Today, I was at a restaurant with my son when he started to choke on his food. Panicked, I grabbed the closest drink I could reach and made him gulp it down. Only when I received tons of dirty looks from people at other tables did I realize I had given him beer. My son is 8. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Bad babysitter
Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML
Today, a child was choking in the store I work at. He was alone in the aisle, so I started the Heimlich without his parents' permission. After dislodging what was caught, his mother turned the corner and went screaming to my manager for touching her kid. I got a write up. FML
Today, I was at the store with my kids. My 5-year-old son wanted to carry the milk carton, so I let him. He dropped it and it spilled. I was really embarrassed. Then he decided to get on the floor and lick the milk off the ground. Everyone stared at me accusingly. FML
Today, I went into my fridge and someone had drank all the beer. Only my 8-year-old son lives with me. FML
Today, I was eating out at a restaurant with my family. My dad had drained most of our bottle of wine, so thinking he'd be a little less uptight than usual, I reached over to pour myself some. He swatted my hand away and started yelling at me for being a "degenerate drunk". FML
Today, at the mall, my 4-year-old son threw up on a man's shoes. When he approached me, I immediately machine-gun mouthed him in public. The man apparently is a doctor and concernedly said that my son may have a rare gastric disease based on the puke. I got him checked, and he's right. FML
Today, I went to pick up a pizza with my kids for an easy dinner. As soon as I opened my mouth to order, the 2-year-old in my arms vomited into it. FML
Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML
Choked
Today, I went out to eat with friends. My crush was also at the restaurant with his friends. He smiled at me as I took a mouthful of food, and I choked. The waitress had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me, while he and his friends fell off their chairs laughing. FML
Today, while at a restaurant with my boyfriend, a piece of ice got stuck in my throat. I couldn't get his attention until after it melted because he was busy checking in on foursquare. When he finally noticed my freaking out and I told him what had happened, he laughed. FML
Top comments
mrmystery96 0
I say let the little bastard drink.
Jay1D 0
When someones choking you make them drink?
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Comments (267)
mrmystery96 0
I say let the little bastard drink.
NoodleBurger 0
well, they've got to start at some age.
BIEBERSLAYER 10
start em young they'll burn out by college.
GiggidyPants 0
i began drinking in the womb
xlord 27
^i don't usually say this but your DP clearly shows it
daisyloo 7
I don't blame you for panicking like that. Hope you didn't get iin trouble, FYL:(
jordnlyn 6
reminds me of the story of the toddler at applebees accidentally being served a margarita..
morganrules123 10
They were only mad because OP started chanting " Chug, Chug, Chug".
athena3100 9
Ha i had my first beer at 6... it was in my back yard and my dad was all " try this soda" it was Sam Adams
tittymagic 0
good story Athena....
MyAssIsCute 5
lol I beat cha I was 5 stole red wine off the table for thanksgiving :3
DeepDownThere 3
Does anyone else here realize drinking won't stop choking...
DeepDownThere 3
My god you people are stupid. He wouldn't die since he wasn't choking.
DeepDownThere 3
You guys seriously don't know anything about human anatomy do you?
mrmystery96 0
Wow, my first first comment! And it wasn't buried by negativity! (To my fellow grammar Nazis: I know I shouldn't start a sentence with "and" but I'm feeling like being a bit lazy.)
morganrules123 10
148-He probably inhaled while eating which caused the food to go down the wrong pipe. It's not choking but many people call it that. Drinking stops the person's coughing a little bit.
smellymellyy 7
I dont get why Americans have such a serious and cynical view on alcohol. so what if he had.. BEER?!?! did he get drunk? did he get poisoned? well why care then? where I am kids taste their first alcohol by the age of about 8 anyway, I can't actually remember a time when I've never tried it. kids who are 15 and have never been drunk once are rare, although because our view is so relaxxed it takes the whole 'not-supposed-to-have-it' factor out of it and so people don't go wild and people drink it in moderation and with care. I'm 16 and have only been slightly drunk once, it was more borderline tipsy, but even that's unusual. i also don't even know any alcoholics either. but anyway, I just find the whole American strict view of alcohol a bit stupid and alcohol a bit overrated. it's fine for all ages as long as risks are known and cautions are taken and it's drunk in moderation.
gertyygirly 4
wow 184 that's awesome you feel that way! too bad op is actually from Canada, which incidentally isn't America...
zuzupetalsYO 11
lol ownage
drzhottie148 0
Tell us more. We are super interested.
