Violet Winters · 1 August 2023, 12:00 ·Calgary, Canada 🌶️ Spicy

Weirdest scam attempt ever?

Today, a customer checking out a camera at my pawnshop asked if the memory cards got erased. I said yes. He asked if I had a case for it and I left to get it. I came back and the guy said, "There's naked pictures on this memory card!" I Look at the LCD screen and it's a picture of his own dick, which he'd just taken in the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 678 You deserved it 114

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kittyfiddlernono · This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff ·Pernik, Bulgaria 🌶️ Spicy

Run away time

Today, I went on a date with a seemingly really awesome guy. It went quite well, until dessert came and he started telling me why bestiality "isn't really so wrong, you know?" Riiiggghhttt. Looks like I'm still single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 685 You deserved it 4 464

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Next In Line · 1 August 2023, 00:02 🌶️ Spicy

Hanky panky

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend in his car and we got caught. He’s being detained because I’m underage. My parents were called and are on their way. I had told them I was studying for final exams with a classmate. I feel like I’m next in line on death row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216 You deserved it 1 464

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Anonymous · 29 July 2023, 15:00 🌶️ Spicy

Alexa, play "Absolute Beginners" by David Bowie

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try “things” while under the influence. I suggested he go down on me; he thought about it for a second and then said, “I would, but I don’t want to get scared when I take a look.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 881 You deserved it 289

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Anonymous · 28 July 2023, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

Intruder alert!

Today, in the middle of sex, a bee stung me on the vulva. Definitely not the kind of prick I was expecting to get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 983 You deserved it 176

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Anonymous · 28 July 2023, 15:00 ·Albuquerque, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Sensitive subject

Today, I'm 55 and I've been with my 61 year-old hubs for 32 years. He has next to no sex drive. When I asked him to tell me what is attractive about me, he said I'm nice, witty, easy to talk to. I asked what physically is attractive about me. He said, "You're not gross and you're not obese." He then got mad at me when I started crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927 You deserved it 436

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Anonymous · 28 July 2023, 03:00 ·Peterborough, Canada 🌶️ Spicy

Betrayal

Today, after 10 hours of radio silence, my boyfriend of one month, who pursued me for almost a year and spent the last two days at my sister's wedding weekend being introduced to my family, wants to give his ex another chance after sleeping with her during their "talk about their arrangements for their son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 139 You deserved it 281

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it’s creepy! · 27 July 2023, 10:00 🌶️ Spicy

No kinkshaming

Today, my girlfriend is mad I won’t indulge her “Sleeping Beauty” fantasy. She doesn’t want me to just kiss her, she wants me to full on fuck her. Call me crazy but I just can’t get it up for a passed out person. Yes it’s consensual, but it just feels uncomfortable. She doesn’t get why I’m not into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232 You deserved it 388

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Anonymous · 27 July 2023, 03:00 🌶️ Spicy

Brain melter

Today, due to my blood pressure, I've begun getting an agonising migraine every time I get increased heart rate from arousal. We’re supposed to be trying for our first baby, but we’ve not had successful sex in weeks because I can’t last until orgasm before I feel like my head is splitting open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 040 You deserved it 179

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Anonymous · 25 July 2023, 03:00 🌶️ Spicy

I'm coming out, I want the world to know

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year told me he thinks he might be gay. I took off my shirt, sexily climbed over him, and began to kiss him passionately. "What do you think now?" I said seductively. His response? "Now I'm sure I'm gay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 280 You deserved it 1 023

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Anonymous · 23 July 2023, 03:00 ·Elmira, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Doesn't matter, had sex

Today, I had sex with someone new for the first time after my 10 year relationship ended. The person was a friend who had been making serious sexual references toward me on and off over the year I've known him. I don't know if I'm more embarrassed that he couldn't keep it up, or that I came from anticipation anyways. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 026 You deserved it 321

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Anonymous · This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff ·Australia 🌶️ Spicy

Dingus

Today, after my second date with an otherwise charming guy, he called me a whore for turning him down for sex. Yeah, I'm trying to work out the logic of that too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 589 You deserved it 1 965

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Anonymous · 19 July 2023, 00:02 🌶️ Spicy

Better call Saul

Today, while I was asleep, my girlfriend squirted a tiny amount of “mild” hot sauce up my pee hole. In an area that sensitive there's no such thing as fucking mild. I’ve had two days off work already because it stings, and I cry every time I have to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 542 You deserved it 203

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Abby · 18 July 2023, 12:00 ·Fort Lauderdale, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Caught in 4K

Today, I absentmindedly posted a story of me and my boyfriend to my main stories instead of my “Close Friends” list where my husband is excluded. My husband saw the post. I’m dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131 You deserved it 4 182

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Anonymous · 16 July 2023, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

The best laid plans…

Today, I found out that the poly relationship I was in with my husband and my boyfriend was a sham. He admitted to using me for emotional and sexual support during a rough patch, and lost interest almost five years ago. We made plans to live together and grow old with our kids. We're speechless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457 You deserved it 1 293

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Anonymous · 15 July 2023, 18:00 🌶️ Spicy

Too much information, thanks

Today, I’ve had to listen to my parents discovering that they were both cheating on each other. As I left, they were screaming at each other. When I got home, not only had they calmed down, they were openly discussing whether their other partners might be interested in foursomes or swinging. Ew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 031 You deserved it 141

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Anonymous · 15 July 2023, 00:02 🌶️ Spicy

How? Why? What?

