Today, I was buying condoms at Walmart. I grabbed the XL size, and the cashier commented, "Ahh, you'll definitely need a smaller size." FML
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Today, as I was cashing a customer out, he stopped me in the middle of the transaction just to tell me that the condoms he was buying are too big for him. FML
Today, I went to Walmart with my girlfriend. We bought the usual, food, Advil and condoms. While I waited in line, she went to grab everything. When she came back, I looked in the cart and saw no condoms. I asked her why she didn't get any. She replied, "They ran out of smalls." Everyone laughed. FML
Today, I nervously went to the store to buy condoms for the first time. I felt like everything was going well, and checked out happily. As I was walking out, the cashier lady said to the woman next in line, "He thinks he's going to need condoms." They both looked at me and started laughing. FML
Today, I mentioned to my dad (we have a close relationship) that my last condom had expired. Happy to buy me new ones for the sake of safe sex, he asked me "Do you need small, or extra small?" FML
Today, I went to the local pharmacy to buy some condoms. When I went to go purchase them, the elderly lady behind the counter took one look at me and said, "Honey, you're your own birth control." FML
Today, I was at the store buying some feminine products. At the cash register, the clerk said to me "Dude, you know those are for girls right?" I am a 30 year old woman. FML
Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML
Today, I went to the store to buy some condoms. I couldn't find them anywhere, so I nervously asked a staff member for help. She scowled, pointed at the shelf directly behind me, and told me to, "Get a life. Or better pick-up lines." I'll never live down the snickers from the other customers. FML
Today, I was standing in line at the checkout, and my children were arguing with each other. The guy in front of me sighed loudly and told me over his shoulder: "There're these things called condoms, you know." FML
Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML
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Top comments
lolmigosh 15
How would the cashier know?
challan 19
Was the cashier your ex or your mom? Otherwise tell her you'll be lucky if these fit, you normally wear trash bags.
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Comments (176)
vcapelo 19
Yeah don't exaggerate! Be proud of your size!
browneyedgirl52 13
Don't exaggerate but maybe that is OP's size. Better to have the right size condoms than to squeeze your dick off with too tight ones.
not_a_robot 15
Just buy like fifteen boxes so he will be like, "Are these for the next few months?!", then, be all sly and say, "Nope, they're all for tonight". Then kick his ass and rob him blind. What a dick.
Jeffo193 13
#38 - "What a dick"...i hope that's what OP's girlfriend will be saying later ;-)
cloud1138 10
Yeah too small condoms make having sex with them on horrible and not fun it actually was so small that my dick went numb until I got a bigger size
tjv3 10
You should have whipped it out and been like I'm hung like a horse. Lol
BRLHP 24
And then get arrested and charged as a sex offender for whipping it out in a public store that has a high risk of children around.
AKGirlinSD 20
132, your comment made me think of Horrible Bosses, when the guy is a sex offender for peeing in a playground, in the middle of the night, next to the bar. I'll never get sick of that movie!
lolmigosh 15
How would the cashier know?
McNikk 15
Op was clearly butt naked when he bought the condoms. Duh.
waterpolohezy 6
OP's dick just got OWNED!
eur0 14
OP was probably white and the cashier was used to only darker skinned males buying that size.
oj101 33
Maybe OP has been sleeping around town quite a bit.
therealafroninga 10
You must not have your penis license. See, when you go to buy condoms, you need your penis license, much like, if you were to drive, you would need a drivers license. Now, where your age would be on a normal drivers license, a actual photo of your penis, along with it's length, diameter, and TMI (lenght x girth/width) are shown. It's really common knowledge.
wldd0g 9
Ah, the old penis license. I used mine one too many times and now I am restricted on how much time I am allowed in the shower.
Reaper1984 13
#2 good call, sounds like the cashier is a real dick
HouseElf 13
66- OP could be the village bike....
DKjazz 20
138- Yeah, the kind without a seat.
