Today, my mother informed me that we are no longer taking my... - FML

By zcollins - United States - Pleasanton

Today, my mother informed me that we are no longer taking my graduation trip to New York. Instead, she and her group of continuously drunk friends are going to Vegas because, "We could win the jackpot and take you on an even bigger trip to New York!" She's never won anything in her whole life. FML

I agree, your life sucks

54209

You deserved it

3562

Tweet

Share

There's no helping some people

Waiting for that special someone

Big lad

By Anonymous - United States - Lake Oswego

Today, at my annual checkup, the doc looks down at my foot and says, "Oh, you have an extra toenail. 6, huh?" Then sort of scraping at the side of my foot below the pinky toe, he pulls off a long piece of dead, dried skin and says, "Oh." FML

I agree, your life sucks

21973

You deserved it

6324

Tweet

Share

By ihatecats - United States

Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24095

You deserved it

16559

Tweet

Share

By she won't see a therapist - United States - Omaha

Today, my wife's paranoia reached a new level. She spent a half hour fretting over the idea that one of the cleaning ladies at our hotel might have taken a used condom from our room and tried to get pregnant with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19420

You deserved it

1468

Tweet

Share

By (._. ) - United States - Alburnett

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd ask his dad if it was okay. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "come on, dad" and "but why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks

61635

You deserved it

5093

Tweet

Share

By ohhhman - United States

Today, one of the Haitians that works in the kitchen at my restaurant said something to me. Usually I can't understand them and I just smile and laugh, so that's what I did this time. Later, I found out he was trying to tell me his father had passed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19650

You deserved it

58019

Tweet

Share

By awks - Australia - Doncaster East

Today, I was dismissed from my job at an unemployment agency. In order to receive financial support from the government I need to be cooperating with a job service provider. They paired me up with the same place I was just fired from. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42868

You deserved it

3674

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/6/2020 23:04

Taste test

Today, I went to give my boyfriend head, and his dick tasted like condoms. I'm 5 months pregnant, we obviously don't use condoms. He got scared when I stopped and told him, then he got mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2309

You deserved it

217

Tweet

Share

By really - United States - Knoxville

Today, I was at a club when a notoriously desperate and disgusting guy asked me to grind with him. Hoping for some backup, I coolly said, "You'll have to ask my boyfriend." My boyfriend's response? "Yeah, man, I don't care." FML

I agree, your life sucks

38376

You deserved it

8453

Tweet

Share

By riahta - United States

Today, I was playing a math game with a 4th grade boy (I'm a college graduate). I cheated during the entire game, and still lost 7 of the 9 rounds we played. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10018

You deserved it

46356

Tweet

Share

By Username

Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36727

You deserved it

5217

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, while dropping files off at my boss's house, I tripped and fell into his fish tank. We both watched as a crack spread all the way across the glass and shattered, covering his carpet in fish and water. His only words to me were, "I'll see you at work tomorrow. Maybe." FML

I agree, your life sucks

4302

You deserved it

530

Tweet

Share

By for shite's sake - United Kingdom - Mirfield

Today, I took my driving test. I was really nervous, but I thought I did pretty well in the end. That is until I parked the car and looked to the examiner. He was visibly shaken. He said I'd passed, quickly filled in the paperwork and left. On the downside, my car still smells of his shart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34488

You deserved it

3693

Tweet

Share

By tacolove69 - United States

Today, I was late to dinner with my anal-retentive parents because my boyfriend was too busy making cock puppets in the shower to get ready to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18673

You deserved it

3334

Tweet

Share

By pist

Today, I was lying in a lawn chair next to my wooden fence when a yellow liquid started spraying me. The neighbor's douchebag son was peeing through the small hole in the fence and soaked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4602

You deserved it

271

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, I went to my husband's work to give him lunch. His assistant told me his "wife" was in his office. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51729

You deserved it

3012

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Tracadie

Today, one of my friends posted on Facebook saying if you're held up at an ATM, putting your PIN in backwards will alert the cops. I pointed out it's an urban legend, and asked how it'd work if their PIN was the same backwards. He drove over and beat the crap out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38692

You deserved it

6015

Tweet

Share

By kiwichick4life - United States - Pickerington

Today, I was pretending to be a ballerina. I was dancing around my room, making a complete dick of myself. I eventually caught sight of a pair of guys grinning and filming me with their cellphones through my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43542

You deserved it

14127

Tweet

Share

By madisonbubch - United States - Vine Grove

Today, I got home from a long day at work, hoping to just fix dinner and relax, only to find that my cat had come into the house with a rabbit, and is now stuck underneath the cabinet. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31818