geeksaresexy 18
#184 In the UK we are pretty much right behind America for being strict about alcohol. We are also right behind America for alcohol related crime.. So you may want to get your facts straight before bitching about another country and, as others have said, get the right country.. My upbringing was pretty relaxed with alcohol and I don't drink. As a nation we are just as strict as America but with a lower drinking age..
smellymellyy 7
we really aren't.. that's why we have a lower drinking age
mduffy08 8
204 ew
geeksaresexy 18
Maybe not where you live.. Actually I know that's not the case where you live! Around the civilised areas of the UK people don't generally let their kids drink. I don't know a single person who was allowed to drink as a child or that allows their child to drink.
thekig 0
dude same!
smellymellyy 7
I go to a private all girls school which costs 9 grand a year, and I own a yacht and 2 holiday homes.. I think I do come from a civilised area..
geeksaresexy 18
Just because you have a rich family doesn't make the rest of Birmingham civilized.. Also I smell BS, either that or you are just a totally stuck up bitch..
zaveeshaveesh3 7
I think you win
SanDiegoGirl111 3
You are 16 years old. You don't own shit. Everything belongs to your parents.
YdoIhaveAchode 4
Smellymellyy, you're just a stuck up bitch. Do you think anyone on here is impressed about your "yacht" or your "holiday homes?" sorry to burst your bubble, but nobody gives a ****.
MrMassive 0
Ummm I go to a school that costs 70,000 a year (Lawrenceville) and my dad owns a plane a Bentley a Lamborghini and a Porsche we have a mansion in Newburgh and we own 42 pharmacies and 100 oil rigs we also own 7 pharmaceutical companies and I only wear suits that are a 1,000 bucks or more. STOP BRAGGING
Tyler12108 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
ydi for being an alchoholic
skiier4life 1
In Soviet Russia, mothers produce vodka from breasts.
Captain0bv10us 0
Well said my friend.
Lexi_Ray 5
26 you picture disturbs me
GiggidyPants 0
26 looking at your picture gives me a sexual thrill
MagicGiraffe 12
I like boys now
lbumbblebee 5
Never did it say that Op was an alcoholic. when people panic they do stupid things.
Jay1D 0
When someones choking you make them drink?
cimh 9
didn't know that either!
mLsSfTw208 0
as a lifeguard ur noy suppost to make then drink anything cuz it will make the objet expand and ur not suppost to pat them on the back it backs it will make it wost just do the j- thrust
JakeLee 6
123- English motherf****er! Do you speak it?!
OMGIFOUNDWALDO 6
He said you shouldn't do that nor pat him on the back but do the j-thrust. Happy?
ham25 0
whatever happened to the heinlick...?
geeksaresexy 18
The kid probably had food stuck in his oesophagus NOT his windpipe.. If this is the case he wasn't choking but may have looked like he was and it can be just as scary. If he was choking a drink would do nothing, he would not necessarily need abdominal thrusts though.
malait 23
Do the heimlich manoeuvre goddamnit! And to you who said it's stupid to pat someone on the back: it's not, it's the first step and if that doesn't work you use the heimlich
notapotato 12
#256 patting them on the back makes it worse, it actually pushes the food forward causing the person to choke for an extended period of time.
koalatree 1
Hahah
howslife123 0
um well better than your kid dying!!
Jaxon26 0
Optimist.
GriZzliie 3
Clever.
Blackmail111 9
I mean really who gives dirty looks to somone who just savedtheir sons life it's not like they are not going to panick and start start drinking different thibgs to see what to give to her son in other words the people around OP are idiots
Blackmail111 9
wow...thats alot of spelling errors...
Blackmail111 9
Wow I screwed up again T_T
howslife123 0
it's OK wee al macke missteaks ! ^^
smellymellyy 7
who gives a shit about spelling.. it's the Internet not school
howslife123 0
thank you smellymelly :D I don't mind people who spell stuff wrong.. !!
smellymellyy 7
haha neither do I, as long as they dnt tlk lyk dis all da tym then I don't mind :)
Matty1188 6
He wasn't choking if he could swallow liquid. As long as he was coughing, he was fine.
RakaI 8
Umm, no. Coughing when something stuck in the troath unables u to breath. Ergo, even if coughing, still choking.
Keyman1212 14
As any lifeguard or individual in the career of saving lives can tell you, if someone is making noises, ie: coughing, weezing, speaking faintly, yelling **** constantly ect. they are not considered to be choking.
