Today, my wife and I were getting intimate for the first time in several months. Then we heard our son yelling from the other room needing my help. He needed me to scratch his foot because the cat was on his lap and he couldn't reach it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was getting frisky with my husband under the covers in bed. My son decided to run into our room and cannonball on top of my husband. This startled him, which caused him to bite me. FML
Today, the wife and I were in the middle of having sex. She was bent over and I was taking her to pound town. I look over to see my 3 year-old son standing in the doorway, humping air. FML
Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML
Today, my wife and I were getting intimate in the morning. First time in forever. Things were just starting to get steamy when our 10-month-old daughter woke up. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I started to be intimate after a run of dry spells. I was looking forward to this, until one of our kids came barging into our room and ruined the moment for the rest of the night. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML
Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML
Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting it on when we heard a little giggle. I put on my robe and looked outside my room to find that no one was there. So we continued. I later called my seven year old son and out he came crawling from under the bed. FML
Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML
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Top comments
bettyc4 26
Cockblocked!
aeshleyrose 6
You raised him, bud.
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Comments (140)
bettyc4 26
Cockblocked!
imepelepticsir 5
the op wasnt the only one with a pussy on top of himé.
xSonic 9
Take the first part of 1, and the 1st word of the second line of 8's comment and then you get a baby
bettyc4 26
Cockpussy?
TheFirstSamurai 18
Chicken-cat?
bettyc4 26
Cat taste like chicken :) yumm
jonriise18 3
13 - WTF!?
FruityLoooons 8
13 - Ohhhh Cockpussy! Because **** go in pussy and---sploosh!---make baby! Ohoho you're so clever! Lololololol (Did you sense my exaggerated sarcasm, yet?)
FruityLoooons 8
Sorry, that was unnecessary. As lame it still was, 13, I didn't need to be bitchy. Just caught that. :/
Jonkbaby 23
there is so much fail in this thread I hope you are overcome with the amount of shame and fail that you have brought upon yourselves
cda2090 6
This is a sign that he heard you and wanted you to stop
Awsumuzzie 12
Cockblocked by his own cockcum. Let's keep this thread alive!
diegogt 3
1- he's going against the bro code.
SeaMen 3
ydi for getting intimate with ur son home
Climaxx 11
#83 wtf? You expect them only to get intimate when he goes to a friends house, for 18 years? That's harsh mate ):
bettyc4 26
The only fail is your mother not getting pushed down the stairs hard enough when she was pregnant with you. If you're gonna troll do it right. Need an inspirational poster( Trolling..,you're doing it wrong) lol
Furnaceman 0
Why does no one blame the cat? they know exactly what they're doing! My cat has attempted to cockblock me on numerous occasion!
bettyc4 26
Cats think they are the ONLY pussy that should get attention =D
BauerMegan 31
Lol 29 your apology gets down voted!
rhenerlau 17
By the cat...nice!
meesa 0
*awkward turtle* how did you sort that one out?
Rinat_fml 26
How is this awkward?
monkeysareyummy 0
Because his sons in the next room.
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
for real, wait til the damn kids sleeping. then maybe you wouldnt have to wait several months.
fthislyfe 22
Having his foot scratched like a boss!
EarAcheMyEYE10 2
OP... next time ... bang her... the punk will be fine!!!
FruityLoooons 8
Why are...you typing...like this?
EvilPotato 15
Because it's what.....all the....cool kids.....are doing.
Nekogami 14
I believe the poster is attempting to type in the same way he might have dialogue. Sometimes when writing a story, I find myself "..." ing dialogue because of how I might hold a conversation and my typing / writing mimicking the thought process. If this isn't the case ... Well then, he/she is just odd. :p
amanda_d95 9
That's what commas are for, instead of just making it awkward
fizzypops123 12
Mood totally ruined
ejones1991 0
Or tell him to scratch his own damn foot and put the cat down.
thebigtwinkie 28
102 you mean put the cat down like "kill the cat" or "grab it and put it on the floor" because one may be easily confused by your comment.
pm_sky 0
that's your son's mom, you have lost your ranking!
periwinkle95 10
What?
thebigtwinkie 28
This comment profoundly confuses me.
jman3113 4
Well that sucks
FUUUandyourmom 16
Hence why it's on FML. Really?
TheFirstSamurai 18
It's also an FML because a Feline's Maintaining Luxury.
upyourzlolz 11
And Fathers Making Love.
constipatedlady 0
Not that father!
aeshleyrose 6
You raised him, bud.
Pr0metheus 7
Yeah, raised him to be the kind of bad ass that can and will make his dad drop whatever, or whoever, he's doing to come scratch his foot.
jtthegr8 26
E raised him to be a **** block...parenting goals achieved
Namerkp2 8
He's gotta teach his son the bro code.
DjeePee 25
The first time in several months? Well, if you two are okay with that it's allright, I suppose. But still...it is a long time.
absolutegrrr 7
The point being..?
emilyjgraham 34
I assumed that by son you meant baby/toddler therefore instantly thought "it's not the kids fault". then I saw that he's a bit older than that!
inomnomdinosaurs 4
What if it's a lazy 13-16 year old? Then OP ****** up miserably. Sorry bout that OP