You deserved it

3054

Tweet

Share

By Summer Loving Happened So Fast - United States - Cookeville

Today, after two years, my girlfriend finally got over her intimacy and commitment problems, with a guy she met over the summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38036

You deserved it

3262

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 11/5/2020 02:00

Pampered

Today, I'm 25-years-old and I need to wear an adult diaper as I have lost my bladder control. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1831

You deserved it

121

Tweet

Share

By Higgs - United States

Today, I went to the pool. When I hit the water the top of my swimsuit came off so I tried to put it on underwater. The lifeguard thought I was drowning and pulled me out in front of everyone. Topless. FML

I agree, your life sucks

67985

You deserved it

6159

Tweet

Share

By VahnSeiro - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me, drunk, telling me how much anal sex hurts with some other guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32262

You deserved it

2715

Tweet

Share

By disgusted - United States - Herndon

Today, my dad's recycling went out of control. He now keeps a calendar of my periods, just to remind me to recycle the cardboard from my tampons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28544

You deserved it

1982

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2194

You deserved it

663

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, after soccer practice I was looking for my dad. Last night he was an hour late, so I was pretty pissed. When I spotted him, I saw him flirting with a much younger woman. I then tried throwing my soccer ball to his feet, but ended up slamming his head. Only to find out he wasn't my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10756

You deserved it

38396

Tweet

Share

By akvan - 30/10/2020 06:01 - Canada - Toronto

Sounds lovely

Today, my coworker, who keeps calling me Mexican even though she knows I'm not, is telling everyone that I act like a bitch to our boss, even though she's the one who is always contradicting and fighting with her, and I always try to keep everything professional. No other jobs are calling me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks

928

You deserved it

51

Tweet

Share

By biomajor99 - United States - Middletown

Today, I had to explain to my 23-year-old female friend that when I get my hysterectomy, I will still be able to poop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26670

You deserved it

2145

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, after being stood up at a diner, I called the girl who was supposed to have met me. Turns out, she thought I was kidding when I asked her out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46746

You deserved it

3248

Tweet

Share

By technicallywroteabook - United States - Grapevine

Today, I turned in an essay about a book I'd read over the summer. My teacher later called me to her desk and began to gush about how interesting the book sounded and asked to borrow my copy. The book I wrote about is not real, and the main characters are named after my childhood pets. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22922

You deserved it

17099

Tweet

Share

By birthdayfun - United States

Today, it's my birthday. My mom decided to wake me up by having our new, previously stray, cat thrown on top of me. I was awoken to two claws ripping across my face which needed 16 stitches to fix. Happy Birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks

153060

You deserved it

8146

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Today, I was heading home after getting off work at 5 in the morning, when a deer slid out in front of my car. Not jumped. Slid. Thanks, winter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23396

You deserved it

1553

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous

Sashay away!

Today, someone called out "Ma'am!" while approaching me from behind, but then said "Oops, sir!" when I turned around. I was wearing a corset and miniskirt with leggings. They were correct the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3668

You deserved it

363

Tweet

Share

By effingawwesome - United States

Today, I was surfing and trying to impress some girls on the beach. While I was out in the water, a jellyfish wrapped itself around my torso. I started to yell and freak out, making a huge scene. I grabbed it off of me, only to realize that I was freaking out over a plastic grocery bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19562

You deserved it

56453

Tweet

Share

By KN - United States

Today, I went to go give my boss a high five for a job well done. I missed his hand and accidentally slapped his ass on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38795

You deserved it

12491

Tweet

Share

By Shoe - United States

Today, my boss told me he suspected his wife was cheating on him. I told him to pull up her Facebook page to look for suspicious activity. I looked at her profile picture and said, "Damn, that girl next to her fine! You know her?" It was his sixteen year old daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8891

You deserved it

39735

Tweet

Share

By bdogge99 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was at the dentist. During my check-up, he recommended a dermatologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24933

You deserved it

2929

Tweet

Share

By OzzyWannabee - France - Issy-les-moulineaux

Today, I tried to overcome my shyness by warmly greeting the bus driver while entering it. I instead blurted out really loudly the words of the song my iPod was playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30916

You deserved it

7148

Tweet

Share

By anonymous

Today, my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to have phone sex with her. We got into it. It took us 13 minutes to figure out my mom had been on the other line the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

41806

You deserved it

14840

Tweet

Share

By gotta love my momma - United States - Folsom

Today, I got married. My booze-hound mother made a toast, and told a story about how she once walked in on us having sex. My husband's family is very religious, and we told them we weren't having sex until marriage. Thanks mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36090

You deserved it

11180

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Cyprus - Limassol

Today, I attended my mother's funeral. My husband came too, and during the service, I kept hearing him giggling. I wrote it off as the usual awkward nerves, until he started snorting too, and I caught sight of the iPhone under his jacket. He was reading this very site. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64440

You deserved it

4512

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By moonsalt | 20

#5667546 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 18:58

Hopefully she'll forget this idea when she sobers up. I mean, I hope she's drunk. This is not a rational idea.

