Love: Today, my boyfriend and his bandmates were doing a live interview...

By Btwigster - 19/07/2011 01:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and his bandmates were doing a live interview for a web show. Drunk off his ass, my boyfriend starts telling the internet how his ex-girlfriend is his biggest inspiration. I was standing right next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 940

You deserved it 3 970

Btwigster tells us more.

Btwigster 8

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 17:56

He's in a punk band, like, old school punk. Very '70's sounding. They don't even sing about girls that I've noticed! However, he apologized later and explained he was just nervous, and that it would never happen again. I believe that he was just nervous, but that sort of thing sticks with you, you know? You can't help wondering if that's how he really feels.

Love

Another great day to be alive

Ignored

You all sound the same

By WTF?!?! - 09/09/2010 00:11 - United States

Today, I found out that I drunkenly texted my boss yesterday asking for nude pictures. He sent them. I'm afraid to go to work tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 781

You deserved it 40 209

By emmamrose7 - 15/08/2014 03:36 - United States - Vista

Today, I tried skydiving for the first time. The professional I was attached to had a boner the whole way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 527

You deserved it 6 029

By brittsters - 04/09/2015 17:46 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, I went to visit my mom and my 3-month-old sister. I picked the baby up, totally unaware that she had just eaten. As I went to give her a kiss, she vomited straight into my mouth. Let's just say she wasn't the only one who puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 860

You deserved it 3 043

By Anonymous - 19/06/2019 06:26

Today, I was driving behind a tall truck when it drove through some overhanging branches. Suddenly, a huge branch fell on top of my car, leaving it scratched all over and with several dents in the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 632

You deserved it 216

By BahHumbug - 27/12/2015 05:18 - United States - Painesville

Today, after weeks of keeping it a secret, I excitedly gave my boyfriend what I thought to be the perfect Christmas present. Turns out lock picking sets are illegal in Ohio. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 927

You deserved it 7 834

Look at that

By That escalated quickly - 24/06/2015 19:45 - United States - Ocean City

Today, while driving to Nashville, I saw a bunch of wild turkeys huddled together on the side of the road. I was excited to point them out to my boyfriend, until I realized that the "wild turkeys" were in fact vultures, and that they were eating a dead deer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 418

You deserved it 4 247

By wedding leper - 23/01/2016 05:25 - United States - Tucson

Today, I woke up after a two-day drive to go to my cousin's wedding. The view is beautiful, there's mountains everywhere, and my new backless dress is gorgeous. Too bad the hotel has bed bugs and my whole body is entirely covered in bright red bumps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 445

You deserved it 1 561

No joking please

By Anonymous - 18/01/2011 02:08 - United States

Today, I went to the ER after a fall. Before the nurse did an X-Ray, she gave me a pregnancy test. It came back negative. I joked, "No martians have crawled into my uterus, then?" She didn't get it, and I had my head scanned for brain trauma. Never crack a joke in a hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 900

You deserved it 7 682

By Anonymous - 03/04/2012 02:07 - United States - Lincolnton

Today, my boyfriend told me that he'd never made a girl orgasm. I didn't think much of it until he decided to go down on me. Every time he got me close to orgasm, he'd stop and ask, "Are you about to come?" or "Does that feel good?" Now I can see why he's never made a girl orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 715

You deserved it 3 873

By Anonymous - 18/06/2011 01:26 - Israel

Today, I'm sat at home alone on a Friday night, watching a documentary online about decomposing elephants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 790

You deserved it 10 280

By nosey - 08/04/2013 19:20 - United Kingdom - Mountain Ash

Today, I woke up with my face covered in blood. Turns out that yesterday at my colleague's birthday party, I got so drunk that I started yelling "Nappy time!" before falling out of my hammock and face-first onto the concrete ground. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 640

You deserved it 40 033

By screwed - 07/10/2009 07:05 - United States

Today, I was teaching a woodshop class. We were using power tools, including drills, and pieces of pine wood. While helping a kid to hold a piece to practice drilling, he went too far forward with the drill. It went through my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 660

You deserved it 11 936

By overly nationalistic redneck - 19/10/2013 19:37 - Norway - Ytre Arna

Today, after recently complaining that the reality show "The Great Norway Adventure" portrays us as a country of nationalistic rednecks, I saw my drunk dad chasing my uncle on a tractor while bellowing the national anthem at the top of his lungs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 246

