By Daligheri - 2/3/2021 11:01

Sinking feeling

Today, my girlfriend dumped me after we watched Titanic for the first time together. Why? Two reasons. Because I cried, and apparently men aren't allowed to be emotional, and because she asked me if I would save her or a boat of women and children first. Neither answer was correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks

958

You deserved it

97

Tweet

Share

Vulture

Long story short

Mom of the year

By mrtut - United Kingdom

Today, as a physics teacher, I was testing a class to see how high a sound frequency they could hear. One girl claimed she could hear the sound even though it was physically impossible. Without thinking, I replied "Only dogs can hear this frequency." Needless to say, she was picked on all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32613

You deserved it

13078

Tweet

Share

By kenabrookee - United States - Northridge

Today, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. We got on the subject of theatre, and his dad brought up "The Book of Mormon", how finally someone was making fun of those "nasty, polygamist, cultist freaks", and if his son ever dated one, he would disown him. I'm Mormon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

43894

You deserved it

14699

Tweet

Share

By sad45 - Canada

Today, I was shopping with my friends and I got asked by a man if I could be in one of his commercials. I obviously said yes without thinking twice. I then found out that he wanted me to be the before picture for an acne control moisturizer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

64236

You deserved it

10114

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was about to lose my virginity with my girlfriend of 2 years, when I got an urgent phone call from my 9-year-old sister, telling me I had to come home immediately. My grandma fell off the toilet and got stuck between the bowl and the wall. I'm not making this up. FML

I agree, your life sucks

306064

You deserved it

20748

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/3/2021 18:30 - United States - Randolph

You sleep in your pants?

Today, I dreamt that I was using the toilet. The toilet was a dream, but the rest wasn't. My pants were soaked. FML

I agree, your life sucks

744

You deserved it

136

Tweet

Share

By SpeakerPhone - France

Today, in a big meeting, my secretary calls me saying that I have an important call waiting. I put the call through. It was my beautician, confirming my appointment to get rid of an ingrown hair. I hurriedly confirm and hang up to see everyone in the room giggling. The speaker phone was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26696

You deserved it

7281

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Roswell

Today, at a post-Christmas party, I saw a cute girl standing underneath a mistletoe. I walked up to her and pointed out that we were both standing under a mistletoe. She looked at me, winced, and quickly walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks

21033

You deserved it

24418

Tweet

Share

By Bellagirl - United States

Sex talk

Today, I found out what's worse than having the "sex talk" with your parents: having the "sex talk" with your boyfriend, when he's 23, right before you were supposed to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38375

You deserved it

5464

Tweet

Share

By EpicMayonnaise - United States

Today, I went to a club. The only guy who asked me to dance introduced himself as "Bird Dog." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28333

You deserved it

3652

Tweet

Share

By datingamoron - United States

Today, I went out for pizza with my boyfriend. He loaned me his debit card and loudly announced in front of everyone that his pin code was the numerical equivalent of "Fart", and repeated it twice, just in case I hadn't heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28252

You deserved it

3960

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 29/7/2020 23:00

Crisis

Today, I had a customer throw his purchase at me and demand a refund after I told him that, due to the national change shortage, I couldn't give him his 38 cents. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1306

You deserved it

313

Tweet

Share

By Samantha - United States

Today, I went to see Paranormal Activity 2 with my boyfriend. In hopes of him putting his arm around me or holding my hand, I told him that I was very scared and pretended to cry a little. He told me to be quiet because I was ruining the movie for him. Then he moved seats. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25157

You deserved it

42783

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Australia - Perth

Today, I chatted to a nice guy and gave him my number. I told him I was going to sleep because I had a headache, and then put my phone on silent. He rang multiple times, and when I obviously didn't pick up, he sent several texts insulting me and calling me gutless for not responding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39649

You deserved it

4116

Tweet

Share

By firedofbirthday - France

Today, I was fired. Why? Because I called in sick on my daughter's birthday, even though you cannot "abandon work for personal affairs". My boss's favorite employee got to skip work on his wife's birthday two weeks ago. He still works here. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26151

