Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Kids these days…
Today, as a nurse, I had to tell a 15 year-old girl that her red, sore asscrack was caused by consistently not wiping her ass properly. Seriously, when I examined her there was still poop, even though she swore she wiped this morning. I had to teach her how to do it properly, at 15 years-old. FML
Today, I went to the OBGYN for my annual, and noticed they now supplied babywipes. After 3 seconds of "cleaning", the intense burning started. Turns out they were antibacterial bleach wipes. FML
Oh, hai Mark!
Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML
Gushing
Today, I've been having persistent fungal infections and was getting treated by a male gynecologist. I had to go in to give vaginal swab tests. I washed and cleaned before I left, but when I got on the doctor's table I already had so much discharge. The doctor asked, "Is it the medicine?" I had to say no. FML
She's 28
Today, I got a phone call from my daughter’s school. Apparently she stood on top of a table and screamed, “I HAVE SYPHILIS” at the top of her lungs. She’s in kindergarten. Where in the world did she even hear that? FML
Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
Kills 99% of all bacteria
Today, I was so tired this morning when I went to take a dump and instead of using a baby wipe, I used a Lysol wipe. Guess I don’t have Covid up my butt. FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML
Top comments
TheTehOhPeh 4
I can't even imagine how painful that would be... Dear god...
bryyxoo 0
Bleach kills everything right? No? Oh...
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Comments (234)
TheTehOhPeh 4
I can't even imagine how painful that would be... Dear god...
BarDownDaily 12
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
She got an STD, and that's what you're worried about? Wow.
RyanMacVey 17
#28 There are treatments for STD's. But there is no cure for /that/ level of stupidity.
jisaac09 25
It is that stupidity that caught her than STD. Condoms aren't very expensive.
minktheshrink 0
Or there's always the option of having sex with someone you can actually trust not to have an STD
2ndSucks 15
Whaat? No, that would make too much sense. Our generation doesn't make responsible decisions. Fsh.
jisaac09 25
Apparently thats not there.
Wederoney 16
Seems like OP forgot to have "the talk" with a certain someone.
ShyAnn29 15
Just because someone gets an STD doesn't mean they're stupid!
CaptainPickles72 18
#138- True, shit happens, mistakes are made by smart people too. But you missed the point... she used a Clorox wipe on her fun zone! That's why people are calling her stupid!
ShyAnn29 15
That is true, using clorox on your ****** is extremely stupid
downtime 13
62, So that narrows it down to ...eternal virginity. You can never trust anyone completely to not have an STI. Even a virgin could be carrying something they aren't aware of, and even people you think you know inside and out could be lying to your face. Only imbeciles judge those who get STI's. Oh, I mean, social stigma and puritan nonsense ftw! Right guys?
imepelepticsir 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
62, so your saying even though im still a virgin i can have an STD. i think all make a doctors appointment :) better safe then sorry
downtime 13
166, Yes, you can still have an STD even if you are a virgin.
imepelepticsir 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
167, K
blackpolar22 0
#166, you can get herpes from oral sex and crabs can travel without intercourse. so ya theres two examples.
valalvax 13
Oops, I read it as she'd scrubbed herself to make it look like she had an STD
afunnyterdcody 5
Dude what's a sti ? Beside a diesel motor in a Volkswagen
StalinsHeir 1
Don't you mean Subaru?
hobojones 0
169, they can be transmitted by birth too
ohxdamnxkay02 12
how can any human being possibly think that using a clorox wipe on their ****** could possibly cure a STD? This is why irresponsible children should not have sex.
PenguinSwag47 0
Haha 143 said Clorox.
silentbutfunny 0
I velived she told her parent that she wiped her privates with clorox to get to the doctors in the first place, THEN she found out about the std
aliciamartinez15 11
STI = Sexually Transmitted Infection
isallwaysme 27
138, all your comments I see are voted down, maybe you should stop.
nygyrfan 10
and thats not how to treat an std
friedbunnies 9
Oh that poor child. Sick AND stupid. Must have been a buy one get one free on negative traits.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
It could have been due to a shitty or nonexistent sex education at school. Parents should definitely take most of the responsibility for informing their children about STDs, but a crappy school program could give them a false sense of security, as they could assume their children are learning everything they need to know there. Then again, sometimes kids do things that catch you by surprise before you realize just how fast they've grown up.
