Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight,...

By legitweirdo - United States - Brooklyn

Today, within the first 15 minutes of a nonstop 8-hour flight, the guy sitting next to me picked an eyelash he found on my face, stared at it for a few seconds, and stuck it in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46752

You deserved it

2683

Favorite

Miscellaneous

Caught red-handed

Freak out

Thanks, government

By wellhellothere - United States

Today, the fire alarm went off in my dorm. Not only was it 30 degrees outside, but I was in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34872

You deserved it

3301

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Tuscaloosa

Today, I was leading a tour of my university and saw a girl in ripped jeans and combat boots smoking a cigarette. I told her that she shouldn't be representing the school in such a manner. She shot back: "I'm a Presidential Scholar. Suck my dick, bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks

28759

You deserved it

58454

Favorite

By Anonymous - 8/9/2020 14:01 - United States - Waterville

Mr Sensitivity

Today, I spent four hours at the ER because I had a miscarriage. The father of the baby was being sweet and supportive while I was there and checked in on me after I got home. Six hours after we found out we lost our baby, he asked for a threesome. He still doesn’t understand what’s wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2234

You deserved it

196

Favorite

By elfy2

Today, while riding the bus to a really important job interview the child sitting next to me threw up in my lap. His mother then told him to wipe his mouth. He used my sleeve. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44037

You deserved it

3410

Favorite

By smellsofeggs - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a playful fight with my brother. I made the point that our dog likes me better than him. To this, my dog jumped onto the sofa, turned to me and vomited on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28972

You deserved it

8429

Favorite

By Anonymous - China

Today, I was in a restaurant with my fiancée for dinner. I commented that she had some food around her mouth. She responded with a lecture, then by throwing her hot bowl of noodles at me, before stomping out the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29690

You deserved it

4334

Favorite

By WeddingWoes - United States - Columbia

Today, I sampled some of the food my fiancée's mom is making for our wedding. Everything tasted terrible, and I almost vomited. Turns out she never actually went to culinary school as she claimed, but had just watched Julie and Julia. It's too late to book another caterer for the wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28533

You deserved it

5663

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I got fired. By my father. He wants me to drive him to work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35547

You deserved it

3567

Favorite

By Lame - United States

Today, I was robbed by a guy wearing a ninja turtle costume. FML

I agree, your life sucks

45831

You deserved it

6780

Favorite

By Samantha35

Today, I was substitute teaching a high school English class. A student discreetly told me that my zipper was open. I tried to zip up, but the zipper got caught on my underwear. When I bent down to pick up my pen, my pants split. Before I turn around, I heard the sound of phones taking pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2491

You deserved it

258

Favorite

By Gwayhir - France

Today, I was making love with my girlfriend and my landline rang. Obviously, I let it go to voicemail. At the very moment I was about to cum, I heard my mum's voice on my voicemail: "Hi sweetheart!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

49885

You deserved it

4886

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Indianapolis

Today, what started as a fun family Easter egg hunt turned within minutes into my mother-in-law's big chance to be a dramatic cow by screaming at my 5 and 7-year-old daughters for participating in a "vile pagan ritual" and saying that we're all going to hell. They're still bawling. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39755

You deserved it

2624

Favorite

By KingSnow03 - 31/3/2020 20:00

Stay away from us!

Today, because I have a coughed a total of 2 times in a row, I'm now banned from seeing any of my family until I get tested for coronavirus. The earliest available appointment is May 3rd. Looks like quarantine is going to be a lot worse than I thought. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1588

You deserved it

177

Favorite

By Mondo - United States

Today, an old lady on the street told me that I should be wearing a bra because my nipples were visible under my white tee. I am a 37-year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26954

You deserved it

5940

Favorite

By That escalated quickly - United States - Ocean City

Today, while driving to Nashville, I saw a bunch of wild turkeys huddled together on the side of the road. I was excited to point them out to my boyfriend, until I realized that the "wild turkeys" were in fact vultures, and that they were eating a dead deer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22380

You deserved it

4226

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Hobbs

Today, my new boyfriend came over to my apartment for the first time. Up until now I thought he was great, but when he spotted the book I'm currently reading next to my couch, he uttered the immortal question, "Why do you read?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

29124

You deserved it

3710

Favorite

By Anonymous

Spider-man

Today, I tried to catch a spider in a glass. It was on the paper and I wanted it to fall into the glass, but I moved the paper the wrong way, screeched like a banshee and flung the glass at the floor. I was barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks

574

You deserved it

1200

Favorite

By Failure - United States

Today, I was taking a final test online that would account for 65% of my final grade. I had worked extremely hard in that class. I had one submission for the test. My roommate thought it would be funny to click the "Submit All" Button while i was getting a glass of water. I got a 13%. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44966

