Today, my Mom and I found out that we're allergic to the wood my Dad has been making fires with. She can't see, I can't breathe. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom forbade me from taking any allergy medicine, because she is afraid that I'll turn into a meth addict. I have horrible allergies and can barely see or stop sneezing without them. FML
Today, my dad used the stove to boil water. Unfortunately, he turned the wrong burner on, setting the smoke alarm off. What's worse was the smell of burning plastic that came from the coffeemaker being melted down. It's been over an hour, and my eyes still burn like hell when I walk into the kitchen. FML
Today, I told my dad to go to the doctor, as he’s been hacking his lungs up every minute for a month, and I've not had a decent night’s sleep since then. He insists he’s not sick, and my mom yelled at me because she sleeps in the same room and is able to sleep through it. FML
Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML
Today, I had to be treated for chemical burns, because my mother got the bright idea of using paint thinner to clean me up after I'd painted our living room. FML
Today, my idiot neighbor decided the best way to dispose of the poison ivy in his yard was to pile it all up and burn it. I'm severely allergic. It was so bad that one of my eyes is still swollen half shut. FML
Today, my mom got a new furnace put in because they found out the old one was leaking carbon monoxide. This is six months after I got kicked out because I was sleeping too much, so my mom thought I was using drugs. FML
Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, during the worst flu we've ever had, my wife and I have to go out into thirty-below weather to get firewood because the furnace broke down. FML
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Top comments
iliketofu 6
Merry Christmas.
kidwiththeface42 7
When I first read this all I saw was "dad" and "wood". Glad that didn't go in the direction I was heading. BTW Merry Christmas everyone, or "Happy Holidays" for all you politically correct bastards ha.
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Comments (51)
SAMMILLER098 2
Is there a different type of wood? If not Merry Christmas!
THE_A_TEEN 28
"we're allergic to the wood my Dad has been making fires with." This is the new eumphemism relating to getting into accident involving cockmeat sandwiches and other related sexual activities. Keep up with the times, man.
THE_A_TEEN 28
This is a reply to #45. Stupid reply button...
silentbutfunny 0
Kinda sick how you can take a situation about burning logs into a complete sexual encounter with both parents with sick descriptive terms about bodily fluids and breathing. You sir. Need help
THE_A_TEEN 28
It's called a "dirty joke". Joking about those situations does not mean i'm interested into that disturbing shit. Lighten up a little, it's christmas!
silentbutfunny 0
I dont "lighten up" around christmas (CHRISTmas for Christ's sake) about descriptive non-funny jokes about having sex with mom and dad. Idc what you say, you still need help.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Read: "NOT INTERESTED INTO THAT KIND OF DISTURBING SHIT" Other fml's have "WINCEST" and other comments relating to having sex with a family member, yet no one stops them. Half of them are joking. I post a joke and then "You're sick, you need help". What the ******* hell???
silentbutfunny 0
Wincest is like "i went to a dating site and my brother came up best match 8 times" or stupid. You on the other hand, took "my dad was burning wood and me and my mom got an allergic reaction" to "my mom and i were blowing my dad and he shot loads onto our faces" Thats what the **** i meen by you need help
silentbutfunny 0
Something stupid* Edit = im pretty sure more than half are joking, if not i give up on humanity
silentbutfunny 0
Also (hopefully lastly) read: "idc what you say, you need help"
THE_A_TEEN 28
Fine, absolutely no humor. Just going back to "you're a dumb idiot, learn about the subject before commenting" crap. *Sigh Just end it...
silentbutfunny 0
You started it, and now you want to end it? I think i just won my first internet fight!!! And its about descriptive incest...
GoW_Chick 15
69- No I think you just won the douche award give him a break it was funny not everyone has something stuck up their ass.
silentbutfunny 0
No, you having images about descriptive incest litterally out of nowhere and think its funny to put it on fml, then you have issues you need to resolve, im just trying to help out **** up people, one creepy fucktard at a time.
silentbutfunny 0
How is 38 even realitivly close to being funny?
GoW_Chick 15
He was using previous comments and FMLs in his it wasn't out of nowhere just read some of above comments.
silentbutfunny 0
I give up on society, if thats humour nowadays, im goin to live with the aliens.
GoW_Chick 15
Too bad for you aliens also enjoy dirty jokes damn and you were so close
silentbutfunny 0
.... For all you know, humans are the only ones who knows what humour is.... And every alien knoes that incest causes baby aliens to be born with extra tenticles
GoW_Chick 15
And yet they still crack up over incest jokes :)
docscientist 10
Humor is a necessary survival trait for sentient species. Ps. I guess I did pick up on what you were going for. That makes me an incestuous dirty joke lover
flockz 20
silentbutfunny- learn to get a dirty joke. what A TEEN said was funny, you're just too caught up in how "nasty" it is. in this thread, you royally pissed me off, more than any commenter on this website. and to think you thought you "won your first internet fight"!! HAHAHA. what a joke. every comment is thumbed down, while A TEEN's are thumbed up. if you come to a website called "**** my life", then you better well damn expect funny comments like this. now do what your name says an be silent, but not funny, just silent.
KiddNYC1O 22
Damn, silentbutfunny, I thought it was a bit tasteless too but you take it too seriously.
Xephocy 0
Wait what are you doing posting this FML then ?
mrdiehler 0
Ouch
Ozone1232 5
It's a thing called not breathing in the smoke or burrowing your face in it. Haha but I know exactly how you feel op. Merry Christmas.
docscientist 10
So, don't breathe and walk around in darkness. Survival tip noted.
dillies 3
Get some new wood, and a air purifier. Maybe that will work. O shit it's Christmas day, you should really go to the emergency room.
graham11 14
What? That's dumb.
chelseaqr18 0
that happened to me last year!
needsagf14 12
At least you know what it is
metalflower00 11
That's gotta suck. I hope you find some wood that you aren't allergic to and stay warm through the holidays!