AlaskaKid95 7
Or she was just scared to tell her mom/dad..
pinkcrayola 0
I agree completely with our shit sex education. All they say is to wait until marriage, and only 5% of America actually does that. (not made up stats, google it.)
yankfan89 27
I'm worried about her daughter have sex. She is an idiot if she gets pregnant that kid is so ******
CaptainPickles72 18
#35- that's what they did at my school every time we had sex ed. Our school system made us have 2 days of sexual education talk in 8th-10th grade. It was the same woman every single time and her exact words were "sex is great! But waiting till marriage is even more great!" It was kinda funny in 10th grade because one of the girls in the class was pregnant. It was pretty funny, and a little ironic!
NoLongerExists 11
I've only heard bad things about sex ed in the US... Is it really that bad? I mean, here in Argentina (at least in my school) they taught us all about STDs, symptoms and how to prevent them, methods of prevention in general, the risks of unprotected sex, etc. The teachers were also very open-minded and would answer every question we might have, and we were actually able to feel comfortable around them. I have studied male and female anatomy (reproductive system) and how it worked since I was around 10. All in all, we've been taught that it is ok to have sex, as long as you're responsible, have chosen the right person (so that you can get only the best from such "unforgettable experience"), and are sure you are not making a decision you are going to regret later, regardless of age (Being too young is still looked down upon, though, because at 13, for example, you still don't really know what you want in most cases, and we've been taught that too). From what I've read and heard, sex in the US is more about God, sacred marriage and being a legal adult, rather than it being something natural, that the human needs to stay healthy. I also feel that people in general is scared of facing it and talking about it with teens and preteens, and I don't understand why. I might be wrong, though, but that's how I feel. I'd like someone to reply, please...
CookieCrazy 8
I'm sorry to break your positive image of us, but I have rarely met somebody who actually cares about the teachings of God. Maybe I'm meeting the wrong people? Our schools don't really care about sex education around here, which doesn't really help prevent all the dropouts they get from pregnant teens.
snakeassault 0
179- Summary of US sex ed: Don't have sex. If you do, condom. Also, wait until marriage. Terrible.
RageWolf16 31
Ever seen Mean Girls? That sex ed scene? It's basically that
lyri10 0
Wow Our generation must not be the smartest Tryin to scrub away std's and all
inomnomdinosaurs 4
If your old enough you should know that they don't just go away >.>
Thabb 0
Oh shit, that doesn't work? I guess I have like three STDs then.
SecretMe00 5
They're called STIs.
ShroomsOnAcid 17
You're just catching on to that? It would be nice for idiocy to be a little less prevalent, but somehow a generation full of evil geniuses doesn't sound less problematic either.
MagicallyFat 12
I agree with 8 plus if she has her mom making the doctors appointment for her she's prob still too young
ThisIsMyReign 4
Should have used windex. :/
aladdin2502 7
:(
falon142012 22
STD is a sexually transmitted disease. STI is a sexually transmitted infection. sometimes the infections can go away…sometimes the disease can be treated. but not the herp. herpes is for life.
DocBastard 40
Anyone in the medical field makes no distinction between STI and STD. The terms are equivalent.
ImanAzol 4
She may have been hoping to scrub away symptoms or bacteria, hoping the doc wouldn't notice, with no long term thought on what to do about the disease. Kids do stupid things sometimes.
angeluv_2014 22
I'm lovin the Guhr to Guhr comments on this stream!! :D
bryyxoo 0
Bleach kills everything right? No? Oh...
HolaJessicaHola 0
Your comment was hilarious, I just have a big thumb :/ sorry for the thumbs down!
krad204 21
Kill it with fire?
ShroomsOnAcid 17
16, I like the way you think. Can't have warts on your genitals if you don't have genitals anymore, right?
ManlyDunsparce 3
16-20: that's the spirit! Innovation like that is what makes Human beings so damn awesome.
burtonbullet 10
That's probably what the parents are thinking: "time to weld this thing up!". Now, that's a horror movie in the making...
Pr0metheus 7
I just have to point out, for no good reason I might add, that most types of welding use an electrical current to make the weld, not fire.
