Today, my Mom and I found out that we're allergic to the wood my Dad has been making fires with. She can't see, I can't breathe. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mom forbade me from taking any allergy medicine, because she is afraid that I'll turn into a meth addict. I have horrible allergies and can barely see or stop sneezing without them. FML
Today, my dad used the stove to boil water. Unfortunately, he turned the wrong burner on, setting the smoke alarm off. What's worse was the smell of burning plastic that came from the coffeemaker being melted down. It's been over an hour, and my eyes still burn like hell when I walk into the kitchen. FML
Today, I told my dad to go to the doctor, as he’s been hacking his lungs up every minute for a month, and I've not had a decent night’s sleep since then. He insists he’s not sick, and my mom yelled at me because she sleeps in the same room and is able to sleep through it. FML
Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML
Today, I had to be treated for chemical burns, because my mother got the bright idea of using paint thinner to clean me up after I'd painted our living room. FML
Today, my idiot neighbor decided the best way to dispose of the poison ivy in his yard was to pile it all up and burn it. I'm severely allergic. It was so bad that one of my eyes is still swollen half shut. FML
Today, my mom got a new furnace put in because they found out the old one was leaking carbon monoxide. This is six months after I got kicked out because I was sleeping too much, so my mom thought I was using drugs. FML
Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML
Today, my boyfriend’s mom fed me a new dish containing peanuts, knowing full well I’m severely allergic. According to her, her ancestors “cured” allergies by exposing the person to the allergen. I went into anaphylactic shock. FML
Today, during the worst flu we've ever had, my wife and I have to go out into thirty-below weather to get firewood because the furnace broke down. FML
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Top comments
iliketofu 6
Merry Christmas.
kidwiththeface42 7
When I first read this all I saw was "dad" and "wood". Glad that didn't go in the direction I was heading. BTW Merry Christmas everyone, or "Happy Holidays" for all you politically correct bastards ha.
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Comments (51)
ingram450 3
Wait if u can't breath u should be fumyinfmg how'd u write this
ashleys562165 0
If u can't ******* see... And u can't ******* breath... Than um... How did u type the fml...?
edoohan619 10
yes, wood
hotsaucespider 5
My mom burns garbage in her fireplace.
kitkatknicknack 12
That's why god gave us the gas fireplace
thefuckinloser 6
hey at least the old man is warm
dylwalk 3
You can't get help but you can post an FML?
kristof519 3
You are not allergic to the wood, it sounds like your father was burning chemically treated wood, the kind used for building fences and decks. Tell him to buy some real firewood next time....
hjl1294 3
Weird how your mom is allergic to your dads wood..
cjzolo2 5
So the first thing u do is post it on fml