Love, Health and Sex: What kind of sex are you having? - FML

What kind of sex are you having?

By Anonymous - 30/12/2022 00:00

Spicy

Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 444

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Same thing different taste

By ottawaaa - 27/01/2009 22:26 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 134

You deserved it 10 844

Right in the pecker

By Anonymous - 28/01/2021 23:01

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I got into a nasty fight. After a few hours, she wanted to give me a blowjob, so I thought we weren't mad at each other anymore. Turns out she was still mad because she bit my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 085

You deserved it 462

By VahnSeiro - 20/02/2010 06:04 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend of two years called me, drunk, telling me how much anal sex hurts with some other guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 493

You deserved it 2 735

By Anonymous - 04/09/2017 20:00

Today, my girlfriend and I slept naked after a great night together. I awoke to a sharp pain in my penis and found our cat trying a new scratching post. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 130

You deserved it 474

Newbie

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 18:18 - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 600

You deserved it 7 716

No pain, no gain

By SailorVenus93 - 26/02/2021 02:01 - United States - Fredericksburg

Spicy

Today, I woke up with a sore clitoris. I haven't had sex with my boyfriend for weeks, but I did masturbate yesterday. I guess I can't get horny without feeling pain afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 203

By sixsix - 24/12/2008 11:19 - France

Spicy

Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 160

You deserved it 8 656

Risky business

By Sam - 07/05/2021 02:01

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend had one of her seizures during foreplay. She’s fine, but I’m not, she had my penis in her hand and while seizing she squeezed it so hard she ruptured some blood vessels on the inside. I'm now walking bowlegged and on medication to stop me getting erections that might cause more damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 163

You deserved it 133

Throbbing

By 2in longer - 01/11/2016 12:57 - United States - Coldwater

Spicy

Today, while laying in bed with my girlfriend, I felt her grab my manhood through a layer of blankets. I got a bit stiff, just in time for her to clench tight, and pull violently. She didn't know "it" was in her hand, as she was trying to cover herself with the blanket. My manhood is now red and swollen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 962

You deserved it 1 169

By Anonymous - 06/10/2018 21:00 - United States - Tallahassee

Spicy

Today, I got to see my fiancé for the first time in 3 months. While we were having sex for the first time, he slipped out and slammed into the back of my vagina, tearing it open. Now I won't stop bleeding, it hurts to pee, and we can't have sex. I won't see him for another 2 months after this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 933

You deserved it 485

Next

Top comments

Brightside86 30

Friday 30 December 2022 0:08

Sounds like an STI.

tiptoppc 19

Friday 30 December 2022 23:31

Clap if you got it!

Comments

Brightside86 30

Friday 30 December 2022 0:08

Sounds like an STI.

RichardPencil 30

Friday 30 December 2022 0:46

How did that happen? Did you forget the safe word? Or are you such a simp that you let her punch your penis with a closed fist? Be a man and restrict her to just slapping it around!

slim0104 1

Friday 30 December 2022 16:42

It may not be a bruise my guy! That sounds like an STD!!

tiptoppc 19

Friday 30 December 2022 23:31

Clap if you got it!

OH_HappyDays 14

Wednesday 4 January 2023 5:21

Same thing has happened to my hubby. Make sure there is no blood and no sex until things heal. If it gets worse go to the dr. Trust me. We thought it was broken before.

Keywords

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The Top

Today, it's my birthday, and I had one to many and my best friend and my boyfriend had to take me home. We went back to my apartment and all squeezed together in my bed. During the night I got sick and spent the rest of the night on the bathroom floor. Later I found out that they'd fucked in my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 421

You deserved it 366

Today, my mother, who thinks I'm a virgin, called me while I was having sex with my boyfriend. I have to answer every time she calls or she freaks out. I ended the conversation quickly and hung up. Or so I thought. She listened in to the rest of our 20-minute lovemaking session, and I have some explaining to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 1 708

The Top

Today, after months of a very healthy sex life with my boyfriend, he asked me to let him try anal. I'm dead-set against it, so I tried to let him down easy by jokingly saying that I would, but only if he let me try it on him first. He said, "Sure." Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 293

You deserved it 48 546

Today, I noticed my new boyfriend barely touches me casually, unless I initiate, and even then he’ll pull away fairly quickly. Apparently his dad told him about "fake rape accusations", even from women you’re dating, so he’s scared to touch me now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 133

Today, my friends and I went to the strip club for my birthday. I now know how my sister is paying for her new car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 349

You deserved it 6 882

Today, I had to slowly explain to my daughter why her Facebook profile isn't a valid piece of ID. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 456

You deserved it 5 089

Today, I was at my school's spaghetti dinner with my family. My brother shook up my mom's soda, as a prank. My entire class witnessed my mom waving around an overflowing Diet Coke while my dad yelled, "Come on, put your mouth on it! Suck it! Suck it, Kathy!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 128 224

You deserved it 9 747

Today, my colleague introduced herself and said, "I know how nerve-racking first days are!" Which is nice of her, except I've been at this company longer than she has. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 138

You deserved it 320