Intimacy: Today, I was texting my crush. I tried to say, "I need a nap,"... - FML

By Allie - 03/06/2010 18:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was texting my crush. I tried to say, "I need a nap," but my iPhone changed it to "I need anal." I sent it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 953

You deserved it 26 433

Age difference

Unreasonable

Piece of piss

By MerryChristmas - 15/07/2018 14:30 - United States - Moore

Today, I went to a Christmas-themed amusement park with my 21-year-old autistic sister who adores Christmas. She took her picture with Santa and started crying happy tears. Then Santa asked her loudly, "Aren't you beyond old enough to know I'm not real?" Vacation ruined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 589

You deserved it 415

By nosonofmine - 23/06/2012 17:43 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, my son and I attended the funeral of a family friend. It went as well as any funeral could, up until the point that my apparently drunk son tried to grope the widow. I came an inch away from causing my son to need his own funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 454

You deserved it 2 832

By luciazee - 06/06/2013 20:51 - Peru - Lima

Today, after having spent years staying in school, working hard to achieve good grades, and avoiding all the bad kids, my mom accused me of having no direction in life and complained about how I haven't given her a grandchild yet. I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 917

You deserved it 3 315

By amayasoma - 12/08/2013 18:54 - United States - Houma

Today, I went to my car to get a few things, when I discovered it had been broken into. Nothing of value was taken. My window was busted in just for a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and my car ash tray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 558

You deserved it 7 007

By lovedbyallthewrongppl - 28/11/2010 01:03 - United States

Today, I was teaching my two year old daughter how to take a person's temperature. While I was sitting down, she came up behind me and shoved the thermometer in my ear hard. Now I can't hear out of my right ear, and I'm in excruciating pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 080

You deserved it 13 575

In the doghouse

By Anonymous - 22/11/2021 11:01

Spicy

Today, in the middle of oral sex, I got a cramp in my tongue. Yes, it's a thing that can happen. My wife didn’t believe me, and since I’d already gotten a blowjob from her, she accused me of being lazy, selfish and no good at sex. This led to a huge argument and I’m now sleeping in my truck outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 240

You deserved it 248

By prick - 30/10/2015 21:53 - United States - Dover

Today, as I rung up a customer's groceries, he gave me a pitying look and said I'd have a "real job" if I'd only studied harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 887

You deserved it 2 136

By man - 08/05/2009 21:46 - United States

Today, I was hit by a car. I called my girlfriend from the hospital and asked her if she could pick me up. She responded by saying "Fuck you, you aways tell me what to do!" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 251

You deserved it 10 350

By Anonymous - 26/07/2011 04:30 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 912

You deserved it 8 938

By who_cares - 09/07/2015 11:20 - United States - Garden Grove

Spicy

Today, I told my coworker who I have been crushing on for a while, that I really enjoyed our time last night. I immediately realized that the time we spent last night was in my sex dream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 458

You deserved it 10 694

By anne - 17/06/2017 22:00

Today, I happily told my husband I'm pregnant. He happily informed me that very, VERY large babies run in his family, and even though he was born 3 weeks early, he still weighed 15 lbs. The smallest baby to ever be born into his family was his great grandmother, who was 12 lbs. OH GOD, THE PAIN. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 034

You deserved it 761

By Poorlittlelady - 08/10/2018 22:00 - United States - Birmingham

Today, I was helping my elderly dementia client with her toilet. I reached in both front and back to pull up her pants for her. "Not too hard, nice and easy..." she said with a weird smile. I looked over to see I was actually pulling her nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 045

You deserved it 629

By Anonymous - 07/04/2018 15:00

Today, my girlfriend did the whole "break up with your boyfriend and kick him out of the house" thing from the movies. Except it's my house. She kept my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 256

You deserved it 610

By awkwardology - 27/09/2013 07:56 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my mum dismissed my diagnosed schizophrenia as "too much time with those earphones in". FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 817

You deserved it 3 443

By vela9002 - 06/04/2009 07:40 - United States

Today, on my flight to Vegas, I was wishing that a really cute guy would come sit in the seat next to mine. A few minutes later, a really cute guy sat in the seat next to me and even started to talk to me. When I said, "I like rugged men." he said "Oh ya, me too! I really like buff guys also." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 368

You deserved it 13 523

By Oops - 18/11/2018 21:00 - United States

Today, I had diarrhea and shit myself. During my wedding. In my wedding dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 827

