Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, as a nurse, I had to tell a 15 year-old girl that her red, sore asscrack was caused by consistently not wiping her ass properly. Seriously, when I examined her there was still poop, even though she swore she wiped this morning. I had to teach her how to do it properly, at 15 years-old. FML
Today, I went to the OBGYN for my annual, and noticed they now supplied babywipes. After 3 seconds of "cleaning", the intense burning started. Turns out they were antibacterial bleach wipes. FML
Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML
Today, I've been having persistent fungal infections and was getting treated by a male gynecologist. I had to go in to give vaginal swab tests. I washed and cleaned before I left, but when I got on the doctor's table I already had so much discharge. The doctor asked, "Is it the medicine?" I had to say no. FML
Today, I got a phone call from my daughter’s school. Apparently she stood on top of a table and screamed, “I HAVE SYPHILIS” at the top of her lungs. She’s in kindergarten. Where in the world did she even hear that? FML
Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
Today, I was so tired this morning when I went to take a dump and instead of using a baby wipe, I used a Lysol wipe. Guess I don’t have Covid up my butt. FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML
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Top comments
TheTehOhPeh 4
I can't even imagine how painful that would be... Dear god...
bryyxoo 0
Bleach kills everything right? No? Oh...
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Comments (234)
j_cat187 20
[crazy drunken ass ODB singin again] Hoeeeee! Yeah, heyyyy, de haaaaa Hoe, ohhaowwohh! Hoeeeee, de heyyyy (This is dedicated to all y'all bitches) De, haaaahhhh Hoeeeee! Yeah, heyyyy, de haaaaa
0234sunny 4
*face-palm*
funnydayz 0
Holy **** for one your daughter is either ******* stupid or way to young to be having sex
YourLifeSucks132 3
You can **** stupid or you can **** smart, but you can still get STD's
GypsyRover 0
This comment will be monitored in so many ways!!! So I will keep it nice. I have been saying for years that I wish it hurt to be stupid,and that we would have less stupid people if it did. This is a great example of that. Let's see if it happens again. Lol
justanotherhuman 21
Dear OP, Clearly your daughter was intimidated/concerned over her condition enough to actively seek doing something about it. The wrong thing to be sure, but it doesn't mean she's stupid. Kids do foolish things when they're frightened. Not to mention sex is treated so casually in our society that it's no wonder kids seldom treat it as the profound thing that it can be, let alone understand the depth of consequence(s) it creates. Either way, drop any pretense of condescension or patronization, sit down with your little girl, and have the sex talk. Treat it for what it is- one of the best parts of life; not some reading from a biology text. I do not envy you. Good... luck. FYL.
jman3113 4
Wait soap doesn't work?.... Damnit
chrispasta 3
I'm sure if she was properly instructed by her mother not to use harsh household cleaning products on her pikachu, this would never have happened.
wienerdog 0
Lol "I got fingered at 13" that's really something to be proud of!
thewife5 19
It's not the OPs fault. "you should make your child feel comfortable to come to you with anything" for all of you who have been posting this.. Post when you have a teenager or two of your own.
cakimbrell 0
Shoulda used windex!