Geek: Today, I found my phone under the car seat after three days....

By Anonymous - 16/04/2009 22:06 - United States

Today, I found my phone under the car seat after three days. I flipped it open ready to issue apologies to everyone who had tried to get in touch with me and I had worried. No missed calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 824

You deserved it 10 270

Geek

BO Central

But there's panic on the streets of Carlisle

Another great day to be alive

By Anonymous - 10/05/2017 00:10 - Netherlands - Wageningen

Today, I got written up with a final warning because I ''drink alcoholic beverages'' at work. I was drinking Root Beer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 181

You deserved it 336

Royal flush

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 02:01 - Australia - Drummoyne

Today, I went for my first eye test ever. Turns out I have astigmatism and need glasses. This is already on top of me already having a hearing aid, having hypertension of my joints, autism, and endometriosis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 71

By 42 - 07/07/2010 09:43 - Canada

Today, my parents told me that I was born to entertain my brother. I have found the meaning of life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 681

You deserved it 4 105

Nature is so wonderful!

By Anonymous - 15/10/2019 18:03

Today, I was backpacking, and I was in a tent. It had rained all day and finally, I was dry. I settled down in my slightly damp sleeping bag. I woke up halfway through the night with a frog on my face and my feet in freezing cold water. Our tent had drifted into a frog pond. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 534

You deserved it 400

By dating walter white's gf apparently - 06/04/2013 19:13 - United Kingdom

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 723

You deserved it 13 290

By Kate - 29/04/2012 15:22 - United States - Concord

Today, I watched "Rain Man" with my family. The whole time they kept exclaiming, "Omigod! That's just like Kate!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 182

You deserved it 2 863

Any day now…

By justwow - 13/07/2010 14:27 - United Kingdom

Today, I must be the only person who has been taking the contraceptive pill for six years without ever needing to use it as a contraceptive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 048

You deserved it 9 268

By Anonymous - 09/07/2014 16:54 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, a grown man yelled at me because he'd been waiting for 15 minutes and still hadn't been seated or had his order taken. We were at a self-serve breakfast buffet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 290

You deserved it 3 972

The real me

By Claire - 17/12/2020 17:01

Today, I finally told my parents I'm trans. My dad started crying and told me he loved me no matter what. My mother threw a chair at me, and told my dad it was his "wife-like" behaviour that made me this way. She then prayed out loud for an hour for God to send her a real husband and son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 719

You deserved it 533

Snaggletooth

By sara - 30/05/2021 11:01 - Canada

Today, I finally got my health insurance after waiting a few months. Now I have to wait at least 6 months before getting my cracked tooth fixed, thanks to the pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 837

You deserved it 65

By "lonely-mind" - 04/09/2017 16:00

Today, in Tennessee, it stormed like crazy due to Hurricane Harvey. I brought my boyfriend home safely to his parents' house, but it rained harder once we arrived, so I started to wait inside. He's an adult but has a curfew, so they kicked me back out into the storm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 778

You deserved it 374

By GetMoney - 01/10/2009 01:22 - United States

Today, I realized that 6 months ago I signed up for a 3 day trial for a porn website that turns into a $30 membership after 3 days. I completely forgot the day after and never viewed it. I've spent $180 so far. And I can't remember my password. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 356

You deserved it 66 135

By Ltl_Dust_Bunny - 23/03/2009 07:36 - United States

Today, I met a cute guy for coffee. Everything was going fine, right up until he started telling me about his alien encounters and super psychic powers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 790

You deserved it 9 472

By Anonymous - 17/07/2013 17:38 - United States - Monroe

Today, an old lady steamrolled over my foot with her wheelchair, then laughed as she slowly rolled away, leaving my toes in ruins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 093

You deserved it 3 823

By NoMoreMeatForAYear - 21/05/2014 21:23 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I found out that just because my roommate doesn't buy alcohol, it doesn't mean she isn't stealing mine and slowly replacing it with water. That bottle cost me $150 and was destined to be a present for my best friend, whom I haven't seen in years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 278

You deserved it 4 408

By In urgent need of a new roommate - 26/03/2014 23:44 - United States - West Linn

