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Submit your FML

Have you just experienced an FML moment?

Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Your instinct was right, because it’s good to laugh life off. Follow the instructions below, and if your story gets through the moderation process, it'll published in the next 24 hours or so.


    Remaining characters: 320

    Your story must start with “Today,” and end with “FML”. TXT language is forbidden and spelling mistakes hurt people’s eyeballs, so the use of either would result in the direct dismissal of your FML. Don’t use this space for discussions, advertising or spam, or for posting anything which isn’t an FML. Furthermore, it’s not possible to obtain badges by posting keywords, so stop believing things you’ve read on message boards. Don’t try reposting old FMLs, we’re not that daft.


    Please read our guidelines for posting

    By Anonymous - 28/11/2011 03:03 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, my boyfriend decided that vaginal, oral, and anal sex are starting to get boring. Let's just say that my armpit is now drenched in lube. I'm afraid of what he's going to want to try once he gets bored of this. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 44 368
    You deserved it 10 524
    Share  

    Let it out

    By MrTandy - 16/09/2011 02:38 - United States

    Today, I was working when I delivered the standard "Hello, how are you?" to a customer. He took the opportunity to tell me about his deceased wife, his estranged children, and his anal tearing. After a while, I tried to help someone else, and he complained to my manager. I was written up. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 31 701
    You deserved it 3 715
    Share  

    By sadmother - 01/07/2011 23:12 - Canada

    Today, I asked my daughter what time it was. She stared at the clock for several seconds before muttering, "I don't know". She's 14 years old and on the honour roll, and yet she can't tell the time on an analogue clock. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 31 965
    You deserved it 12 907
    Share  

    By xXx3mi_MuffinxXx - 01/07/2011 19:23 - United States

    Today, I had to tell my best friend that I couldn't make it to the lake today or tomorrow because I'd been called in to work. She won't believe me and thinks I'm simply avoiding her. I got called in to bathe and clean dogs' anal glands. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 30 775
    You deserved it 3 215
    Share  

    By tbright010 - 08/04/2011 22:48 - United States

    Today, the highlight of my day was learning how to drain my dog's anal glands. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 30 541
    You deserved it 4 631
    Share  

    Nice try, chief

    By Anonymous - 04/04/2011 01:46 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, while discussing having sex for the first time with my boyfriend, I asked what method of birth control we should use. He replied, "Anal." FML
    I agree, your life sucks 53 014
    You deserved it 15 203
    Share  

    By rj - 06/03/2011 05:42 - United States

    Today, I went to the dentist after 24 hours of severe tooth pain. They did an emergency root canal. After the anesthesia wore off, within minutes, the pain returned only worse than before. Called the dentist, I had to return, only to find they had done the root canal on the wrong tooth. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 47 312
    You deserved it 3 045
    Share  

    By Sam - 27/02/2011 21:42 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I overheard my parents in the kitchen talking about how they wanted to try anal tonight. There is over three and a half feet of snow outside, leaving me no way to escape the horrible sounds and mental images yet to come. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 53 859
    You deserved it 4 320
    Share  

    By Anonymous - 29/12/2010 11:25 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the very first time in three years. Apparently, all it took was anal. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 37 702
    You deserved it 13 308
    Share  

    Big question

    By snoozerlooser - 25/12/2010 00:00 - Canada

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I overheard my boyfriend of two years tell his friend he was going to "pop the question." Ecstatic, I wore my nicest dress and got my hair done for dinner. Near the end, he leant in romantically and asked if we could start doing anal. So much for marriage. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 40 586
    You deserved it 7 830
    Share  

    Non sequitur

    By lisacasabonita - 12/11/2010 16:31 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, while at dinner, I told my boyfriend that I wished he liked sushi. He replied, "I wish you liked anal." FML
    I agree, your life sucks 24 240
    You deserved it 42 534
    Share  

    Precaution

    By Tai - 31/10/2010 13:30 - Australia

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for coming inside her because she didn't want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 71 645
    You deserved it 9 958
    Share  

    STOP TALKING

    By SlickMcK - 05/06/2010 21:14 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, my mother asked me if I'd heard of anal sex. Before I could fully process her question, she explained that it's dangerous because the tissues of the anus are finer and more susceptible to STDs. There were still forty minutes left in our car ride. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 43 599
    You deserved it 4 348
    Share  

    By Allie - 03/06/2010 18:58 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I was texting my crush. I tried to say, "I need a nap," but my iPhone changed it to "I need anal." I sent it. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 50 080
    You deserved it 26 511
    Share  

    By Anonymous - 19/04/2010 20:36 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, my boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time. He followed it with, "Want to try anal?" FML
    I agree, your life sucks 41 692
    You deserved it 9 748
    Share  

    You what?

