Kids: Today while at my job as a store clerk, I walked by a family....

By Nish - 03/07/2013 08:11 - United States - Kent

Today while at my job as a store clerk, I walked by a family. I smiled at their little boy, who responded by flipping me off. As I was walking away, I looked back in time to catch his dad give him a high-five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 645

You deserved it 4 156

Kids

Stop talking!

Alexa, put on "Trust" by Low

Mystery

By innocent - 19/04/2017 00:00

Today my best friend called me at 6 a.m., ranting and accusing me of sleeping with her husband. I live two hours away and haven't seen him in person in over six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 366

You deserved it 319

By Malpal - 23/01/2009 11:03 - United States

Today, I tried jumping off my bed over the footboard. I tripped and broke a full length mirror with my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 522

You deserved it 29 539

By RyoKioKio - 21/04/2019 12:00

Today, after seeing my cat struggle to use the litterbox and produce nothing for two days, I caved and took him to the emergency vet, fearing a UTI. It wasn't. $200 and 2 Lyft rides later, he's stoned out of his mind and peeing just fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 753

You deserved it 308

By Brie - 05/09/2011 13:00 - United States

Today, my grandmother pulled down her pants and screamed, "Kiss my ass" in the middle of a packed restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 078

You deserved it 3 184

By Anonymous - 26/02/2014 07:18 - United States - Littleton

Today, I found out that the little arrow next to my gas gauge actually points to the side of the car where the tank is. For the past year-and-a-half I've been sticking my head out the window and even calling my parents to ask which side it was on, because I can never remember. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 245

You deserved it 51 186

By YoshiSqu4d - 03/07/2019 14:01

Today, someone tripped the fire alarm at the hotel I'm currently staying at while I was taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 529

You deserved it 95

By Lackadaisical - 15/01/2010 00:01 - United States

Today, I thought I'd be safe by looking before crossing a one way street unlike I normally do. Too bad I looked the wrong way and didn't see the car that hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 224

You deserved it 35 548

By anda1000douchesscourthispostformistakes - 16/09/2015 13:42 - United States - Meriden

Today, I made it onto my boss's shit-list, after pointing out that he'd misspelled "customer" as "costumer" 6 times in his report, and "college education" as "collage education" twice. It'd be a dick move on his part even if making corrections like this weren't part of my damn job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 939

You deserved it 1 692

By Anonymous - 06/10/2010 08:30 - Netherlands

Today, I had sex with my new boyfriend for the first time. Afterwards, he said: "I know women who would be really self-conscious about nipples like that. I love that you accept yourself." I had no clue there was anything odd about my nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 874

You deserved it 3 707

By nenette - 12/11/2014 22:50 - France

Today, as my kitten was sleeping on my lap, my boyfriend crept up on us and yelled, "BOO!" to make me jump. I wasn't scared, but the cat was. He tensed up and jumped to the floor. He also apparently had the runny shits, spraying me and the couch on his way down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 674

You deserved it 3 563

By Anonymous - 23/03/2013 00:34 - United States

Today, my psycho abstinence-only sex ed teacher claimed condoms give 50% protection at most against pregnancy. I couldn't help but correct her. She apologized for her "mistake", saying, "It's just that we're not ALL sluts, Kara." Now everyone thinks I'm a raging whore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 237

You deserved it 6 821

Not a prank, bro!

By Anonymous - 23/09/2019 16:00

Today, I went for a run when my shin splints acted up, so I called my dad to have him come pick me up. When I saw his car approaching, I stuck out my thumb like a hitchhiker, as a joke. The car pulled over to give me a ride. It wasn't my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 185

You deserved it 800

By fallen - 15/05/2017 16:00 - United States - Merion Station

Today, I came into work feeling good about myself and my upcoming plans. I left before noon with a box of my belongings and uncertainty about my future, having been suddenly laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 867

You deserved it 279

By alone - 23/09/2011 11:04 - China

Today, I was sent home from work early because of structural issues. I walked in on my unemployed boyfriend cuddling another woman on the couch. When I confronted them, he freaked out and kept trying to convince me that I was dreaming. I don't know what I ever saw in this loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 664

You deserved it 4 779

By Anonymous - 06/08/2009 11:11 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend stacks things on me while I sleep. Apparently his record is 4 pillows, a textbook, and the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 97 794

You deserved it 22 935

HR FML

By jobless - 01/12/2015 04:01 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, HR sent a review email to me asking me to anonymously tell them about my boss. I decided to use this opportunity to tell them what a dick he was. I printed off the review, filled it out, then scanned and emailed it to myself. Or so I thought. Turns out I'd sent the review to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 426

You deserved it 18 619

By jaci - 24/07/2016 15:27 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I went downstairs to get a drink and overheard my grandparents talking about me. They spent a good 15 minutes double-team attacking me for my failings as a human being, mainly me not being married with children yet. I'm barely 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 991

