Miscellaneous: Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight,...

08/01/2013 04:16 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 779

You deserved it 2 683

Miscellaneous

Leave us alone

Own it

Walk on the wild side

30/06/2016 11:07

Today, while in the airport, I had to use the washroom. Upon exiting, I got confused due to an excess of mirrors and walked directly into one in front of an audience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 403

You deserved it 1 827

25/01/2010 06:33 - United States

Today, I was getting a pedicure, and they used some sort of scrubby thing that really tickled my feet. When I couldn't take it any more, I accidentally kicked the lady who was doing my nails in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 081

You deserved it 24 400

15/10/2017 16:00

Today, at a wedding reception, I accidentally caught the bouquet. I got cussed out by the women who were fighting over it for being uninvited and party crashing. I'm a busgirl and the bouquet only landed on the tray I was holding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 137

You deserved it 195

30/10/2015 23:53 - United States

Today, while shopping, I suddenly got the terrible urge to use the bathroom. I already had several items and my 5-year-old niece in tow, so I hurried to checkout. I ended up pissing myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 675

You deserved it 4 591

05/04/2019 00:00

Today, has been the third week my boyfriend's best friend has been sleeping on our bedroom floor because he doesn't want to face the consequences of his actions back at his parents' place. My boyfriend sees no problem with this, and says he can stay and live off us as long as he wants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 168

You deserved it 264

06/09/2017 22:30 - United States - Estero

Today, I bought a delicious $17 lobster sandwich at a restaurant on the beach. The seagull who zoomed in and ripped it out of my hands as I was about to take the first bite seemed to enjoy it very much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 390

You deserved it 476

Special announcement

By tired - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad woke me up 3 hours early, after I'd been up very late the night before, because something "awesome" happened. Apparently the cashier at Dunkin' Donuts and I share the same first name. Thanks Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 352

You deserved it 3 660

24/10/2010 23:17 - United States

Today, I was in lying in bed with my boyfriend while he was asleep. He is going to school to be a doctor, and it appears that he says anatomical terms while asleep. My boyfriend can make me feel stupid in his sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 316

You deserved it 25 885

05/11/2018 22:00

Today, my dad is refusing to let me marry my fiancé because he said no when my dad asked for a loan of £10,000 to help clear some gambling debts. Apparently that shows my fiancé has poor family values and will be a bad father and an alcoholic husband. Impressive logical thinking there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 530

You deserved it 331

24/01/2009 10:50 - United States

Today, I sent out my resume to about a dozen jobs on Craigslist. I realized that I hadn't updated it in a while and went to double check it after the fact. My ex at some point had changed my objective to "I'm a cocksucker who needs a job real bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 047

You deserved it 8 330

Everyone's a Critic

By Kitten - 19/06/2018 15:00

Today, I was playing some children's music while I cooked so my two-year-old was entertained a little. I started dancing while cooking and she looked at me with a straight face and said, "Mama... Don't dance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 909

You deserved it 640

24/03/2009 21:08 - United States

Today, a co-worker and I walked out of our office at the same time. He got in his car, which was parked right out front. I asked him what I had to do to get a sweet parking spot like that. He rolled up his pant leg and show me his prosthesis. He was in the handicapped spot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 032

You deserved it 76 634

15/01/2013 05:45 - United States - Manteca

Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 407

You deserved it 3 540

It's the new craze!

By seared well done - 21/08/2021 04:01

Today, I had to physically force my nephew to change his clothes after he tried to go out in long black jeans, a long-sleeved black shirt and a heavy black hoodie. It’s currently 106°F where we live. Apparently, heatstroke is the new trend, as several of his classmates are dressing the same way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 110

So young, so jaded

By Anonymous - 24/02/2021 13:59

Today, like every day, I scrolled through my social media feeds, seeing happy couples, people buying houses and landing their dream jobs. I, on the other hand, am a single 23 year-old man in a dead end job that still lives with his parents. FML

I agree, your life sucks 562

You deserved it 527

10/05/2013 20:11 - Belgium - Brussels

Today, while at the supermarket, a complete stranger ran up to me, got down on his knee and confessed his love for me. He was obviously mentally unstable, so I gently declined. He started crying very loudly in front of everyone. I still don't have a clue who he was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 980

