Love: Today, my boyfriend was trying to tackle me to the bed when we... - FML

By kaylashay2k13 - 17/05/2016 14:18 - United States - Mission

Today, my boyfriend was trying to tackle me to the bed when we heard a loud pop. The pop turned out to be him breaking my pinky finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 969

You deserved it 1 092

Our house, in the middle of our street

Taking stock

Broken heart

By f4444 - 21/12/2015 05:38 - United States - Highland Park

Spicy

Today, the guy I thought I was exclusive with admitted that the only reason he comes over is because no one else will sleep with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 035

You deserved it 2 581

By Mandy - 22/12/2014 21:36 - United States - Tampa

Today, I got in trouble for going to work sick. Yesterday, I got in trouble for not going to work while sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 224

You deserved it 2 422

By Dead_Fox - 21/11/2012 05:48 - United States - Jonesboro

Spicy

Today, I had a sex dream, which I interrupted by having an OCD-induced panic attack because apparently we weren't using protection. My brain won't even let me enjoy the fantasy action I get in my sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 751

You deserved it 3 849

By future missing person maker person thingy - 11/10/2012 20:37 - Canada - Lloydminster

Today, after saving up for weeks, I bought myself an iPad. Because mine is better than the one my parents bought my ten-year-old brother, he got pissed and threw it into our pool. I'm now grounded for getting angry and calling him a bastard in the aftermath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 132

You deserved it 2 718

By exchange - 17/12/2009 05:00 - Ireland

Today, I leave Ireland after a 5 month study abroad. Today also happens to be the day that the price of alcohol decreases by 30%, the dollar increases by 15% and the girl I have been chasing the whole time, to no avail, finally decides to show an interest in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 986

You deserved it 3 036

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 655

You deserved it 1 375

By Anonymous - 29/01/2013 17:41 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I blew a huge gum bubble. My cat was on my lap and decided to shove her face in the bubble. There's gum all over her, and I still have scars from the last time I tried bathe her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 357

You deserved it 10 030

By Anonymous - 19/10/2015 21:46 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to bribe my cousin with Monster Energy Drinks and Halo 5 so he wouldn't tell my mom I snuck out to meet a boy. I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 287

You deserved it 8 486

Cereal killer

By Kyley - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was broken up with via a cereal analogy. Apparently, I'm a Cheerio and all he wants is a Froot Loop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 563

You deserved it 2 429

Cook out

By zazadudu - 23/12/2008 06:47 - France

Today, I wore myself out cooking, preparing tasty little dishes for my sweetheart. I heard him arrive and shout as he came up the stairs, "Stinks of shit in here! Have you been cooking?" I threw everything in the trash. We'll eat sandwiches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 916

You deserved it 3 944

By Anonymous - 06/11/2012 02:48 - United States - Gainesville

Today, my best friend got engaged to the guy she's been seeing for five years. He also happens to be the man I've been in love with for eight. As she was giving me the details, she nonchalantly gave me her reason for accepting the proposal: "Why the hell not, there's always divorce." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 334

You deserved it 4 501

That's one way to start the weekend

By Monkey - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, my mom called me from jail. She was arrested for having sex in public. I was with my dad when I got the call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 407

You deserved it 3 066

By lastinclass - 13/07/2016 21:28 - Canada - Vancouver

Today at camp, we were choosing teams for capture the flag. It's embarrassing to be chosen last, but today I learnt it's even more embarrassing to not be chosen at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 140

You deserved it 1 038

By BadBreath - 09/04/2009 03:43 - United States

Today, I was having a horrible day. I was laying on the couch, crying, when my dog came up on the couch to console me. I was thinking about how great it was to have a dog, because they're there for you when no one else is. As I was sobbing, I heard something. My dog farted into my mouth. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 602

You deserved it 9 369

By SierraDiaz2097 - 23/03/2013 05:44 - United States - Vardaman

Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 546

You deserved it 9 639

By Anonymous - 22/04/2009 00:17 - Canada

Today, I lost my $100 in cash that I had to use to pay my phone bill. As a result, my phone got cut off and I miss an important call for an apartment that I was looking at. When I went to work I heard my boss saying how lucky she was to find $100 in cash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 993