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 464

You deserved it 3 355

By notmyfault - 14/01/2016 22:21 - United States - Bloomington

Today, I found out why this crazy bitch slashed the tires of my car to prevent me from going to my exam. It's because I'm supposedly the curve setter for the class and she wants to get into medical school without me fucking it up for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 450

You deserved it 1 882

Murphy's law

By murphyslaw948 - 27/11/2019 05:00

Today, I fall for a guy after 3 years of being celibate, after he shows all the signs of being into me. Turns out, he likes my best friend who is dating another guy I liked and was just using me to compensate for her unavailability. Guess I am really a walking, talking example of Murphy's law. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 867

You deserved it 211

By belladonna1025 - 11/05/2016 18:49 - United States - Mesa

Today, a customer came up to me with a can of ground black pepper and asked me what the ingredients were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 220

You deserved it 800

By yollew - 25/11/2011 06:27 - United States

Today, I chipped a tooth trying to solve a Rubik's Cube. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 746

You deserved it 30 050

By Fmycatslife - 26/07/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, I got my cat stuffed after her death. I brought her home and set her down by my couch. I guess my dog thought it was a new chew toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 831

You deserved it 78 093

The truth will out

By ASad17Yearold - 07/05/2021 03:59

Today, I've lied about my grades for three years of high school already and my mom thinks I'm a straight A student. I'm supposed to be going to college in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 129

You deserved it 1 431

By Anonymous - 08/03/2011 07:17 - United States

Today, while having sex, I thought I was having an orgasm for the first time. Turns out I was just hyperventilating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 198

You deserved it 6 436

By Arachnaphobe - 03/06/2016 22:14 - United States - Bloomington

Today, a large spider climbed inside my lunchbox while my mom was making me sandwiches. She didn't tell me about it until after I got home from school, though, and only because I mentioned a strange aftertaste in the sandwiches. She said she didn't want me to worry over lunch because she knows I hate spiders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 455

You deserved it 1 052

FOOTBALL player reveals TRUTH!

By fml9124 - 28/01/2021 20:01

Today, I told my wife Philip Rivers retired. Being born and bred in Baltimore, she hates anything Colts now. "Philip is a stupid name", she says. I pointed out my middle name is Philip. She laughed, then said, "Are you serious?" We've been married 33 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 107

Lonely, so lonely

By Anonymous - 05/06/2021 11:59 - China - Shanghai

Today, I realised that my social anxiety, fear of people's judgment, social isolation, you name it, have got so bad that I literally have no interests. It got to such a point that I even have nothing to search up in the internet, so I just stare at an empty browser page wondering what should I do with my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 166

By Anonymous - 28/01/2012 17:09 - United States

Today, while I was washing my hands, I sneezed so hard that I smacked my head against the faucet. I now have a lump the size of a goose egg on my head. I'm not sure if it's going to hatch, or if that's just the brain damage talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 630

You deserved it 3 705

By nokeys - 02/04/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, I got into a huge fight with my boyfriend after driving 200 miles to see him. While arguing, I told him I never wanted to see him again and left after slamming the front door. I left my car keys in his kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 743

You deserved it 58 988

By Anonymous - 02/01/2011 05:17 - United States

Today, while making New Year's resolutions, I realized that I haven't hung out with anybody other than my family in over two years and I started crying. When my mom came in and I explained why I was crying, she replied, "Well that sucks. I'm off to have lunch with some friends. See you later!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 248

You deserved it 8 067

By StepFather - 31/08/2019 08:01 - United States - Lake Worth

Today, I found out that my step-daughter, who is 29, still living at home and planning her wedding 2 years from now and who I've completely supported since marrying her mother 16 years ago, wants her cousin to walk her down the aisle and not me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 010

You deserved it 182

Does this smell bad?

By Anonymous - 06/11/2020 02:01

Today, I spent a full two minutes doing nothing but sniffing my computer. Don't worry, it was in the living room and my roommate definitely saw me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 630

By Iknowhowtoraisethem - 26/12/2016 01:06 - United States - Woodridge

Today, my 25-year-old daughter, who normally doesn't drive, was out using the family car when she came back annoyed and emotional over the "stupid" cars heating being broken. She said no matter how high she turned it up it was still blowing cold air. I checked and it was set to A/C the entire time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 328