You deserved it 4 743

22/03/2015 14:59 - United States

Today, I took the biggest, most excruciatingly painful crap of my life. It was so bad that I couldn't walk straight for a good 20 minutes afterwards. Long enough for my boyfriend to film me limping around and post the clip to Facebook with the caption "#anal ftw ;)". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 760

You deserved it 4 098

Bye bye love

By Anonymous - 05/03/2021 11:01

Today, I got dumped by my girlfriend. Apparently, it's my fault because I act like I don't care… and guess what? She's posting little embarrassing details about me on her Facebook wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 764

You deserved it 142

02/11/2010 19:11 - United States

Today, my fiancé told me it was a mistake to propose to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 646

You deserved it 5 407

25/12/2009 08:14 - Canada

Today, I found out my ex got invited to our Christmas Party. I also found out that she got much more presents and money from my family than I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 341

You deserved it 2 959

Decisions, decisions

By Anonymous - 24/09/2021 11:00

Today, I'm in hell. I'm mentally and physically exhausted, but if I sleep more than 6 hours, I get crippling migraines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 823

You deserved it 58

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 08/05/2021 03:59

Today, my husband excitedly came home from the gun show with a new lower receiver. I, however, had to go back out and get my own birthday cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 102

10/01/2011 00:29 - Serbia

Today, I got a call from Red Cross about the blood donation I gave last week. They informed me that I have Hepatitis C. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 427

You deserved it 4 246

Thanks, Mr Whiskers

By Anonymous - 01/02/2012 06:13 - Canada

Today, while I was on the toilet, my cat managed to climb up behind me, slip and then grip itself to my bare ass. In my haste to get away from the cat, I pooped on the toilet without noticing. Until I sat back down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 777

You deserved it 5 953

23/12/2013 01:51 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my boyfriend got us kicked out of the Apple store for getting into a heated argument with the guy at the Genius Bar about which video game avatar is hotter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 910

You deserved it 5 278

20/04/2009 08:52 - Australia

Today, I called my mom from Australia. I have been abroad for two months and hadn't talked to her in a long time. A few minutes into the conversation my moms stops me and says this call must cost a fortune and hangs up on me. A few bucks in more important to her then me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 306

You deserved it 5 664

17/01/2018 01:30

Today, my fiancé asked his 13-year-old sister what role she wanted in our upcoming wedding. Her response was "Saying I object!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 200

You deserved it 415

Posturing

By Anonymous - 05/08/2021 02:01 - Canada

Today, I researched how to manage chronic tailbone pain from excessive sitting. One of the most consistent pieces of advice was to lean forward when working. My posture is already so bad, my chiropractor says I'm one of his worst clients of all time. I work a desk job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 710

You deserved it 112

02/04/2012 23:40 - United States - Central Falls

Today, I called an airline's customer service line. Apparently the way that they deal with uncommon problems is by having someone put you on hold for twenty minutes, answer and yell something unintelligible at you, put you back on hold, and repeat. This went on for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 223

You deserved it 2 092

07/12/2010 16:09 - Guatemala

Today, I got mugged. After taking my cell phone, the guy politely said: "Thanks. Have a nice evening. Be careful on your way home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 030

You deserved it 3 165

26/07/2012 10:42 - Australia

Today, I was mugged. Not for a laptop, cell phone or money, but for the cupcake I was eating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 348

You deserved it 2 690

05/09/2016 06:35 - United States - Troy

Today, I found out my co-worker had made plans for a night out, just as I'd cancelled all of mine to work with him on a project for the next 4 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 947

You deserved it 849

18/05/2012 14:13 - United States

Today, I was jumped and savagely beaten to the ground by a group of six-year-olds wearing Disney princess masks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 507

You deserved it 6 569

10/08/2009 04:25 - Canada

Today, I polished off the delicious iced gingerbread cookies in the pantry. I'd assumed the little flecks on them were speckles of broken icing, but as I went to throw the cookie bag away, a larva crawled out. The hundreds of flecks were moth eggs. I've been eating the cookies for three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 437

You deserved it 21 984

Meow!