MerrikBarbarian 9
20- I just choked laughing at your comment! Still, one does wonder if op's daughter was thinking along those lines. Who needs penicillin when you have concentrated bleach right?
antmanzero 8
Holy ****, that was dumb of her.
PedoPancakes 7
Thank you captain obvious!
tanneriscool 2
I'm so tired of hearing "captain obvious" way over used.
Michael_92 20
I want to meet this "Captain Obvious" one day.
antmanzero 8
@206 Here I am! HI! THE WORLD IS A SPHERICAL OBJECT!
whiterabbit420 4
Clearly you did a great job of educating your daughter about safe sex and general hygiene. Bad Parenting FTL
pancakerocks 1
Most kids also dont like to listen. so it goes both ways. not saying it wasnt the parents fault. It Is. its just not totally the parents fault.
TheDrifter 24
She likely knows, but was too emberassed by the list of people she could have gotten it from to tell her parents she'd caught something so she tried self medicating first.
kaykay20 0
She was self medicating with Clorox wipes so clearly was misinformed (if informed at all) and just completely oblivious to the negitive effects it would have on a very sensitive part of the body. If she was well educated about her own body and cleaning products then she should have known Clorox wipes won't work and would just give her a infection. I highly suggest her mom give her the "talk" again cause she wasn't quite thorough enough on the female body and and every day used items.
alinka_fml 0
this doesn't have anything To do with what her mom taught her. most teens and kids ate stupid and do things their own way. they dont listen to parents. they think nothing will happen to them
ymcmbboss 0
Im glad you said "most" because I was going to be resentful of that, most teenagers believe that in order to go anywhere in life you have to have sexual intercourse first. Could anyone tell me if it is a bad thing that I am almost 17 and still have not? I like to think that I am still waiting for the right girl.....
ShyAnn29 15
118, waiting is good, I waited until I was 27
Dracoboxer357 36
118- There's no rush in losing your virginity, its just bragging rights for guys insecure enough that they want people to think they're "the man" because had sex at an early age. I was fooling around a lot when I was younger but I decided to wait until college before I went "all the way." For me, I didn't want to be "that guy" that "stole" some young naive girl's innocence as I had that impression drilled into me early on. (I'm not saying the logic was sound or even made sense, it was just the though I had way back when.) So to answer your question, being a virgin at 16 doesn't mean anything whatsoever. Your body doesn't know any difference from one ****** to the next so as far as it's concerned, you became sexually active the first time you masturbated, lol! ;) So no worries, it'll happen when it happens if and when you let it. You haven't missed some irreplaceable experience or opportunity and there's nothing wrong with you for it. Cheers! :)
Dracoboxer357 36
^ I really should have proof read my last post, it looks like it was edited by a blind igit. :p *It's not its, thought not though, because THEY had sex, etc. Horrible. :p
mommaleads 0
My thoughts exactly
tennis06 7
that's rough
JackSteely 8
Now the question is, exactly how old is your daughter?
ShroomsOnAcid 17
37.66666666667 + 2 seconds.
muzy 23
you have to round it up to the nearest significant figure shroom !!! it's comments like these, that make me feel better about my job which involves cleaning up after mice :)
THEKAISER 4
They are all significant digits
muzy 23
oh... well this is embarrassing. I hope no one ridicules me because of this slip up ;)
Shelbyyyyyyy 4
Thats sad that she finds it hard to talk to youu!
DontForgetMe4 0
Just imagining that makes me cringe .... ah goodness! No offense to you sir, but that is a VERY dumb thing to do. Why didn't she try to use a lot of soap in the shower or something?
waitwhatsgoingon 18
YOU CAN'T WASH AN STD OFF IN THE SHOWER DUMB ASS!!!
skyyylines 22
You can't bleach them away either...
redmonkey224539 9
You sir are retarded
tanneriscool 2
17 sir? I believe it would be mam..
xStaciexLynnx 15
I think maybe he meant try using lots of soap instead of clorox wipes? Like if you think you can clean off an STD- what would make you use clorox wipes? Personally, I say the Mr. Clean Magic Eraser is your best bet. Or, you know, the doctor.
isis_morrigan 18
lol now we see that ops daughter isn't the most retarded after all, at least she realized stds are resistant to soap, and attempted bleach, granted, she still has the STD and is now missing a layer or two of skin...