You deserved it

6897

Tweet

Share

By Photoshopped - United States - Athens

Today, I sent my grandfather a picture of me because he hasn't seen me in years. I guess I should wear makeup next time, because he sent back a heavily photoshopped and cropped version and told me how beautiful I look. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11318

You deserved it

918

Tweet

Share

By Awesome - Russian Federation

Today, I found out that I was moving to Germany. I'm going to be put back a year in school because of the system change. I also don't speak a word of German. Why? Because my mother wants to brag about this experience to her friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34850

You deserved it

2778

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, after two weeks of not having sex, my pregnant girlfriend and I finally fooled around. This was immediately followed by her bursting into tears and begging me to make her a ham steak. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44064

You deserved it

9856

Tweet

Share

By

Glittery letters

Today, I found out my husband had bought my 1-year-old daughter a shirt that says "Birth Control Fail" in pink glittery letters. He even took her out in it while I was at work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2099

You deserved it

415

Tweet

Share

By ChrissySoltys - Canada

Today, I realized that the black leggings I wear quite often become see-through when I bend over. I have been showing the world my ass as well as my thong for over a month now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13430

You deserved it

56618

Tweet

Share

By smartass - United States - Houston

Today, I realized that a classmate and I have the same glasses. To prove it, I tried bending his glasses, since mine are flexible and can bend. I snapped his glasses in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13696

You deserved it

39276

Tweet

Share

By AreYouSerious

Today, after working 85 hours in a single week, I finally got my paycheck. $500. Apparently I got a pay cut without anyone telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3038

You deserved it

147

Tweet

Share

By buggyluv - United States - Edwardsville

Today, at my new job, a coworker offered to help me mop the floors since she wasn't busy. I ended up getting written up by my boss for supposedly being too lazy and making other people finish my work. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12270

You deserved it

933

Tweet

Share

By it's v - United States - Denver

Today, after my flight arrived late, I ran 60 gates to get my connecting flight. I sprinted up to the gate agent, completely out of breath, and he looked at me, shut the door, and said, “The door is shut. You’re too late.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

5276

You deserved it

287

Tweet

Share

By FAIL - United States

Today, I went to the emergency room. Apparently, when your ex-girlfriend hits you in the nuts with a bat, it can do some damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks

50740

You deserved it

7584

Tweet

Share

By Oh hells no - United States - Los Altos

Today, my girlfriend came home with a huge bouquet of roses. They were from an admirer, brainwashing her to think I'm a terrible boyfriend for not buying her flowers like he did. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44459

You deserved it

12074

Tweet

Share

By ThePidgeon - United Kingdom

Today, I was ordering food at McDonalds when a condom fell out and onto the counter. The server looked at me funny before my friend turned around and said, "It's okay, he's never going to use it." FML

I agree, your life sucks

34069

You deserved it

7731

Tweet

Share

By kahemae44 - United States

Today, I visited my boyfriend's house excited about the romantic night he promised me. As time passed, we started making out and heading up to his room. Rose petals and candles filled his room. "How romantic", I thought. That is, until we saw his 5 year old sister blowing up condom balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36313

You deserved it

5532

Tweet

Share

By RoxMySox - United States

Today, I got into a car accident. I got into it because I noticed a flashy new sign on the highway that read "Being an attentive driver prevents car crashes". Thanks for the notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28363

You deserved it

6685

Tweet

Share

By father of the year - United States

Today, my 18-year-old daughter texted me and told me that she got in a car crash. She texted, "I forgot wich way wus left lol" and then quickly added "yolo right? Lol". FML

I agree, your life sucks

64338

You deserved it

11828

Tweet

Share

By souped - United States

Today, I really wanted something to drink. I looked in the fridge, and found some of my grandma's soy milk. I decide to take a swig, and instead of tasting soy, I tasted rotten chicken. Turns out my grandma knew I drink her soy milk and decided to swap it with expired chicken broth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10650

You deserved it

42414

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - United States - Youngsville

