5667554 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:03

Well maybe she'll actually win this time! Fingers crossed

By mcrepas | 19

#5667557 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:05

Better pack her some four leaf clovers, a rabbit's foot, and some lucky charms!

Reply

BobbieH | 19

#5667768 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 21:52

They're magically delicious!

Reply

MrConcise | 34

#5667770 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 21:54

Don't you know casinos stock plenty of black cats, ladders, and mirrors to counteract wise guys like you?

Reply

mcrepas | 19

#5668160 - Wednesday 11 September 2013 3:37

Touché 49, touché...

Reply

cartoonboy | 26

#5955632 - Sunday 25 May 2014 6:38

I do like a good rabbit's foot

By PeaceIsFree | 9

#5667558 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:05

How truly unfortunate

By Altar_fml | 2

#5667559 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:06

Well, it's really expensive in New York anyway...

Reply

myoukei | 31

#5667572 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:14

Depends on where in New York you go. Manhattan is going to cost you an arm and a leg. Queens? Not so much...

Reply

erjazo | 17

#5667715 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 20:59

Who goes to NYC to go to Queens, though? Seriously, that's be a bigger FML than this one...

Reply

lonewolf658 | 6

#5667742 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 21:27

13 in Queens you'd loose an arm and a leg as well...just not for expenses.

Reply

jessBeAqueen | 13

#5667889 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 23:46

maybe long island.....ah hell who am I kidding? no one ever comes to long island :( unless of course its the hamptons then you'd probably lose that arm and leg

Reply

JordynnLOL | 11

#5668043 - Wednesday 11 September 2013 1:29

They could each sell an arm and a leg in Vegas, then they'd be set for a trip to Manhattan!

Reply

Robbedwithoutgun | 2

#5670963 - Friday 13 September 2013 3:17

No I went to manhattan NYC spent like 3 grand

By Mr2212 | 7

#5667566 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:09

Tell her she has a better chance of getting struck by lightning or a meteorite.