Today, I was at a restaurant with my son when he started to choke on his food. Panicked, I grabbed the closest drink I could reach and made him gulp it down. Only when I received tons of dirty looks from people at other tables did I realize I had given him beer. My son is 8. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I was babysitting a 9-year-old kid, when she got thirsty and asked for a drink. All I could find was some kind of Mexican fruit drink, but I didn't realize until too late that it was actually hard liquor. I had to scrub her mouth out with toothpaste and put her to bed to cover it all up. FML
Today, a child was choking in the store I work at. He was alone in the aisle, so I started the Heimlich without his parents' permission. After dislodging what was caught, his mother turned the corner and went screaming to my manager for touching her kid. I got a write up. FML
Today, I was at the store with my kids. My 5-year-old son wanted to carry the milk carton, so I let him. He dropped it and it spilled. I was really embarrassed. Then he decided to get on the floor and lick the milk off the ground. Everyone stared at me accusingly. FML
Today, I went into my fridge and someone had drank all the beer. Only my 8-year-old son lives with me. FML
Today, I was eating out at a restaurant with my family. My dad had drained most of our bottle of wine, so thinking he'd be a little less uptight than usual, I reached over to pour myself some. He swatted my hand away and started yelling at me for being a "degenerate drunk". FML
Today, at the mall, my 4-year-old son threw up on a man's shoes. When he approached me, I immediately machine-gun mouthed him in public. The man apparently is a doctor and concernedly said that my son may have a rare gastric disease based on the puke. I got him checked, and he's right. FML
Today, I went to pick up a pizza with my kids for an easy dinner. As soon as I opened my mouth to order, the 2-year-old in my arms vomited into it. FML
Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML
Today, I went out to eat with friends. My crush was also at the restaurant with his friends. He smiled at me as I took a mouthful of food, and I choked. The waitress had to perform the Heimlich maneuver on me, while he and his friends fell off their chairs laughing. FML
Today, while at a restaurant with my boyfriend, a piece of ice got stuck in my throat. I couldn't get his attention until after it melted because he was busy checking in on foursquare. When he finally noticed my freaking out and I told him what had happened, he laughed. FML
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Top comments
mrmystery96 0
I say let the little bastard drink.
Jay1D 0
When someones choking you make them drink?
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Comments (267)
Solkillerexe 13
You panicked, its natural you would try to grab the closest liquid drink without really looking all to much. I don't blame you at all.
jackcandle 10
True,giving beer to an 8 year old would be frowned upon but it's better then letting him choke to death.It's not like everyone knows the heimlich.
evebright 5
if you have a kid you should learn what I consider the basics, CPR at least. what a dumbs$$ for not learning while pregnant.
geeksaresexy 18
You are a dumb ass for suggesting CPR would be helpful in the situation TWICE in this comment thread..
kingatowning 2
were you at applebees when it happened?
xXSKYLARXx 0
8 is the new 21 apparently
Reed_111 5
;) I agree with that lol
Zambaku 9
skyorpia101 4
Better drunk than dead
KiTtykitkat 0
at lease you saved him
anothersuicide 0
hahaha can't Blame you, you panicked. after all he IS your son.
Goodlife918975 6
you didn't want to let ur kid die I mean of course I'd give beer to keep alive
The13LeafClover 0
I say the little genious planned the entire thing.
evebright 5
if you a parent you should learn CPR. THAT will save your kid's life. Not forcing him to drink Coke which won't break ANYTHING down in the amount time it takes to DIE from suffocation.
geeksaresexy 18
How would cardiopulmonary resuscitation help someone who is choking? Oh right... it wouldn't.. You clearly don't know what CPR is for so don't bitch at other people for not knowing it! Performing CPR on someone who is choking would only push the blockage further down..
alexFYL 11
Generally they are called CPR classes though that is not all they cover, they also cover choking first aid and even though CPR is a specific term, it is also a broad term for things like this. When you get certified, you also need to know the proper response for choking - it's somewhat all-inclusive.
geeksaresexy 18
My problem is stating 'you should learn CPR' when CPR would not be used in this case.. Generally we call them 'first aid' classes, since that's what you are actually learning. 'First aid' is the general term for all the techniques you learn, there is nothing general about the term 'CPR'. You are using the term CPR incorrectly.