You deserved it 907

By just socially awkward - 16/11/2018 12:00

Today, despite the carriage being entirely empty, a large man chose to sit right beside me on the train. After making me uncomfortable with personal questions, he asked if we could be friends and hang out, both of which I shyly declined. He then accused me of being a racist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 021

You deserved it 193

By Anonymous - 20/07/2016 15:08 - United States

Today, at a job interview, my interviewer excused himself to use the bathroom, so I took the chance to let out a tiny fart I'd been holding in. That tiny fart filled the whole room. When he came back, the guy literally stopped dead in his tracks and recoiled at the stench. Doubt I'll get that job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 346

You deserved it 4 483

By noway - 03/01/2014 11:03 - France - Cholet

Today, my French wife chose the name of our unborn baby girl. She wants to call her Fanny and won't change her mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 851

You deserved it 5 287

By Charlie - 08/09/2009 10:46 - Australia

Today, it was raining. I was out walking with my girlfriend, and decided it would be cute if we did a bit of dancing in the rain. As I was swinging her around, I swung her head against a lamp post. She broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 400

You deserved it 21 079

By ConfusedGinger - 10/11/2016 11:50 - United States - Downingtown

Today, my dog pooped. In my lap. While I was driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 817

You deserved it 2 232

By pops up - 01/12/2011 22:25 - United States

Today, I sat on Santa's lap. He got an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 241

You deserved it 10 603

By Nik - 23/01/2009 15:41 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor because I broke my wrist. My mom told the nurse that I broke it while masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 895

You deserved it 4 384

By Elmo - 16/02/2009 22:42 - United States

Today, is my brothers 16th birthday. He got keys to the Lexus. I'm 18, have no car, and got pajama pants and chapstick for my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 639

You deserved it 4 074

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blondebabycakes 0

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Friday 17 April 2009 1:26

I know how you feel:)

herb517 0

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Friday 17 April 2009 1:26

unfortunate. maybe you should be a better friend...or at least get some good weed...then youll have lots of friends XFD

purplestuff_fml 0

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Friday 17 April 2009 1:19

Not really a FML but atleast you found your phone

xPedobear 0

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Monday 23 August 2010 3:05

So what... no one called you in 3 days this isn't an FML think of all the kids with cancer

patriotsfan12 4

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Sunday 6 January 2013 9:17

Who still has a flip phone?

tyr33s3 8

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Saturday 24 May 2014 16:13

It's from 2009

BaldOuting 0

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Friday 17 April 2009 1:20

awww that's always so sad when that happens.

FML_x2 0

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Friday 17 April 2009 1:25

You've got some great friends.

blondebabycakes 0

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Friday 17 April 2009 1:26

I know how you feel:)

Neonnight 0

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Tuesday 22 November 2011 19:42

I hate that, it's so sad when u open ur phone and no response whatsoever :P

noName123456 0

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Friday 17 April 2009 1:26

ha that sucks

herb517 0

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Friday 17 April 2009 1:26

unfortunate. maybe you should be a better friend...or at least get some good weed...then youll have lots of friends XFD

rakhil11 7

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Friday 17 April 2009 1:28

i never get calls on my cell. so HA! (i wouldn't even care that i lost my cell phone i never use it anyhoo so...)

redsox4021 0

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Saturday 17 April 2010 6:49

#8 we figured that from your homo anime profile pic you fuck

kellster 2

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Friday 17 April 2009 1:29

Aw, that sucks. But at least you got your phone back!

nakke 0

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Friday 17 April 2009 1:29

Don't your friends use the internet? Unless you're used to getting tens of calls daily I don't see how this can be a FML.

NinjaAssasin720 0

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Monday 1 October 2012 22:15

I agree

Chanty90 0

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Friday 17 April 2009 1:30

I can relate >_

Nearly

Today, it has been 7 years of me submitting FML’s. I don’t know what worse, that I’ve submitted so many of that none have never been featured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16

You deserved it 9

Today, I spent my 25th birthday crying alone in my room with my baby, because no else seemed to care it was my birthday. My partner and I had a fight the night before and we haven’t spoken or seen each other since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 17

Spicy

Today, I found out I’m going to be a father, twice over, with two different women. Sisters, in fact. Only one of those sisters is my wife. Should I flee abroad, or walk calmly towards the firing squad straight away? FML

I agree, your life sucks 109

You deserved it 2 093

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 191

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