By Anonymous - 23/10/2020 08:08 - United Kingdom - London

Great expectations

Today, after making love to my boyfriend, I went upstairs to shower. After turning it on, I found a huge pimple on my leg and the prospect of popping it excited me more than my boyfriend ever had in bed. FML

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Late term

Triage

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By Anonymous - United States - Gonzales

Today, my boyfriend kicked me out and threatened to get a restraining order after I called him an asshole. I'm 16 weeks pregnant and over 1,000 miles away from my parents' house. FML

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42782

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By horselover7766 - United States - Sewell

Today, my brother and I were shoveling mulch. He pushed me in and then ran away, laughing hysterically. I was stuck in the mulch, and no one would help. I was literally in deep shit. FML

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24390

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By that girl. - United States

Today, instead of having my friends come pick me up, my dad drove me over to visit them. He insisted on walking me up to the door, hugging me goodbye, and making sure my friends were appropriate enough to hang out with. I'm in college. FML

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27399

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3522

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By Chard of Glass - Canada - Marystown

Today, I woke up with a nasty cough. My mother gave me cough syrup for it. After about 30 minutes, I was dizzy, nauseous, and high as a fucking kite. Turns out the cough syrup reacts badly with my prescription medications, making me even sicker than I already was. FML

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11580

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By Anonymous

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for refusing to stop talking to my female best friend. When I pointed out that my friend's a lesbian, she said, "How the hell does that change anything?" I have no idea why I'm not happy to be rid of that paranoid imbecile. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3354

You deserved it

415

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By HotelNA614 - United States - Mason

Today, while working at a hotel, I had a guest return his room key in my hands for once instead of throwing it on the counter. Progress, right? Except that it was covered in snot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3554

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206

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By MALICEG - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, there was a knock on my apartment door. It was the man from next-door, who sarcastically asked if I was alright, because he said he heard me screaming in agony. I was singing. FML

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22426

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I went on a blind double date with my friend. My date was actually blind. Not so bad, he seemed nice, until he told me I sound ugly and annoying. My friend laughed and agreed. FML

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36396

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on the phone with my mother. She asked me if I was going to make it to Christmas at home. I told her that I would try and make it home since it would be my grandma's last Christmas alive. To my luck, grandma was sitting in the car with my mother, and speaker phone was in use. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12562

You deserved it

37796

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By 3somer

Ménage à nope

Today, I received a text from the woman with whom my boyfriend and I recently had a threesome. After years of fantasizing, I finally experienced what it was like to be with another girl. Now we also get to experience what it's like to have gonorrhea. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3820

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I cut my finger open with a spoon. After waiting for 4 hours in the emergency room, the doctor told me I was missing too much flesh to qualify for stitches. He then called 2 other doctors in to examine it. Apparently they had a contest for patient with most ridiculous injury. I won. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39078

You deserved it

7903

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By kylie b

Today, my mom yelled at me for taking too long at a job interview, and that it was a waste of her time to drive me to it; I just quit my job, moved away from my boyfriend and the coast to help take care of her in Idaho. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35987

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4374

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By tracy4191 - United States - Ponchatoula

Today, I found out my grandma has been slipping laxatives into my food. Apparently, I was constipated once as a child and "once constipated, always constipated." FML

I agree, your life sucks

13423

You deserved it

786

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By Anonymous - 13/4/2021 23:00 - United States - Pittsburgh

Hazing rituals have to stop

Today, I woke up again from another nightmare about my university's hazing fallout. Every time I see their faces in these dreams, I remember how they got away with everything, including trying to end us as they searched for the first year snitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks

777

You deserved it

162

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By trollbot13 - India - Hyderabad

Today, I was fired from my job because I, in my boss's words, "Abided by company policy to such an extent that customers were starting to hate me." FML

I agree, your life sucks

12913

You deserved it

1257

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By crazy_mom - United States

Today, a girl I like came over to my house because I'd promised to help her prepare for a math test. My mom thought it would be funny to put a stack of porn magazines and handcuffs on the table in my room when I went to open the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38509

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4329

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By Anonymous - Canada

Today, it was my birthday. I only got one message, from my dad, which was a sexual image meant for my mother. FML

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47820

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3436

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By Anonymous - United States - Beaverton

Today, I had my first job interview after three years of unemployment. I was so happy that I broke down into tears the moment I saw the interviewer. Great first impression. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42351

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By anonymous - United States - Valdosta

Today, while working at Subway I joked with a customer asking him if he was going to order in Spanish. The women in front of him began yelling about how I was being racist and told my manager that I needed to be fired. The customer I was joking with was my Spanish teacher. FML

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40852

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By probably not getting the job - United States - Lake Oswego

Today, I applied for a job at a local store. As I walked out the door, I heard the manager read it out loud and everybody else laugh. FML

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31429

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By herzausstein - Belgium

Today, I took the train home. When seated, I suddenly noticed something wet on my seat. Without looking, I thought it was water since it was snowing outside. Guess again. It was vomit. FML

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28576

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By blew it

Today, I was going down on my boyfriend, only while I was down there I noticed he had an ungodly amount of dick cheese under his foreskin. He’s now mad at me for blueballing him, even though he’s clearly the one at fault for being a filthy pig. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3456

