Intimacy: Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated...

By pervert - 09/01/2010 06:38 - United States

Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated while Dora The Explorer was on. I think I need to get out more. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 531

You deserved it 28 742

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Same thing different taste

Can't catch a break

By Anonymous - 22/04/2023 18:30 - India - Bengaluru

Today, my husband went out for a walk. My kids were tucked in bed and all the chores were done, so I finally had time to myself in a long time. I just wanted to watch porn and masturbate, but then my husband returned early to kiss me good night, and my son snuggled into my bed as he had a nightmare. Me time? Lol. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 021

You deserved it 355

By Lonely - 02/01/2010 10:30 - United States

Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 412

You deserved it 7 432

By MyHeadHurts - 20/01/2012 10:42 - Ireland

Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 205

You deserved it 39 600

By lindsaykay - 18/04/2012 00:07 - United States

Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 152

You deserved it 4 116

By 44haley44 - 12/07/2011 17:25 - United States

Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 727

You deserved it 57 238

By SuperJesus - 01/02/2009 10:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 440

You deserved it 8 069

Caught in the act

By MeAgainDr - 08/08/2023 04:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I was taking advantage of an empty house to try and re-spark my sex drive. Despite my best efforts, I got bored and started watching something else, but when my housemate returned suddenly, I panicked - gave a guilty shout and fumbled my dick away as I changed the monitor over - back to porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 168

You deserved it 718

By Danny - 28/05/2012 18:02 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 276

You deserved it 5 770

By Isabell - 06/02/2010 05:31 - Australia

Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 746

You deserved it 5 862

By monty - 09/03/2009 02:53 - United States

Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 337

You deserved it 13 406

playnejayne 0

Saturday 9 January 2010 12:30

that is really creepy. fyl.

Lord_Stubby 2

Saturday 9 January 2010 12:43

....over Dora the Explorer or was it just on?! Either way, ew.

Comments

ckilla421 0

Sunday 25 September 2011 6:25

I really hope you were in the bathroom and it was maybe just playing in the background..

caity878 0

Tuesday 1 November 2011 14:43

Pedo alert!! Haha u need to get a life

tabasorus 0

Saturday 5 November 2011 16:59

What was your favorite part of the day? ......I liked that to.

kasgurl113 0

Friday 25 November 2011 19:32

That is just SICK!!

justnattlia 4

Friday 9 December 2011 17:35

That's just disgusting

pirringa99 0

Sunday 1 January 2012 19:19

The sad thing is I was watching Dora while I read this.

shotgunsinner4 0

Monday 6 February 2012 8:25

nice try louie c.k.

Natet1313 0

Friday 24 February 2012 8:10

that was Dora's favorite part of the adventure too

harof1c 0

Thursday 15 March 2012 0:04

Child molester

TheTerenity 9

Monday 19 March 2012 2:01

Not the fat prostitute! (anyone getting the reference)

Keywords

Kids Art Health Birthday Covid Relatable Transportation Awkward Cars Love Poopoo peepee Gross Family Intimacy Sex Neighbours Lonely Dreams Work Management Jealousy Mental health Relationship advice Miscellaneous Friends Abuse Parents Healthy Lifestyle Food Ironic

The Top

Today, I fell asleep in the car on a 10+ hour trip with my family as soon as we got on the highway. When I woke up an hour later, I realized I'd had a wet dream. I had to sit next to my grandma with semen all over my thighs and boxers for the rest of the trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 143

You deserved it 11 901

Today, I was supposed to be working from home. Instead, I ended up taking the kids out to the park for the morning, because my wife “couldn’t even” today. When we got home, she had demolished two bottles of wine, and was masturbating to a home improvement show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 984

You deserved it 312

The Top

Today, I desperately tried to explain to my boyfriend why he shouldn't talk about the bible during sex. He honestly doesn't understand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 836

You deserved it 7 600

Today, after I cooked dinner, my girlfriend told me how much she missed me and how she wanted to spend more sexy time together. We climbed into bed and, right in the midst of getting frisky, her ADHD kicked in big time, so her mind went astray and then she just fell asleep. Perhaps some Adderall? FML

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 96

Today, someone left their drug bag on the table in the lounge at my place, probably a friend, and probably a mistake. The next minute the cops knock on the door and force their way in. Immediately the cop spots the drug bag and cuffs me. It wasn't even my bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 841

Today, I was watching TV with my husband, and he started getting frisky. When the commercial break started, we started having sex. When he came, there were still two commercials left before the show resumed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 273

You deserved it 6 852

Today, I introduced my dad to my girlfriend. He looked her up and down and said to her, "Beggars can't be choosers. Am I right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 589

You deserved it 3 052

Today, my 15-year-old birth daughter asked if I've ever had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 474

You deserved it 8 341

Same thing different taste

Can't catch a break

Caught in the act

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