Miscellaneous: Today, I was testing for figure skating. I was wearing a brand... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 425

You deserved it 113

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 1 487

28/06/2009 23:09

Today, I was testing for figure skating. I was wearing a brand new custom dress that was a halter top. On my first move, I tripped and fell flat on my face. Immediately after retaking the move, my dress snapped open, exposing myself to the judges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 289

You deserved it 5 590

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Our house, in the middle of our street

Halloween came early

19/11/2009 16:14

Today, I took my dog to the vet because he hadn't eaten his food in three days, was drinking a lot of water, and was peeing a lot (all signs of antifreeze poisoning). I spent $200 at the vet to tell me that my dog is fine and just didn't like his current food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 920

You deserved it 5 514

16/02/2016 03:00

Today, after a week of waiting to hear something about my stolen car, I got a letter in the mail saying it had been impounded the same day I reported it stolen, but they don't share a database with the police so they never called. Now the impound wants $900 plus $120 for the tow to release it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 225

You deserved it 1 634

08/05/2019 05:00

Today, I saved a young girl from drowning in a hotel pool with no lifeguards on duty. The girl's mother was too busy on her phone to notice what was happening, and when I called out to her, she started yelling at her daughter for going in too far. Never bothered to thank me for saving her kid either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 035

You deserved it 147

12/12/2013 14:28

Today, while waiting in the queue at a supermarket checkout, my three-year-old daughter yells out, "Mom! Mom! Is that a man or a lady in front?" Embarrassed, I reply, "Honey, can't you see that it's a... it's a... a..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 941

You deserved it 8 227

24/03/2014 20:01

Today, I was ordering a pizza over the phone. When the guy asked for my order, I yelled "Hey, you guys wanted pepperoni, right?" In reality, I was yelling this to my cat. College hasn't made me many friends so far. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 491

You deserved it 8 931

04/08/2012 23:04

Today, my 15-year-old son begged me to pre-order the next season of My Little Pony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 065

You deserved it 7 310

Insane parents, part 38765

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 09:32

Today, my mum vented her anger on me by shattering my mouse on the floor, taking my keyboard and nearly ripping out my monitor. At least a spare mouse and the on screen keyboard are better than nothing. This hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 796

You deserved it 99

08/07/2019 18:01

Today, I'm so single, I signed up for a free consultation on an LGBT arranged marriage site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 271

You deserved it 390

27/01/2010 13:35

Spicy

Today, I was letting my boyfriend of 4 years tie me up and do stuff to me. After finishing on my face, he then left. My parents had to untie me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 324

You deserved it 14 029

19/08/2019 14:00

Today, my grandma calls me, accusing me of theft. I was home all day and watching Orange Is The New Black. When I asked what I stole, she said her car keys. I don’t even have my license. I told her to look in her purse. She found them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 661

You deserved it 110

30/01/2015 12:49

Today, I'm on a train, feeling good because I got upgraded to first class. The man opposite me just slid me a note saying, "Wee plooky cunt, fuck off!" Charming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 240

You deserved it 2 344

21/11/2016 06:34

Today, I woke up and opened my curtains to see my gardener up a ladder in front of my window tending to the plants growing up the side of the wall. This would've been fine if his ballsack wasn't hanging out his shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 741

You deserved it 1 127

22/02/2009 14:37

Today, I was at a party and all my friends started asking me ways they could leave so no one would notice because the party sucked. It was MY party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 491

You deserved it 7 431

12/04/2009 04:44

Today, my ten year old son realized something. Beer is alcohol. People who drink a lot of alcohol are alcoholics. Therefore I am an alcoholic for drinking beer with dinner. He told everyone at his conservative private school and they tried to have an intervention. They pray for me every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 609

You deserved it 12 868

02/11/2012 10:37

Today, I finally got to attend the concert I have been anticipating for weeks. The band was great. The drunk guy sitting behind me yelling profanity and out of tune lyrics in my ear throughout the entire show, however, was not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 092

You deserved it 2 202

15/09/2013 19:53

Spicy

Today, I saw an elderly gentleman in the street wearing a shirt with a big QR code on it. Amused, I used an app on my phone to decode it. It gave me a shortened web address, which I followed, only to be faced with a picture of the same gentleman naked, grinning, and giving a thumbs up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 632

You deserved it 30 675

Doofus

By Anonymous - 09/01/2021 13:58

Spicy

Today, I discovered that the father of my son cheated on me, but with fake sex bots that pretend to be real people. I don’t know whether I’m more disappointed in him cheating, or the fact that he couldn’t even get it right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 888

You deserved it 164

21/01/2015 02:05

Today, while trying to take a crap, I shut the bathroom door. A minute later, my 3 year old daughter knocked and said "Mommy, do you wanna build a snowman?" She kept singing the song until I was finally done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 595

You deserved it 4 993

Best birthday ever!