    By charliesangel123 - 21/02/2010 17:16 - United Kingdom

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I was waiting downstairs at my boyfriend's house as he got ready to go. His mom came over and said she was so glad her son had met me, that I made him really happy. I smiled thinking how nice that was of her to say. She then continued, "Still, he tells me anal is a no?" FML
    I agree, your life sucks 30 557
    You deserved it 3 731
    Share  

    By VahnSeiro - 20/02/2010 06:04 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, my girlfriend of two years called me, drunk, telling me how much anal sex hurts with some other guy. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 32 548
    You deserved it 2 743
    Share  

    By tacolove69 - 16/02/2010 19:20 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I was late to dinner with my anal-retentive parents because my boyfriend was too busy making cock puppets in the shower to get ready to go. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 18 822
    You deserved it 3 393
    Share  

    By bystander - 07/02/2010 15:37 - United States

    Today, we had our friends over for dinner, one of whom is a psychiatrist. After a few drinks, my drunk wife and the equally drunk psychiatrist began to analyze my various character flaws. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 26 790
    You deserved it 2 905
    Share  

    Secret unlocked

    By Anonymous - 25/01/2010 08:47 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, my boyfriend kept trying to convince me to do anal with him. After denying him several times, he told me, "Why? It feels good, trust me." I asked him how would he know. There was a long awkward silence, then he then replied, "I'm not gay, I swear." FML
    I agree, your life sucks 38 137
    You deserved it 5 238
    Share  

    By ehwat - 26/11/2009 05:31 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I told my boyfriend that since I lost my job I can't afford a Christmas present for him, or anyone. He said trying anal would be fine. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 26 917
    You deserved it 12 813
    Share  

    By Anonymous - 10/11/2009 06:43 - United States

    Today, I got a paper back that was given a zero for suspected plagiarism. Everything I wrote was my own thought and analysis. My instructor basically thinks my paper is smarter than I am. He won't listen, even when I explain my thought processes throughout the piece. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 46 702
    You deserved it 2 738
    Share  

    Lying and scheming

    By samantha711 - 10/11/2009 02:28 - United States

    Today, I found out that I didn't get a job because I failed the psychological analysis. It told me to answer each question and tell the truth. So I did. I asked my friend, who got the job, if she told the truth. She said no. Apparently you have to lie in order to get a job. Sorry for being honest. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 31 526
    You deserved it 7 882
    Share  

    By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 05:22 - United States

    Today, I carved a pumpkin for Halloween. I thought it would be cool to carve my name, and have it shine through onto the wall behind it. I figured that if I carved my name backwards then it would show up correct on the wall. My name's Lana and now my wall says Anal. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 14 499
    You deserved it 49 739
    Share  

    By unlucky - 19/09/2009 19:05 - United Kingdom

    Today, was my birthday. I asked for a camera - nothing fancy, just a basic digital camera. My mother bought my brother a fancy digital camera, with all the accessories, for over £200. She then gave me his old, analogue camera, that I can't get film for anymore. He hates taking photos. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 46 208
    You deserved it 3 083
    Share  

    By boytoy - 02/09/2009 21:23 - Canada

    Today, I went to my school to take my yearbook picture. I was wearing a shirt that said ANALOG on the front. When I bent in to take the picture, part of my shirt overlapped itself. Now I'm known as the ANAL kid in the yearbook. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 44 110
    You deserved it 18 951
    Share  

    By Anonymous - 20/08/2009 13:23 - Australia

    Today, I needed new business cards so I went to design and print some. After I designed, I was happy with them and printed off 100 copies. I live at a place called Canal Rocks. I forgot the 'C'. I now have 76 business cards which say 'anal rocks.' I already distributed 24. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 18 434
    You deserved it 48 068
    Share  

    TMI again

    By crazybiotch - 28/05/2009 18:09 - Canada

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I sent a forward to the ladies at my office. When I scrolled down I noticed my personal emails from my best friend were attached. They go into great detail about the sex I had last night, when I was planning on dumping my boyfriend, and that I suspected I had an anal fissure. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 11 751
    You deserved it 61 432
    Share  

    Get on with it, dude

    By alpine75 - 03/05/2009 16:47 - United States

    Spicy Spicy
    Today, I went to have a sperm analysis done at the fertility clinic. I spent an hour trying to masturbate into a cup but I was too anxious and couldn't finish. There was a knock on the door. A clinician and a lab assistant both were there, wondering if I was OK. I have to go back next week. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 62 028
    You deserved it 8 543
    Share  

    Drilling

    By Novocain - 20/04/2009 05:20 - Australia

    Today, I went to my new dentist and before he started looking at my teeth, I told him my previous dentist had never found a single thing wrong with my teeth. After looking around, he chuckled humourlessly and called my last dentist idiotic. I now have a $580 bill and a root canal next week. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 51 548
    You deserved it 5 387
    Share  
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    Today, my 250 pound boyfriend was on top of me while we were making out. I actually passed out in the middle of it from not being able to breathe. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 53 138
    You deserved it 22 866
    Today, I found out that after interviewing for two jobs at great companies, I was neck and neck with one other person for each position. They both offered the job to the other person. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 14 981
    You deserved it 992
    Today, I was on a camping trip, just about to pitch my tent, when the fire brigade showed up. No, I did not set anything ablaze. This nice, quiet little meadow I picked to spend the night? It’s their habitual training ground. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 916
    You deserved it 225
    Today, I exchanged pictures with a guy I met online, whose devotion to his family really impressed me. In his picture, he was wearing clown makeup, holding a huge knife to his throat with one hand, and an ICP album in the other. All this with a psychopathic grin on his face. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 23 412
    You deserved it 7 818
    Today, I had a dentist appointment after class so I threw my electric toothbrush in my backpack so I could brush my teeth before. In the middle of class the toothbrush turns on and the vibrations could be heard throughout the classroom. They yelled at me "Jess has a vibrator!" FML
    I agree, your life sucks 51 167
    You deserved it 10 128
    Today, I psyched myself up and headed out to a really promising job interview. I was sure I was going to nail it and get my first job. That is, until a bird shat on my head on my way there. Thank you so very much, universe. FML
    I agree, your life sucks 32 304
    You deserved it 2 573
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