You deserved it 5 917

By Anonymous - 23/04/2013 16:06 - United States

Today, I removed the side rails from my truck because I didn't think I really needed them. An hour later, I went to Wal-Mart, forgot they were gone, and busted my ass in public while getting out of my truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 912

You deserved it 44 235

Call the cops

By Matt Steele - 04/02/2021 14:01

Today, after they said being a dad is fun, after saying that you got to do things when you were a kid… Well now, I'm at the lost and found of the city, asking, "Have you seen my kid?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 449

By Anonymous - 09/08/2017 13:00

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted him to be a little more masculine and dominant in the bedroom. He broke up with me because I'm not "feminist enough". FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 078

You deserved it 1 319

By Nosexytime - 14/01/2010 15:56 - United States

Spicy

Today, for my boyfriends 21st birthday, I wore sexy lingerie, put on a naughty librarian outfit and did a strip tease for him. He just laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 565

You deserved it 5 329

By … - 28/06/2012 14:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, after three months of them dating, I finally met the guy my best friend claims she's in love with. To my horror, she's dating the douchebag that I had a one-night stand with a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 304

You deserved it 6 935

Great date, thanks!

By Anonymous - 28/03/2009 18:50 - United States

Today, I was on a first date with a girl at the movies. Trying to be polite, I held in a fart until an intense, loud action scene came on. As soon as I let go, the scene went silent and my fart was clearly heard to everyone in the movie theatre. My date went to the bathroom. She didn't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 931

You deserved it 83 862

By babygurl69 - 20/01/2009 21:38 - Canada

Today, I woke up with a hangover, but went to school anyway without showering, applying makeup, and still wearing my pajama bottoms. While taking the subway, I bumped into my ex-boyfriend who I hadn't seen a year. His new girlfriend looked at me and said, "You look... tired." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 763

You deserved it 23 910

By anonyme - 21/06/2009 02:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 106

You deserved it 17 193

Sweet, my ass

By Anonymous - 31/01/2021 15:30 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I worked with a sweet old lady. She refused to cook most of the food on the menu, and the food she did cook was super oily. When she received complaints about it, she blamed me for not draining the oil. When the customer defended me, she then told the customer it was her job to drain the oil. FML

I agree, your life sucks 804

You deserved it 67

By Munch - 12/09/2017 04:00 - Australia - Mordialloc

Today, my short-tempered, alcoholic boyfriend proudly showed me the rifle he bought. This guy regularly swears at his own sneezes and often flies into fits of rage because it's hard to get his shoe on. Time to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 226

You deserved it 869

By anonymous - 13/11/2015 00:00 - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend rather stupidly assumed that because my vagina is no longer in use after giving birth, we would automatically start having anal sex. After I loudly explained how that wasn't happening, he then had the nerve to ask for a blowjob before we'd even left the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 183

You deserved it 3 914

By gross - 06/08/2015 17:28 - United States

Today, I asked my one-year-old to come and give mommy a kiss. She did and it was really sweet, until she tried to spit a piece of dog food into my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 756

You deserved it 3 144

By Amber - 28/05/2013 23:42 - United States - Oroville

Today, I had to make a poster for social studies. I decided to write "Nice ass" in hieroglyphics. Turns out my teacher can read hieroglyphics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 627

You deserved it 52 341

By NewFiancee - 11/08/2009 00:21 - United States

Today, I went out for dinner with my parents where they asked me if I was still dating my boyfriend so I answered no. They quickly responded by saying, "Oh so you finally got rid of that douchebag? It's not like he was getting anywhere in life anyways." I answered no because he's my fiancé now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 183

You deserved it 9 590

By midwesternpetclerk - 09/11/2011 04:06 - United States

Today, I got yelled at by my boss for being insensitive to a customer. I'd told her I never heard of the requested item even existing. She walked off shouting, screaming and throwing stuff from the shelf. She wanted to order a bird feeder with heated perches so the bird's feet won't get cold. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 783

You deserved it 2 715

By Anonymous - 30/09/2017 13:00

Today, workers came to my house to fix residual moisture damage in my walls left behind by Hurricane Irma. Said workers then burst a water pipe and flooded my entire apartment in the time it took figure out how to turn it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 523

