Money: Today, my mother informed me that we are no longer taking my... - FML

By zcollins - United States - Pleasanton

Today, my mother informed me that we are no longer taking my graduation trip to New York. Instead, she and her group of continuously drunk friends are going to Vegas because, "We could win the jackpot and take you on an even bigger trip to New York!" She's never won anything in her whole life. FML

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Out of it

Taking stock

Dementia or hate? You decide

By Anonymous - Canada - Dollard-des-ormeaux

Today, I went with my boyfriend to his church youth group for the first time. I found out a girl there likes him, when she decided to pull me off him while we were hugging, and take my place. FML

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By horrible daughter - United States - Santee

Today, I was feeling guilty about an argument I had with my mother right before she left to go shopping. When she got back, I ran to give her a hug and tell her I loved her. Unfortunately, in the process, I knocked over and broke her new $200 vase. FML

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By nipman - United States

Today, my grandpa who is staying with us mistook me for a Japanese soldier and started to hit me with a bat. This is the second night in a row. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my roommate whacking off to clown porn. FML

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By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 20:03

No smoking

Today, my boyfriend told me he started smoking again and had smoked almost a whole pack in 3 hours. We were on the phone and I was on the bus. He knew that was the perfect time time to tell me, because he knew I wouldn't yell in public. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, a guy asked for hot fries at the drive thru. After receiving the fries, he threw them at the drive thru window, complained that they were too hot, and asked for the manager for burning his mouth. I am the manager. FML

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By betterthanhodor - United Kingdom - Woodbridge

Today, I was getting everything ready for mine and my husband's first wedding anniversary. Flowers, check. Crisp new bed sheets, check. Silk underwear, check. Crippling cramps and an early period, check. FML

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By KnowWhereYourTowelIs - United Kingdom - Eastbourne

Today, I won a year's supply of bath bombs in a competition. I live in a tiny flat by myself with only a shower. I also have to find somewhere to put the bath bombs. FML

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By "Jam2019"

Today, despite using the bathroom before I left my house, then at the bus station 10 minutes later, I still had to get off my bus halfway into my hour long journey to pee in a back alley or I would have wet myself. I'm 24 and this has happened twice in the last week. FML

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By shrek - United States - Chattanooga

Today, my mother and I were watching a movie. She got up to go to bed, and I blurted out, "Please don't leave me." Her response: "You really need a boyfriend." FML

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By Chelsea - United States

Today, my mom made me clean. I was dusting in the living room and heard gunshots outside the apartment. I dove on the floor and started crying and screaming. My mom walked in and informed me that the sound was her making popcorn. FML

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By oregongrl1991 - France

Today, my fiancé told me he didn't have the money to make payments on my engagement ring and that I either have to return it, or make the payments myself. Now we aren't engaged any more, and are "dating." FML

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By CrappyCar - United States

Today, I received a notice that if I don't move the abandoned vehicle from outside my house it will be repossessed at my expense. My car isn't abandoned. FML

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By Anonycock - Qatar - Doha

Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/9/2020 23:01 - United States - San Bernardino

The long con

Today, I had expired soda and stale chips for my dinner. Why? Because my mother spent all our grocery money on organic food for her chihuahua. FML

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By mee - 10/10/2020 05:01

Messed up

Today, I started new meds because I’ve been emotionally numb since I was 14. I never learned how to manage real feelings and I’m on a rollercoaster that involves crying over nothing, feeling jealous of my husband’s Xbox, and getting angry at inanimate objects. Is there a return policy on this? FML

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By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was on the bus, when an elderly woman stepped in. She looked too weak to stand. She looked at me with her sad puppy eyes, expecting me to give up my seat for her. I felt sorry and got up. As soon as she sat down, she says, "Ha! Sucker!" She didn't look so cute anymore. FML

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By MJensen - Denmark - Herlev

Today, I wanted to be nice to my boyfriend and buy him a cake. Not only did I drop it in the bus, when I got home I forgot that I'd put it on my bed, and sat on it. FML

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By ...

