Love: Today, my husband told me to look for a honeymoon resort, since... - FML

03/04/2013 16:50 - United States - Binghamton

Today, my husband told me to look for a honeymoon resort, since we had to cancel it last year. I looked everything up and got all excited. Just when I asked him for payment information, he said "April Fools!" April Fools was two days ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 355

You deserved it 3 451

Commando

This Charming Man

Walk the line

04/10/2009 06:13 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called and said he was stopping by to talk. I didn't understand why he would stop by, so I asked if he was going to break up with me, he said no. Half an hour later, he knocked on my door to break up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 016

You deserved it 5 727

Not my sunnies!

By ladyofzanarkand - 20/05/2020 20:00

Today, while out shopping, a middle aged man snatched my sunglasses off my face, threw them off the ground, and stomped on them, saying, "That’s what you get for trying to look cool, asshole!" I suffer from light-induced migraines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 361

You deserved it 125

03/10/2009 06:38 - Australia

Today, my train was canceled so my ticket expired by the time another train arrived. I was fined $90 by ticket inspectors 'cause my claim that the early train didn't run was "unsubstantiated". Leaving the train I was pushed by the crowd, fell, lost a shoe and had to walk home with one bare foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 077

You deserved it 2 721

14/11/2010 05:43 - United States

Today, I changed my phone number because my old one belonged to a prostitute. My new one belongs to a debtor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 174

You deserved it 3 005

19/03/2012 03:09 - United States - Rockwall

Today, I got my dog back from my aunt. Rather than taking him to an actual groomer, I gave him to my aunt because she needed a few extra bucks. My generosity lost me $35, and gave my dog ticks and a bad haircut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 821

You deserved it 5 436

09/11/2013 01:46 - United States - Blythe

Today, a woman accused me of bullying her son, and said that she is going to get me fired. Her son is a 27-year-old teacher at my school, whom I disciplined for showing up drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 246

You deserved it 2 645

19/06/2015 19:00 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of 4 gunshots from downstairs. I screamed, hid under the bed in tears and called the cops. Turned out my boyfriend hadn't been murdered by a burglar like I thought - he'd found a tarantula in our living room and decided to feed it a face full of lead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 862

You deserved it 3 726

Halloween came early

By umm..WHAT?? - 22/10/2020 14:01 - United States - Pomona

Today, I was sleeping in my bed when I woke up in horror to see that my 34-year-old cousin, who was spending the night, was watching me sleep. Once he noticed that I was awake, he quietly left the room. I told my mom, who then told me not to tell anyone and pretend that it never happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 495

You deserved it 66

Squirt

By Anonymous - 11/10/2009 04:48 - United States

Today, I had a UTI and the doctor said the medicine can sometimes make you leak a little. "Leak a little" apparently translates into peeing all over myself, my boyfriend, and his bed while we were sleeping. The doctor also said this medicine can stain your urine a beautiful, bright orange color. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 350

You deserved it 2 967

20/10/2009 17:44 - United States

Today, I microwaved a cup of soup. While walking back to my desk to eat and do homework, I noticed a message that said, "WARNING: Hold cup by sides, as lid may not be secure." At that exact moment, the lid that I was holding fell off and the soup drenched my Nintendo DS, and printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 851

You deserved it 41 472

03/12/2010 03:42 - United States

Today, my annoying and disrespectful roommate discovered Pandora. She also discovered that she can play Christmas music on Pandora. Only 23 more days until Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 399

You deserved it 4 216

28/01/2015 08:07 - United States

Today, it was my brother's birthday. I was short on money but got him a present anyway. After opening it, he looked at it and said, "I didn't really want this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 733

You deserved it 2 800

27/05/2009 20:12 - Bangladesh

Today, I got an acceptance later to a great boarding school in India for my senior year of high school. I sent them a letter telling them I wouldn't go, because I just got back with my ex-boyfriend. I just got a text from my boyfriend. Guess who's my ex again? FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 712

You deserved it 121 888

25/02/2016 06:12 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I said "I love you" to my girlfriend for the first time. She responded with, "I'm just gonna pretend I never heard that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 227

You deserved it 2 455

05/01/2010 07:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I learned that my boyfriend waits 'til I am asleep to wack off to porn on the internet. We haven't had sex in months because he doesn't want to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 939

You deserved it 3 805

11/10/2010 22:29 - Canada

Today, I attended a musical. A new song was played, and I thought I'd heard it before because it sounded strangely familiar. I sang along quietly as the song progressed, positive I knew it. Anticipating the next chorus, I belted out the lyrics with all my heart. It was instrumental. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 980

You deserved it 49 400

10/03/2011 01:48 - United States

Today, the seat in my car broke and wouldn't move forward. I had to walk to school in the rain because I was too short to reach the pedals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 501

You deserved it 5 926

Judgmental much?

