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  Ali_Br_fml  |  33

Maybe they can if OP Saves it (edit: I mean don't flush...not to take it out yourself...) and let the cops take a DNA sample. If they're in the system, odds are they'll be able to catch them. Better hope you don't have to go any time soon... there isn't a Gray deal of DNA in feces, but hopefully enough

  DocBastard  |  38

You really expect a cop to sift through a fresh load just for a DNA sample? Here, I'll give you my impression of the cop's response when you suggest that:


You're welcome.

  Enslaved  |  36

When my house was burglarized a few years ago, I asked the investing cops if they were going to have fingerprints taken since there was obvious plenty of evidence everywhere. They laughed and told me to stop watching so many TV shows and that only happens for things like homicides. If I wanted that done, I would have to hire someone on my own. They were only there to write the report and I could send that to my insurance company. It was frustrating dealing with them but they did give my interesting advice, they told me to get a good alarm system since thieves often return to try and steal the newer replacement electronics.

  91hayek  |  31

I think its someone you know who really needed to take a dump and the robbery was an after thought. They felt really embarrassed and guilty for what they did they ended up irrationally blaming you for their predicament to save face, and decided to steal things as some twisted revenge. I have taken a shame dump before and the feeling of shame and indebtedness is overwhelming; however I've been freed from that feeling when the kindergarten burned down one night. I DID NOT BURN IT DOWN.

  elusiveshame  |  22

That's pretty solid advice. I'm sure a lot of people never thought about that, myself included.

Sorry to hear about your issues, OP. People do shitty things to others, but don't let it get you down or discourage you; it's only material possessions that can be replaced.

  LuuLuuu_fml  |  8

#65, when I got broken into the cops sent over people to dust for fingerprints on my doors. Not uncommon here for police to go to great lengths to catch criminals.

  laureri  |  26

Only if he has a record would his DNA possibly be in the system. Contrary to police shows there is no gigantic sperm DNA data base for non offenders lol


Yeah, and his bitchy girlfriend made hime take the ring out of the shit and wear it haha.

this football player has a bitchy girl friend thats only with him for the money hes gonna make. she doesnt have sex with him and cheats on him. she was leaving out of town and she wanted to make sure he didnt cheat so she made him wear a promise ring. well later, him and his buddies go to a strip club and he loses his ring up some girls vagina. then they have to go back to the strip club and look for the ring.. in every stripper.. well they dont find it so this dumbass mascot sammy decides hell play it off like his place got robbed and he stole the ring. so he trashes the guys house and takes a shit on his coffee table. where the ring is found. then his girlfriend makes him wear it. yeah thats what happened.
so in case you didnt get it sammy swallowed the ring that was lost in the girl.
yeah Blue Mountain State

  Epikouros  |  31

Come on, that show didn't invent burglars shitting on a coffee table. It's been a cliche for ages. Some of you people forget there's a whole wide world outside of the tv screen.

  RadikulRam  |  16

It appears, due to indisputable evidence, that the burglar who broke into your house was a double ham cheeseburger.

We'll be on the lookout in your nearest fastfood joints, inscrupulously eating a doughnut and drinking coffee.