Today, I yelled, "Fuck me, oh shit!" instinctively after accidentally spilling boiling hot coffee all over myself. My 3-year-old niece found this hilarious, and won't stop saying "Fuck my shit." Her parents are due to pick her up any moment. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out the girl I've been fooling around with for two weeks has a boyfriend, who is in jail, and is a member of the Aryan Brotherhood. FML

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By Lunar-Spice - 7/11/2020 23:02

Happens at all ages

Today, my roommate had to ask to check if I was drinking water instead of alcohol. Twice. Then she 'suggested' that I 'might' be an alcoholic. I'm only 21. FML

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By Ghostie - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my parents. They were both on the bed, and I was lying on the floor next to their bed. Halfway through the movie, apparently forgetting that I was in the room, my parents started getting friendly. Three feet away from me. FML

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By sexualpopcorn - United States - San Diego

Today, as I was saying bye to my girlfriend, I said "see ya later, alligator." She took offense because she thought I called her ugly. FML

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By YoshiSqu4d - 31/7/2020 20:01

Emergency cooking

Today, I managed to set off the smoke detectors while cooking burgers. The cops and fire department showed up. FML

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By anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me I look like a fish gasping for breath when I "finish" during sex. FML

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By elmangy - United States

Today, I went ice skating for my friend's birthday. We had to vacate the skating rink so that they could smooth out the rink for the next session. I don't know how to skate and my friends left me. Not only was I the last one out of the rink, but I had to crawl my way out with everyone laughing. FML

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By doubletrouble - United States

Today, my boyfriend finally found a roommate after hopelessly looking for months. I was really anxious to meet the guy because I would most likely be spending a good amount of time with him. Who did my boyfriend end up picking as his new roommate? My ex-boyfriend. FML

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By MedHistory - Canada - Laval

Today, I decided to give a break to my students halfway through my 3 hour lecture. The break became the end of the lecture, because nobody came back. FML

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By Anonymous - Germany - Paderborn

Today, at work, a woman demanded a refund for a video game. She had no receipt, so due to company policy, I couldn't refund her. She reacted by loudly accusing me of being racist, then yelled that she'd see me in court as she finally stormed out. FML

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By grannysmack - United States

Today, as I was bent over at my waitressing job an elderly woman walked by and smacked my ass. I looked at her, shocked, and she said, "It was too tempting with you bent over like that, I have a dirty old mind." I didn't know whether to be flattered or horrified. Maybe both. FML

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By backtosquareone - Hong Kong - Central District

Today, after months of searching, I was offered a job. After hearing how excited I was on the phone, HR docked the initial salary offer by 40% in the written contract. She said it was non-negotiable. Guess I'm back to job hunting. FML

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By Not a day over 35 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I turned 29. To celebrate, my office got me a cake that read "Happy 38th!!" The "theme" of the "party" was 'Not a day over 35!' I waited all day for someone to tell me it was all a prank, but nobody did. I spent my lunch hour crying in my car. Happy birthday to me. FML

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By tubedout - United States

Today, I learned that the four girls who I assumed were my girlfriends' good friends and whom she was always talking about were actually characters from the television show, "Sex and the City." My girlfriend has fictional friends. FML

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By angry - United States

Today, I went to go get a new ID because my wallet was stolen, which had my social security card in it as well. I found out that to get your ID you have to have your social security card, and to get your social security card, you need your ID. FML

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By Em - France

Today, my boyfriend accidentally called me from his pocket. I thought it would be funny to see what him and his friends were talking about. I laughed when I heard him talking about us fooling around until I realized it wasn't me. FML

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By anonymous

Today, my pregnant sister has apparently always loved my boyfriend's name and wants to give it to her child. She expects me to break up with my boyfriend so "it doesn't get weird." FML

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By WaltTheFuckDad - United States - Salida

Today, my dad tore my room apart for the second time, looking for drug-making equipment. His reasoning is that I must be dealing drugs, because I'm a chemistry major who likes to watch Breaking Bad. FML

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By Grace - United States

Today, a close friend pointed out to me how ironic it is that I make the Sim version of myself work out to lose weight, while I sit on my fat ass playing video games. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Fairfield

Today, I got rear-ended. An old woman got out and came over to my car window. I thought she was coming to apologize and trade insurance companies. Instead, she poured her soda on my head, ran back into her car, and drove away. FML

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By KennyDidIt - United States - Grand Bay

Today, it's my sixth day taking care of my family's seven animals while my parents are in Singapore. So far, I've emergency-called the vet twice, taken a dog to the vet once, and cleaned up liquid dog shit five times. FML

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Top comments

By moonsalt | 20

#5667546 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 18:58

Hopefully she'll forget this idea when she sobers up. I mean, I hope she's drunk. This is not a rational idea.

