Running commentary - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33

You deserved it 3

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 97

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 62

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 441

You deserved it 31

Running commentary

By well crap... - 21/06/2020 14:18

Spicy

Today, I nervously went to the store to buy condoms for the first time. I felt like everything was going well, and checked out happily. As I was walking out, the cashier lady said to the woman next in line, "He thinks he's going to need condoms." They both looked at me and started laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 946

You deserved it 179

Batman

Dementia or hate? You decide

Empathy lives

03/06/2018 01:30

Today, my mother knocked on the door of my room at 7am. I am currently over 300 miles from home, on a vacation to get away from my overbearing family. I told none of them where I was going. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 819

You deserved it 431

02/08/2014 05:35

Today, I asked my boyfriend if he wanted me to get him some take out. He responded with, "I think we should see other people. Uh, chicken please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 697

You deserved it 4 013

03/12/2011 10:05

Today, I helped myself to a small glass of cocktail from the fridge, not realising it was alcoholic. I told my mom what happened. She made me drink salty water until I vomited so I wouldn't get "alcohol poisoning". I'm 19. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 083

You deserved it 8 143

04/03/2016 20:22

Today, my vegan step-mom found out I ate at McDonald's yesterday. She gave me hell and asked me how it feels to give money to "murderers". All while my dad sat quietly by because he's too whipped to speak his mind. It wasn't even her house a month ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 018

You deserved it 1 704

06/09/2016 11:01

Today, I went to work early and saw my crush's car in the parking lot, so I parked next to her. After that, I looked over at her car to see her staring at me with a weird look and her saying, "Really?" Then she gestured around the lot; I looked around to find it completely empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 276

You deserved it 7 417

29/03/2014 10:34

Today, my boss decided to have the whole staff drug tested and fire everyone who failed. Out of an original staff of 14 people, only my boss, two coworkers and I remain. I now have four times my normal workload and am seriously thinking maybe I should've said "Yes" to drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 769

You deserved it 4 213

19/05/2011 22:46

Today, my family went to Seaworld. When we got there, my dad sarcastically told me not to get lost, because I might get mistaken for Shamu. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 127

You deserved it 7 931

05/11/2015 21:15

Today, I found out that my new boyfriend is a "Men's Rights Activist". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 526

You deserved it 7 524

17/06/2011 02:17

Today, I went to sell my wedding rings, due to the fact that I'm getting divorced from a man who cheated on me. The jeweler informed me that the stone in my engagement ring is fake. I won't even be able to cover the divorce costs from the proceeds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 630

You deserved it 5 545

04/04/2012 21:11

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend was over. I asked my dad how long until dinner was ready, his reply was, "Five minutes, so no, you can't go upstairs for a quickie". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 469

You deserved it 7 290

04/09/2012 13:51

Today, I finally decided to introduce my boyfriend to my parents. Surprisingly, he and my father already knew each other, so I asked him how they met. Now I know where my boyfriend gets all his weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 659

You deserved it 3 964

03/04/2009 05:10

Today, the director of the play I'm in decided to show us an example of the type of shoes we would be wearing in the show. She brings in a pair of hideous black combat boots, and I remark how ugly they are. They're her own favorite boots. I had to carpool with her after rehearsal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 514

You deserved it 59 987

15/06/2019 00:14

Today, my older brother called me in the middle of the night to describe to me, in painstaking elaborate detail, the Yamaha commercial he'd just watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 516

You deserved it 147

02/09/2014 17:03

Today, I saw someone purposely drive into someone's garbage can with their car. Trying to be nice, I stopped and started to pick it up. As I did, the owner came out of his house and chased me away with a knife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 583

You deserved it 3 842

08/08/2009 18:02

Today, I snuck out of my bedroom to go pee very quickly, so I wouldn't wake up my new puppy who doesn't like being away from me. In the 60 seconds it took me to pee, wash my hands and walk back into the room she had pooped, peed, and left potty-paw-prints all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 551

