Love, Health and Sex: What kind of sex are you having? - FML

What kind of sex are you having?

By Anonymous - 30/12/2022 00:00

Spicy

Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 032

You deserved it 457

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Same thing different taste

By ottawaaa - 27/01/2009 22:26 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 178

You deserved it 10 862

Right in the pecker

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 23:01

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 097

You deserved it 480

By VahnSeiro - 20/02/2010 06:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me, drunk, telling me how much anal sex hurts with some other guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 513

You deserved it 2 738

By Anonymous - 04/09/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 144

You deserved it 482

Newbie

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 18:18 - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 617

You deserved it 7 746

No pain, no gain

By SailorVenus93 - 26/02/2021 02:01 - United States - Fredericksburg

Spicy

Today, I woke up with a sore clitoris. I haven't had sex with my boyfriend for weeks, but I did masturbate yesterday. I guess I can't get horny without feeling pain afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 207

By sixsix - 24/12/2008 11:19 - France

Spicy

Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 178

You deserved it 8 661

Risky business

By Sam - 07/05/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend had one of her seizures during foreplay. She’s fine, but I’m not, she had my penis in her hand and while seizing she squeezed it so hard she ruptured some blood vessels on the inside. I'm now walking bowlegged and on medication to stop me getting erections that might cause more damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 191

You deserved it 145

Throbbing

By 2in longer - 01/11/2016 12:57 - United States - Coldwater

Spicy

Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 979

You deserved it 1 172

By Anonymous - 06/10/2018 21:00 - United States - Tallahassee

Spicy

Today, I got to see my fiancé for the first time in 3 months. While we were having sex for the first time, he slipped out and slammed into the back of my vagina, tearing it open. Now I won't stop bleeding, it hurts to pee, and we can't have sex. I won't see him for another 2 months after this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 955

You deserved it 498

Next

Top comments

Brightside86 30

Friday 30 December 2022 0:08

Sounds like an STI.

tiptoppc 19

Friday 30 December 2022 23:31

Clap if you got it!

Comments

Brightside86 30

Friday 30 December 2022 0:08

Sounds like an STI.

RichardPencil 30

Friday 30 December 2022 0:46

How did that happen? Did you forget the safe word? Or are you such a simp that you let her punch your penis with a closed fist? Be a man and restrict her to just slapping it around!

slim0104 1

Friday 30 December 2022 16:42

It may not be a bruise my guy! That sounds like an STD!!

tiptoppc 19

Friday 30 December 2022 23:31

Clap if you got it!

OH_HappyDays 14

Wednesday 4 January 2023 5:21

Same thing has happened to my hubby. Make sure there is no blood and no sex until things heal. If it gets worse go to the dr. Trust me. We thought it was broken before.

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The Top

Today, I got piss drunk. Being a tattoo artist, I came to the intoxicated conclusion that I could save much more money doing my own tattoos on myself. I now have my ex-boyfriend's name permanently on my thigh. It's not even spelled right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 536

You deserved it 65 008

Today, my wife dragged me to the bathroom, promising to "show something hot." Not that I was in the mood, but okay. She took off her pants, sat on a toilet, and demanded that I tell her about my day. She wanted me to entertain her while she was taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 516

You deserved it 85

The Top

Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 557 454

You deserved it 45 564

Today, my boyfriend told my roommate about a trick he had used by filling nail holes with toothpaste when he moved out. When I came home with putty to fill the holes, there were blue spots all over the walls. She had filled them with blue gel toothpaste. Now I get to repaint, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 740

You deserved it 3 857

Today, I planned my own wedding down to the very last detail, including favours for my guests, the sweets buffet and the bouquet of flower brooches I want. Too bad I'm still single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 861

You deserved it 37 790

Today, excited that I finally got a place of my own, I invited my boyfriend over for a sexy sleep over. He told me his mom doesn't want him sleeping over. He's 21 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 134

You deserved it 4 667

Today, I decided to start jogging and exercising, so I had a wonderful workout before work. Then I broke my foot at work. Goodbye exercising. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 146

You deserved it 2 527

Today, after a year and a half of growing out my hair, I decided to get it trimmed at a Superclips. I walked in with a full head of hair and I left bald. At least it was free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 830

You deserved it 341