Mike
Today, my house was robbed while I sat helplessly on the toilet with violent diarrhoea. I could hear them laughing hysterically. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
Australia
Today, my house got robbed, while I was upstairs taking a dump. FML
paywithpoop
United States
Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML
Starving Ultimatum
United States
Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML
Anonymous
United States
Typical Ohia public bathroom
Today, I was sitting on the toilet when a dude broke into my stall, screamed, "No time to explain!" and ran out with a toilet paper roll. FML
stinkypants
India
You OK in there?
Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML
Anonymous
Get rid of the evidence!
Today, while my roommate was taking a bath, I became horribly sick out of nowhere. Since the bathroom was occupied, I ended up having explosive diarrhea in an Amazon box in my bedroom, which I immediately ran out to the dumpster. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, while my husband and I are both stuck in the bathroom from food poisoning, our 3-year-old son is taking advantage of his freedom. All I can hear is banging noises and wild laughter. I'm afraid to leave the bathroom. FML
Anonymous
Los Angeles, United States
Phantom pooper
Today, all of my roommates were home. I really had to poop all day but the bathroom was being hogged. Once I finally got the chance to go, I guess the toilet didn't flush all the way and I didn't notice. The other roommates loudly asked each other who it was, and they all started loudly taking about me. FML
Man Shamed
This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff
Hyattsville, United States
Lucid
Today, while using the bathroom in a small coffee shop, I somehow passed out sitting on the toilet. There is nothing more jarring than waking up to the vicious banging of 7 angry, urine-filled patrons attempting to break down a door. FML
Anonymous
Allentown, United States
Get the hell out of there
Today, at my godmother's funeral, I got a panic attack causing explosive diarrhea. After the service, I ran to the bathroom and absolutely nuked it. I heard everyone outside calling for me so I quickly flushed the toilet and it struggled. So I flushed again. I left that bathroom with two inches of water on the floor and rising. FML
Top comments
forthepainx3 0
that's a shitty situation
Grimmerie 31
your attempts to foil them would have tanked. it sucks to have to put up with that kind of crap. at least they didn't tie you to a stool. although your attempts at heroism were flushed, try not to feel too shitty about it. after all, we can't all be heroes - someone has to be number two.
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Comments (223)
ImInHawaiiBITCH 0
:(
ilovejorgerabara 3
:( x2
paras0mnia 3
:( x3
dirtyblond 4
:( x4
racer337 2
:( x5
kaylanicole1255 1
:( x6
forthepainx3 0
C-C-C COMBO BREAKER
dirtyblond 4
SHIT!!!>:/ ^^^
forthepainx3 0
mwuhaha
TheRealFamilyGuy 5
if it's was so violent why didn't you let the shit beat the shit out of the robbers?
TeDDY0522 0
:( x7000
boatingboy1011 0
:( x over 9000
JustLetItHappen 2
Dude, people stay away from crazy. But when you got shit, nobody messes with you. Get off the crapper next time.
smmrgrl 1
this îs why people should always have their phonea with them in the toilet :) plus, when ur bored, u could always play gaaammeesss :D
aquariusangel420 0
Well you priolly already had a mess to clean up but I woulda got up off that toilet quicker than fast and beat their asses finishing off the diareaa sp? on their heads that's what ******* get for messing with your house
urdirtyolduncle 15
This guy gives a whole new meaning to "a shitty situation"
bravesfan112233 0
did you at least wipe?
EnaBoC 5
Lol I always bring my phone with me. in fact....I'm taking a shit as I type this =)
angelpies 0
me too.
MTJY 21
Me three
syndragore 0
c-c-c-combo breaker
QuantumLegend 0
"looking for my treasure!?" proceed: unload on their faces
SuperAnthony 7
You should be happy that you were safe in a locked bathroom away from possibly armed men, though that really sucks.
forthepainx3 0
that's a shitty situation
alakomonus 0
old pun
AnagenisisZagus 13
**** up! Have a nice day. :)
mystifi 0
lol
Miss_Michaela 10
You've 'robbed' the hopes of people's hearts in which they believed no one would use that pun ever again.
testthecoal 5
puns like this Want to make me tear my eyes out...