You deserved it 200

By ~~~ - 29/06/2014 17:08 - Australia - Adelaide

Today, after nearly three weeks of hard work, I finally completed my best drawing yet, a self-portrait. I was incredibly excited to take it to class tomorrow. That is, until I came home from a walk later on, only to find my brother had drawn a stick figure on it, wanking into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 479

You deserved it 4 320

By Anonymous - 12/04/2014 01:40 - Canada

Spicy

Today, it was my birthday. I only got one message, from my dad, which was a sexual image meant for my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 862

You deserved it 3 440

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 20:21 - United States

Today, the creepy girl in my history class told me that she once spent a whole period doing nothing but counting the freckles on the right side of my face, and that I have more than she's ever seen before on anyone else combined. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 903

You deserved it 3 330

By askprussia - 27/11/2015 02:32 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, my brother was playing one of those old street fighter games. He suddenly asked me what "K.O." meant. I told him it meant "Knocked Out," but he started getting mad at me because "'knocked' isn't spelled with a 'k'". He's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 169

You deserved it 1 501

By Anonymous - 30/07/2016 03:14

Today, my girlfriend dumped me after I told her I was learning how to start having lucid dreams. She was convinced the only reason I could possibly want to have them was so I could cheat on her in my own dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 311

You deserved it 1 314

By nobody asked you! - 25/03/2019 21:00 - United States - New York

Today, is my first day as an expat. Hoping to arrive early for work, I hailed a cab. The driver took it upon himself to take the scenic route and play tour guide, no matter how much I refuse. Not only I was late, he turned violent when I refused to pay over $100 of fare, plus a "talent fee". FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 534

You deserved it 180

The heat is on

By Emma - 17/03/2021 22:59

Today, I met my boyfriend’s 6 year-old son. The first thing he said to me was, "You’re not going to leave us for another man like mommy did, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 095

You deserved it 82

He needs them more than you

By cjj325 - 20/03/2009 23:35 - United States

Today, I went skinny-dipping with my best friend. We were on the beach and it was fairly crowded but we got in the water at this really secluded area. While we were swimming I looked up to see a homeless man wearing my clothes, walking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 961

You deserved it 32 463

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Wednesday 18 May 2016 11:25

Kinky.

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Wednesday 18 May 2016 11:25

I cringed by the thought of this.. Sorry OP.

Comments

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Wednesday 18 May 2016 11:25

Kinky.

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Wednesday 18 May 2016 20:14

Yes, yes it is!

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Wednesday 18 May 2016 11:25

I cringed by the thought of this.. Sorry OP.

moodyreallyrocks 27

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Wednesday 18 May 2016 11:34

Sorry OP! Hope you feel better soon..

Sepharios_fml 7

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Wednesday 18 May 2016 11:43

My boyfriend did the exact same thing except it turned out to be my foot :S

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Wednesday 18 May 2016 16:17

So it's not the exact same thing then

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Thursday 19 May 2016 5:19

It's exactly the same except it's almost completely different except for the similar part that isn't different. Jeez it's as simple as that, understand now?

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Wednesday 18 May 2016 12:14

How did he break your pinky finger?

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Wednesday 18 May 2016 12:16

Of all the new buttons, the worst is 'that could have happened to me,' because even if it could have happened to me, it still could be something that would F someone's life. For some FMLs they're not really different choices.

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Wednesday 18 May 2016 12:24

So you click both.

Bearamber9210 19

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Wednesday 18 May 2016 14:02

at least it wasn't the ring finger;)

zaidthunder1 27

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Wednesday 18 May 2016 14:02

Ouch, good luck with the finger.

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Wednesday 18 May 2016 14:34

when your hear a pop it's a dislocation not a fracture.

Danishduckling 20

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Thursday 19 May 2016 13:45

Ever heard a bone snapping? still makes a very cringeworthy sound, it's not just dislocations that makes a pop. I'm also assuming OP had a doctor conclude it was broken.

InsipidPotatoes 12

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Wednesday 18 May 2016 14:38

heard* Did nobody notice that?

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11

You deserved it 15

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 1 069

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 1 215