You deserved it

3459

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, our family reunion began with my sister calling my brother's current crazy girlfriend by his last crazy girlfriend's name and ended with my dad telling my adopted niece that he wanted a family picture without her in it, but she could be in the next one. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13146

You deserved it

795

Favorite

By BaconBreathBlonde - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were making out, holding hands, and he was playing with a strand of my hair. I thought the whole thing was very romantic. He then said he loved how my mouth tasted like bacon. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27909

You deserved it

7680

Favorite

By welp - United States - Roswell

Today, we took an AP exam for Literature. One of the passages was about keeping in feelings in a relationship so that no one is "a burden". My boyfriend read the same passage and felt like he was a burden. I can't convince him otherwise. Thank you college board for endangering my relationship. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12003

You deserved it

1149

Favorite

By EFFFF - United States

Today, the ex who I'm still in love with told me he wishes we could be together, but that first I really need to get over the fact that he already has a wife and kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33640

You deserved it

7325

Favorite

By Anonymous

Today, my family drove me to the airport. Before they said goodbye, my mom discreetly pulled me to one side and asked if I'd remembered to pack my birth control pills. Unfortunately, my little sister heard, then chased me through the security line, yelling, "YOU'RE ON BIRTH CONTROL?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

1607

You deserved it

176

Favorite

By fuck no - India - Kollam

Today, my husband wanted to use bacon grease as lube. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27021

You deserved it

7986

Favorite

By Benjamin - United States

Today, a coworker thought it would be funny to put a tack on my chair. When I sat down, it went directly into my butt. When I sprang up, I hit my head on a lamp. I then hit my head on my desk on the way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35686

You deserved it

3027

Favorite

By Anonim23

Today, I finally decided to go talk to my upstairs neighbour about the loud banging noises he makes every single morning around 8 a.m. It worked. Now he starts at 7 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1667

You deserved it

167

Favorite

By Adam Gordon

Today, I received a Snapchat of a horse-drawn carriage version of a hearse. I replied, "That's so extra!" because I thought it was finals week at her school. Turns out, she's at her uncle's funeral. He was an officer in the Air Force and there's going to be a 21-gun salute in his honor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4104

You deserved it

1958

Favorite

By scumdresser - United States - Pittsford

Today, an incredibly rude woman came in for a hairdressing appointment. I had to put up with being yelled at and called a "clumsy bitch," a "pleb," and other insults for almost half an hour. When I finally managed to finish her hair, instead of tipping me, she spat at my feet and stormed out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29278

You deserved it

2282

Favorite

By Silverfeathery

Today, during a moment of silence in front of the entire high school during my band concert, I managed to hit the stand with my flute, and loudly scrambled to catch it before it fell over. I've never had so many people look at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29704

You deserved it

3714

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on a small plane. A flight attendant told us that there was too much weight in the front of the plane and they needed 3 people to move to the back of the plane. I volunteer and walk to the back. She says, "Okay, we're going to need 1 more person." FML

I agree, your life sucks

71176

You deserved it

12070

Favorite

By ElectroSpecter

Today, I went to get a haircut. I have a pretty bad case of dandruff, so whenever I get one, a lot of it shows. My hairstylist called to her nearby friend twice, then looked at my hair and said, "Blech" under her breath. I got glares when I walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1998

You deserved it

409

Favorite

By CaptainFluffyPaw - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer complained about me for getting their order wrong. This would have been fine if they hadn't sent their ten-year-old kid to order for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26669

You deserved it

1852

Favorite

By laydeegaga

Today, my mom cleaned my room, while doing so she found a very detailed sex book I got from an ex boyfriend as a "gift". For years I had her convinced I was still a virgin, until today. FML

I agree, your life sucks

8364

You deserved it

28720

Favorite

By kneesarethenewdesk - United Kingdom

Today, my girlfriend jumped, naked, onto my computer desk, with the intention of having sex on it. A new, £250 computer desk, broken beyond repair. And we didn't even have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

58135

You deserved it

7661

Favorite

By xyz - Ireland

Today, I told the man I'm sleeping with I thought my sister was prettier than me. His response: "not significantly." FML

I agree, your life sucks

17765

You deserved it

30625

Favorite

By fattysonparade - United Kingdom

Today, I cycled past a group of middle school kids. They decided that they should all start shouting "FAT ALERT" while ringing the bells on their bikes. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31878

You deserved it

6992

Favorite

By feeling fed up - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, I spent hundreds of pounds buying my best friend concert tickets to see our favourite band, complete with a meet and greet. I drove over very excited to pick her up to take her. She had already left. With her boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4690