CzechIsBack 15
The cashier knows because a regular condom fits over an arm - just fill one with water and watch how big it becomes! Also condom companies are on the record of selling the exact same size as normal packaged into XL. It's for guys with self esteem issues. No dick in history has been too big for a regular sized condom, not even a **** star's.
pmadNess 16
His hands and feet are tiny. That's how...
wldd0g 9
Actually 151, "regular" condoms are what I used for years, until I tried and XL. Now I no longer want to ever go back to regular again. It made a world of difference for me.
dawnimus 21
Regular condoms ARE too small for some guys. Just because they fit over your arm does not mean they fit _comfortably_ over your arm (or a large penis). Same principle as a somewhat heavy-set person wearing stretchy clothes three sizes too small. Sure, they can get them on but in no way does that mean they 'fit', or are comfortable for the wearer.
therealafroninga 10
165- so it's a big difference?
CorranH 3
151, you have no idea what you're talking about. As others have pointed out, just because a condom can stretch does not make it comfortable. Also, the ring of latex at the base is MUCH less elastic than the rest; I once went home blue-balled because the girl I was with only had regular size condoms, and we physically could not force it on.
23lf 16
Isn't it length square time girth divided by width?
skyenoelle 15
I'm guessing you're Asian, right?
gc327072 30
Wow that was rude.
capslockisgood 19
Dammit! What was the comment?!
Catkam623 27
I need to know what that dick said
poocherz97 3
What a douche
ollie179 21
This cashier must be your stalker who spy's on you when you're not looking.
GrammarNazis 6
Hey, if its a girl cashier maybe its not a bad thing if she's stalking you. Oh, and I would be a disgraceful Grammer Nazi if I didn't do this-- Spys*
SomeRandomGuy15 18
I thought it was "spies"?
ollie179 21
I have investigated this claim quite deeply and it seems you are quite right. I apologise for any inconvenience caused.
countryrose92 23
Apologize?
Llamacod 11
No, Ollie is correct in his spelling of apologize. He is from the UK, they do not spell the same as we Americans do. (ie color, colour)
littlemonster94 15
Prove him wrong. It's just Walmart....
TourettesGuyFTW 25
Prove him wrong? How, there and then?!
jessherself13 21
If he whipped out his genitals in Walmart, he would be having legal troubles, not just a problem with a cashier.
123man 11
And not only could he get arrested, but unless he's got an erection, it won't prove much. The size of a limp penis doesn't always have a direct correlation to erect size. There are a lot of factors, e.g. "shrinkage!"
littlemonster94 15
Unzip and drop em! Stranger things have occurred under walmarts roof..
HiIAmKevin 8
He could just end up on www.peopleofwalmart.com...I love those people lol
junkman6 22
I've seen idiots streak through wal mart. I highly doubt OP would have been in legal trouble for proving the cashier wrong.
challan 19
Was the cashier your ex or your mom? Otherwise tell her you'll be lucky if these fit, you normally wear trash bags.
garrett1999o3 16
How would you know it's a girl?...
mimiminx 23
#7 does your mother know the size of your erect penis then?!
challan 19
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
#12 a male cashier would have nodded , both in respect to the size and that he was getting laid. #17 I'm female... Nice try. My mother does know what my pussy looks like though. Besides the fact that his mom changed his diaper, she slept with his father. Like father like son!
olpally 32
Lol wow. Great thread. Cashier was being a smart ass IMO.
Pleonasm 35
That makes no sense: Mums should know what their sons' dicks look like because they changed their diapers as a baby? And that dicks are identical from father to son?
gc327072 30
^~and, don't you know? Size never changes from baby to adult! A baby's dick is 40% of its weight at birth.~
rockbandaddict85 22
queue family guy... peter- wimpy wimpy, hefty hefty... lol
challan 19
52- I thought it was clear that I meant she had seen much of his penis throughout his life... Guess not. She'd know if he was above our below average lol
Lludes 5
My son is 11 and I haven't seen his penis since he was 5.
jessherself13 21
Well OP, it was only a Walmart cashier. They don't know the size of your manhood unless you dropped your trousers for them, so just ignore them. But FYL indeed for their comment, but if that really is your size you shouldn't let their comment get to you.
Strikerr 5
Your right on so many levels
cliffibom 15
If it really is OP's size, i think the cashier should be the one writing on fml, not OP.
Slugable 7
She don't even know you! ... WTF?
DubstepCrazyXD 11
Just because someone doesn't know you, doesn't mean they won't be a douche.
BVBarmy_girl 22
The cashier was probably just a very jealous male .. Unless you go shopping naked, I assume he didn't have anything to base that statement upon ;)
finnrambo 13
it was weird today, I went into walmart and everybody had clothes on!
garrett1999o3 16
O RLY?