You deserved it 5 295

By carless - 29/10/2014 15:24 - United States

Today, I watched as the teenage neighbor girl tried to parallel-park between me and my wife's cars. She was doing pretty well until she backed into mine, got scared, hit the accelerator and ran into my wife's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 857

You deserved it 3 372

By MissMSE - 18/09/2009 08:41 - Canada

Today, my friends took my phone and changed all the contact's names to characters from Harry Potter. I have over a hundred contacts and no idea who I'm talking to. I've been texting Draco Malfoy for 4 hours now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 002

You deserved it 4 529

By Geezum Crow - 06/12/2018 17:30

Today, I found out my school's financial aid had a "misunderstanding" of my finances, I can no longer afford to pay half of my bills or pay for Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 643

You deserved it 152

By thetallone - 23/02/2010 08:05 - United Kingdom

Today, on the way home from a night out, I crossed the main road in my town via the traffic lights. As I got to the other side, a guy turned to his two friends and 'whispered' with a look of disgust, "I would have run that one over." Thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 539

You deserved it 2 674

By i-should-probably-stick-to-swimming - 03/01/2010 16:28 - United States

Today, while on the treadmill, my iPod fell and shot out underneath my feet. I got off to get it, and when I tried to get back on, I slipped and fell on my face on the moving track. The whole gym watched me get beat up by a treadmill and clapped when I finally got back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 130

You deserved it 6 358

By shadokis - 12/09/2012 18:31 - United States - Charlotte

Today, my 2-year-old cat finally decided to start catching mice. Like any other cat would, she left it for me to find. I found it in the middle of the night, as my bare foot rolled its guts out of its ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 906

You deserved it 2 535

By CC - 11/10/2011 14:51 - Sweden

Today, I met an old friend, with whom I have a complicated history and we hooked up. He came before we even started. In his sleep, he pushed me out of the bed. When I woke up, he had peed himself in his sleep. Glad I let that ship sail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 761

You deserved it 24 898

By theuglyone - 22/08/2013 03:00 - Canada - Port Perry

Today, I was told that I looked like a Kardashian by a total stranger. Flattered, I asked which one. His response? "I don't know, the ugly one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 059

You deserved it 5 833

By GirlOnTheFly - 27/06/2012 04:20 - United States - Uniontown

Today, I was finally able to drive my brother's nice car instead of my clunker, because he left for college. First thing I do? Back into the neighbors' mailbox while exiting the driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 887

You deserved it 33 410

By dumbfriend - 12/03/2012 19:48 - United States

Today, I was talking to a group of friends about the various problems in Africa. One of them interrupts me and asks with a straight face, "If it's so bad over there, why don't they all just leave?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 741

You deserved it 4 046

By iAmJasper - 17/09/2014 21:56 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, my friends came over to my house to eat my food and make fun of me as they played on my Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 349

You deserved it 8 848

By Anonymous - 15/04/2011 06:57 - United States

Today, I found my dead phone that had been missing for two weeks. I turned it on to see that I had only gotten 2 text messages during the two weeks. They were both from my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 726

You deserved it 6 607

By jp_boards - 12/12/2017 14:58

Today, I went to the emergency room for a broken collarbone. This wouldn’t be so bad if my parents hadn’t paid $20,000 for me to go to a snowboarding academy all winter. Today was day one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 260

You deserved it 951

Double header

By I hope you fucking die, you pussy!!!! - 17/06/2021 08:01

Today, I drove to return a PC that my former company lent me to work at home, because I quit that job so won't be working there anymore. On my way to the office, I was robbed of both my car and the computer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 57

By Anonymous - 07/09/2013 22:22 - Australia - Padstow

Today, my friend asked if she could come over to my place. Since it's my birthday tomorrow, I said sure. Turns out she just wants to copy all my notes for our upcoming exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 482

You deserved it 3 878

By Choum - 07/11/2008 06:33 - France

Today, I realized that my ex has REALLY dumped me for a video game. And he will not change his mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 149

You deserved it 6 005

By anonymous - 11/02/2011 09:54

Today, I was posted with a very lonely gate-guard. From the second I arrived, I had to listen to him drone on and on, and now I know his entire life story. I was there for four hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 180

You deserved it 4 120

By sarika - 24/07/2015 00:12 - United States - Appleton

Today, I had to explain to my boss that I was late to work because somehow my hand slipped when I was brushing my teeth, and I hit myself in the eye with the brush. I had to remove my contacts, wash my eye, and find my glasses. He didn't believe me, but at least my eye is minty fresh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 905