You deserved it 1 126

By Anonymous - 04/07/2015 08:55 - United States - Hood River

Today, one of my friends asked me to flirt with her boyfriend to see if he would flirt back. Knowing this was a trust test, I agreed. She got pissed at me when he flirted back and still isn't speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 913

You deserved it 5 208

By Anonymous - 24/01/2016 15:54 - United States - Niles

Today, somebody kicked the crap out of my car and spray painted "CHEATER" on the sides. I've never even had a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 422

You deserved it 1 500

By Anonymous - 21/11/2013 20:37 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I tried to have a fun night out. I met a guy and we went back to "his" place, which turned out to actually be his mother's house. He introduced me to her. Two hours later, I knew his life story and had to do the walk of shame without ever getting anywhere near his bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 231

You deserved it 10 212

By Anonymous - 17/05/2019 03:00

Today, my boyfriend's 16-year-old daughter got a job. I'm 29, with a Master's degree and I'm still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 676

You deserved it 561

By Anonymous - 28/11/2015 05:25 - United States

Today, I went on my first date in six years. The guy was unbelievably creepy, and I couldn't wait for it to be over. Right after we finished eating, he told me he loved me, then tried to lean in for a kiss. He looked like he was going to cry when I turned him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 870

You deserved it 1 952

By bells - 30/12/2009 06:08 - United States

Today, at the office, after a heavy night of drinking, I had to hear my boss walk around with bells attached to her shoes. She circled the office a total of 34 times today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 998

You deserved it 28 517

By Mak10 - 21/08/2009 05:18 - United States

Today, I went out to eat dinner with my family to celebrate my 18th birthday. I playfully put 3 straws between my knuckles to make myself look like Wolverine. I turned to my 6 year old nephew and ask, "Who am I?" He then replied with, "An idiot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 454

You deserved it 51 088

By why - 16/03/2015 01:10 - United States - Tucson

Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me. He claimed it wasn't cheating because he's not romantically attracted to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 922

You deserved it 3 334

By Anonymous - 23/03/2013 23:47 - United States

Today, the kids I babysit hid from me. While I was looking for them, I stepped on multiple strategically-placed Lego bricks. When I yelped from the pain, the kids jumped out and threw soccer balls in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 098

You deserved it 5 236

By Anonymous - 30/09/2017 13:00

Today, workers came to my house to fix residual moisture damage in my walls left behind by Hurricane Irma. Said workers then burst a water pipe and flooded my entire apartment in the time it took figure out how to turn it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 520

You deserved it 200

The real me

By Anonymous - 26/01/2021 19:01 - United Kingdom - London

Today, after three days of dating a boy I liked, he came out as gay on his Instagram. FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 111

By Anonymous - 10/10/2009 04:25 - United States

Today, my ex said "I love you!" for the first time at a party in front of my boyfriend. Smugly satisfied, I said "Well, you're too late for that." My ex looked at me with irritation and said "I'm talking to him!" and gestured to my boyfriend. They'd been "best friends" since middle school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 167

You deserved it 36 572

By sucksforme. - 10/05/2009 05:05 - Canada

Today, I was supposed to catch a 4:40 flight to New York. My 5 year old son handed me my carry on bag as I left the house. Turns out he had put his older brother's BB gun into my bag to "keep me safe." I missed my flight after I was detained and strip-searched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 036

You deserved it 6 328

By bex - 07/01/2009 15:42 - United States

Today, I went out to lunch with two friends from high school. We saw a girl that we graduated with at the restaurant. The girl gave both of them hugs and introduced herself to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 527

You deserved it 2 167

Sharkeisha, no

By TIlly - 23/02/2021 14:01

Today, after seeing an old viral video on YouTube, my boyfriend started calling me Sharkeisha. Our friends thought he was implying that I'm violent with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 644

You deserved it 78

Attraction

By Anonymous - 26/07/2021 11:01

Today, I realized I'm extremely sexually attracted to my physical therapist. It doesn't help that treatment involves me spending the entire appointment naked from the waist down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 129

Distant love

By jadalaheart - 28/12/2019 03:00 - United States - Citrus Heights

Today, for the first time in more than two years, a guy asked me out. Too bad he lives halfway around the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 716

You deserved it 181

By mandygeegoesnom - 29/02/2012 05:30 - United States

Today, while waiting for my boyfriend to get out of the shower, I chatted with his grandma. As soon as we hear him exit the restroom, she smirks at me and lets a huge, smelly fart out. She blamed it on me. My boyfriend believed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 064

You deserved it 2 521

By melean - 04/10/2010 06:37 - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, on my way to school I dropped my money. As I turned to pick it up, I saw an old lady snatch it up. We began to argue when a police officer came over. Not only was I accused of being a disorderly thief, but that old lady just walked away with my lunch money for the entire week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 595