Miss_Michaela 10
Testthecoal- Hahaha. Nice. :)
TheWindowLicker 13
As funny as that pun was when I first heard it, when it's misused it's not that great.
j_cat187 20
keep a pistol in every room in the house
Dreamcatcher619 6
wow, as funny as it is I think I heard that a million times everyone talks about jersey shore, but thanks.
jordypaige11 0
yes!!!
iislix1ii 19
http://www.google.com/m/url?client=safari&ei=MVq3TbjhEdbZlgfV94aOAQ&hl=en&oe=UTF-8&q=http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Are_Fladoodles_real&ved=0CB4QFjAC&usg=AFQjCNGFddbgAKWP5h38wgX1JiuFMp988g
iislix1ii 19
omg srry tht was a mistake -_- i didnt mean to paste
erinhaydenn 0
that would scare the shit out of me .
l_e04 1
I was thinking the same thing.
ray5567 0
hahaha nicee
SNL 2
that's hilarious !!!!! XD
Xxak907xX 0
zing!
wowzersselainee 0
lol I see what u did there :0
roseof96 0
Awesome!!!
silver0jay 11
literally!
MaKenay 0
LOLLLL hahahaha
BigMacBoi 3
#116 It's not like they'd find it or anything y'know there only looking through everything for valuables -_- Robbers: " OH HEY A GUN!"
The_Voytek_Bear 14
You could have used your weakness as your weapon. Fugure out how ]:->
mamamiaaa_fml 12
^lmao so true.
kingtz 6
#3 I was thinking the exact same thing!
christian50 0
In a situation like that, you gotta let the shot hit the fan and go kick some ass.
eckksDeeitsTravi 0
boobs
vyktor_fml 0
Haha this is great.
emmanizzer 6
run out there and shit on them.... gross but hey, they're stealing your stuff!
Jrefinne 7
That's one of my biggest fears. FYL.
ydi_4_suking 20
to get robbed? or have violent explosive hershey squirts?
jackofdimonds 3
I think a combination of both
Saint_Pete_Saint 0
we^(my team and I) think this is hilarious but scary at the same time •.•
Grimmerie 31
your attempts to foil them would have tanked. it sucks to have to put up with that kind of crap. at least they didn't tie you to a stool. although your attempts at heroism were flushed, try not to feel too shitty about it. after all, we can't all be heroes - someone has to be number two.
Juicelynlovesyou 0
awesome.
Gamer_Bum 1
#6 anymore extremely original puns you want to throw out there?
kaylanicole1255 1
Ypu put wayyy too much effort into your comment! LOL :)
kaylanicole1255 1
***You
DanDanGoesRawr 0
hahah simply amazing
kingtz 6
#6 wins the internets!
stfuitscindeeeh9 3
Haha, I agree.
TheNewGuy03 29
your comment is an upper-decker! |the kid|
xMexicanXJesusx 0
I wanted to thumbs up this comment but it has 69 thumbs up. RESPECT THE 69.
ahlecksgee 0
LOL
ahlecksgee 0
this guy spends to much time on FML. still a genius . lmao
Gi510 0
That was hilarious
aardvarkish 17
6 succeeds in reminding me of Pendatik. A huge compliment.
kahbrah 3
that was like poetry and ur a genius
dannyndyuh 0
lol!!
drugs123 0
wonder what he ate the night before
SpectSelf 0
I'm sure if you came out the bathroom with shit flying out your ass, they would've ran out the door with minimal gain. I mean a person who comes out the bathroom ******** on themselves does not give a ****!!! you might have scared them.
allmidnighteyes 11
Exactly this. If you come at them like some senile fool with liquefied shit flowing down your leg and a handful of it ready to throw at the robbers, it's pretty much a guarantee that they will NOT **** with you again.
puddy_fml 0
This made my night. I will, also, never forget this comment.
kai_li 8
This. I can take a shower, I can clean my pants and my carpet. OP is a fool. You must have homeowners insurance.
DCFan 9
lmfao!!!!!!
SeasonedLemur 5
I used to have a girlfriend that used to throw her turds at me, no joke. She used to laugh with glee as she squirted one out into the palm of her hand and then proceeded to launch it at me aiming specifically at mine eyes!!!
lbf_fml 0
lol!!
eckksDeeitsTravi 0
the ****?
lolol_BKYCHO 3
Thanks for that, 75, I just vomited.
poweys 0
omg #75 is she still your gf
rocketeer_97 1
75- sexy.
vyktor_fml 0
Dude your girlfriend was messed up...
FunCheeze 0
OMG!!! I COULD NOT READ THIS WITHOUT LAFFING HYSTERICLY!!!
pancakeboss 0
omg they should make a scary movie like that
sandrop 0
same sgit
XxEmoSnowboarder 8
LMAO!!! haha this made my dayyy
ifbrockd 0
what do you think?
Garytt 0
should of pinned him down and shat on his face :D
mjluvr 0
Spell check much?
hectik02 3
imodium!