By Aksta | 18

#5667539 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 18:56

There's always a first time! Look on the bright side...

COMMENTS

By Aksta | 18

#5667539 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 18:56

There's always a first time! Look on the bright side...

Reply

steffi90 | 13

#5667653 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 20:03

think positive! she could win big! :)

Reply

DFresh503 | 8

#5667751 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 21:34

That's a risk OP's mom is willing to take

Reply

1PersonIsMyWorld | 22

#5667807 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 22:48

she could win, not necessarily win big. and op just because your mom has never won anything in her life doesnt mean she's doomed to fail in Vegas. honestly that statement has nothing to do with how big of a douche move your mom took. it was very selfish.

Reply

hashshim | 21

#5668020 - Wednesday 11 September 2013 1:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

Reply

evalu8tor | 12

#5668354 - Wednesday 11 September 2013 7:36

Sorry the odds remain 1000:1

By Tonka2203 | 7

#5667540 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 18:56

sucks, OP. Just the fact that it's your mum....

Reply

badluckdawson | 19

#5667612 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:30

Would it of made a difference if it was her dad?

Reply

TheBrochure | 22

#5667741 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 21:27

#20 - *would it have

Reply

chloem103 | 9

#5667756 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 21:42

I think they mean it sucks that a PARENT could do that

Reply

1PersonIsMyWorld | 22

#5667808 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 22:50

Its funny how 2 got down voted but 46 got up voted for saying the same thing but just expanded on the topic a little more..

Reply

JaegerMayCry | 13

#5667875 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 23:37

there was no need to post your comment though. :/

By moonsalt | 20

#5667546 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 18:58

Hopefully she'll forget this idea when she sobers up. I mean, I hope she's drunk. This is not a rational idea.

Reply

GTAmax99 | 12

#5667780 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 22:10

If she wasn't drunk then, I can't imagine how horrible her ideas would be when she is…

By 10nachoman10 | 24

#5667547 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 18:58

That sucks, look on the bright-side, if they do win the jackpot you'll have even more money! Bad luck OP

By SS99_fml | 20

#5667550 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:02

Hey there's always the possibility she'll win big right?....right?....

By kaiyybee | 10

#5667554 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:03

Well maybe she'll actually win this time! Fingers crossed

By mcrepas | 19

#5667557 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:05

Better pack her some four leaf clovers, a rabbit's foot, and some lucky charms!

Reply

BobbieH | 19

#5667768 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 21:52

They're magically delicious!

Reply

MrConcise | 34

#5667770 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 21:54

Don't you know casinos stock plenty of black cats, ladders, and mirrors to counteract wise guys like you?

Reply

mcrepas | 19

#5668160 - Wednesday 11 September 2013 3:37

Touché 49, touché...

Reply

cartoonboy | 26

#5955632 - Sunday 25 May 2014 6:38

I do like a good rabbit's foot

By PeaceIsFree | 9

#5667558 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:05

How truly unfortunate

By Altar_fml | 2

#5667559 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:06

Well, it's really expensive in New York anyway...

Reply

myoukei | 31

#5667572 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:14

Depends on where in New York you go. Manhattan is going to cost you an arm and a leg. Queens? Not so much...

Reply

erjazo | 17

#5667715 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 20:59

Who goes to NYC to go to Queens, though? Seriously, that's be a bigger FML than this one...

Reply

lonewolf658 | 6

#5667742 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 21:27

13 in Queens you'd loose an arm and a leg as well...just not for expenses.

Reply

jessBeAqueen | 13

#5667889 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 23:46

maybe long island.....ah hell who am I kidding? no one ever comes to long island :( unless of course its the hamptons then you'd probably lose that arm and leg

Reply

JordynnLOL | 11

#5668043 - Wednesday 11 September 2013 1:29

They could each sell an arm and a leg in Vegas, then they'd be set for a trip to Manhattan!

Reply

Robbedwithoutgun | 2

#5670963 - Friday 13 September 2013 3:17

No I went to manhattan NYC spent like 3 grand

By Mr2212 | 7

#5667566 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:09

Tell her she has a better chance of getting struck by lightning or a meteorite.