You deserved it 233

By Come on - 29/01/2012 00:46 - United States

Today, I was sitting on a bus. I'm deaf. An old lady looked very angry at me and started talking. Then she looked like she was screaming. I had to type on my phone that I'm deaf. Apparently, I'd been stepping on her foot. She decided to poke me in the eye and type, "Now you're blind too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 588

You deserved it 3 473

By Turdfoot - 12/02/2013 20:15 - United States - Prosper

Today, I discovered that my cat recently had explosive diarrhea, and couldn't make it to the litterbox in time. I discovered this when I stepped in the very, very fresh poop with my bare feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 330

You deserved it 4 385

By gummy bear - 21/01/2011 11:41

Today, trying to be an old-school romantic, I asked my girlfriend "where art thou my love?" via SMS. She replied "Toilet." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 490

You deserved it 30 846

By highfive - 17/10/2014 01:27 - United States - Dedham

Today, my boyfriend gave his penis a high five for not getting me pregnant. He does this every time I get my period. Every. Single. Time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 295

You deserved it 7 094

By Anonymous - 16/09/2010 06:04 - United States

Today, it was the first day of astronomy class and we all waited for the professor to enter the classroom. All of a sudden, someone turns the lights off, it's pitch black, and we hear the professor saying, "Greetings earthlings..." It's going to be a long semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 977

You deserved it 19 704

By Anonymous - 02/12/2015 10:41 - South Africa - Johannesburg

Today, after working my ass off for months trying to prove myself, I received an email from my boss regarding the end-year function. Excited to be invited, I opened the email just to see I'm the only one being left behind to answer the phones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 288

You deserved it 1 613

The whole package

By Anonymous - 11/11/2021 16:59

Today, I discovered my husband has a secret Facebook where he is a member of many step dad support groups. I thought it was sweet he was asking for advice, until I read some of what he posted. It was purely ranting about how much he hates my kids to other dads, who also hate their step kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 045

You deserved it 205

Classic move

By qyx3lmnop24 - 20/12/2014 07:33 - United States - Napa

Today, while hanging out with this guy I'm interested in, we turned and made eye contact. We were face to face and I thought he was finally going to kiss me. He decided to lick my face from chin to forehead instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 346

You deserved it 5 051

By PartyPooped - 11/09/2017 13:00

Today, at my school, we finally had the party we worked on for the past week. I was tasked to make decorations and props for a photo booth. I made sure everything was perfect, and I even stayed up until 1 am working on the props. Not a single person used it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 796

You deserved it 312

Shocking!

By Toasted - 29/04/2019 20:00

Today, in an attempt to be frugal, I tried to repair my own sometimes-faulty toaster. Turns out I unplugged the wrong kitchen appliance, which I only discovered by electrocuting myself while pulling it apart. Now it's definitely broken, will need replacing, and I have a burn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 2 399

Shortage

By WaterNeeded - 21/06/2018 20:30

Today, I came back from a holiday with in-laws who don't speak English. After taking a dump and not being able to flush, I realised they had turned off the water prior to the holiday. I had to show them my poop to explain they had no running water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 828

You deserved it 411

By Humaned - 13/03/2016 20:54 - Cura?ao - Willemstad

Today, my school is making us take care of eggs for a teen pregnancy awareness project. Ever since we got the eggs, I've had nightmares, and people question why I don't want kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 051

You deserved it 1 719

By obviously not the favorite - 05/07/2017 18:37

Today, my mom called me a "useless spoiled brat" because I refused to drive my sister across the city just to buy flavored gelatin. I've had Amoebic Dysentery for 3 days now and need constant bathroom access. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 553

You deserved it 321

By Anonymous - 25/04/2015 17:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I orgasmed in front of someone for the first time. Too bad it was my dad who didn't knock before coming in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 436

You deserved it 6 576

Nice, thanks

By Anonymous - 17/05/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, a little girl came up to me and said, "Hi, my name is Lindsey, let's be friends!" I thought she was cute, so I played along and said, "OK! My name is Jen!" Her reply was, "Wait, nevermind, I don't want to be friends anymore. You smell funny." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 606

You deserved it 13 314

By mr. machine - 31/08/2019 04:00 - United States

Today, my 19-year-old daughter got a haircut. When I asked her if she tipped the hairdresser, she looked at me in horror and asked, "You’re supposed to tip hairdressers?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 285