You deserved it 2 349

By Anonymous - 10/12/2012 18:09 - United States - Victorville

Today, my girlfriend felt bad about a rude comment she made to me, and asked me to insult her in return. I told her she was getting fat. Wrong move; now she's not speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 108

You deserved it 44 486

Family issues

By Anonymous - 14/03/2021 09:01 - Canada - Niagara-on-the-lake

Today, I found out from my ex-stepmother that my dad and lied about having cancer to cover up the fact that he was losing weight from doing drugs again. He lied about it for 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 018

You deserved it 63

By Anonymous - 19/05/2009 05:16 - Canada

Today, after a long night of partying, I was hanging out with this girl I really like. I was feeling really hungover, so we were just sitting at the park. She confessed to me that she's liked me since the day she met me. Out of excitement and hungoverness, I threw up on her shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 109

You deserved it 21 132

By Anonymous - 15/08/2016 17:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I found myself sneaking into my apartment to avoid the old lady that lives next to me. Funny enough, I moved into my own apartment because I was tired of sneaking into it to avoid my mom who lived with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 277

You deserved it 1 742

By dangerousknitter - 08/10/2009 00:38 - United States

Today, in the middle of an exam, I was escorted out by the campus police due to suspicion of a concealed weapon. The officers couldn't stop laughing for 20 minutes when they found out the weapon was metal knitting needles. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 227

You deserved it 3 829

By allyshah - 20/02/2009 20:15 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were up late watching tv when an infomercial for "male enhancement" came on. I grabbed for my phone to make a call when my girlfriend said "O honey, dont buy that, it's okay that you're small." I was checking my voicemails. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 547

You deserved it 6 350

Soon.

By erinbarto - 17/10/2019 20:00

Today, I listened to my mom having a conversation with my dog, asking him if he ate my hamster. My hamster isn't even dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 301

You deserved it 114

By Anonymous - 29/09/2009 04:43 - United States

Today, I found out the reason my clothes have been smelling a little funny isn't because I sweat heavily, it's because of the dead rat in the back of my dryer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 858

You deserved it 5 349

Bye bye love

By unknown - 27/11/2012 18:45 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I ran across the street due to a line of cars waiting for me to cross. Just as I reached the other side, my iPhone slipped out of my hand and fell into the road, just in time to get run over by multiple cars, one after the other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 031

You deserved it 7 330

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Top comments

Snowble11 13

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:15

Alcohol is truth potion, so watch his drinking limit

Scooter42 15

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:18

If he's singing songs about bitchy ex girlfriends that would be a good thing. Kinda hard to judge when we don't know what it is she inspired.

doltkid 3

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:12

well youve gotta agree with the guy!

ilovecookies83 0

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:21

You should have smacked the drunkness right out of him!

NoodleBurger 0

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:26

usually an ex is some kind of inspiration. it's not a good thing, it just happens.

littlemissFYL 5

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:33

you should have told the internent how your ex boyfriend was YOUR biggest inspiration, and how he taught you how to do many things :-)

daisyloo 7

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:40

Ouch, sorry to hear that, but if he was wasn't super drunk I'm sure he wouldn't have said that:)

small_bar_101 0

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:48

"Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector..."

littlemissFYL 5

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:57

a drunk man speaks a sober man's mind.

DKParth13 5

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 10:07

awkward (in a high pitch voice)!!

spacemanspiff78 7

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 10:48

It works if its all hurt hate music like The Wedding Singer

TheRealHouse 7

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 12:14

Exactly. Most of my best songs (in my opinion) are about the girl that hurt me the most. So op don't worry, he will write songs about you after you cheat on him ;)

Ryanmatuszak 5

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 17:26

i saw that web show.

PandaPaws 0

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 17:34

uhh do u know this person?

Mr_Saikaly 35

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 8:32

I'm glad he got drunk so that you would know the truth, I hope you use ex boyfriend from now on

Jownz345 3

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Thursday 21 July 2011 8:01

like a boss

PinkHorset 5

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:14

Sometimes the truth is best untold....

mfmylifesrsly 29

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:41

maybe his ex was a really good musician who was his best friend and gave him good ideas? nevertheless, it sucks he said that, especially while drunk.

alexibabyxoxo 0

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 10:05

aw how sad.

fanceh 10

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 11:12

that's when you start pointing toward yourself, mouthing the words "I'm his ex now!"

omgcookeys 15

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 13:36

it could have been a "I'm better off without you now" song?

omgcookeys 15

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 13:36

it could have been a "I'm better off without you now" song?

omgcookeys 15

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 13:36

it could have been a "I'm better off without you now" song?

