Intimacy: Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated...

By pervert - 09/01/2010 06:38 - United States

Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated while Dora The Explorer was on. I think I need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 531

You deserved it 28 740

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Same thing different taste

Can't catch a break

By Anonymous - 22/04/2023 18:30 - India - Bengaluru

Today, my husband went out for a walk. My kids were tucked in bed and all the chores were done, so I finally had time to myself in a long time. I just wanted to watch porn and masturbate, but then my husband returned early to kiss me good night, and my son snuggled into my bed as he had a nightmare. Me time? Lol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 015

You deserved it 351

By Lonely - 02/01/2010 10:30 - United States

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 412

You deserved it 7 432

By MyHeadHurts - 20/01/2012 10:42 - Ireland

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 205

You deserved it 39 598

By lindsaykay - 18/04/2012 00:07 - United States

Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 151

You deserved it 4 116

By 44haley44 - 12/07/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 726

You deserved it 57 235

By SuperJesus - 01/02/2009 10:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 440

You deserved it 8 068

Caught in the act

By MeAgainDr - 08/08/2023 04:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was taking advantage of an empty house to try and re-spark my sex drive. Despite my best efforts, I got bored and started watching something else, but when my housemate returned suddenly, I panicked - gave a guilty shout and fumbled my dick away as I changed the monitor over - back to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 718

By Danny - 28/05/2012 18:02 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 276

You deserved it 5 769

By Isabell - 06/02/2010 05:31 - Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 744

You deserved it 5 862

By monty - 09/03/2009 02:53 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 334

You deserved it 13 406

playnejayne 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 12:30

that is really creepy. fyl.

Lord_Stubby 2

Saturday 9 January 2010 12:43

....over Dora the Explorer or was it just on?! Either way, ew.

Comments

sosmall11 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 19:14

wow! I would agree you do need to get out more , either that or you could have at least change the channel ?

Voids 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 19:29

I completely agree with you.

chicken_wings 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 19:49

loser.

me5 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 20:07

And... what's your skin color?

katielouise 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 20:18

that's sick

DamnLife89 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 20:19

hey its cool. I found the mood while watching a documentary on Nazis. damn sexting. lol

hunterhummell 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 20:28

you call your straightore like a petafile

jmateo_95 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 20:40

ur the creepiest **** I've ever herd about.... go out and get some ass

mikiimike45 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 21:01

...no comment -.-

Erindub 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 23:20

Oh wow thats just creepy. At least drag your **** to your bedroom and do that shit. I'm just glad none of yoyr kids walked in on you

Keywords

Mental health Health Growing old Relatable Periods Embarrassing Work Job interview Awkward Education Instagram Love Social Media Stalker Ironic Phobias Animals Spiders Transportation Bikes Ecology Kids Weird Parents Confused AITA Drunk Poopoo peepee Facebook Geek

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 783

You deserved it 92

Today, I was having sex with a girl when her parents decided to come home early. Trying to run out the back door I fell and broke my ankle. Not only did her former Navy Seal father find out I was banging his little princess, he drove me to the ER, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 837

You deserved it 30 762

The Top

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I agree, your life sucks 1 177

You deserved it 210

Today, I ordered a graduation cake from a woman at the grocery store. She asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I said "Congratulations Annie". Then she asked me who was ordering and I said "Annie". I had to order my own cake. The woman was silent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 963

You deserved it 6 737

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I agree, your life sucks 38 973

You deserved it 2 467

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I agree, your life sucks 19 321

You deserved it 25 423

Today, it was my boyfriend's 21st birthday. Along with a pair of $80 shoes, I bought him a birthday cake, his favorite ice cream and a $15 balloon. I showed up to the party and he was very intoxicated. So intoxicated that he pops the balloon, drops the cake, and throws up all over his new shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 565

You deserved it 8 285

Today, my girlfriend canceled our date I've been looking forward to all week because her dog was having puppies. She doesn't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 397

You deserved it 3 285

Same thing different taste

Can't catch a break

Caught in the act

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