Intimacy: Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend,...

By Anonymous - 05/08/2012 05:33 - United States - Mahwah

Today, while attempting the Italian Chandelier with my girlfriend, I heard a popping noise, and then had a sharp pain in my dick. Turns out I "broke" it. Instead of calling 911 immediately, my girlfriend remarked how my now black and blue penis looked like a Smurf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 452

You deserved it 6 621

Labour Day: Rest or Disaster?
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Same thing different taste

Clean break

By Anonymous - 03/10/2020 20:01

Today, I simultaneously learned that fracturing your penis is a thing that can happen while my wife fractured mine in the middle of some rough reverse cowgirl. My penis is now black and blue with an almost 90 degree bend, and to make it worse the ambulance guys thought it was funny. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520

You deserved it 272

By kaylashay2k13 - 17/05/2016 14:18 - United States - Mission

Today, my boyfriend was trying to tackle me to the bed when we heard a loud pop. The pop turned out to be him breaking my pinky finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 030

You deserved it 1 102

What kind of sex are you having?

By Anonymous - 30/12/2022 00:00

Today, after being apart for a few weeks, my girlfriend made love to me so hard I got bruises on my penis and it hurts to pee out of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 444

By Anonymous - 30/10/2014 20:55 - United States - College Place

Today, I had to go to my dentist about a chipped tooth. I got it after my hand slipped off my dick and slammed straight into my face while I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 000

You deserved it 27 420

By Redhead - 22/08/2018 06:00

Today, I decided to get in the cowgirl position since it's my fiancé's favorite. I got a little carried away during the "ride" and suddenly heard his dick crack. I fractured his penis. He's never going to have sex with me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 539

You deserved it 916

Newbie

By Anonymous - 25/11/2010 18:18 - Singapore

Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, I was struck with a white-hot pain, and in the confusion thought her vagina had contracted hard. It turned out it was actually my uncircumcised penis retracting for the first time in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 600

You deserved it 7 717

By fungettingdressed - 12/10/2010 12:57 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my fingers got stuck between the wall and headboard. Screaming, he thought I was enjoying the sex and kept going even harder. I have 3 broken fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 920

You deserved it 9 079

By b.fritz - 24/09/2016 10:02 - United States - Saint Louis

Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 748

You deserved it 1 181

Really into it

By Anonymous - 08/11/2023 22:00

Today, I was having sex with my partner and we got very into it. I went to wrap my hand around his neck and somehow accidentally poked my finger in his eye socket so hard he ended up in emergency. He still can’t see properly out of that eye now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 307

You deserved it 201

By beerpong26 - 06/02/2009 19:54 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was about to give me a blowjob. When her lips met my penis, there was a huge static shock. I never got the blowjob, she is still laughing and I have ice on my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 573

You deserved it 6 883

DKjazz 20

Sunday 5 August 2012 12:54

Hold on, let me go Google "Italian Chandelier".

lex1459 38

Sunday 5 August 2012 12:52

I hope you get better soon!

Comments

galacticstorm 6

Sunday 5 August 2012 21:04

I would not wish this upon even my most despised enemy*shudders*

hockeykyle10 5

Sunday 5 August 2012 21:16

You can't break your dick. There's no bone

ItsThisGirl 17

Sunday 5 August 2012 21:31

i am SO sry D:

NamelessDisease 6

Sunday 5 August 2012 21:41

Ouch! I flinched when I read that. So sorry, OP. I hope you get better soon! :)

wubbazugg 5

Sunday 5 August 2012 21:43

Oh my ****.... Penile rupture is no ******* joke...

leeh425 1

Sunday 5 August 2012 21:53

If she breaks your dick, you ain't thick

KiddNYC1O 20

Sunday 5 August 2012 23:26

Maybe she's got a 50inch ass...

riptor911 10

Monday 6 August 2012 3:11

Doesnt matter had sex? Idk about this one. Breaking your ******* dick does matter.

Fylives101 2

Monday 6 August 2012 3:57

Now you can sex round corners.

emopanda1134 4

Monday 6 August 2012 4:06

What's the "Italian chandelier" exactly?..

ebfbruh 0

Monday 6 August 2012 4:52

Ahahahahaha. I'm laughing cuz the add on the bottom of my screen was a smurfs app. But seriously that sux. At least she didn't break yet balls!

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The Top

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had promised that the day would belong to me. But no, I had to drive 80km forth and back to pick him up from work, then he took pictures with his new camera lens, then he decided what to eat, demanded a massage, and then he just fell asleep. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 167

You deserved it 271

Today, I got my yearbook. My sister and I are identical twins, and we realized only my sister had a picture in it. When we asked the head of yearbook, they said they thought it was the same girl trying to get two pictures, so they put in the prettier one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 568

You deserved it 2 470

The Top

Today, I woke up on the coldest morning of the year to discover that the gas fireplace has run out of propane, and there is no water because the pipes are frozen. While trying to locate the frozen pipe, I forgot to let the dog out, and she peed on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 095

You deserved it 5 481

Today, I arrived at the airport only to find my suitcase was lost and my 3 weeks worth of clothes and supplies gone. All I had left was my wallet and carry ons. Upon leaving the airport I was mugged. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 884

You deserved it 3 572

Today, a lady stormed into the pharmacy I work at and chewed me out because the medicine I sold her the day before gave her horrible diarrhea as a "side effect". I checked, and it was the medicine she asked for - laxatives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 041

You deserved it 2 709

So many FMLs happen on birthdays. They should probably be avoided altogether.

I agree, your life sucks 577

You deserved it 129

Today, my best friend announced she was getting married. I've always wanted to be a bridesmaid but she then added, "You can't be in the bridal party because you don't have the same body type as the other bridesmaids. But you can still come to the bachelorette party!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 532

You deserved it 3 002

Today, I once again had to apologise to a date for cumming too fast as they stormed out the door angry at me. I don’t get it, I’m in shape, I don’t watch porn, and I’ve even had therapy, so why can’t I last longer than 15 seconds before busting my load like an inexperienced teen? FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 257

You deserved it 467