By Anonymous - 05/08/2012 05:33 - United States - Mahwah

Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML
I agree, your life sucks 33 452
You deserved it 6 621

Same thing different taste

Top comments

DKjazz 20

Hold on, let me go Google "Italian Chandelier".


I've heard of blue balls but blue dick? Well now you have an otter pop

No doubt, but how could a person can break their dick lol unless there was a sharp turn inside of her ;) haha

Once that happened to my ex, we were going doggie and he missed (he has always had bad aim) . There was this really loud cracking noise and then he was in so much pain that he couldn't even move

zakkyzebra 11

Don't worry guys, I googled it so I didn't look ignorant asking, "what the **** is an Italian chandelier?"

lelo007 11

I've heard of men breaking their penises before. I think it happens when they "miss" and their penis hits a surface hard enough to cause an extreme bend, and the blood vessels are busted. Since the penis doesn't have an actual bone in it, it doesn't "break," but from what I've read, it still hurts like a S.O.B.

lelo007 11

Well, I lied.. It is caused by the tissue ripping!

Inheritance 10

Blue dick must be close to blue waffle now

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

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86- the age of consent varies. It's 16 where I live. And who cares if they have sex?

86-Do you also realize that in a lot of places having sex before you're married is also considered illegal? If I were you I wouldn't go enforcing the laws about sex.

Your dick is just muscle. How is it possible to break it?

Maybe it's permanently bent in one direction? Hell, what do I know? I'm not a dick expert.

#13 - It doesn't break, it is in the form of a bending injury. When the tunica albuginea tears from too much bending (spongy tissue in the penis that fills up with blood during an erection), the blood that is normally confined to this place leaks out into other tissues which is why you get bruising and swelling.

13, penile "fracture" is a very serious injury. It may require surgery to fix. If it isn't fixed, impotence will be the least of the OP's problems.

I read about a guy, it was his first time and the girl he was doing it with thrust hard one way and he thrust hard the other, the injury was so severe he has to use this little pump in his balls (yes he squeezes his nut) to get it erect, all true but i don't remember what it was called that happened.

Sandsh8rk - I'm not sure where you get your information, and I'm even less sure why anyone would thumb you up for a complete fabrication. The penis is NOT muscle. At all. It's a series of chambers that fill up with blood.

lelo007 11

I've always heard it was broken because the veins burst, and that's what caused the bruising. I could be absolutely wrong, I guess I'll go use Google now.

lelo007 11

Well, I learned something new today, so disregard my last comment. #24, you are spot on!

momolee 4

Maybe he will have smurfs babies

PandaKitteh 20

Am I the only one thinking, "BROKE DICK! BROKE DICK! BROKE DICK!"?

@ 18, You mean like the band one erection? But but unfortunately OP and the band can no longer relate.

You can't fix breaking your dick. The pain can go away but it will never look right again.

Ouch! I'm sorry OP, I can't imagine the pain you went through.

OhDearBetrayal 25

12- If I had a dick, I have a feeling that your comment and your picture would have shriveled it up forever out of fear.

OhDearBetrayal 25

45- Excuse me? I was commenting on how with her comment and picture it looks like she hurt some poor guys junk. No need to be rude, geeze.

My dick hurts, and I don't even have one.

aron666 25

I definitely can imagine how you could imagine...

But the question is does it blend?

Slender_Man 6

You do not know how hard I'm facepalming right now. That is the oldest joke in the book.

Your girlfriend has a sense of humor. But Yeah, that's gotta hurt.

DKjazz 20

Hold on, let me go Google "Italian Chandelier".

I'd go straight to urban dictionary for the most accurate, and probably most detailed, definition.

peachesncreem 21

I googled it. The first site that came up was It's apparently number 33 in their list of sex positions on the site o.O

...CHRISTIAN Nymphos? What an oxymoron. Also, what the actual heck.

CeeCee_fml 16

I went straight to the handy dandy urban dictionary.

nhuda 4

Here is the actual definition from urban lol just in case for some people... pushes her back and butt completly off the ground using her arm and legs, kind of like crab-walking or like when you do the bridge in gymnastics. The guy does the same thing, but facing down when they make love. I heard the Italians love it because it burns a lot of calories

Wait...if he's "facing down", he's laying on top of her, right? How does he get hurt? I'm confused lol

RedPillSucks 31

Damn. All I found were pictures of actual Italian chandlers. Oh well. Fap fap fap fap Clap off.

#52 and #66 Christian Nymphos is a sight about MARRIED sex.If a man and woman are married, the sex can be as often and as dirty as desired. It's not against God. :)

hahasooo 2

Found a picture!.. well sort of.. the link!

foncused91 7

so what is it? I still don't know lol

Blackmail111 9

130- Now, I'm Atheist and not sure if I'm exactly spot on when I say this, but isn't adultery a sin unless you're planning on conceiving a child? Wasn't there a story in the bible about god striking a man down because he spilled his seed on the floor instead of in his wife?

143: I'm not sure what you think adultery means, but it's not another word for sex...

Actually that story was about the guy not impregnating his dead brother's wife. Gotta love the cherry picking and the fuzzy, feel-good moral lessons in that book, right? But yeah, adultery is when a married person cheats on their wife or husband.

Blackmail111 9

66: I would +1 your comment, but I'd ruin the 69...which just seems oh so appropriate.

I am speechless.. I didn't even know that was possible..

7- It definitely is. My wife was a paramedic when I first met her. Apparently, getting a call for a "broken dick" isn't too uncommon, as their seems to be no limit to what a guy will reckless do with it. All you can do for the twit is give him an ice pack and take him to the hospital, as usually you need surgery to correct that.....or risk never getting an erection again. Your choice. :)

*Face palm* There seems, not Their seems. :p Moron moment, my apologies. And #79, you're welcome. :)

That's why it's called a BONEr. :)

Neither did I. Poor OP it must have hurt like hell.

bryan21122112 4

Too bad there isn't any bone in it, just spongy flesh that fills up with blood when excited.

If you're trying something that can be found on urban dictionary, ydi.

AClassActx3 7

Its not only on urban dictionary.

going by those rules, you can't even have sex; no matter what position..

I don't think could have anything lol... I mean, I've never looked for something on urban dictionary and not found it

dupot420 9

Damn you look good as hell Happy

sex is on urban dictionary, and breathing is on urban dictionary, your logic is flawed.

I'm sorry but your profile pic super duper creeps me out. Kinda gross-ish

^^I'm sorry but your profile name super-duper creeps ME out, and yes, I also find it kinda gross-ish. *Meant for "Testestestes..."

It's phallic not phellic, and ......huh??

33- why is it so creepy? testestes123.... as in testing testing testing 123.... you're a bit over-sensitive I think

33- why do you find the name testestes123 so creepy? it's (I'm pretty sure) just like testing testing testing 123 but shorter... I'm afraid the Internet has ruined your mind.. tis a sad day

whoops sorry for the double comment :/

My older sister knew a guy who did that in college. The poor bastard had to wear a sling for weeks AND avoid getting excited.

DKjazz 20

Sling? Hold on, let me go google "dick sling".

Why the thumbs down? :/ The girl was riding the guy too hard and she snapped him. It's not out of the realm of possibility. How do you help heal a broken bone? (no pun intended) You don't use it.