By paywithpoop - 22/06/2014 15:10 - United States

Today, I came home and found that my home had been robbed. The worst part? One of the thieves took a dump in my toilet and didn't flush. It doesn't even look human. FML
I agree, your life sucks 50 004
You deserved it 3 880

Same thing different taste

Top comments

SexyMexi21 23

Ew. man I'm sorry. hopefully they find who it is!

Chin up, OP. Those are just things. And flush the toilet...


SexyMexi21 23

Ew. man I'm sorry. hopefully they find who it is!

My question is, who is comfortable enough while robbing a house to take a dump?

Ali_Br_fml 33

Maybe they can if OP Saves it (edit: I mean don't flush...not to take it out yourself...) and let the cops take a DNA sample. If they're in the system, odds are they'll be able to catch them. Better hope you don't have to go any time soon... there isn't a Gray deal of DNA in feces, but hopefully enough

You really expect a cop to sift through a fresh load just for a DNA sample? Here, I'll give you my impression of the cop's response when you suggest that: "BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! No." You're welcome.

Ali_Br_fml 33

Great, not Gray. Dang, I add that word to my phone's dictionary, and everything I write comes out as Gray. I just might remove it...smh. Swype hates me...

25- if it's a DNA sample of the person who robbed op then they'll have to use it. It's nasty but still evidence to be used in the case.

No one cares about your keyboard fam.

AurumPotestasEst 16

Besides, sitting on the toilet means that the perp left behind (pun intended) a skin sample that they can use.

When my house was burglarized a few years ago, I asked the investing cops if they were going to have fingerprints taken since there was obvious plenty of evidence everywhere. They laughed and told me to stop watching so many TV shows and that only happens for things like homicides. If I wanted that done, I would have to hire someone on my own. They were only there to write the report and I could send that to my insurance company. It was frustrating dealing with them but they did give my interesting advice, they told me to get a good alarm system since thieves often return to try and steal the newer replacement electronics.

popprock 13

What was the point in taking a dump in your toilet. Why just why.

91hayek 31

I think its someone you know who really needed to take a dump and the robbery was an after thought. They felt really embarrassed and guilty for what they did they ended up irrationally blaming you for their predicament to save face, and decided to steal things as some twisted revenge. I have taken a shame dump before and the feeling of shame and indebtedness is overwhelming; however I've been freed from that feeling when the kindergarten burned down one night. I DID NOT BURN IT DOWN.

That's pretty solid advice. I'm sure a lot of people never thought about that, myself included. Sorry to hear about your issues, OP. People do shitty things to others, but don't let it get you down or discourage you; it's only material possessions that can be replaced.

#65, when I got broken into the cops sent over people to dust for fingerprints on my doors. Not uncommon here for police to go to great lengths to catch criminals.

AurumPotestasEst 16

Bad pun aside, my previous comment was true. They can find the perp with the skin cells they get from the toilet seat.

Chin up, OP. Those are just things. And flush the toilet...

I am going to thumb you down, because your picture offended me

I'm going to thumb you up, because your picture offended him.

I'm gonna thumb both of you down because y'all are being stupid.

I'm going to thumb me down because I offended myself

I'm going to thumb you all down because **** you.

Jesswokethisfall 11

lol that was just no. you killed what they had going

I think you're a raging idiot. I'm going to report you for thumbing down something that's not thumb down worthy

Thumb me up if this should have stopped 4 comments ago.

incoherentrmblr 21

Thumb them all in the eye...

Op, dont flush the toilet. the police can, suprisingly, use the feces for DNA and catch the crook.

incoherentrmblr 21

34, quit being over dramatic and hyper sensitive.

Only if he has a record would his DNA possibly be in the system. Contrary to police shows there is no gigantic sperm DNA data base for non offenders lol

senpa_kush 11

Well actually no, it may seem gross but they can get DNA from it.

Acknowledging that it's not funny doesn't magically make it funny.

badluckalex 23

it was worth a shit.. er.. I mean shot no? ok ill leave

At least he didn't take a crap on the coffee table. Must've not known how to properly rob a place.

Yeah, he left his mark, but did he leave an impression? That's why you go with coffee tables. Some burglars just don't get it, I tell you man.

This was from a tv show if you have ever watched blue mountain state?

Yeah, and his bitchy girlfriend made hime take the ring out of the shit and wear it haha. this football player has a bitchy girl friend thats only with him for the money hes gonna make. she doesnt have sex with him and cheats on him. she was leaving out of town and she wanted to make sure he didnt cheat so she made him wear a promise ring. well later, him and his buddies go to a strip club and he loses his ring up some girls ******. then they have to go back to the strip club and look for the ring.. in every stripper.. well they dont find it so this dumbass mascot sammy decides hell play it off like his place got robbed and he stole the ring. so he trashes the guys house and takes a shit on his coffee table. where the ring is found. then his girlfriend makes him wear it. yeah thats what happened. so in case you didnt get it sammy swallowed the ring that was lost in the girl. yeah Blue Mountain State

You've gotta raid the fridge aswell.

Airborn0280 18

Maybe they stole the coffee table as well.

No, I know the show. I was pointing to it as well. "Burglars shit on coffee tables to leave their mark" it's a line from the show.

I was actually specifically looking for this reference when I read this FML an went to these comments. I really thought whoever made it would've been smarter.

Also, I don't think they actually looked in any strippers, one of the first ones they asked took them to a lost and found (?)

rockcaar3 7

What the **** are you talking about

Epikouros 31

Come on, that show didn't invent burglars ******** on a coffee table. It's been a cliche for ages. Some of you people forget there's a whole wide world outside of the tv screen.

Talk about adding insult to injury.

Hopefully you have insurance. And maybe invest in a guard dog?

inner_peace 19

You could have the police see if the criminal left a hair or something on the toilet.

The "sample" left behind could have been used too. >_<

inner_peace 19

But I don't think most cops would touch it

cops won't attempt to get DNA for a burglary.


I showed up to this thread just to say that. It's not worth the time or money.

Are they she shitty bandits? (Home alone)

Use the dump as DNA evidence for the police!!!

It appears, due to indisputable evidence, that the burglar who broke into your house was a double ham cheeseburger. We'll be on the lookout in your nearest fastfood joints, inscrupulously eating a doughnut and drinking coffee.

Oh no! Sorry OP! Well maybe cops will have forensic gather it as evidence if it goes that far?? :/