You deserved it 8 065

Feeling let down

By Ryan - 27/06/2021 02:01

Today, after my fourth flat tire, I realized that I've had more flat tires in the last 2 years than months in relationships throughout my entire life. I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 654

You deserved it 119

11/11/2015 14:38

Today, I found out that my "friends" only invite me to their parties when they need a designated driver. Apparently I'm "not fun" because I don't drink, which "ruins the party". FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 334

You deserved it 2 652

05/03/2013 00:41

Today, I trimmed my ear hair, my nose hair, shaved my hobbit feet, and trimmed the little sprouts that give me a unibrow if left alone. I still can't grow a beard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 145

You deserved it 2 747

07/05/2009 03:47

Today, I realized my wedding ring was missing. Turns out, my son had taken it to give to a girl he likes in the 2nd grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 192

You deserved it 8 864

25/11/2017 06:00

Spicy

Today, I was getting one of the best blow jobs I have ever received. My girlfriend was getting into it when I heard an "uh oh". Her tongue ring got twisted around the hair close to my balls. She started to pull, I started to scream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 873

You deserved it 1 701

11/11/2013 08:18

Today, a drunken customer blindsided me after I told him I would not be giving him a free drink after I watched him put his own hair in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 105

You deserved it 2 481

10/10/2016 12:18

Today, I realized two things: how much time I've spent waiting between lectures, and just how bad my love life is. I found out that I get incredibly jealous when somebody sits on my favourite bench in the centre of the campus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 161

You deserved it 1 100

05/05/2009 04:07

Today, I got home from visiting my long-distance girlfriend. I spent $366 to get a plane ticket to visit her for the week. The day after I arrived there, she broke up with me and I had to buy a ticket for an earlier flight home. With fees and penalties, I paid around $550 to be broken up with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 466

You deserved it 5 184

01/12/2012 01:02

Spicy

Today, as part of my job as a swimming instructor, I had to help a teenage boy learn how to float. This involves supporting the person's back as they try to float. His boner stood straight up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 346

You deserved it 3 920

29/07/2009 06:22

Today, I just found out my dad got remarried a year ago. The woman is officially living with us, I got to have lunch with her alone today. I found out she is only 22, with a 14 year old little brother. My dad's 47. I'm 17, now with a 14 year old uncle and a mom that can pass for my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 252

You deserved it 3 076

29/03/2013 11:12

Today, I spent the whole night and day painting a portrait of my girlfriend. Being proud of it, I sent it to her hoping she would appreciate it. I spent hours working on that picture only for her to reply with, "That's not me, is it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 800

You deserved it 4 505

09/10/2010 04:09

Today, I got chased, threatened and assaulted by a cab driver because I wouldn't take the credit card receipt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 957

You deserved it 6 984

31/03/2017 22:00

Today, I attended the will reading of the old lady who accidentally ran me over with her car years ago. I was affectionately mentioned and was left with something rather substantial. I had to listen through all that while getting evil leers and silently judged by family members who got squat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 480

You deserved it 703

02/05/2017 05:00

Today, while making a grand show of his generosity, my boss gave me my own commissions as a wedding gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 157

You deserved it 269

08/05/2009 02:07

Today, I was driving home, it was 80 degrees out. Making a rare attempt to be eco-friendly, I turned off the A/C and lowered the windows. A bee then flew in through the window, hit my cheek, and stung me. That's what I get for attempting to be eco-friendly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 984

You deserved it 11 280

22/03/2012 22:13

Today, I was learning to drive a stick when a cop decided to pull me over just to laugh at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 167

You deserved it 3 334

Romance in Appalachia

By HereWeGoAgain - 22/09/2017 13:00

Today, my mother beamingly asked for my opinion on her wedding dress. She is engaged to her cousin. Conveniently, they already have the same last name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 072