You deserved it

561

Favorite

By must be adopted - United States - Houston

Today, I casually mentioned to my dad that it was the Chinese New Year yesterday. He accused me of insulting his intelligence by "making stupid shit up." I explained that it's real, and that we just use the Gregorian calendar, hence the different dates. He responded by grounding me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

34580

You deserved it

4513

Favorite

By usadisvet - United States - Loudon

Today, at the DMV I was told I had to prove, with a doctor's note, that I was an amputee and my disability was permanent to get my placard. Apparently, setting my prosthetic leg on the counter wasn't proof enough, and is considered "threatening". The police were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks

42965

You deserved it

2602

Favorite

By Grandzilla - France - Ablancourt

Today, I got a call from my panicking grandmother. I asked her what was going on, and she explained that, “Godzilla doesn’t work.” Not really understanding, I asked her to clarify. “Yes, you know, Godzilla, to use the internet.” FML

I agree, your life sucks

12662

You deserved it

1136

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By talloctopus | 7

#5313985 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 8:59

Hope he made a wish first.

By pinkpixie06 | 11

#5313980 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 8:58

Ugh...*heebie jeebie dance*

COMMENTS

By pinkpixie06 | 11

#5313980 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 8:58

Ugh...*heebie jeebie dance*

onlychildFTW | 33

#5314030 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:12

He's a creeper.

etchsanity1 | 11

#5314377 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 14:28

At least he didn't put it in a little Baggie and save for a hair doll

Catkam623 | 27

#5314405 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 14:49

Well at least he didn't stare at your chest for a while then say he's praying for turbulence,

poccocurantes | 7

#5314548 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 16:36

Yes, I remember you OP. I ate your eyelash with a bag of roasted peanuts and a tiny little bottle of chianti.

ZombieSnoopy | 9

#5315071 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 23:01

I bet OP thought he'd be all romantic and be like "make a wish"

By _VAL3NT1NA_ | 6

#5313983 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 8:59

O_O Whoa there!!

zandalee | 19

#5314102 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 10:03

He likes you! He really likes you!

geko911 | 22

#5314252 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 12:49

40- And who exactly likes 2?

kevsandy303 | 12

#5314905 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 21:28

I do! Who doesn't love three creepy well-dressed men in masks?

ttqq | 7

#5314975 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 22:18

I know i do!

willou35_fml | 13

#5322561 - Sunday 13 January 2013 23:26

haha

By talloctopus | 7

#5313985 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 8:59

Hope he made a wish first.

Stefan1994 | 7

#5314033 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:13

The wish is the only reason I walk around taking others eye lashes

Nekogami | 14

#5314110 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 10:10

I think he wished to eat more of op. if you know what I mean. :P

TheRandomIndian | 17

#5314121 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 10:29

Maybe he wished for more eyelashes

By sugarshane007 | 20

#5313986 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:00

Everyone needs a good creeper to make their trip unforgettable.

annie_nk | 22

#5314058 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:23

Does a wannabe gangster staring at you the entire red eye flight count?

EsotericBrent | 29

#5315764 - Wednesday 9 January 2013 7:04

4 - About time they got some recognition.

By BntyHntrSeattle | 30

#5313987 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:00

Your eye is no longer on him, it's IN him.
Run, run to the bathroom and stay there. o_O

BntyHntrSeattle | 30

#5314000 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:03

I sense my comment was a miss...

sugarshane007 | 20

#5314004 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:05

It wasn't a total miss... until now!!

YourEvilHero | 12

#5314103 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 10:04

he swallowed her eye?

By jtthegr8 | 26

#5313993 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:01

Some people on air planes just aren't totally right in the head

sugarshane007 | 20

#5313998 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:03

You might even say that their head is in the clouds!

ctdawes | 3

#5314057 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:22

some people everywhere aren't right in the head..

By Grootensliven | 10

#5313994 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:02

I wonder what else his habits have made him eat?

jtthegr8 | 26

#5314008 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:06

At least he didn't pick op's nose and eat it ._.

pieman528 | 10

#5314157 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 11:25

That's the next step in this one sided relationship

By insaneDONUTZ | 15

#5313995 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:02

that is just freaky

By DEATHBYEX1LE | 11

#5313999 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:03

Was it still connected to your eye?

DEATHBYEX1LE | 11

#5314018 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:08

Misread the FML. FML Gods, please take mercy on me!

By yoursucklives | 36

#5314001 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:03

oh wow. it was creepy enough that he touched your face, but the fact that he stuck it in his face makes it even worse. fyl

yoursucklives | 36

#5314005 - Tuesday 8 January 2013 9:05

his mouth, not his face, sorry.