By Anonymous - 26/08/2013 15:16 - United States - Brooklyn
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I think there's a difference between having feelings for someone else and genuinely being in love with them. I don't believe you can be in love with two people at the same time, but I guess that's just my opinion. Sure, you can find other people attractive, but I think if you truly loved your other half, that would prohibit you falling for anyone else.
I think it's kind of wishful thinking to say that being in love with someone will prohibit you from falling in love with someone else. It is absolutely possible to be in love with more than one person, it's called polyamory. And many people are involved in this kind of relationship either openly or in secret. It's a horrible thing to do in secret, but there is nothing wrong with having open polyamorus relationships.
Of course you can. He could be a polyamorous person which is actually fairly common although most people are never put into the circumstance where it would become evident. And he may not be madly in love with his wife, but if they had a happy, affectionate and stable relationship (possibly with children in the equation) why should they terminate the marriage?
Op never said in love with the other coworker, just similar feelings. And I do think its also possible to love multiple people at the same time. If you spend enough time with one person you will either grow to love them or hate them. And if you spend time with multiple people by couldn't you love more?
I beg your pardon? How come? This is as stupid as saying you can only love one of your siblings. I'm currently in love with my fiancé, but he knows I'm in love just the same with my two best friends and my ex. Moreover "happily married" doesn't have to mean being in deep love with your spouse. It means you found somebody to be happy and confortable with, and who share the same feelings. But hey! Who am I to judge your values? I just hope you can find happiness in your way of thining.
#14 It's a poetic thought, but life doesn't really work that way. Of course you can be in love with more than one person. I mean, think about how many people we love simultaneously. Romantic relationships aren't magically exclusive. We make them that way by making a commitment. And that's the important point - if one of those people you're in love with is the one you've committed to, then your love for someone else should be pushed aside.
You say polyamorous like it's a sexual orientation. People are naturally capable of attraction to multiple people, and we're certainly capable of friendship-like strong feelings for many people (can't argue with that, right? We all have many close friends) and being in love (or at least thinking you're in love) is some combination of the two. Doesn't that suggest that we're all capable of at least thinking we're in love with more than one person at once? If we were all a little more honest with ourselves about these things, people like OP might not be so stigmatized. We're spending our time berating him for having feelings at all, when we should be supportive that he's handling those feelings so maturely.
It's strange. Everyone here is discussing polyamory, like that's the most common explanation when a happily married person falls in love with someone else. Isn't it more likeable to say that being happily married for years and years and years can feel a bit boring? You know everything about your partner, there are little or no surprises anymore and whoppah, then you meet this fantastic coworker who's totally different and you start to fall in love, a magical feeling that you haven't felt for quite a time. And if you marry that coworker and live happily ever after for years and years and years, you will, again, feel a bit bored. I would strongly think about your emotions, OP. You know what you got with your wife, you do not know what you will have with your coworker.
i kind of agree with you. marriage can get very stale to thr point that you look for an exit. you have shared someones life for so long and you still love them but it can become comfortable and too safe. most people will not act on this feeling of the need to escape and search out the new and exciting and the feeling does pass. i do think though that it is possible to love two or more people in the same way at thr same time. i beleive this is what causes the more upsetting emotional affair rather than the physical one. whatever the case here op has to be very careful how he proceeds but telling each other when they cant really do anything about it may have been a mistake.
A psychologist once explained to me, that it is not unusual when you've been with someone for a long time that you "fall in love" with someone else who reminds you of those first months with your current partner where everything was new and exciting but you aren't really in love with the new guy/girl. It's normally just a sexual affection you mistake for love because you naturally like the excitement of a different sexual partner and after you've had sex with that new person a few times (or even once) that feeling of "love" vanishes and you wonder what you ever saw in them. So no, it's not cheating or a sign of an unhappy marriage, it's just the way our bodies work.
People can absolutely have feelings for or love more than one person. It's called polyamory. Many people exist in very happy poly relationships between multiple people. OP clearly values monogamy, and so did the responsible thing in deciding to stop being around this woman out of respect for his and his wife's relationship. His initial feelings don't necessarily mean anything in regards to his relationship with his wife.
I blame the English language for this misunderstanding. "Love" is a word that covers a wide gamut of feelings. One of them - in psychological parlance sometimes called "limerance" - is fairly much exclusive. It's the feeling you get as you fall in love, the initial passionate love. However, this feeling is temporary, lasting up to a couple of years. After that, you fall back on other feelings - which English also labels "love". In many other languages, this confusion about whether love is exclusive or not usually won't occur, because there's different words for each of these things, so people can easily communicate more nuanced thoughts about this - and this makes everybody more aware of the nuances.
I'm sorry to hear this. Sometimes you don't find the right person to be with until after your married. You may want to think about a trial separation with your spouse if these feelings go on. Don't cheat talk to your spouse
#173 Because lacking are the Disney movies about how the universe is a big unfair mess of random shit and awkward gray areas. Love is just as random, awkward and gray as everything else in life. Anyone who tells you Real Love is all about getting married and living happily ever after is trying to end a book or a screenplay that they've gotten bored with writing. Sincerely, a happily married woman ;)