Today, my Mom and I found out that we're allergic to the wood my Dad has been making fires with. She can't see, I can't breathe. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom forbade me from taking any allergy medicine, because she is afraid that I'll turn into a meth addict. I have horrible allergies and can barely see or stop sneezing without them. FML
Today, my dad used the stove to boil water. Unfortunately, he turned the wrong burner on, setting the smoke alarm off. What's worse was the smell of burning plastic that came from the coffeemaker being melted down. It's been over an hour, and my eyes still burn like hell when I walk into the kitchen. FML
Today, I told my dad to go to the doctor, as he’s been hacking his lungs up every minute for a month, and I've not had a decent night’s sleep since then. He insists he’s not sick, and my mom yelled at me because she sleeps in the same room and is able to sleep through it. FML
Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML
Today, I had to be treated for chemical burns, because my mother got the bright idea of using paint thinner to clean me up after I'd painted our living room. FML
Today, my idiot neighbor decided the best way to dispose of the poison ivy in his yard was to pile it all up and burn it. I'm severely allergic. It was so bad that one of my eyes is still swollen half shut. FML
Today, my mom got a new furnace put in because they found out the old one was leaking carbon monoxide. This is six months after I got kicked out because I was sleeping too much, so my mom thought I was using drugs. FML
Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, during the worst flu we've ever had, my wife and I have to go out into thirty-below weather to get firewood because the furnace broke down. FML
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Top comments
iliketofu 6
Merry Christmas.
kidwiththeface42 7
When I first read this all I saw was "dad" and "wood". Glad that didn't go in the direction I was heading. BTW Merry Christmas everyone, or "Happy Holidays" for all you politically correct bastards ha.
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Comments (51)
proudmom2011 0
Thats sucks
HahaHokayThen 10
"that sucks" does it really? It's as bad as saying "first". OP- sorry about the allergies! Switch wood & have a merry Christmas (:
coolboy675 16
Must be because he's using his morning wood.
iliketofu 6
Merry Christmas.
trollfaced 2
OP and his/her mom can celebrate Christmas in the hospital and get free flowers from relatives!
silentbutfunny 0
Free flowers? After medical bills id want free ******* $
littlegold 7
Be nice. Tis christmas. I know how this is because I am allergic to birch trees regular trees... Grass mold moss... Flowers... Anything that is nature... :p yeah i am allergic to the world. Lol. Merry Christmas!
lotto_boi 3
And thats how you found fml? 91
imaginaryvoice 18
Awe, common. Breathing is for squares anyway.
stephanieeDawnx 0
You breathe too much anyway..
iSeekRetaliation 2
she's lyin
laden_swallow09 35
Why?
OMGIFOUNDWALDO 6
Obviously, there's no fireplace in the kitchen thus she couldn't get blinded by the fire
SkoomaKi 28
Maybe stay at a friends for a while?
Pandaloverr 0
I am sorry OP :( maybe go to the doctor and ask if they have any meds for it ? Anyways, Have a Merry Christmas !(:
ptsportsguy1 0
Your allergic to wood, think about it
Amrel 10
Umm buy a heater? Im sure you have a fireplace. Then now that i think about it i dont know why your dad is burning wood anyways
R00ST3R 12
Maybe because your supposed to burn wood in a fireplace, because if you burn charcoal indoors like in a fireplace there is a possibility of death due to the Carbon Monoxide gas that is released in the burning of charcoal. Also during the holidays most people lite their fireplaces.
Amrel 10
I never suggested charcoal?
flockz 20
shit just hit the fan for 24.^
R00ST3R 12
I never said that you did suggest charcoal.
flockz 20
shit just hit the fan for 25.^
Amrel 10
Im using a heater so you can imagine the smell isnt going away anytime soon 30.^
flux_panic 18
What else do you burn in a fireplace besides wood? And not everyone wants a heater. Fireplaces are nice to curl up next to with a book, or banging the shit out of someone. A heater just wouldn't give the same effect.
Amrel 10
Well the fireplace is making them sick, and if they dont want a heater they should get a pellet oven then
flux_panic 18
The fireplace wasn't making them sick, the type of wood was. There are more than one type of tree in the world.
sparkrok 8
i'll bet daddy was burning wood to... oh, hell, I don't know... heat the fricken house...? quite possibly...? not only is a furnace expensive to run, but you don't get as good of a heating effect. if you've experienced both, you'll know what I mean. I understand that this is 2011 and wood heated houses are almost extinct, but there's still a few out there...
desireev 18
And fireplaces give off the most heat. Fireplaces are the best of both worlds! :) They set the mood for the holidays AND it'll warm up the whole house! (you have to keep all of your doors open for that effect) I love fireplaces! Heaters are kinda boring and noisy anyway.. Merry Christmas guys! :)
sparkrok 8
Merry Christmas!!
laden_swallow09 35
Reminds me of that movie with Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor, "Hear No Evil, See No Evil"… or was it the other way around?
laden_swallow09 35
Just double-checked. It's the other way around. D'oh
Mauskau 36
That film is ****** up but kinda funny at the same time. So obvious at times though lol. They make the guy out as such a cutie though :P
DeadxManxWalking 27
My first thought too.
Angelice_fml 0
At least now you know.
jellyD 1
Knowing is half the battle.
Commander223 9
Because knowledge is power!!!
CadillacPimpen 6
And knowing is half the battle!
silentbutfunny 0
If knoweledge is power, then isnt power halve the battle??
silentbutfunny 0
Half*
docscientist 10
The other half is a cookie.
flockz 20
really? you're going to fix *half, but not *knowledge? dumbass.
kidwiththeface42 7
When I first read this all I saw was "dad" and "wood". Glad that didn't go in the direction I was heading. BTW Merry Christmas everyone, or "Happy Holidays" for all you politically correct bastards ha.
bobbycorwen 5
Well, Christmas is derived from a Pagan holiday.
OriginalimoaN 15
It's not due to political correctness, it's nice for everyone who doesn't celebrate christmas ya douche!
silentbutfunny 0
Happy Hannuka!!! Now you christians know how it feels to be left out :p
docscientist 10
I just say 'Go **** yourself' and offend everybody equally. Go **** yourself, everyone!
bobbycorwen 5
82 - Dang Christians!