You deserved it 297

10/10/2012 01:57

Today, a customer handed me a 100 dollar bill. He then told me that it was my tip for doing a good job. He snatched it away just as I touched it, laughed, and said, "Just kidding." He then took his money and left the store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 083

You deserved it 2 406

02/09/2011 07:48

Today, at work, my boss stared at me from behind while I made hand gestures and noises at a toaster. I was pretending to be Magneto. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 805

You deserved it 33 111

12/03/2015 16:29

Today, my boss told me I got my new job because she rejected candidates that seemed "too confident" or "too pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 372

You deserved it 3 019

20/03/2013 10:59

Today, a guy left flowers on my doorstep. I got home to find my dad claiming he bought them for my mum. I told my parents they were mine, they laughed in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 784

You deserved it 3 131

13/07/2010 04:34

Today, I got bitch-slapped by a walrus at Sea Life Park. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 726

You deserved it 10 756

14/05/2019 02:00

Today, at work, I came back from my break to find a child covered in mud. Turns out it wasn't mud. One of the other children had taken all of the poop out of their diaper and smeared it all over the floor, walls, and other children. The other teacher hadn't noticed, and I had to clean it all up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 016

You deserved it 122

10/12/2015 10:47

Today, while making less than minimum wage at McDonalds, I had to dispose of a grown man's soiled underwear that he left on the bathroom floor under a pile of toilet paper. It isn't even the grossest thing I've seen in my six months of employment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 801

You deserved it 2 508

23/11/2013 23:45

Today, I realized that no matter what I accomplish in life, I'll always be remembered for being the son of a woman so stupid that she claimed she used to be Elvis Presley's mistress. She was still an infant when he died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 331

You deserved it 3 277

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Top comments

SerenaIncendia 11

Sunday 21 June 2020 21:16

hope you complained to the store manager. I'm not a complainer but that is wildly unprofessional, this is coming from an ex-cashier

alex_jaguara 31

Send a private message

Sunday 21 June 2020 20:44

If you have someone to use them with, no big deal.

Comments

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Sunday 21 June 2020 14:25

Hey, even ugly people can have water balloon parties! Sure, they're very expensive water balloons, but the way they explode on impact is sublime!

Send a private message

Sunday 21 June 2020 18:59

Richard, I'm glad that even you got to use condoms - hope you had fun watching them explode on impact

RichardPencil 30

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Sunday 21 June 2020 19:21

Pro tip: don't let the condoms decay too much in your wallet. They tend to burst just as you're filling them up -- with water, of course.

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Sunday 21 June 2020 21:28

Uh get help please

RichardPencil 30

Send a private message

Sunday 21 June 2020 23:35

I know! You mean like a wing man, or a pimp?

Send a private message

Sunday 21 June 2020 20:03

Lawsuit

Send a private message

Sunday 21 June 2020 20:25

Hardly needs a lawsuit. Manager, maybe, but this doesn't need a courtroom.

alex_jaguara 31

Send a private message

Sunday 21 June 2020 20:44

If you have someone to use them with, no big deal.

SerenaIncendia 11

Sunday 21 June 2020 21:16

hope you complained to the store manager. I'm not a complainer but that is wildly unprofessional, this is coming from an ex-cashier

DarkAngelsBlade 25

Send a private message

Sunday 21 June 2020 21:51

I’d have asked for the fuckin manager.

Taurus_ChicKa 36

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Sunday 21 June 2020 22:38

I hate cashiers that comment on every item I'm purchasing. The fact that this one had the audacity to say it to someone else behind your back is maddening. I'd definitely talk to a manager. That's unprofessional and very rude and certainly not warranted.

Send a private message

Sunday 21 June 2020 23:23

"You won't need condoms to go f%$k yourself."

Stephanie Mikai 6

Send a private message

Monday 29 June 2020 8:25

Talk about unprofessional. As a cashier myself I honestly don't care. When I do care is when I'm being rushed to finish the transaction. Pisses me off because the person their going to have sex with can wait.