You deserved it 630

By Anonymous - 17/09/2017 01:30

Today, while sorting through my deceased mother's hoard of belongings, I found myself holding a necklace composed entirely of teeth. Human teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 978

You deserved it 258

Happy Birthday

By Anonymous - 30/01/2013 22:50 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I spent most of my daughter's 8th birthday with her in the hospital while her broken arm was put in a cast. Apparently, my son had told her that some people gained the ability to fly on their 8th birthday before encouraging her to find out by jumping off the slippery slide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 654

You deserved it 2 472

By brittbrat4 - 05/07/2011 00:25 - United States

Today, I was jamming out in my car, tapping my fingers on the wheel and bobbing my head. At the next stoplight, I happened to look over and the passenger of the car next to me was holding a sign in the window saying, "I bet you don't have a boyfriend, do you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 607

You deserved it 6 360

By anonymous - 29/06/2016 03:11 - United States - Charlton

Today, for the third day in a row, I have been volunteered to kill and dispose of the bugs entering my apartment. I live with two "manly" men who can't use a flyswatter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 001

You deserved it 898

By cauteriseme - 01/01/2011 15:37 - United Kingdom

Today, as the clock struck twelve for the new year, I was in the bathroom having a nosebleed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 414

You deserved it 4 129

By really - 26/03/2017 00:00

Today, a customer left their shopping cart behind their car and backed into it. She then came inside and threatened to sue me personally for not sending someone to collect it from where she left it. After 5 minutes of her yelling, I finally got a word in edgeways: I don't work there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 190

You deserved it 341

Wardrobe change please

By Meagan Ortiz - 16/08/2020 23:02

Today, I choked on water so hard that I threw up and shat myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 474

You deserved it 220

By Why Me - 12/08/2015 13:50 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was unloading Cokes outside of the movie theater I work at. While bent over, I heard someone call out, "Damn girl, you got a fat ass," followed by, "Oh God, that's a man!" I am indeed a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 326

You deserved it 2 858

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Top comments

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:22

Bwaaaaaaahahahahahaha!

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:27

Could be a good thing. He might be interested in you now.

Comments

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:22

Bwaaaaaaahahahahahaha!

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:24

lOl epic fail

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:25

I need anap

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:26

LOL. maybe you do?

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:27

Could be a good thing. He might be interested in you now.

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:27

No iPhone corrects it to anap to snap not anal so you can't blame this one on auto correct.

jadedwaitress 0

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:30

i may be wrong on this, but doesn't the iPhone alter it's auto correct depending on the usage? I just typed in anap and didn't get any auto correct

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:31

yeah so fhl for typing anal so much lol

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:32

lol maybe u get lucky jeje. WIN

mona_is_here 10

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:40

haha iPhone autocorrection is a bitch. but hey its vocabulary depends on the usage of words so ehm..

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:42

Yes, it 'learns' according to usage.

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:44

LMAO this one is such a fail. 

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:47

Yeah I know I was just saying she must use anal for it to correct as that.

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:50

this is only a fail if the crush didn't decide to help out with the ops needs

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:54

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I AM SO SORRY. I hate when my iPhone automatically corrects crap, it makes everything so awkward sometimes. ^.~ My greatest sympathies are with you. XD LMAO

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Friday 4 June 2010 2:01

mine autocorrects to anal

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Friday 4 June 2010 2:04

Wow, you guys use the word anal a lot!

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Friday 4 June 2010 2:05

thatll teach you to go with ANDROID

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Friday 4 June 2010 2:05

fuck I typed in anal like 100 times to get it to recognize it and now it doesn't auto correct anap at all! dammit!

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Friday 4 June 2010 2:08

If you are getting uptight over a typo you probably do need it >.>

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Friday 4 June 2010 2:20

that cat is fat.

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Friday 4 June 2010 2:22

that rhymes!! and don't hate, appreciate!

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Friday 4 June 2010 2:26

I hate cats

sexybeastsexybea 0

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Friday 4 June 2010 2:32

69: the only thing that made ur comment funny was that ur number was 69.

degrassilovur 0

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Friday 4 June 2010 2:32

lmao. you didn't notice ?!

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Friday 4 June 2010 2:35

At least you have something to joke about with your crush. Lame.

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Friday 4 June 2010 2:35

you did it on purpose don't deny it.

danyfuckinheatle 0

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Friday 4 June 2010 2:36

be he's not saying fml

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Friday 4 June 2010 2:43

did you get it?

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Friday 4 June 2010 2:52

Ha!.... bwahahaha!

