Today, while my kids were taking a nap in the other room, I masturbated while Dora The Explorer was on. I think I need to get out more. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, my husband went out for a walk. My kids were tucked in bed and all the chores were done, so I finally had time to myself in a long time. I just wanted to watch porn and masturbate, but then my husband returned early to kiss me good night, and my son snuggled into my bed as he had a nightmare. Me time? Lol. FML
Today, I fell asleep while masturbating. I'm so bad that I bore myself. FML
Today, I got bored looking at porn. FML
Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML
Today, I woke up to my pants off and my vibrator still on. I fell asleep masturbating. FML
Today, I masturbated 3 times to the thought of my wife because we don't have sex anymore. FML
Today, I was taking advantage of an empty house to try and re-spark my sex drive. Despite my best efforts, I got bored and started watching something else, but when my housemate returned suddenly, I panicked - gave a guilty shout and fumbled my dick away as I changed the monitor over - back to porn. FML
Today, I realised that my body has its own masturbation cycle; while I was out shopping, I heard the intro music to my room-mate's favourite video game, and popped an uncontrollable boner. FML
Today, my soon-to-be mother-in-law walked in on me masturbating, in my own house. FML
Today, I was babysitting for my mom's coworkers two little boys. they went to bed around 9 and I was watching a movie on HBO. I fell asleep before the movie was over. I woke up to the parents walking into the house. I looked at the TV, and porn was on. FML
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Top comments
playnejayne 0
that is really creepy. fyl.
Lord_Stubby 2
....over Dora the Explorer or was it just on?! Either way, ew.
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Comments (152)
itouchguy360 3
Or watch ****
NIRVANAfan123 0
11 is rite
gatorgrl1988 0
there is nothing wrong with what he did. its the same if is kids are asleep at night and he gets some loving from his wife/gf. except he used his hand LOL. y'all are probably mostly kids so y'all don't know. wait till y'all get married and have kids. :)
Jen_J_the_J 0
today, i was supposed to be taking a nap with my brother and sister, but i couldnt sleep. i went imto the other room to ask my dad could i sleep beside him when i saw his d*ck in his hand and he was moaning. FML EWW man
quietlytearful 0
I feel that it is appropriate for me to say that you are a frigging pedophile. how could your other spouse (I don't know if you are father or mother) leave you alone with your kids.
Pearljammer001 0
I agree with 14 you are a creepy pedophile
expatabroad 0
I'd have given u a helpig hand dude, if you're cute and hung :-)
jackii1313 9
FML isn't a place to hook up moron.
aperfectcircle 0
that's really nasty, why would you even want to admit that?
mitch707 0
It says "man" so would everyone stop being so ******* stupid on FML's asking which gender the person is.
Daydreamer86 0
One person is considered "everybody" now? I only see one person asking if the OP was a man or a woman.
epoh_fml 0
too bad it doesn't show the gender on the Iphone app, Mitch.
xxhardbitchxx 2
Yes it does
yummylicious 5
u masturbated while watchine kids!? pedaphile