By IHateMyLife - 01/02/2021 08:01

Today, it was my birthday. My boyfriend had promised that the day would belong to me. But no, I had to drive 80 km forth and back to pick him up from work, then he took pictures with his new camera lens, then he decided what to eat, demanded a massage and then he just fell asleep. Happy birthday to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 046

You deserved it 240

12/04/2017 05:00

Today, to treat the family, I cooked something nice in appreciation for sticking it out over the past few tough months. Unfortunately, I chose this one day to not wear my oven mitts when carrying the food to the table, spilling the food all over the carpeted floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 461

You deserved it 2 853

Still got game

By Anonymous - 27/09/2009 12:52

Spicy

Today, I listened to my voice mail messages for the first time in months. One was from my Grandma that must have been meant for Gramps. I think I know now why my mother has so many siblings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 311

You deserved it 2 129

05/09/2015 08:39

Today, while using a portable restroom at the park, I discovered all too late that some very hostile and territorial hornets had made it their home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 297

You deserved it 1 730

13/08/2015 04:39

Today, I realized I apologize too often as I said I was sorry to my boyfriend as he broke up with me. I apologized for being sad and making him feel bad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 404

You deserved it 5 728

21/09/2009 04:02

Today, I bought the girl I like a bouquet of roses saying "anonymous" on it, and left it on her front porch. She saw it, and called the guy she thought it was from. He said "you're welcome" and now they're going out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 041

You deserved it 45 216

04/01/2010 22:20

Today, I was supposed to go to Disneyland with my family, but I woke up with explosive diarrhea. So while they are at the happiest place on Earth, I'm stuck on this toilet left to imagine that the splash from my crap is a splash from splash mountain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 489

You deserved it 3 304

Where were you?

By Anonymous - 31/12/2020 20:02

Today, I came home from the hospital after six days. Despite having a cat sitter, they managed to shit on the bathroom floor and pee on my bed in protest for being gone too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 725

You deserved it 101

18/07/2019 18:00

Today, I asked my wife who she would choose, me or the dog. She chose the dog. No hesitation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 941

19/04/2011 03:44

Today, I was putting red nail polish on my nails and put a newspaper on the table to make sure that it didn't spill. I later discovered the nail polish made the newspaper stick to the table. I scrubbed nail polish remover on it, thinking it would help but instead bleached the table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 008

You deserved it 40 263

01/10/2014 02:20

Today, my co-worker told me that my other co-worker is in the process of getting a divorce. I got really excited because his marriage is very toxic. He overheard me say, "He deserves that divorce!" I meant it in a good way, but I don't think he took it that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 547

You deserved it 11 961

09/10/2010 21:27

Today, I went shopping with a friend. She picked up a hundred dollars on the floor that somebody dropped. I told her, "I feel sorry for the retard who dropped the money." When I got home, I checked my purse and realized that I was missing a hundred dollars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 590

You deserved it 42 957

01/09/2010 00:35

Today, I was life guarding at a community pool and noticed a toddler go under water. I quickly jumped in and suddenly got a charlie horse which caused me to stall. When I looked up, I saw an old woman saving him, and got a shoe thrown at my head. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 650

You deserved it 9 987

03/11/2016 20:42

Today, I climbed to the top of the tallest building in my city with this guy I really like. He spotted the girl he had a crush on, and wouldn't shut up about her for the rest of the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 895

You deserved it 984

13/06/2013 22:12

Today, I ordered some burgers at a fast food joint. When I said, "No lettuce," the cashier looked dumbfounded and asked, "What's that?" I literally had to say, "The green stuff" before she got it. I'm losing hope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 355

You deserved it 3 865

26/04/2013 03:01

Today, I got home and noticed people were looking at my next-door neighbor's house that is for rent. Peering closer, I realized my ex-boyfriend and the girl he cheated on me with a few months ago are inside. After they left, the "for rent" sign came down. I've got new neighbors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 052

You deserved it 3 235

05/02/2010 13:44

Today, I laughed so hard my milk went out my nose in front of the boy I liked. Then, since I was laughing so hard about that, I accidentally farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 122

You deserved it 8 716

You tried

By Anonymous - 09/12/2011 07:56

Today, I was set up on a blind date. When I arrived, the person waiting for me was a woman. It appears that my friends have always thought I was a lesbian, and that they 'played along' when I talked about guys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 225

You deserved it 3 243

12/02/2016 18:47

Today, a teacher told me in all seriousness that she believes my son, who has severe learning difficulties, is likely demonically possessed. I'm sorry, but what century are we living in? Now I have to get him moved to another school so he doesn't have to be in the care of this nutjob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 912