EspeonEve 1

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Thursday 21 July 2011 23:37

Well, OP, it could be a good thing that she's his inspiration if she's a bitch and he writes songs about how she's a bitch. Be glad he's not having you be a bitch in his songs. Then again I don't know his songs. If they are about happy love then, well... Kick him. In the balls.

Snowble11 13

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:15

Alcohol is truth potion, so watch his drinking limit

sarahbella101 7

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:31

ACTUALLY, alchohol can also be a lie potion. it isn't necessarily a truth serum. alchohol can make you do stupid things you dont mean to do and say stupid things you don't mean to say.

Melisso 4

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:36

yeah you don't MEAN to say it but u feel it and say it without caring what other people think and feel

jacob12311 4

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:54

thanks for those alcohol crash courses I really didnt know any of this especially after all of the media exposure on drunks

BigHoshJosh 0

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 15:25

blame it on the a-a-a-a-alcohol!

MyAssIsCute 5

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 22:02

My Name is Sara too :3 ... that was irrelevant.

kaykay9080 5

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 7:08

L0l. That's why everyone knows about my porn stache.

allmidnighteyes 10

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:15

Truth be told, I wouldn't list anyone from New Jersey as an inspiration to me, either.

IHeartJimi02 0

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:26

Maybe certain parts of Jersey but I have family that live in a very nice part. They're very wealthy and have a gorgeous house.

sarahbella101 7

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:34

Maybe the ex girlfriend is from new jersey too. maybe they'll all from new jersey.

JesusFishTaco 5

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 12:17

What?! Who doesn't look to Snookie in times of need?

stacianichole 2

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 18:32

no one ever "needs" snooki in any sort of time...ever.

Madelinexo 6

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 3:09

except for sexual needs...

whitesox365 0

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 7:19

*vomits*

famesetmatch1234 0

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Friday 22 July 2011 16:27

I find that offensive; I'm from jersey and am a straight a student.

famesetmatch1234 0

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Friday 22 July 2011 16:28

I find that offensive; I'm from Jersey and I am a straight A student.

letsgoflyakite 2

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:15

awkward..

skiier4life 1

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:16

Start a band and say your boyfriends mom is your biggest inspiration.

doltkid 3

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:17

good job sir. ypure respected by me.

lulzSHUTUP 0

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Saturday 23 July 2011 6:27

hell yes.

Freeze_fml 16

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:17

New Jersey... Yep.

A7X_LoVeee 10

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 14:54

I'd rather live in NJ than TX.

brb55 0

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 16:07

your and idiot TX is greatest state in the country.

A7X_LoVeee 10

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 16:34

"You're an idiot, Texas is the greatest state in the country." Fixed it for you.

hawaiianluv 6

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 4:12

Good job. :P Those silly Texans ...

Tristan6502 0

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 6:00

New Jerset FTW :D

brb55 0

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Wednesday 20 July 2011 6:27

Didn't we say the same thing?

Scooter42 15

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:18

If he's singing songs about bitchy ex girlfriends that would be a good thing. Kinda hard to judge when we don't know what it is she inspired.

stef108 3

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 12:23

I was thinking the exact same thing...if he's singing angry breakup songs then it is not an FML

sesamehood 0

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:18

u should've bitch slapped him for that ,he's drunk so he wouldn't rember

howslife123 0

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:20

well it's on a webshow.. I think he'd find out x(

BIEBERSLAYER 10

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:18

sounds about right

BIEBERSLAYER 10

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Tuesday 19 July 2011 9:31

trollin' hard

Nearly

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Today, I found out my mother listens to my therapy sessions. She’s the reason I need therapy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 0

Spicy

Today, my college fuck buddy started sending my wife our dirty chat logs. Not only have I not spoken to her in years, but the logs are time/date stamped from when Obama was still President. She's never met my wife and I have no idea what she hopes to get out of this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 197

You deserved it 29

Today, I’d been bicurious for years but always much too shy to seek out a woman to attempt intimacy. Well, I finally hooked up with a girl I’ve had a crush on for a while. Not only was it an amazing, mind-blowing experience, she also left me with a crotch searing yeast infection from hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 109

You deserved it 274

Btwigster tells us more.

Look at that

No joking please

Double header

Family issues

Soon.

Bye bye love

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