Today, I finally had sex, but I busted up her cervix, and now we are at the hospital. It was my first time, and now I don’t want to have sex again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 610 You deserved it 890

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Anon · 14 July 2023, 18:00 ·Denver, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Are men OK?

Today, I had a manbaby on a dating app tell me that I should experience more transphobia, because I declined to sleep with him behind his wife's back. Dating as a trans person is hard enough, but WTF, dude? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002 You deserved it 418

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Anonymous · 14 July 2023, 03:00 ·Paris, France 🌶️ Spicy

Some people are into that sort of thing

Today, I was having rough sex when I breathed too heavily with a dry throat, and puked on the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 764 You deserved it 285

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I can never win · 13 July 2023, 18:00 🌶️ Spicy

This is ain't it, son

Today, and like every month, my husband goes through the wastebasket and checks my used pads for proof that I’m not lying about being on my period to get out of sex, all because once, I didn’t feel like having sex and said I was on my period, even though I wasn’t. He found out I lied because he saw my clean pad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 063 You deserved it 961

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Anonymous · 12 July 2023, 18:00 ·Nottingham, United Kingdom 🌶️ Spicy

Get it where you can

Today, I finally broke and ordered a male sex toy, as though masturbating due to chronic singledom wasn’t sad enough, now I need a fleshlight to try and make the masturbating interesting enough to even bother anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760 You deserved it 385

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Anonymous · 12 July 2023, 10:00 🌶️ Spicy

Strangely specific

Today, it's been 2 years of finally being on the right dosage of thyroid medication and going to the gym. I'm now 130lbs down from my heaviest weight. I just received an unprompted invite to be an event model at a local dungeon that only caters to fat fetishists. FML

I agree, your life sucks 909 You deserved it 191

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SrslyD00d · 11 July 2023, 10:00 🌶️ Spicy

Worthless

Today, my long-distance boyfriend of three and a half years told me he was leaving me for a girl he met at his Uni, because, “I’m tired of jerking off all the time and I need intimacy.” He’s only known her for two months. So the three and a half years together meant nothing to him then? FML

I agree, your life sucks 720 You deserved it 526

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Imdeadalready · 11 July 2023, 00:02 ·Portage, United States 🌶️ Spicy

Check these out!

Today, I meant to send a nice picture of the flowers my boyfriend got me set up in a vase on my nightstand. Turns out I sent it to his mom. My vibrator was in the shot. I'm mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364 You deserved it 977

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ButIdolovecastles · 10 July 2023, 15:00 🌶️ Spicy

Self sabotage

Today, I had the choice of visiting a ruined castle or having hot gay sex. I chose the castle. What is wrong with me? FML

I agree, your life sucks 308 You deserved it 1 012

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Natalia · 10 July 2023, 03:00 🌶️ Spicy

Controlling douchebag #688484

Today, I took off my pretty lingerie and hid it in a pair of trousers that were already in the laundry. Sometimes, I wash it in the sink and dry it with my hair dryer before my husband gets home. Yes, he routinely checks for "proof" that I'm cheating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402 You deserved it 1 597

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Anonymous · 9 July 2023, 22:00 🌶️ Spicy

Caught in 4K

Today, my dad went on a rant about how police are scum, timewasters, corrupt arseholes, and a waste of taxpayer money. I’m a police officer, and I’d had to pull him over because he was swerving all over the road while getting road head from a woman who was not my mother, to whom he is still married to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 602 You deserved it 184

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Anonymous · 9 July 2023, 00:02 ·United States 🌶️ Spicy

How could you?

Today, I found out my boyfriend of almost two years had kept nude photos and videos of his ex, whom he couldn’t seem to let go of from the start. We’re locked into a pricy apartment lease together, and I don’t have anywhere I can go. Thanks babe, love you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 956 You deserved it 315

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Anonymous · 8 July 2023, 12:00 🌶️ Spicy

Skincare routine

Today, my boyfriend's dick is broken. We used to have an amazing sex life but because he won't take care of his jock itch, and his skin keeps cracking every time there's any pulling on his junk, I haven't really been laid in almost a year and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 280 You deserved it 301

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Job · 5 July 2023, 15:00 🌶️ Spicy

Doesn't feel weird at all

Today, my wife decided she'd be the agent of the musician she had an affair with last year. Now she brushes off any complaints or concerns with, "It's strictly professional." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 436 You deserved it 287

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