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304

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By pissed_off_girl - United States - Falls Church

Today, I had to proof-read a terrible paper containing a bunch of mistakes. It took me 4 hours and I didn't eat dinner until I was done. His response when he got it back was, "What the fuck did you do to my paper?! You bitch!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

37563

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By what. - 4/5/2020 17:00

Tunnel vision

Today, my boyfriend said that no, I'm not allowed to get glasses and then accused me of wanting to see other men. No, I just want to see. FML

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1871

You deserved it

180

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By Anon - United Kingdom

Today, having turned 18, I was eager to show my mother some of the clothes I'd like to purchase with my birthday money. I flipped my laptop open only to realise I had left a "Big Latina Booty gets a fat one" window open. Her howling screams of pleasure echoed through my kitchen. FML

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15473

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By Anonymous

Body Positivity

Today, after going through a major weight loss and change of lifestyle to better my confidence and health, I now have saggy thighs, arms and boobs, a deflated ass, two inches of hanging stomach, and have realized just how unsymmetrical my face is. Oh, and my physical health has never been worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1696

You deserved it

193

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By Upbrakie - United States

Today, I was in the middle of having sex with my girlfriend. I told her that I loved her. She asked me how much wind-shield wiper blades cost. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23540

You deserved it

3350

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By Sugao - France

Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML

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37886

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I had a show with my drama group. My mom isn't a good drunk, she decided to scream along to every song and pass out halfway through. She was in the front row. FML

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30275

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By fme

Today, my cousin came to visit from Texas. It would have been great if he hadn't groped me and whispered "incest isn't illegal" when he saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5612

You deserved it

333

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By brsoxgirl - United States

Today, I learned why my boyfriend of 10 months and I never hang out at his place. He still lives at home with his mother. He's 38. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33707

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By no love - United States

Today, I celebrated my 4-year anniversary with my girlfriend. We didn't have sex and we didn't even kiss. All I got to do was cuddle the stuffed Minion she got me for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22296

You deserved it

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By KitKat270 - Canada

Today, my mom informed me that she wouldn't be joining the rest of the girls in the limo ride to the church for my wedding ceremony because she wants to have her car with her. Why? Because she is planning to leave my wedding reception half way through to go home and take her dog out to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52608

You deserved it

4964

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By Halloweenie - United States

Today, I took a box of Halloween decorations down from the attic. Inside, were a bunch of fake spiders. I emptied the box onto the floor and the "fake" spiders crawled all over the living room in opposite directions. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43049

You deserved it

5419

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By jonasister - Sweden - Lund

Today, another of my dad's blind dates went bad, so I took him out for a beer. I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and when I came back, two guys were congratulating my dad on scoring such a hot piece of ass, and said the sex must be awesome. My dad played along with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44225

You deserved it

3265

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By lonely - United States

Today, I hired somebody to send me love letters. I'm that lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40521

You deserved it

20484

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By StratMan - United States

Today, I worked up the courage to confess my feelings to this girl I'm crazy about. I even wrote and recorded a song for her. Instead of listening to it, she gave it to her ex boyfriend who responded to my heartfelt words by headbutting me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37924

You deserved it

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was insulted online by a teenager who said that I was probably a fat loser that still lives with their mother and a couple of cats. They were right. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32181

You deserved it

58255

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, I was diagnosed with depression. My girlfriend's idea of consoling me was to break up with me because she can't date a "psycho". FML

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27676

You deserved it

2173

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By lonely otaku - Canada - North Vancouver

Today, Christmas changed my life. Last year I had a boyfriend to cuddle with on Christmas; this year I have a body pillow of an anime character. FML

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42347

You deserved it

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Top comments

By RichardPencil | 30

#7947058 - Friday 23 October 2020 11:16

I take it he has a really small pimple. And maybe it pops very quickly?

By ahabsfan | 14

#7947076 - Friday 23 October 2020 12:41

Maybe all the ones on your ass turn off your boyfriend.

COMMENTS

By RichardPencil | 30

#7947058 - Friday 23 October 2020 11:16

I take it he has a really small pimple. And maybe it pops very quickly?

By ahabsfan | 14

#7947076 - Friday 23 October 2020 12:41

Maybe all the ones on your ass turn off your boyfriend.

noporn4u | 9

#7947120 - Friday 23 October 2020 17:21

Recent FML reference win.

By hugtrees13 | 16

#7947142 - Friday 23 October 2020 18:42

Fuck your boyfriends life

By tounces7 | 27

#7947158 - Friday 23 October 2020 20:18

Perhaps your boyfriend needs to find someone who appreciates him?

By RhymePrime | 7

#7947198 - Saturday 24 October 2020 1:18

you're not supposed to pop them, it potentially causes more skin problems, doing so.

By BurnInDemonFire | 30

#7947214 - Saturday 24 October 2020 3:19

Communication is key. Help him improve instead of complaining.

By Bubbilility | 27

#7947450 - Sunday 25 October 2020 8:27

I only put YDI because sex sometimes requires communication so people know what you like. Maybe discuss what he could do to spice things up, or you could do something.