You deserved it 1 873

23/06/2011 00:36

Today, I'm a graduate but still an unpaid intern. My daily work is folding letters and putting them into envelopes. The sad thing is, I actually enjoy doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 949

You deserved it 7 800

11/07/2013 04:52

Today, I got head lice, so I went to a store to buy medicated shampoo. When checking out the cashier saw my shampoo and asked me to leave immediately to protect the other customers. He didn't let me buy the shampoo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 729

You deserved it 3 564

Fly me to the moon

By Anonymous - 11/08/2020 23:01

Today, I booked a long distance flight across two continents, costing me over 600 bucks. I then got a confirmation email. For a different flight. I wrote to their customer service address, saying there has been an error, and to please either change or cancel the booking. I never got any reply. At all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 335

You deserved it 163

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Top comments

junkinmahcranium 0

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Monday 29 June 2009 9:33

Get any extra points? :D

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Monday 29 June 2009 9:47

Dude, how does a word as simple and plain as 'myself' bother you? Just curious... (#2)

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junkinmahcranium 0

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Monday 29 June 2009 9:33

Get any extra points? :D

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Monday 29 June 2009 9:52

haha :)

aznbillybob4sho 0

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Monday 29 June 2009 10:12

FYL for getting a cheap outfit (:

Dabookofnothing 0

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Monday 29 June 2009 12:39

u obviliosly have not been to an ice skating compeition have you? The judges (for at least the ones i competed in) are usually old or middle aged women and one gay man usually.

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Monday 29 June 2009 14:35

and you obviously don't know how to spell the word "obviously."

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Monday 29 June 2009 16:28

Hahaha. Great comments so far. That sucks miss...but you messed up first anyways..so perhaps not the best performance before you stripping anyways? Better luck next time.

happylittleman 0

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Monday 29 June 2009 18:14

obviliosly.... hahahahaha. That's awesome. To the OP, that sucks. Not much more to say about it.

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Monday 29 June 2009 18:27

Haha yeah Perfect 10!

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Tuesday 30 June 2009 4:21

And obviously you don't know what a typo is.

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Tuesday 30 June 2009 4:24

Ninja'd! Also, 49, wtf are you talking about?

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Tuesday 30 June 2009 12:05

@ 12 And they're usually very prudish and old fashioned too XD

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Tuesday 30 June 2009 18:29

#50, #49 is talking about #25 making fun of the way #12 spelled obviously. Try to pay attention, okay? It's really not that hard to follow. You were prolly just a little too excited about your "Ninja'd" post, which was very helpful. Way to be a winner. Oh by the way...RIPPED YOU.

electroboy_fml 0

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Tuesday 30 June 2009 19:40

12's post has been removed.

bleedinginside 0

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Monday 1 March 2010 3:15

I woulda been like 10 fantastico performance

skyler_kitttyyy 0

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Thursday 19 August 2010 22:39

STFU u Dont no anyhing about figurs skating and they r not cheep the can be in the 1000 range!!!!

PerfasarusRex 3

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Wednesday 11 July 2012 16:23

93- no need to get bent out of shape. People who aren't figure skaters don't know and I wouldn't expect them to. However you're right. Competition dresses can cost a fortune. Del Arbor.. Not as bad.

NaturallyUnlucky 0

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Monday 29 June 2009 9:38

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

LLLP 0

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Friday 4 November 2011 15:47

Yeah myself implies that it was an action of hers that caused her exposure. A simple me would have sufficed

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Sunday 22 June 2014 10:51

you two are next level grammar nazis...

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Monday 29 June 2009 9:39

Did you make sure it could handle those moves before you wore it? If not, YDI

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Monday 29 June 2009 15:43

agree. Maybe test out your dress beforehand, especially a halter top

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Monday 29 June 2009 9:47

Dude, how does a word as simple and plain as 'myself' bother you? Just curious... (#2)

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Monday 29 June 2009 9:51

If I was a girl, and that happened to me, I would absolutely DIE of embarrassment. FYL!!! However on the bright side, maybe the judges were perverts and liked it?

MajorLeeScrewed 0

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Monday 29 June 2009 10:32

Pics?

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Sunday 22 June 2014 10:52

or it didnt happen

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Tuesday 14 April 2015 23:47

Or your just a horny bastard who wants to see a girls breasts. Go look up drake and josh, there are a few boobs you might like.

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Monday 29 June 2009 11:00

10 for artistic expression

24788 6

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Monday 29 June 2009 11:39

That really bites. Probably got a little nervous and messed up.

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Monday 29 June 2009 12:52

you win

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Monday 29 June 2009 13:39

>.> LOL