By Steven - 03/09/2019 12:00 - United Kingdom - Llanelli

Today, at a supermarket, I ran into a girl I knew in high school. She had 2 kids with her and they were buying school supplies. My cart was full of beer and snacks. After a chat, she left, not before saying, "I hope things get better for you." I have a job and a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 525

You deserved it 228

How the…?

By Tiana - 30/05/2021 22:01

Today, I helped my best friend step out of the friendzone. As a result, I don't have a boyfriend anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 897

You deserved it 155

Freak

By micahmatt - 26/08/2009 07:09 - United States

Today, I found out why my 20 year-old girlfriend broke up with me. She was building everything she did to match her favorite TV show. The main character left her boyfriend in the exact way she left me. And the breakup email she sent me contained monologue from the TV show, word for word. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 309

You deserved it 5 032

22/12/2015 05:50 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I went to meet a guy that i had already started to be involved with at a bar. We laughed, kissed and had a great time, until he admitted he was just doing all of this to make his ex-girlfriend jealous. Guess who was waiting for me outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 733

You deserved it 1 958

Belch monster

By gross - 23/05/2021 02:00

Today, while on a date with an amazing guy, I burped. He called me a disgusting pig and immediately left. I have burped a total of three times in my life and have therefore never learned how to control it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 064

You deserved it 219

Dating is hell

By CEO - 10/05/2014 02:37 - United States - Bristow

Spicy

Today, I went on a date for the first time since my divorce was finalized a year ago. The first question the guy asked me was what my favorite sex position is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 533

You deserved it 6 469

20/05/2010 16:58 - Canada

Today, I finally got a job interview, and I thought it went amazing. They were supposed to call me today or tomorrow with the news. Today is also the day that my phone company decided to cut my phone off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 897

You deserved it 5 588

16/01/2015 18:51 - Norway - Bergen

Today, like every day, I woke up at 3 in the morning because my roommate needs "a three hour warning" before his real alarm goes off. His alarm is a constant beeping noise which he always ignores for a good 10 minutes before finally getting up and turning it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 303

You deserved it 3 052

Shush

By Bride - 25/02/2021 23:00 - New Zealand

Today, I went in to pick my wedding dress. My fiancé's ex-girlfriend was my consultant. She basically hinted that I looked fat in every dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 144

17/11/2014 18:48 - United States - Mount Pleasant

Today, at work, a crazy customer forced me to promise to take a holiday greeting picture of my cat and myself for her. She says she'll be back and expects one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 832

You deserved it 3 516

Need more details, please

By Anonymous - 27/07/2021 17:01 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, I fucked up a relationship, by accident, and then they broke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 611

Definitely confusing

By Anonymous - 05/10/2021 10:00 - United States

Today, I lost my job, neither by quitting or getting fired. I don't know whether to be mad or confused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 64

Bunch of Freeloaders...

By Anonymous - 12/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Spring Hill

Today, after having my Wi-Fi unlocked for two years, I decided to lock it since it was running slowly. Everybody in my apartment building came to my door and asked me why I did it. I've been unknowingly providing free Wi-Fi to the entire building for years, but now that it's protected I'm getting constant dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 650

You deserved it 3 254

22/08/2013 23:50 - United States

Today, while training a new employee, I had to run after a naked guy chasing a hooker at the hotel I work at. I made him go back to his room, while she offered me a good time for 300 bucks. The trainee left and hasn't come back yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 559

You deserved it 3 136

24/02/2014 15:21 - United States

Today, I was driving along, and went to spit out my window. My window was up. This happened in heavy traffic. People saw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 056

You deserved it 51 777

Time to move out!