You deserved it 3 053

By Oh no - 13/10/2018 03:00

Today, I went searching for my old school laptop only to find that my stepdad had swiped it and given it to his mother. My sex tapes and nudes are on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 699

You deserved it 1 945

By umm...no - 31/10/2016 14:33 - United States - Keller

Today, I answered a call from a customer. She expected me to exchange her item without her actually having to go to one of our 800+ stores. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 837

You deserved it 737

The Lady in Red

By Anonymous - 08/06/2009 01:36 - United States

Today, I was at a party. The music changed to a slow dance. Everybody grabbed a partner and I was left on the dancefloor alone. Suddenly, this guy walked up to me. I swore that he was going to ask me to dance. He then said, "Could you hold me my drink?" and went to dance with another girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 111

You deserved it 3 900

By Minabee - 04/02/2010 18:28 - United States

Today, I am meeting my boyfriend's very conservative parents for the first time, so I decided to dress appropriately and curl my hair to match. In so doing, I accidentally touched the iron to my neck, and now I have a burn there that closely resembles a hickey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 920

You deserved it 4 873

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Top comments

rg350dx 29

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 16:24

Wel,l you know what they say. The rotten apple doesn't fall far from the douchebag tree.

biggestfan23 11

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 16:24

I hate this world

flashback.miss 28

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 16:23

Should've faked charging at him. What happened to cordial respect? The father seems more the type to reward bratty behavior.

lopsop 12

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 17:10

I don't think charging at a little kid is respectful either.

goose12321 11

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 17:36

#39 Why respect a fucktard kid that has no respect for anyone? The kid needs a good belting, not a high 5.

rg350dx 29

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 16:24

Wel,l you know what they say. The rotten apple doesn't fall far from the douchebag tree.

rg350dx 29

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 16:27

Wel,l... Yeah, that's definitely a word.

Iamevil123 16

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 16:36

Technically, it's "well" spelt wrong and a random "I".

MzZombicidal 36

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 16:38

Actually it's just a misplaced comma in the word "well."

Iamevil123 16

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 16:43

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

rg350dx 29

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 16:56

The only thing that matters is it's a glaring grammatical error and around these parts, that's pretty much a death sentence. So cue the burying, you judgmental bastards you.

Kefka91 15

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 17:19

Dudes, it was a minor typo, not a grammatical error, and you still understood what he said, so get over yourselves.

BjgUsername 12

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 23:57

Dont worrys so much 34, you's gots good grammer

fymother 13

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Thursday 4 July 2013 4:44

USA! USA! USA!

legendxs 20

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Thursday 4 July 2013 8:08

Hahahah nicely put.

biggestfan23 11

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 16:24

I hate this world

Pwn17 25

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 16:28

Join the club man. I hate it too.

rg350dx 29

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 16:29

Only if you guys have jackets.

perdix 29

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 18:42

#13, do you know how much it costs to get "Misanthropes United" embroidered on a jacket? Hint: It will give you a reason to hate the world even more!

Axipiter 24

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 19:53

There's a philanthropist looking for people to apply for a one way trip to colonize Mars. I suggest you make a submission video.

technochik3 12

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 20:21

#58, technically mars is a part of this same world. earth is not a world, it is a planet. So saying you hate this world means you hate mars too.

roro_superloser 13

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 16:24

Should've flipped him off back!

Iamevil123 16

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 16:38

And lower yourself to the level of a young child? I don't think so...

FlyingLeumer 19

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 18:25

Seriously, the maturity levels of some people scares me.

roro_superloser 13

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Thursday 4 July 2013 7:10

I think so! They're not kids anymore. They're the devils sprawn.

StiffPvtParts 43

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 16:25

Like father, like son --_--

xiaodoggiie 5

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 20:35

Why was this comment thumbed down? The father was probably an ass and hence taught his son to be one.

Nolimit2217 32

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 16:25

Kids these days..

Huddisher 10

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 16:26

Great parenting.

Dempsey_xoxo 7

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 17:05

Why is #7 getting thumbed down? Or am I the only one that took it as sarcasm?

rob02 19

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 16:27

HAHA, that's funny

Iamevil123 16

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 16:37

Your comment however, is not.

rob02 19

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 16:54

So?

ZeroPath5 16

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 19:54

We come to FML for witty comments! Not your opinion! Shame! :/

darwinism 30

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 16:27

walk past the kid and slip something in his pocket. When he walks out security will get him for shoplifting. The watch as the father high fives the back of his head. Evil, but it could bring a little satisfaction.

Jemm_fml 29

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Wednesday 3 July 2013 16:28

I hope he high fives him when he gets older and realizes his son is a loser whose made a total mess of his life and can't communicate with society without being a total asshole.