Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, as a nurse, I had to tell a 15 year-old girl that her red, sore asscrack was caused by consistently not wiping her ass properly. Seriously, when I examined her there was still poop, even though she swore she wiped this morning. I had to teach her how to do it properly, at 15 years-old. FML
Today, I went to the OBGYN for my annual, and noticed they now supplied babywipes. After 3 seconds of "cleaning", the intense burning started. Turns out they were antibacterial bleach wipes. FML
Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML
Today, I've been having persistent fungal infections and was getting treated by a male gynecologist. I had to go in to give vaginal swab tests. I washed and cleaned before I left, but when I got on the doctor's table I already had so much discharge. The doctor asked, "Is it the medicine?" I had to say no. FML
Today, I got a phone call from my daughter’s school. Apparently she stood on top of a table and screamed, “I HAVE SYPHILIS” at the top of her lungs. She’s in kindergarten. Where in the world did she even hear that? FML
Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
Today, I was so tired this morning when I went to take a dump and instead of using a baby wipe, I used a Lysol wipe. Guess I don’t have Covid up my butt. FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML
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Top comments
TheTehOhPeh 4
I can't even imagine how painful that would be... Dear god...
bryyxoo 0
Bleach kills everything right? No? Oh...
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Comments (234)
sknabc123 8
Get his ass in there, any make him clean dat shit up !!
HurryUp_and_BUY 6
Damn. Your daughter makes Flavor Flav look like an intellectual.
VeeEight 5
Hahahahahahaha!!!!!!!
saranndipidy 0
now clorox needs a new warning label on their wipes. warning: for cleaning purposes only, does not cure or prevent any STD. if c used to cure an STD seek medical help .
profoundkisses 18
Sucks that she doesn't wanna talk to you about that.
chelseaaa92 7
Oooouch! Stupid, stupid girl!!!!!
kittenvks 11
For the record, for those of you that very obviously don't know a condom is for birth control. 99.9% effective. It can help against an STD but is not as effective. It's NOT a garuntee by any means.
isis_morrigan 18
actually, aside from abstinence, a condom provides the best protection from stds, research it again. no other birth control offers protection from an STD, aside from the female condom, which is still a condom.
dbt88 15
I think that'd be a more awkward conversation to have with your mother than just informing her you contracted something.
ivanhoe4u 3
You better get her fixed fast. We don't want her breeding.
toshaama 0
Her poor ******! D: it's been through a lot.
j_cat187 20
It needs therapy
randomkayx3 11
I kinda feel bad for the girl, but then again. She feels she's grown enough to have sex then she should have thought of the consequences. Judging by her cleaning herself with Clorox wipes, she's probably young. At least I hope she wasn't an adult...