By Aksta | 18

#5667539 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 18:56

There's always a first time! Look on the bright side...

COMMENTS

By Aksta | 18

#5667539 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 18:56

There's always a first time! Look on the bright side...

Reply

steffi90 | 13

#5667653 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 20:03

think positive! she could win big! :)

Reply

DFresh503 | 8

#5667751 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 21:34

That's a risk OP's mom is willing to take

Reply

1PersonIsMyWorld | 22

#5667807 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 22:48

she could win, not necessarily win big. and op just because your mom has never won anything in her life doesnt mean she's doomed to fail in Vegas. honestly that statement has nothing to do with how big of a douche move your mom took. it was very selfish.

Reply

hashshim | 21

#5668020 - Wednesday 11 September 2013 1:09

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

evalu8tor | 12

#5668354 - Wednesday 11 September 2013 7:36

Sorry the odds remain 1000:1

By Tonka2203 | 7

#5667540 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 18:56

sucks, OP. Just the fact that it's your mum....

Reply

badluckdawson | 19

#5667612 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:30

Would it of made a difference if it was her dad?

Reply

TheBrochure | 22

#5667741 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 21:27

#20 - *would it have

Reply

chloem103 | 9

#5667756 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 21:42

I think they mean it sucks that a PARENT could do that

Reply

1PersonIsMyWorld | 22

#5667808 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 22:50

Its funny how 2 got down voted but 46 got up voted for saying the same thing but just expanded on the topic a little more..

Reply

JaegerMayCry | 13

#5667875 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 23:37

there was no need to post your comment though. :/

By moonsalt | 20

#5667546 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 18:58

Hopefully she'll forget this idea when she sobers up. I mean, I hope she's drunk. This is not a rational idea.

Reply

GTAmax99 | 12

#5667780 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 22:10

If she wasn't drunk then, I can't imagine how horrible her ideas would be when she is…

By 10nachoman10 | 24

#5667547 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 18:58

That sucks, look on the bright-side, if they do win the jackpot you'll have even more money! Bad luck OP

By SS99_fml | 20

#5667550 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:02

Hey there's always the possibility she'll win big right?....right?....

By kaiyybee | 10

#5667554 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:03

Well maybe she'll actually win this time! Fingers crossed

By mcrepas | 19

#5667557 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:05

Better pack her some four leaf clovers, a rabbit's foot, and some lucky charms!

Reply

BobbieH | 19

#5667768 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 21:52

They're magically delicious!

Reply

MrConcise | 34

#5667770 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 21:54

Don't you know casinos stock plenty of black cats, ladders, and mirrors to counteract wise guys like you?

Reply

mcrepas | 19

#5668160 - Wednesday 11 September 2013 3:37

Touché 49, touché...

Reply

cartoonboy | 26

#5955632 - Sunday 25 May 2014 6:38

I do like a good rabbit's foot

By PeaceIsFree | 9

#5667558 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:05

How truly unfortunate

By Altar_fml | 2

#5667559 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:06

Well, it's really expensive in New York anyway...

Reply

myoukei | 31

#5667572 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:14

Depends on where in New York you go. Manhattan is going to cost you an arm and a leg. Queens? Not so much...

Reply

erjazo | 17

#5667715 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 20:59

Who goes to NYC to go to Queens, though? Seriously, that's be a bigger FML than this one...

Reply

lonewolf658 | 6

#5667742 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 21:27

13 in Queens you'd loose an arm and a leg as well...just not for expenses.

Reply

jessBeAqueen | 13

#5667889 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 23:46

maybe long island.....ah hell who am I kidding? no one ever comes to long island :( unless of course its the hamptons then you'd probably lose that arm and leg

Reply

JordynnLOL | 11

#5668043 - Wednesday 11 September 2013 1:29

They could each sell an arm and a leg in Vegas, then they'd be set for a trip to Manhattan!

Reply

Robbedwithoutgun | 2

#5670963 - Friday 13 September 2013 3:17

No I went to manhattan NYC spent like 3 grand

By Mr2212 | 7

#5667566 - Tuesday 10 September 2013 19:09

Tell her she has a better chance of getting struck by lightning or a meteorite.