By tsunami - 10/09/2018 03:30

Today, my mother took my brand new PS4, which I haven't even played yet, and threw it out the window while I was at work. When I asked her why, she said she was mad that we didn't have any paper towels left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 727

You deserved it 221

30/06/2011 07:24 - Finland

Today, I introduced my first serious boyfriend to my mother over dinner. He is Asian. My mom insisted on calling him "Ching Chong". His name is Kevin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 079

You deserved it 5 229

25/04/2011 05:01

Today, I celebrated my birthday with a few friends at home. As I bent down over my cake, my friend pushed my face into it. The baker should have told me she put in a stick to support the cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 607

You deserved it 3 509

03/10/2013 06:23 - United States

Today, I got a ticket for speeding in a school zone. The school hasn't even been built yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 494

You deserved it 9 434

First date, and probably the last

By DrunkGirl - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I went on a date with an awesome guy. I got super hammered and punched him in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 761

You deserved it 63 237

20/08/2013 04:01 - United States - Smyrna

Today, a kid in class dropped his paper on the floor. I held on to my desk with one hand and reached for the paper with my other hand. I lost balance and tilted both my chair and desk over, nailing the floor as everything on my desk hit the ground with me. He picked the paper up himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 296

You deserved it 5 640

25/01/2011 21:15 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was released from jail. I had helped a three year old girl get up after falling on a wet floor at the mall last night when the security guards tasered me. Only this morning did they tell me they had mistaken me for a child molester that looks a little bit like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 938

You deserved it 3 532

19/03/2015 13:19 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, it was my first day working as a pharmacist. I quickly discovered that customers not only think that it makes me qualified to offer free medical advice, but they also have no qualms about showing me their various lumps, bumps, and vaginal leakages. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 733

You deserved it 3 746

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 April 2013 22:39

Tonight, wear something really sexy to bed. Make all the right moves and say all the right things. Get him all worked up, then slam your legs shut, looked him straight in the eye and say, "APRIL FOOLS RIGHT BACK AT CHA ASSHOLE!"

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 April 2013 22:32

"April thirds...?"

Comments

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 April 2013 22:31

Just think of how much money you are saving

kevinnicki4life 9

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 April 2013 22:32

Just think of how disappointed she is that her husband did that.

ZacZ 8

Send a private message

Thursday 4 April 2013 0:26

Exactly. Money savings.

Send a private message

Thursday 4 April 2013 2:04

Just think of how much happiness they're saving!

Send a private message

Thursday 4 April 2013 4:57

Better late than never. You have the rest of the month to get him back.

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 April 2013 22:32

"April thirds...?"

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 April 2013 23:27

well its not 'April first' saying 'april third' is dumb.

Send a private message

Thursday 4 April 2013 3:07

In that case, since its "April Fools", you can fool anyone all month. Let the pranking begin!

yoursucklives 36

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 April 2013 22:33

His jokes are apparently not too funny.

waterpolohezy 6

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 April 2013 22:53

The husband needs to be reminded what it's like to be slapped across the face. Dang. Men, NEVER turn down an opportunity for a get away with your significant other. Unless of course they didn't have the funds... Then you'd just be contributing to our already suckish economy.. And no one likes a bum!

browneyedgirl52 13

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 April 2013 22:33

Give him a good old April Third's divorce.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 April 2013 22:40

Yeah, how perfectly rational!

ArielTheMermaid 17

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 April 2013 22:53

It amazes me how many people suggest divorce for small things like this. Yeah, it was an asshole move, but it'll pass

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 April 2013 23:32

We can only hope that #5 was joking...

mattlw 25

Send a private message

Thursday 4 April 2013 2:29

If I was #5's husband, I would probably divorce her for that comment.

TourettesGuyFTW 25

Send a private message

Thursday 4 April 2013 4:24

41- understandable.

Send a private message

Sunday 7 April 2013 6:46

Divorces aren't jokes

biggestfan23 11

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 April 2013 22:34

That wasn't even funny that's just stupid. Some people take April Fools too far I hope you get him back somehow OP

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 April 2013 22:38

"well it isn't even April Fools, so therefore you have to be serious." Who's the fool now?

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 April 2013 22:39

Sounds like a great opportunity for some revenge "April fools" jokes.

yeti37 16

Send a private message

Thursday 4 April 2013 1:45

Yeah, like book one ticket, tell him to pack for the trip, and leave without him at the terminal.

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 April 2013 22:39

Tonight, wear something really sexy to bed. Make all the right moves and say all the right things. Get him all worked up, then slam your legs shut, looked him straight in the eye and say, "APRIL FOOLS RIGHT BACK AT CHA ASSHOLE!"

jessherself13 21

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 April 2013 22:42

FYL OP, your husband sounds like an ass. Maybe you can reach a compromise and do a weekend getaway instead? You should find a way to get back at him though.

McNikk 15

Send a private message

Wednesday 3 April 2013 22:46

On the bright side, now you can start planning YOUR April fools prank for next year. And you can make it extra special.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 6

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 114

You deserved it 8

Spicy

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend came out as a polyamorous, and then immediately asked me if he could date another guy I thought was my friend. I’m such a pushover, I said yes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81

You deserved it 242

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 69