Today, after two weeks of intense detective work, I found out my wife isn't cheating on me after all. She really has just been going out and playing table tennis with her friend like she said. Who the hell even plays table tennis? FML

I agree, your life sucks

8448

You deserved it

24833

Tweet

Share

By HSPARKS - 12/5/2020 05:00

Big baby man

Today, I woke up to my apartment in a state of total disarray. I've been asking my boyfriend to get either get a job, or clean the house. I just had a bunch of dental work taken care of. He doesn't have a job, and doesn't want to find one. I'm tired of trying to raise an already grown man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1562

You deserved it

914

Tweet

Share

By oh - United States - San Francisco

Today, my ex-girlfriend woke up from a coma that lasted a few months. Her parents called me from the hospital shortly after because she was in hysterics that I wasn't there. Apparently she thinks we're still together, and I now have to somehow break up with her again after almost a year apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24432

You deserved it

2075

Tweet

Share

By Whywhywhy

Today, my daughter decided to draw me a heart for my birthday. Unfortunately, she drew it on the side of my car. With a rock. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4242

You deserved it

359

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - Canada - Kitchener

Today, during a family dinner, my favourite underwire bra got tired of its job and tried to shish-kebab my boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25196

You deserved it

2386

Tweet

Share

By Karaline45

Today, I bought a new car. Twenty-five minutes into driving it home, I hit a deer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2562

You deserved it

346

Tweet

Share

By Ben - United States

Today, I found out that my eight year old son is actually my nephew. FML

I agree, your life sucks

87633

You deserved it

7079

Tweet

Share

By lonelyman - United States

Today, I used text-to-speech just so that I can hear "I love you" for once. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47131

You deserved it

7555

Tweet

Share

By Zebra - 30/12/2020 22:58

Happy Birthday to me

Today, my sister was meant to come over for lunch for my birthday. Turns out, she forgot about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

751

You deserved it

51

Tweet

Share

By Aryah - United States - Irving

Today, I found out why the temps were not invited to the company Christmas party. The company paid for the regular employees to go to a nice restaurant, gave them nice presents, and handed out substantial bonuses. They keep telling me they can't hire me on because the company can't afford it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7229

You deserved it

788

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By MrBlaTi | 7

#7975470 - Tuesday 2 March 2021 13:19

Sounds like wanted to end the relationship and just searched for reasons.
Either way, sounds like she made you dodge a bullet

By ahabsfan | 14

#7975466 - Tuesday 2 March 2021 12:16

Watching that movie sunk your relationship. Those two reasons are just the tip of the iceberg as to why she dumped you.

COMMENTS

By ahabsfan | 14

#7975466 - Tuesday 2 March 2021 12:16

Watching that movie sunk your relationship. Those two reasons are just the tip of the iceberg as to why she dumped you.

Reply

dasin | 17

#7975509 - Tuesday 2 March 2021 17:28

this is the reason i hope the movie was watched in the first place

By MrBlaTi | 7

#7975470 - Tuesday 2 March 2021 13:19

Sounds like wanted to end the relationship and just searched for reasons.
Either way, sounds like she made you dodge a bullet

By geckohead | 10

#7975592 - Wednesday 3 March 2021 2:34

We need a button that says: Missed a bullet.

By MotoRukus | 10

#7975764 - Wednesday 3 March 2021 20:19

Don't view it as a bad think. men are human, not robots. we have feelings too.

but damn, that bit of wood was still big enough for two.

By Jason Chilton | 2

#7975798 - Wednesday 3 March 2021 21:26

Your ex is a shallow, selfish, insecure cunt, and you don't need that kinda toxicity in your life, OP. There's a lot better out there.

By JosephFDawson | 7

#7975802 - Wednesday 3 March 2021 21:38

You could've just told her you'd take her to Murdoch's side since he let men on after Women and Children. Charles Lightoller who manned the other side misheard as women and children only and only let one man on becauself his rowing experience.

By Brightside86 | 23

#7975839 - Thursday 4 March 2021 2:43

Ugh, I use to have a gf like that. When they start asking you questions but some/all of the options they've provided are traps, it's time to bail. That's not how friends treat each other.