Tht_one_crazyj 0

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Friday 4 June 2010 2:52

yeah did u get some ?

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Friday 4 June 2010 3:12

90, the only thing funny about YOUR comment was.... Oh ya. Nothing.

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Friday 4 June 2010 3:35

been there, done that. I meant to say ' I'll probably be in Vegas by then ' and I said " I'll probaby be in bras by then" because my iPod lagged :/

FMyLifeCereal 0

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Friday 4 June 2010 4:09

Autocorrect CAN be turned off you know. it SHOULD be turned off. More harm than good. YDI for not knowing how to use your phone wisely.

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Friday 4 June 2010 4:20

Just turn it off goto settings

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Friday 4 June 2010 4:53

Actually, this really happens. I typed, "I need anap." into my iPod Touch and it auto-corrected it to anal.

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Friday 4 June 2010 4:54

But, if there was a space between a and nap, nothing happens.

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Friday 4 June 2010 4:57

turn autocorrect off?

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Friday 4 June 2010 5:06

16- I just typed anap into my iPhone and anal showed up.. I don't think I've ever texted anal to anyone.. just sayin.

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Friday 4 June 2010 5:19

I need anal, possible but no it does not change it

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Friday 4 June 2010 5:23

LOVE the cat #68 haha

Stellar_Bxtcheee 0

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Friday 4 June 2010 5:31

Faaaaaaaaaaailure !

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Friday 4 June 2010 6:02

something like this happened to me once. I was trying to say "you make me feel so demasculated" yup. auto corrected it to ejaculated.

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Friday 4 June 2010 6:56

win22!

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Friday 4 June 2010 7:06

if you have fat fingers you could slip up since L is under the P

StoryOfTheYear 13

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Friday 4 June 2010 7:11

Lol hailey that was win :P

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Friday 4 June 2010 7:15

danyfuckinheatley!!!! I miss my Sharks!!

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Friday 4 June 2010 7:20

missrachieee your just hot ;) haha

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Friday 4 June 2010 8:04

hahahaha fyl!

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Friday 4 June 2010 8:07

no ur wrong it happened to me

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Friday 4 June 2010 8:12

Your iPhone is your dating coach

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Friday 4 June 2010 8:42

that's why we do what children? check our texts before sending them, correct. and quit talking about anal cuz my iPhone autocorrects it to snap so you OP are a whore in my opinion

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Friday 4 June 2010 8:46

Seconded. Auto correct is a P.O.S

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Friday 4 June 2010 8:54

Hahaha. It's only FML if you got rejected.. =D

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Friday 4 June 2010 9:34

anyone notice that we dont know op is a girl?i bet its a guy that secretly sexts gay men for anal :O

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Friday 4 June 2010 9:37

dildo

viol3nt_toast 0

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Friday 4 June 2010 9:47

mine autocorrects anap to buttsex

oogyboogy 6

Friday 4 June 2010 10:25

#76 and your a tool

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Friday 4 June 2010 11:17

#16 - I did the same on my iPhone and it said anal lol

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Friday 4 June 2010 13:31

hahahahhahahahahahahahhahaahaja oh man that's pretty freakin hilarious :)

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Friday 4 June 2010 14:53

tried it too.. nothing comes close...

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Friday 4 June 2010 18:25

That's ONLY because you USE the word anal so often, douche bag.

elmosassassin 0

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Friday 4 June 2010 20:23

lol. win.

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Friday 4 June 2010 23:54

dam technology

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Saturday 5 June 2010 5:14

soo what was his response?

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Saturday 5 June 2010 15:45

#7 took the words out of my mouth!!!

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Saturday 5 June 2010 19:01

false, my iPhone did correct it to anal

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Sunday 6 June 2010 14:19

iPhone auto correct is intuitive to each person.

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Sunday 6 June 2010 15:31

was his response "I'll be there soon." ???

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Sunday 6 June 2010 17:25

Why would you bother texting someone about wanting a nap? YDI

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Tuesday 8 June 2010 23:40

if you need some, I could help...

dabluedude101 0

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Wednesday 23 June 2010 20:20

lame

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Friday 9 July 2010 15:58

thumb up for you #93 lmao

liveloveandownit 0

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Wednesday 21 July 2010 12:59

Well he might not just be your crush after this.

littlebigperson 0

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Friday 3 September 2010 7:54

lol that means u watch porn I don't think anal is in the iPhone dictionary

forestqueenie 0

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Friday 8 October 2010 9:20

the iPhone is stupid, if I press eeeeeeeee it gives errr or were I can totally seem that happening

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Thursday 3 November 2011 23:09

I agree with 1.