By patronuscat? - 05/10/2017 01:30

Today, I woke up in a guy's bed to one of his cats licking my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 551

You deserved it 1 044

11/10/2010 04:59 - United States

Today, I was playing basketball outside in my driveway. I saw three cute girls walking by, so I thought I would try to show off a little by doing a backwards slam dunk. I jumped, completely missed the rim and hit my head on the backboard. Then my mom ran out to help me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 613

You deserved it 42 194

Slipped up

By hate my job - 24/09/2021 20:00

Today, I sent my resumé to a former coworker to get some pointers, except that I sent it to his old work email account and now my boss knows I’m looking for a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 858

25/09/2009 18:16 - United States

Today, I joined a dating website and spent all day filling out and improving my profile. My first match is a guy who relentlessly tried to date me for all 4 years of high school. Now he just has more reasons to tell me how much we're meant to be. We're a 97% match. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 325

You deserved it 17 597

26/01/2013 20:44 - United States - Oakland

Today, during lunch, my coworker offered me her food, claiming she was full. I was still quite hungry, so I accepted it. Halfway through eating the sandwiches, my boss walked in and started interrogating people over who took his lunch. I quickly realized I was the one eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 380

You deserved it 4 152

05/03/2009 19:33 - United States

Today, I walked into my house to find everyone sitting around the table and looking sad. I thought it would be a good time to crack a joke and said "What's wrong? Grandma finally die?" Turns out she had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 244

You deserved it 142 801

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Top comments

talloctopus 7

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 8:59

Hope he made a wish first.

pinkpixie06 11

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 8:58

Ugh...*heebie jeebie dance*

pinkpixie06 11

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 8:58

Ugh...*heebie jeebie dance*

onlychildFTW 33

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:12

He's a creeper.

etchsanity1 11

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 14:28

At least he didn't put it in a little Baggie and save for a hair doll

Catkam623 27

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 14:49

Well at least he didn't stare at your chest for a while then say he's praying for turbulence,

poccocurantes 7

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 16:36

Yes, I remember you OP. I ate your eyelash with a bag of roasted peanuts and a tiny little bottle of chianti.

ZombieSnoopy 9

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 23:01

I bet OP thought he'd be all romantic and be like "make a wish"

_VAL3NT1NA_ 6

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 8:59

O_O Whoa there!!

zandalee 19

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 10:03

He likes you! He really likes you!

geko911 22

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 12:49

40- And who exactly likes 2?

kevsandy303 12

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 21:28

I do! Who doesn't love three creepy well-dressed men in masks?

ttqq 7

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 22:18

I know i do!

willou35_fml 13

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Sunday 13 January 2013 23:26

haha

talloctopus 7

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 8:59

Hope he made a wish first.

Stefan1994 7

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:13

The wish is the only reason I walk around taking others eye lashes

Nekogami 14

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 10:10

I think he wished to eat more of op. if you know what I mean. :P

TheRandomIndian 17

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 10:29

Maybe he wished for more eyelashes

sugarshane007 20

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:00

Everyone needs a good creeper to make their trip unforgettable.

annie_nk 22

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:23

Does a wannabe gangster staring at you the entire red eye flight count?

EsotericBrent 29

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Wednesday 9 January 2013 7:04

4 - About time they got some recognition.

BntyHntrSeattle 30

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:00

Your eye is no longer on him, it's IN him. Run, run to the bathroom and stay there. o_O

BntyHntrSeattle 30

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:03

I sense my comment was a miss...

sugarshane007 20

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:05

It wasn't a total miss... until now!!

YourEvilHero 12

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 10:04

he swallowed her eye?

jtthegr8 26

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:01

Some people on air planes just aren't totally right in the head

sugarshane007 20

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:03

You might even say that their head is in the clouds!

ctdawes 3

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:22

some people everywhere aren't right in the head..

Grootensliven 10

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:02

I wonder what else his habits have made him eat?

jtthegr8 26

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:06

At least he didn't pick op's nose and eat it ._.

pieman528 10

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 11:25

That's the next step in this one sided relationship

insaneDONUTZ 15

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:02

that is just freaky

DEATHBYEX1LE 11

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:03

Was it still connected to your eye?

DEATHBYEX1LE 11

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:08

Misread the FML. FML Gods, please take mercy on me!

yoursucklives 36

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:03

oh wow. it was creepy enough that he touched your face, but the fact that he stuck it in his face makes it even worse. fyl

yoursucklives 36

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Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:05

his mouth, not his face, sorry.

Nearly

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43

You deserved it 3

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 55

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 143

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