Today, my Mom and I found out that we're allergic to the wood my Dad has been making fires with. She can't see, I can't breathe. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom forbade me from taking any allergy medicine, because she is afraid that I'll turn into a meth addict. I have horrible allergies and can barely see or stop sneezing without them. FML
Today, my dad used the stove to boil water. Unfortunately, he turned the wrong burner on, setting the smoke alarm off. What's worse was the smell of burning plastic that came from the coffeemaker being melted down. It's been over an hour, and my eyes still burn like hell when I walk into the kitchen. FML
Today, I told my dad to go to the doctor, as he’s been hacking his lungs up every minute for a month, and I've not had a decent night’s sleep since then. He insists he’s not sick, and my mom yelled at me because she sleeps in the same room and is able to sleep through it. FML
Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML
Today, I had to be treated for chemical burns, because my mother got the bright idea of using paint thinner to clean me up after I'd painted our living room. FML
Today, my idiot neighbor decided the best way to dispose of the poison ivy in his yard was to pile it all up and burn it. I'm severely allergic. It was so bad that one of my eyes is still swollen half shut. FML
Today, my mom got a new furnace put in because they found out the old one was leaking carbon monoxide. This is six months after I got kicked out because I was sleeping too much, so my mom thought I was using drugs. FML
Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, during the worst flu we've ever had, my wife and I have to go out into thirty-below weather to get firewood because the furnace broke down. FML
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Top comments
iliketofu 6
Merry Christmas.
kidwiththeface42 7
When I first read this all I saw was "dad" and "wood". Glad that didn't go in the direction I was heading. BTW Merry Christmas everyone, or "Happy Holidays" for all you politically correct bastards ha.
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Comments (51)
unicornunit 0
you two should probably go to the doctor, especially if its constricting your airway
ceilingfans 1
The first time I read it I stopped after has.
blackstar994 5
Switch the wood with weed. Everybody would be happy then.
silentbutfunny 0
Except the government :/
fancyclown 9
Your point? The government is against all things fun, like pushing old people down stairways. Good times.
silentbutfunny 0
I know, its just the government can do anything (they) wantand they bust doors down and take weed :/ for some reason Legalize
ninjuh_wingman 29
Tis the season to be jolly.
R00ST3R 12
Fa la la la la La la la la
flockz 20
so that's what they're calling it nowadays? making fires? must of been quite of a load if he was able to take out both of you with his wood.
OMGIFOUNDWALDO 6
bah it's all about the combustion of the wood and the heat generated. The dad surely worked his wood a lot to achieve such a performance
silentbutfunny 0
You also have problems :/
flockz 20
it's a joke. you have no sense of humor. and "*psst hey, silentbutfunny, if you're going to call people stupid in your profile, then you need to know how to spell simple words like 'awesome' or else you just seem like a dumbass."
benderbot19 0
Yeah, that moron spelled most of the words in his profile wrong. Nice one, ass.
silentbutfunny 0
Idc about spelling, this is the internet, where millions of teenagers each day come and speak in "text language" but if the word is obvious without straining; then mission accomplished. Plus i know that there are smrter and dumber people out there. If you think you'r smrter, kudos. Cookie?
GoW_Chick 15
119 you do know not everyone on the Internet is a teenager right just because the chat room says "hot teen lesbians" doesn't mean your talking to one P.s. Learn how to spell dumbass
BeefyQueef 5
Ha
BeefyQueef 5
Got wood? Oh... I guess you do
GoW_Chick 15
I moderated this! I can't believe I'm this happy about that FML
Amrel 10
Happy Gearsmas girl :)
THE_A_TEEN 28
Why must you tell the world that "OMG I MODERATED TIS"?¿?¿?
GoW_Chick 15
I thought the world needed to know O M G is that like totally ok with you
THE_A_TEEN 28
Suprisingly, it is. I'll crawl back under my rock now.
Pentium_4 27
at least you're warm
THE_A_TEEN 28
...with a side effect of possible death.
jsm007 5
What kind of wood? ;))
THE_A_TEEN 28
This is what happens when you give ******** to your daddy. He missfires and hits your poor mother in the eyes and you swallowing it into your trachea. Dear god, what an incest-ful christmas...
silentbutfunny 0
Wtf? Where did that come from?
wilsontws 18
You, sir, tried too hard.
docscientist 10
Don't you guys get it? He's making "fire" with his "wood." No? I tried to understand.