DoubleEdgedBlade 4
If the choking person is making noises from mouth, it usually means the person is still breathing. First Aid Solution: Let the person cough it out. Do not let choking person ingest anything. Do not let anyone touch choking person.
nixter5 18
yeah I'm a lifeguard, and in our CPR/First Aid training, we were actively taught that if a victim is choking and coughing, let them cough until (a) they cough it up, or (b) they can no longer cough or breathe, THEN do something about it, like chest blows!
Kukua 5
I train flight attendant first aid and I concur with all of this. If they are still making noise, they can still get it out themselves. Forcing someone to ingest anything else is the wrong move.
Laceyfrogs8 6
correct!
stopthestupid 5
Just because someone is breathing, does not mean they are not choking.
TwoFootedMan 0
no joke right now. if you drink a coke. like cococola. the acidity of the coke helps break down the food.
aguerassio 0
maybe after a months time lol
Xr70r7 4
he's right.
hatchatkinson 7
No joke right now. That's a load of bullshit. even if it was true, the food wouldn't break down fast enough to help somebody who's choking.
Flutist 3
You're one of those people who think a soda is called a coke. A Coke is a Coca-cola, a soda is the generic name for all of them. You guys sound dumb asking, 'I would love a coke, make is a Sprite."
hisgirlherboy 5
you guys are all retarded, (1) people call coca-coals cokes cause it's shorter, get over it (2) COKE is one of the most acidic drinks out there I don't remember the % but I do know it's higher than most and this guy is right it would break down the food but yeah it would take a while (3) watch as my comment gets thumbed down like crazy :P (4) ps there's nothing wrong with calling sodas cokes
jaq_d 0
stupid yank
oxxxjackyxxxo 3
LMAO at 119! i can imagine sumone doing that "can i get a coke, make it a sprite" haha >.
Princess_D33 9
119- Right. Because I bet you are perfect and have never sneezed and asked for a "Kleenex." Or asked your friends if they wanted to play "Frisbee," cleaned your ears with a "Q Tip," or applied "Chap Stick." They are colloquialisms. Get a grip.
geeksaresexy 18
People use 'coke' instead of 'cola' a lot.. Coke is coke, cola can be Pepsi, Coke or another brand. I hate going somewhere, asking for a coke and getting 'Is Pepsi OK?' No damn it.. I want a COKE!!
Bobtheepicone 2
I think sprite migjt be made by the coca cola company.
Lexi_Ray 5
you acted out of panic so you didn't realize it was the logical thing to do no need to get all FML on it
Lexi_Ray 5
there's suppose to be a comma between realize and it >_< punctuation is a strong rule
Freeze_fml 17
I'm disappointed if that's the only error you spotted.
Lexi_Ray 5
it's the Internet give me a break D:
DKjazz 20
Let's eat, grandpa. Let's eat grandpa.
thatssomeBS 9
I agree that there should've been a comma, but not after realize.
Hopsin_fml 0
Nice cleavage(;
redbluegreen 41
Freeze, if I didn't love you already I sure do now.
captainbj2 0
omg...people, let's act smart and not correct everyone's grammatical issues. It is FML, not school...do you have nothing better to do?
DMills37 1
I am sorry but I can't believe you are 16
bewbies 3
I agree with 112
Babalu722 3
shes gorgeous lol
stacianichole 2
I had to help my Uncle Jack off a horse. I had to help my uncle jack off a horse.
Ukeee_X 19
This is a good way to show how punctuation is important, albeit slightly comical.
kaylapple 1
u should shut up and go bitch at other people. if u havent noticed, there are things dumber than this on FML.
kaylapple 1
the comma doesnt go after realize.
MissNicky_fml 0
173- it could. That is a correct way to say it
ElainaCutsYou 0
would they rather have a dead kid or a drunk one? geez people these days..
cimh 9
I just wanted to write the same thing... better giving a 8yr old boy some beer and he is not choking to death than waiting a minute too long (til water arrives)..and OP wrote she panicked!!! Hello? Her son couldn't breathe anymore - I'd say many of these onlookers wouldn't have checked as well what kind of drink you'd give to the child! (besides it could have been worse OP: it could have been harder stuff)
julz0125 5
well if he couldn't breathe he wouldn't be ae go drink the liquid. in the event of choking and not breathing I think the heimlich would have been a good way to go...
alex6946 10
92- your picture makes me laugh! why is there a big, confused looking head in the middle of a waterfall? XD
musicfreak9821 6
I agree, 94. By the way if I don't look at the close up pic of you, you kind of look like Spencer from pretty little liars.
dreamering 16
Hey, it could have been vodka. Shit, I bet that you would have run for your life than.