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Monday 14 November 2011 4:20

My 4S autocorrects to snap.

Octain 13

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Sunday 18 March 2012 7:29

I need snap Nope, mine changed it to snap.

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Wednesday 8 August 2012 7:25

The funny thing is how would her iPhone know the word anal? Hahahaha

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:23

Fake!

elmo6 0

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:28

lmfao just when i thought my life was bad

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:48

not fake! my iPod totally did it! haha and it's funny!

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Friday 4 June 2010 2:04

yup my itouch corrected a nap (put together) to anal lol

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Friday 4 June 2010 2:19

Yeah it's fake I put "anap" an it put "snap" this myth has been busted

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Friday 4 June 2010 2:23

mine says "snap" but as others have said it "learns" from what you type. dirty boy, Chris!

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Friday 4 June 2010 2:25

lol you guys are fail I bet you're just putting "anap" in it write it out like op "I need anap" and it will do it lol( without quotations) & just most of the time hope ;) lol

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Friday 4 June 2010 2:36

I need anap. that's how my phone leaves it when I write the whole thing. and I can be dirty myself so I won't judge too harshly :D

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Friday 4 June 2010 2:40

I need anap, huh guess it's choosing when to work now oh well lol hope not right now hope, for the baby's sake I need snap I need anap I want anap I will have anal with you there I just kept changing the words lol

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Friday 4 June 2010 3:05

I will have anap with you I need a nap I want a nap I will have snap with you. lol I'm too damn bored for my own good. and just cause I'm pregnant doesn't mean I can't be perverted. the baby hasn't changed my brain completely, just my hormones :P

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Friday 4 June 2010 3:30

lol actually I've heard that when women are preggo they want to become more sexually active lol

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Friday 4 June 2010 3:32

s very true for some women. some women feel horrible their whole pregnancies and want nothing to do with sex. I am in the former group :P

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Friday 4 June 2010 3:39

a bit confuzzled lol

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Friday 4 June 2010 3:45

what's confuzzling?

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Friday 4 June 2010 4:23

"former group" lol I'm slow today

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Friday 4 June 2010 5:54

lmao. bet he had interesting thoughts.

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Friday 4 June 2010 5:59

yeah I did the same thing but the second time it corrected it to anal

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Friday 4 June 2010 15:55

FAKE!!! autocorrect does not change two words to a single word.

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Friday 4 June 2010 16:03

Durr, obviously they left out the space by accident.

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Friday 4 June 2010 21:22

anal is freakin disgusting!! ewe

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Saturday 9 July 2011 20:40

weirdo...

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:23

omg that's priceless!!!!

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:29

what was his reply?

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Friday 4 June 2010 17:23

this is copied from txts from last night. I saw it there months ago

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:23

Did she

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:24

yes you do indeed need anal

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:48

hah

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:51

5: I'll give you anal. :)

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Friday 4 June 2010 4:37

kinda creepy....

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Friday 4 June 2010 5:29

yeah that was very creepy O_o

PineappleEspress 0

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Friday 4 June 2010 9:36

"Today, imballinlol told me he wanted to give me anal. On an FML about anal. FML"

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Sunday 10 May 2015 8:31

Nobody needs analysis... I mean anal. Autocorrect. Pssshh

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:24

hahaha what did ur crush say back?

Implusive_talker 0

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:24

Did he write back??

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:25

you should thank your iPhone much more interesting conversation :)

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:25

* Did she reply? O.o

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Friday 4 June 2010 1:27

i could hook you up wit ma dick baby

Nearly

Today, I feel like I'm going crazy as I'm in a 2-year relationship with a guy who's 17 years older than me (I'm 23). He's a wonderful partner and I'm totally in love, but the age gap causes monthly, sometimes daily, shifts between wanting to have it all with him, and wanting to leave him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5

You deserved it 39

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44

You deserved it 23

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I found out on Facebook that my mom and step-dad have an open marriage. To make matters worse, my step-dad shamed me for not being more sex positive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 154

You deserved it 38

Today, I found out why my husband faked being sick on Thanksgiving. He was invited to Thanksgiving dinner by to the coworker he’s seeing. She was planning to introduce him to her family. He never told her he was married, so knowing I would tag along if he came, he faked having a “fever” so he couldn’t go out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 25