Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, as a nurse, I had to tell a 15 year-old girl that her red, sore asscrack was caused by consistently not wiping her ass properly. Seriously, when I examined her there was still poop, even though she swore she wiped this morning. I had to teach her how to do it properly, at 15 years-old. FML
Today, I went to the OBGYN for my annual, and noticed they now supplied babywipes. After 3 seconds of "cleaning", the intense burning started. Turns out they were antibacterial bleach wipes. FML
Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML
Today, I've been having persistent fungal infections and was getting treated by a male gynecologist. I had to go in to give vaginal swab tests. I washed and cleaned before I left, but when I got on the doctor's table I already had so much discharge. The doctor asked, "Is it the medicine?" I had to say no. FML
Today, I got a phone call from my daughter’s school. Apparently she stood on top of a table and screamed, “I HAVE SYPHILIS” at the top of her lungs. She’s in kindergarten. Where in the world did she even hear that? FML
Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML
Today, I had to end a phone conversation with, "I gotta go, my daughter's eating toilet paper." FML
Today, I was so tired this morning when I went to take a dump and instead of using a baby wipe, I used a Lysol wipe. Guess I don’t have Covid up my butt. FML
Today, my daughter went potty. Just as she always does, she came up to me and announced, "I flushed, and wiped, and shut the light off." Then she did something brand new. She covered my face with her hand and asked, "Do these fingers smell?" They did. FML
Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML
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Top comments
TheTehOhPeh 4
I can't even imagine how painful that would be... Dear god...
bryyxoo 0
Bleach kills everything right? No? Oh...
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Comments (234)
Fmlsea 28
Has no one heard of protection or getting their partner tested before sex,it's not always the parents fault if she thinks she old enough to have sex then she's old enough to be responsible for her own actions , FYL that would suck hope u get thru the rough time
chels1994 11
Here's the way I see it... it she's going to have sex, she's going to have sex. One way or another, if she wants it, she will find a way. It's obviously too late anyway to try to prevent it, but it's never too late to have a talk with her about being safer in the future
dtfickus 0
I gave it to her! Jk
StormsKnights 2
Stupid people should never procreate my issue is this...what kind of mom are you to put your daughter on blast on the internet your effn terriable no wonder she couldnt come to you...your a ******* moron!
atomica96 0
The site is called FML for a reason so chill. No one knows who she is so quit gettin mad
thewife5 19
Maybe she is on the Internet because she had the talk with her daughter, and assumed she was smarter than resorting to Clorox wipes. I find it amusing, someone with your intelligence calling someone a moron. You can tell who has teenagers and who doesn't by your awesome comments.
skossits3033 0
You're calling her the idiot, yet you're the one with horrible grammar....
flowerchildd2 7
I believe you have failed as a parent. Sorry.
Fylminesawsome 5
Your daughter is dirty...
CaptainPickles72 18
Don't worry, the Clorox wipe cleaned her up.... but not enough!
candy4567 3
Shouldn't have let your daughter be such a ****
nite66 21
I don't want to live in this world anymore.
Honda288 2
She needs to go back to common sense school. I hope she good in bed because she surely lacks it in the head. Tell me, did that rhyme?
lexilovr 3
Wow